How to get these unwanted thoughts out of my head

DracheGraethe · 2019-08-05T21:45:22+00:00

Ok, simple thing to consider: Women are people. You, I have to assume, are also a person. Is your desire for a partner entirely dependent on their social status, and financial well-being? Well, I sure hope not, and neither is a WOMAN'S desire.
How can I tell that women share the same desire for a partner is based on mutual compatibility, attraction, emotional intimacy, shared interests, and the like? Well....It's almost hard to just list a FEW ways.

For example, how do I fight those thoughts and doubts? I don't personally have to. I don't buy into the bullshit, but if I were to suggest ways to avoid those repetitive thoughts: (If I sound sarcastic, I'm sorry, but I'm actually being SERIOUS):
-I use Logic, considering not only the notion of social darwinism, but also compare the entirety of history and literature and storytelling going back millenia and how that impacts partners, regardless of one's wealth or status
-Actually talking to women, generally, helps a lot
-Comparisons between gay men or lesbian women,
-Get to know women, and especially get to know them NOT as purely potential sexual conquests, but as human beings with their own internal life, hopes, dreams, reasoning, logic, and complexity,
-Realize that 'hypergamy' as a concept in western society entirely precludes the possibility of cougars, or young love, or happy marriages in any scenario where the man makes less money or comes from less money than his partner, etc.

Red pill works like any carnival act: It thrives on fast talk and sounding convincing while really just being flashy and pushy and trying to make you buy into garbage, because maybe 10% of the stuff is real. They show you an impressive card trick, that truly is skill, then convince you it's actually real magic, because now you believe them.

But it falls apart when anyone who isn't explicitly attempting to reinforce those same nonsensical beliefs takes a look. Sure, self improvement is great! And hell, there ARE some women who are gold diggers, just like there are men who do that, or prey on older women who are in need of companionship. But in general, when they make grandiose claims about all of the world that fly in the face of evidence and common sense, run! For example, 'hypergamy' used outside of a caste system, or the notion that multiple partners degrades a woman's ability to bond to new partners, or their strange, nonsensical newspeak bullshit they invent to try to isolate their membership and create internal jargon. Just don't buy it, and remind yourself that if they WERE right...the world as a whole wouldn't exist as it does today.

dannyluxNstuff · 2019-08-06T03:38:07+00:00

Well when I met my wife I was dead broke and had nothing popping career wise. She on the other hand had an MBA, owned a home (i was renting a room in someone's house) , and she had a great job. As we started dating she helped push me to want more for myself in the most unselfish way possible. Just by her being herself I wanted to do better for myself. After a few years my career started to take off and eventually my income surpassed hers even though this past year she started making more again. Anyways, I ramble, but we share all bills 50/50, we keep seperate bank accounts and investments. Even though we have kids now we still never combined our finances and she continues to work. If there is one thing I'm 100% certain of it's that my wife didn't pick me for my money or social status.

tronaldodumpo · 2019-08-06T02:33:18+00:00

Try journaling. It will probably be word vomit until you get the hang of it, and that's fine. The aim is to work through these thoughts and challenge them.

compersious · 2019-08-06T06:55:32+00:00

Okay so sounds like you already rationally understand that women are not all interested in men purely for status but you are trying to stop irrational thoughts that are motivated by something else, possibly fear, possibly just a learned thought pattern you have that you need to adjust, or something similar.

Will approach this from a few angles. First my own experience and secondly looking at well documented facts.

As a quick preamble. I am not especially good looking, okay, but I don't get looks in the street, wouldn't get hit on in a club etc.

By Western usual standards, I don't have much status. I decided at about 20 that I want to live in a pretty minimal way, keep outgoings low, be self employed and work half time so that I can travel and have lots of freedom for other persuits.

I am 33 and live with a parent (I am working on a way to potentially get a house in the future, but only if I can be tricky and avoid a mortgage)
I don't own a car. I also can't drive. I don't intend to.
I own 30 black pairs of socks, 30 black pairs of boxers, 30 t-shirts, 5 pairs of trousers, a leather jacket and a pair of shoes. The entire wardrobe comes to about £440. I don't own and don't ever wear a suit, smart shirts, ties etc. I wait for my shoes to utterly die before getting another pair so am often walking around in beaten up shoes.
I don't generally own expensive things. If I can get it second hand from eBay I will. There are exceptions for things I need for work, a decent pc for example.
I don't own a watch or any kind of expensive fashion item what so ever.
I am self employed largely to avoid high stress jobs, having to waste time traveling to work when I can work from a home office. Not interested in earning large amounts (only that my hourly rate is decent)

So by usual standards of western male status I fall flat on most of them, by design.

