Should I look for a christian boyfriend?

Red-Curious · 2019-08-14T20:11:52+00:00

The Bible is absolutely clear that we should not be in potentially sexual relationships with non-Christians (unless you already were when you were saved). If he's not a Christian, it must be ended. Period. I see no room for Scriptural disagreement on this issue. One passage says that this is like trying to make Jesus have sex with Belial, a false idol.

Stern warning aside, I feel for you. The dating culture is rough. Non-Christians, especially, are going to try to pressure you into breaking boundaries. Odds are, if you're with the wrong men you're going to end up having sex before marriage, even if you are absolutely convinced right now that you'd never do that. Get with the wrong guy, emotions kick in like heroine, you're so high your inhibitions go away, and you just flow down the river of pleasure.

Get with the right guy and this risk is still there, just greatly reduced. You can both have clear enough boundaries that it never gets there.

How do you pick the right guy? Read a lot of the stuff /u/RedPillWonder has written geared toward women. Perhaps he'll chime in here too.

Deep_Strength · 2019-08-15T00:04:30+00:00

Yes, move on. Everyone has explained it well.

The longer you stay in a relationship like that, the harder it is to get out so sooner is vastly preferable to later.

dansnapsit · 2019-08-14T19:38:19+00:00

The Bible tells us to not be unequally yoked. You are and it will inhibit you from growing closer to God.

RedPillWonder · 2019-08-15T00:19:14+00:00

Hello, I'm currently "dating" someone

Why the quotes and what does this mean? The quotes make me wonder whether you just occasionally hang out with each other or if you're a couple.

Are you exclusive with each other? How long have you been dating?

I'm currently "dating" someone who isn't catholic but he doesn't find it odd or weird that I am, instead he really appreciates it.

What is he, if anything?

A Christian? What denomination? If yes, is he serious about his faith and does it show by his actions? Or is he agnostic or atheist?

Two people from different faiths can be complicated, and challenging. You could find yourselves butting heads like rams on all kinds of issues, depending on different factors.

I'm currently 18 and sometimes i find it hard to picture myself with someone as traditional as me, especially when at my age the hookup culture is very present.

Why? There's plenty of traditional men out there who you would make a good match for. You only need one.

You're right about the hookup culture, though.

Speaking of, are you keeping yourself for marriage? What, if anything, have you done intimately with this man you're "dating?"

If you're a virgin, stay that way until marriage. Do prepare your heart and mind and have the right perspective so when you do marry, you have no sexual hangups, and you're ready to enjoy the full panoply of sexual pleasure with your husband.

If you're currently sexual with your bf, stop. Put God first above everyone and everything, including this guy. Stay chaste.

Are you two kissing? Affectionate in other ways? (hugging, hand holding, your arms around each other, etc). Express physical playfulness in various ways?

I like the person who I am with now

This is problematic. Maybe it's me, but describing him as "the person" and saying you like him is like the kiss of death. Most women say "my man" or "my boyfriend" or gush over the guy they're with in some way. I feel like I'm reading about an NPC.

My guess is you're aren't strongly attracted to this man, in addition to other qualities he may be lacking.

If you were, this post (if you even wrote it in the first place) would be about how can I get this guy's attention and get him to like me?!

I'm not sure if I see a future

Contrary to what I said above, this doesn't bother me as much. Women can be wishy-washy when it comes to "the future" and what they see or think or especially feel.

When you're with a strong man who leads you, your thoughts of the future will be much more rooted and grounded and immovable, or seemingly so. No worries.

it still seems like our relationship is stuck.

How so?

You're leaving a lot of stuff out.

We are not moving forward and we are not going backwards.

What does moving forward look like to you in very real, practical terms?

I am still young

One of your very best attributes. Use your youth wisely.

But idk what to do, should i move on?

Maybe.

You haven't given enough info.

Tell me this.

Let's say you were hooked up to some kind of infallible polygraph machine (I know the pros and cons, just work with me here), and if you told the absolute truth, you were guaranteed to get things you very much wanted in life, and if you lied or held back info, you not only lost the prizes, but were saddled with things you didn't want for the next few years. Truth gets you blessings, lies get you burdens.

Ready?

Take a minute and think on this guy you spend time with. What are his best qualities? What attracts you to him? What things are in the "plus" column for why you might want to one day marry him?

Just whatever comes to mind. Small things, big things, you name it. It doesn't have to be an exhaustive list, just start thinking of and naming things you really, really like about him.

Now, do the same with things you don't like or even can't stand. Things that turn you off, leave you wanting more, things that aggravate you, whatever you think of.

