Awesome girl that doesn’t take care of herself

Dan_M7 · 2019-07-02T17:56:21+00:00

No big deal. The decision to eat healthy and exercise requires just an idea, a change of mind, which anyone can easily do.

Don’t lose your chance with a beautiful and happy woman because of poor dietary choices. And don’t force her or tell her what to do(at this stage of the relationship).

If you see her eat healthy, praise her. If you see her eat bad, then ignore it.

Woman respond better to praise than criticism.

Red-Curious · 2019-07-02T18:11:38+00:00

I had the same concern about my wife before I married her. Mind you, I was pretty darn blue pill at the time, so I'm not condoning my thought process in those days. But she was very thin and attractive with horrible eating habits. She never exercised, ate whatever she wanted, and loved snack/junk food days.

Flash forward 14 years since we first met. She's still exactly the same: qualifiers aside, she generally still has horrible eating and exercise habits. And although she is slightly larger, she's still pretty thin overall. We went to a waterpark a couple weekends ago and out of literally hundreds (thousands?) of women 20+ she was easily in the top 5% for waist size. So, at least 11 years into marriage it hasn't manifested as a problem. I wish my genetics were that good to make my body as easy to maintain!

That's not to say this girl will have the same good fortune. She may have hit the genetic lottery, or maybe not. There was a study done at one point that by the age of 40 a person's body shape becomes extremely difficult to change. If you do manage to change it, your body will always want to go back to the shape it was in when you were 40 ... until you get around 70 or so, but that's another mess entirely.

All of that aside - why are you looking so much older? That's a decision you will almost certainly regret a decade into the marriage. My wife is a month and a half older than me and I've already felt that. Not that I would trade her in if God gave me a free pass to do so. She adds too much value to my life right now. But in the majority of cases and for a multitude of reasons, it's better to go younger. I joke now that a prime candidate for a wife is someone who is FAST and EASY:

Faithful
Available
Saved
Teachable

and

Elegant
Alluring
Submissive
Young

Those are traits I'd be looking for.

RunawayGrain · 2019-07-02T18:41:49+00:00

The only person that's going to change her is her. So accept it or move on, but don't expect to change it.

It feels like something that can be looked at as shallow

Having preferences isn't bad. Don't let anyone get that into your head. At the same time, remember that Satan was an angel of light. Don't let the looks override your better judgement. It's a balancing act.

but is it worth dating someone who long-term has terrible habits with their health?

If I'm reading right, you want her to start working out and lose weight, right? This isn't going to go well. At 29 she's probably still coasting on that youthful metabolism and hasn't really put much thought into self maintenance. So telling her that she needs to drop a few pounds is gonna shock her and probably be like opening Pandora's box for you.

So what I'm saying is that you are probably best conveying this in such a way that she comes up with the idea. Good luck with that, slick.

Stryker7200 · 2019-07-02T18:42:10+00:00

Have to ask yourself a couple questions. Is the poor eating making an impact on her body now? Does she already have excess weight? Would she gain 60lbs during a pregnancy and have trouble getting most of it back off?

It also reflects on her overall discipline.

To reflect what Red already said, why seriously consider a woman 3 yrs older than you?

Rule of thumb for dating should be half your age + 7 yrs. So if I was in your shoes I’d be looking for a 20-21 yr old woman. In 5 yrs this woman will be in her mid 30s. She will want a kid ASAP if you marry her as she would be 30 by then. And let me tell you it is harder for a mother at that age.

Marry a 21 year old, enjoy a few years together before having a kid and she will still be 25 when you have your first. You also get to enjoy 10 more years of her youth and beauty, which yes, makes a big difference.

Thu Jan 1 0:00:00 1970 UTC

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g_e_m_anscombe · 2019-07-03T04:18:24+00:00

Ask yourself: if she never changed, would I still be reasonably happy with her raising my kids? If the answer is no, it should be a next.

I would be on the look out for red flags like eating disorders, but less concerned if it’s something like she eats one too many cheeseburgers? An eating disorder can be a sign of vanity and pride (not great for your kids) whereas eating imperfectly can be a sign of ignorance or a different framework of value.

DoersOfTheWord · 2019-07-03T22:18:32+00:00

Firstly, there's nothing wrong with having high standards. And if you continue to take care of yourself, your stock will continue to rise so there's no rush. That said, there's no perfect woman, you take the good with the bad. The question is does the bad really bother you or not? Is it actually a sign of an undisciplined life?

OsmiumZulu · 2019-07-03T18:49:00+00:00

she is 29... she does not take care of herself physically/diet-wise at all Male 26, body fat under 8%, making around $90k a year without any debts.

So she's is hitting the wall and doing nothing to prevent rapid decline, and you are hitting your stride and beginning to enter your peak SMV years.

Sure, you could probably pull her into your frame and influence her health choices to some degree, but why would you bother when there are women with less mileage and better health?

It feels like something that can be looked at as shallow

If you feel like you're being selfish to want someone younger and healthier keep in mind that your choice will impact your kids. Pregnancy post 30 comes with higher risks of labor complications and the older a woman gets the risk of genetic and other prenatal health defects increases. Is it shallow to want the healthiest possible offspring / legacy?

is it worth dating someone who long-term has terrible habits with their health? Thanks ahead of time for replies.

No, it isn't. The sad truth is that most people don't change their core habits in substantial ways after they settle into their adult life routine. Don't go into this thinking, "If she changes she'll be great" but "If she never changes will I still find her to be great?"

You know the answer or you wouldn't have posted here: if it's not a "hell yeah!" it's a "no."

Title	Awesome girl that doesn’t take care of herself
Author	thecoletrain83
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	July 2, 2019 5:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/c8caat/awesome_girl_that_doesnt_take_care_of_herself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/awesome-girl-that-doesnt-take-care-of-herself.301223 https://theredarchive.com/post/301223