Background: 24 years old, 6'0", 150 lbs, 15% BF. 140 bench, 235 squat, 235 deadlift, 95 OHP. Engineer. Discovered RP beginning of this year; have read sidebar content and different blogs in the manosphere. My dad was a pastor, so I grew up in the church until I was about 9 or 10. My dad stepped down then; we only attended Sunday service as a family until my sister and I found a church on our own (~3 years ago). Then we started getting involved in ministries and building different relationships here.

When I first started attending this new church, I felt like an outsider. Because I hadn’t been involved in any ministries growing up (youth group, college, young adult), I didn’t feel like I belonged in church. Furthermore my social skills were lacking. After about a year of struggling, I found some good friends and also discovered my own gift for youth group ministry (about average 50 attendees). Last year I also got discipled by two of the adult men in the congregation, which supplemented the material I’ve read on this sub. Ultimately, I realize it’s been God’s blessing to me that I hadn’t grown up in the church. During this time I’ve gotten a big picture view of the problems (many of which get discussed on this sub) at 3 different age-group levels.

The Problem

First, in youth group there are no dialogues about RP material. Many of the bible study lessons are redundant on the gospel message, but without any cultural relevance. Therefore, none of the students engage except when I go off script (“what explains the differences in boys and girls?” “what’s the biblical basis for premarital sex being sinful?”). Dating and relationships amongst the high schoolers has always ended in disaster. In one case, the guy broke off his relationship with his girl because “he didn’t love her, he lusted after her.”

In my age group, things don’t really improve. Many of the guys my age are “checked-out” of church life, probably from what I assume is how they grew up in the church youth group. Dating and relationships are equally dysfunctional, as couples either break up (and one leaves the church) or they opt to date a non-believer. Only one couple just got engaged, but they had been dating for 5 years. A friend of mine shared that he had sex with another girl in the congregation, and now he’s been avoiding her because he knows he doesn’t see himself with her long term. Cue in self-loathing and guilt. I was fortunate that he came to me and shared his struggles, and I was able to share that I don’t see him any less than I had before; that I still love him, and forgive him; that if I can do these things, he can do the same for himself; and I can only love and forgive him because Jesus did these things for us first. That was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve had, and glad that God was able to guide and put those thoughts all together. A week earlier, I had a conversation with the girl since I’m also good friends with her, and conveniently she omits the fact that they had sex. “He’s been avoiding me and creating distance and I feel hurt, what’s going on?” Fortunately I didn’t feed into validating her, but I still felt pissed after the fact that I was lied (by omission) to. All this to say that AWALT, after all. It just seems unreal “when it’s personal.” This event is really what motivated me to write this post because the issues on this sub were no longer “out there,” but are real!

From my two disciplers, one is constantly struggling with the different arguments and sh*t tests from his wife. He’s just starting to wake up since he had been neglecting his duties as husband/father for a long time. This discipleship has been good because I’ve seen how the other discipler coaches this guy through his troubles.

Plan of Attack

I’ve come to see that my mission lies with the youth group. To me, I think the kids are most vulnerable to the cultural tides of feminism and churchianity and only now do I see the effects on the guys my age. However, that means my mission is to fight in spiritual warfare. I just can’t see any way around that. I would like your guys’ help to this end: how do I fight this battle wisely? What are some concrete ways I can share the truths discussed here with the youth group kids that transform the way we live?

By God’s grace most of the ground work is done. For the past 2 years the youth group has been through about 3 different youth pastors, but I’ve been a consistent figure in most of the kids’ lives. I get a lot of face time playing video games with the kids and coming out to different church events, so many of the parents know me well and always express their gratitude towards me. The new youth pastor (who seems like he’s here to stay) also has encouraged me to continue my work so far. While I feel good and respected in this ministry, I don’t think it’s wise to rely on the clout that I’ve built up so far. It could come in handy though.

So my plan is to build allies in the church who could have my back in case things go south. I’m confident that my two disciplers would have my back, so I’m planning on meeting with one of them this week to share this vision. The guys my age aren’t involved at all, so no luck there. I’m not so sure about my youth pastor. If I want to make a major department from the bible study curriculum, I’d like to have his support if possible. Right now, the initial pitch I’m formulating in my head is “here are some convictions I’ve come to recently in my faith, and I’d like to share them with the students in my class. However, I think that these discussions would require special focus separate from the curriculum. Even so I’d like to try something new.” From my reading here, the youth group-relevant truths are

  1. Genesis 1:28 - "Be fruitful and multiply" - God created us to be relational, sexual beings. It's okay to embrace that. (Sidebar)
  2. Sexual sin looks different for boys than it does for girls. (porn vs erotica, polygamy vs hypergamy, lots of statistics to look over)

I think the above truths will serve as sufficient starting points, and then I’d go from there. For context, my bible study class is about 10 kids of mixed ages (6th to 12th grade).

I’ve laid out the problems that I see, and an initial plan of attack. Ultimately, I want your guys’ help to poke holes in either how I’ve identified the problems or in how I plan to attack.