In the first category, are there any must haves that you insist on in a man? In the second, are there any deal breakers? Such that if he never changed one of them, you just couldn't live with that long term?

Well, if there are no deal breakers, that's good, consider his good qualities and see if there's a future there. If there are dealbreakers, say goodbye.

As far as college and dating, the hookup culture is much worse, and you're likely looking at heavy indoctrination into feminist and liberal beliefs in most colleges. It doesn't mean you shouldn't go (depends on the degree, in part) but be aware of what environment you're putting yourself in.

To summarize:

If he's a non-Christian, end this relationship now.

If you're having sex, stop and wait til marriage. If not, stay chaste and wait til marriage.

Education can be important, but you finding and vetting for a very good man is much more important, even if that means delaying or not going to college.

College will always be there. You can do it now, or while dating or married. It can be more challenging if you wait, but it's not going anywhere. What is going somewhere in the years ahead is your youth.

Decide in the days ahead (based on his actions) whether this guy is worth you continuing to put time and effort into a relationship with him and if not, end it sooner rather than later. He may be worth it. Give an honest assessment.

Be open to a new relationship even at your young age. My sister married at 18 and is still happily married. Does it mean you should marry young? No. It does mean be open to it if things work out and you find a good man.

Don't get thing stuck in your mind that you have to finish college before finding a man, and then, well, you have to work on your career, and then, well... it's always something and next thing you know, a decade or more of your youth is behind you and you're like one of those career women with cats keeping her company.

I'm being a little over the top with that, but there are plenty of examples of such women. Maybe you do finish college first before meeting and getting serious with a man. Maybe you marry while in college. Maybe you marry in the next couple of years and don't go to college at all or delay it til much later.

And, of course, it could be after you've graduated and established a good career. Just be open to what God does and be willing to act on it. Don't let others say "it has to be this way!"

You're the one that's going to reap the rewards or consequences, so you make the decision. Don't let others unduly influence you. Take in the information. Consider it. Pray intensely about it. And then act on it.

In the meantime, do everything you can to strengthen your relationship with God and put in the effort to be more physically beautiful (and maintain it, as best you can). It matters.

And as part of your walk with God, embrace being submissive to your future husband, so it's a lot easier to follow his lead.

I'm writing way too much, so let's wrap this up.

God bless and lead and guide you!

g_e_m_anscombe · 2019-08-14T23:32:15+00:00

Ask yourself who YOU want to be and what YOU want your marriage / future life to look like. What would life be like with this guy?

Do you want to raise your children in the church? Do you want to embark on that project alone? Do you want to go to Mass by yourself every Sunday if he says you can’t bring the kids along? Do you want a husband who will encourage you to be more like Jesus? Will you be OK if he never converts?

Scripture is clear about what the prudent answer is and others have cited it. But the best, clearest parts of scripture on this matter come from the plot. King Solomon was the wisest man of his day, but he had many wives from neighboring kingdoms who didn’t worship God. In the end, within a few generations, Israel fell prey to the temptation of idolatry and was later punished by God for disobedience. This is why Paul counsels against marrying outside the faith - the risk of idolatry is great EVEN for those within the faith.

In the end, you have to decide and pray about it. If you aren’t sure, take it to the Lord until you get an answer from Him. In the end, I know women who have decided to leave their non-Christian boyfriends and ended up eventually finding a better fit, or who ended up not dating but then he became a Christian (independently) and they married, or who ended up dating but broke it off later. The Lord will make your path clear if you ask him to lead you.

Emervila · 2019-08-14T23:11:49+00:00

I like the person who I am with now but I'm not sure if I see a future

It't not only about seen the future but building it and prepare for it, you are going to college but what is he doing? where is going right now" what is his path? is a path you should follow?

Most people with quickly tell you to dump him and get a "better" boyfriend which is a christian one BUT you can't hurt and actually dump a human being discriminating like that. You have to see where he is going also how he reacts to the gospel, it's your duty as her girlfriend to present the gospel, if he rejects Jesus then you know he is not for you, if he walks the wrong path you walk away then next time make sure you check the faith box before entering a LTR

OsmiumZulu · 2019-08-15T00:46:19+00:00

If it’s not a “hell yeah!” It’s a “no.”

Sithech5 · 2019-09-09T17:57:23+00:00

Equally yoked is God's plan.

Title	Should I look for a christian boyfriend?
Author	CrossTheBridge123
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	August 14, 2019 7:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/cqeoji/should_i_look_for_a_christian_boyfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/should-i-look-for-a-christian-boyfriend.301157 https://theredarchive.com/post/301157