I've stopped reading pill stuff. I've tried reading your stuff and reading other stuff and working to think about things as isolated instances or parts of a complex sample size of people instead of broad generalizations. I've made legitimate friends with women, she was my best friend in fact. It's still here. I explain the things I struggle with when they come up as best as I can. They can't help me, and I can't even communicate what I need anymore. Just that it ties back to this.

I can't get a therapist. I wont be able to in the forseeable future. I don't know why I should still be fighting this so hard for so long. I don't really know that I even want to anymore.

I don't even know what sort of response i'm trying to get out of this. I only really foresee 'OP get a therapist' or 'OP we need more from you if you expect us to try and help you.' I just. I don't know.

Im so sorry.