I have not had any problem attracting partners and lack of status has never been an issue of any sort in any relationship. Previous relationship was 7 years and ended amicably due to personality conflicts. Married to a conventionally attractive woman, nice person, reliable, sincere, intellegent is a qualified architect.

So clearly status by the usual standards just isn't required. If it were I should be forever single.

However I am aware that is all anocdote and I am only 1 data point. So the second approach.

There is a fair bit of research that shows huge variance within the sexes. By this I mean the differences in interests and personality traits from one woman to another are huge. At a statistical level the group of "women" has certain traits that are more common than in the group "men", but that's only at this level of abstraction. Individually it doesn't apply. Which of those on average group differences are due to nature, socialisation or both can be hard to say.

So you can simply never say "women" are like X because it will almost always be true of some women and not others. There really are women out there who are overwhelmingly interested in status (I would say a minority). But many many women are also interested in looks, confidence, sense of humour, honesty, good sex, commitment, empathy, geekiness, charity, excitement, intellegence, friendship, knowledge, travel, philosophy, risk, art, film, exercise, food, romance (yuck!), politics, logic, maths, education, computer games, history, fitness, shyness, kinks, nature etc etc on and on practically indefinitely.

You can also look at it from the point of view of competition (not sure you should). Unfortunately a much higher than I used to believe number of guys really are emotional abusive, physically abusive, emotionally distant, have really poor hygiene, are sexually ineffectual (though that might be down to comparability)

I am not saying set yourself low standards, set high standards. And I am not saying it's good that many guys are like this, it's obviously bad, but you would be surprised how easy it is to already be a better catch than many guys, not because you are amazing, but because a lot of guys suck.

That said I would also suggest not viewing it as a competition anyway. Sure there are a lot of guys out their looking for partners, or who already have partners. You could see them as competition. But then remember there are also a lot of women. You only need to attract and form a deep connection with one of literally billions.

So it's absolutely possible to attract women without status and have a commited long term relationship, women are pretty much as varied as men so it simply isn't true all women are after status, and of those who are for many it's far from the only metric, just by being clean and a decent person you are already ahead of some of the pack and whilst there are many men out there, there are also many women.

Moldy_Gecko · 2019-08-06T05:15:12+00:00

What did you see on quora?

sunsinclair · 2019-08-06T15:14:33+00:00

It's not strictly false that women are attracted to social status, just like it's not strictly false that men are not attracted to looks and casual sex. It's just far from the only thing in play, and far from as cartoonish as the red-pillers think about it. We're all a complex mix of culture and nature. We have a complex set of things we're looking for in relationships: sexual attraction, partnership, challenge, companionship, support, etc. Further, although men might be attracted to "mateable" women, each man's definition of a "mateable" woman is different based on their biology and upbringing. Similarly, one woman's definition of social status is different from another's. To one woman a man who is a very successful lawyer is attractive, to another he is a pig. Practically the way I've interpreted that last fact is that as a man I need to be above average in something to attract attention, but it could be different things. If I'm an above average writer, I'll attract one set of women; if I'm an above average computer programmer, I'll attract a different set of women - with some overlap but plenty of differences. Lastly, most parts of hypergamy are not about money and muscles as the red-pill people would have you believe - more is about your maturity, generosity, socialization, skill, and ambition. Imagine someone with all the later traits but none of the former and then imagine the reverse. 1) A rich, physically attractive guy with no generosity, no maturity, no socialization, no skills, no ambition - he might get laid and probably would never get a relationship. 2) A poor skinny guy who was extremely generous, extremely mature, extremely socialized, extremely skilled, and extremely ambitious would have his pick almost anywhere he went.

[deleted] · 2019-08-06T16:02:26+00:00

Befrjend women

Criticalthinking346 · 2019-08-06T17:35:11+00:00

When I met my husband 16 years ago he didn’t have a ca, and made 1/3 less than I did. We as people want more than financial security. I felt several men who looked better on paper than my husband did, but they didn’t have half his character.

Same could be said of the male stereotypes, do you only want to fuck women or do you want emotional intimacy as well? Do you only find physical attraction to be important in relationships with us, or does our character matter as well?

PuttanaBeviSborra · 2019-08-07T22:35:40+00:00

Dude, get a life and the rest will come automatically

Autistic_Reeeeeeeeee · 2019-08-06T01:37:50+00:00

Women are hypergamous?

They just display hypergamy at different levels depending on their current circumstances.

You can only see the true extent of their hypergamy when they are in a dire situation.

Best to come to terms with this regardless of whether you want to be RP or not.

Title	How to get these unwanted thoughts out of my head
Author	Damichia
Upvotes	15
Comments	48
Date	August 5, 2019 9:14 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/cmh35w/how_to_get_these_unwanted_thoughts_out_of_my_head/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-get-these-unwanted-thoughts-out-of-my-head.299664 https://theredarchive.com/post/299664