Rebuilding a relationship after an almost breakup.

rocknrollchuck · 2019-03-28T20:02:02+00:00

I don't lift much, I am a runner, for recreation and fitness.

Finances: I am currently unemployed

So you don't lift, you don't have a job, and you wonder why your girlfriend is "having doubts?" She's looking for a high value man, and in her eyes you're not it.

After a lot of tears and talking, I asked her if she was happy with our relationship before this week, to which she replied yes, very much so. I suggested this might be a fluke, and maybe she's having an off week. She just paused and goes "that's a solution I hadn't thought of." After some more talking and tears, we agreed to continue dating for another month, and see what happens, hoping our connection is rekindled for her.

This is cringey, and you definitely lowered your SMV in her eyes with this move. You've demonstrated without a doubt that you are NOT THE PRIZE. You can still man up and do the right thing though: call her up or meet with her and tell her that after giving it some serious thought, you think it's best that you both move on and that you are ending the relationship. If she asks why, tell her you want to take some time and fully devote yourself to strengthening your relationship with the Lord right now.

Oh and btw, the only reason she agreed to continue dating for another month is because she tried to get you to kill the puppy and you cried instead and made her feel guilty. Don't do that again, have some self-respect bro.

Get into the Word more, make sure you're in church every week, and start lifting. As a student you don't need to have an income right now if a job will take away from your studies; just know that it will be much more difficult to attract a (quality) girl if you're broke.

mwggw · 2019-03-29T15:15:57+00:00

I know you're probably getting harsher advice from here than you thought, so thanks for listening. Step one is being willing to hear something that conflicts with how you feel, so kudos for being willing to listen.

We talk a lot around here about finding your mission as a man and pursuing that mission. Obviously as Christians our mission is founded on the one given to us by Christ- to make disciples. But we all have our own missions as well- what the Lord is leading us to pursue and accomplish in life. One of the principles of this sub is that your relationships are in service of your mission, not your mission itself. If you make your mission the girl, you will obsess over her at the expense of your real mission. What's ironic is that women hate men who obsess over them- it's very unattractive. Even if they respond positively to the attention, it doesn't provoke a true, deep love. Women are attracted to men with a mission and the focus and motivation to accomplish that mission. You want a woman who will come alongside you, join you, and support you in your mission.

So, what is your mission? How are you pursuing it? Are you seeing success? Those are all foundational questions you need to work through before thinking about pursuing a woman.

I'm going to speculate a bit here, but I think the other commenters here are right when they point out that your girlfriend is probably not that into you and she tried to end it but didn't have the balls to actually follow through. It sounds like you're a little obsessed with her (read about "Oneitis" in the sidebar). I was your age once, I definitely remember what it's like to be infatuated with a girl. I would echo some of the others here that even if you really like her it's probably best to move on, if for no other reason than spending some time developing your mission and pursuing it. College is such a unique time where you have the ability to spend time figuring out what you want to do and taking steps to make it happen. Don't waste that time chasing a girl who isn't into you. Forge yourself into a valuable man and then you won't have to chase them.

I'm not saying don't concern yourself with women at all- I found my wife in college and it's a great time to do so. But maybe decide for yourself that you're not going to pursue a relationship for a year, and instead work on your own spiritual and physical growth. Study the Bible, intently. Find other men who can disciple you and who you can disciple. Lift weights, get strong, and drop your body fat %. Focus on your studies and career prospects. Then after some amount of time, once you've made measurable progress in these areas, work on building friendships with women and pray that the Lord would lead you to one who would make a great wife. But the order here is very important, because it needs to be the order for the rest of your life- pursue the Lord, pursue your own growth, then pursue your spouse.

Edit: Also, read the sidebar.

RedPillCoach · 2019-04-09T03:13:57+00:00

After a lot of tears and talking, I asked her if she was happy with our relationship before this week, to which she replied yes, very much so. I suggested this might be a fluke, and maybe she's having an off week.

This girl has demoted herself. This was a nuclear fitness test. The trick is predicated on Rollos Cardinal Rule of Relationships. He who cares the LEAST has the MOST power. Had you raced to the bottom of caring (DNGAF) and essentially kicked her out my bet is she would have come racing back to you within a week.

Unfortunately, now she knows that you care the most and she will use her leverage against you continually- I know I read a description of this kind of wife somewhere:

Oh, right:

15A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping

of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;

16restraining her is like restraining the wind

or grasping oil with the hand.

I'm writing this post in hopes of advice, prayers and comfort; I know I am emotionally worn thin right now, and I can only imagine she is as well. I desperately want this to work

That last sentence is your undoing. My advice is to cultivate other options. You are the man. You are the prize. Act like it. Believe it.

You have two options. You can 'lose hope' and cry and become despondent because she leaves and she will never have any reason to return to you. Or you can go out, date, experience life, and GAIN INTEREST FROM MORE ATTRACTIVE WOMEN then you could choose to be with this fickle creature of Eve you describe. See the distinction? The first option leaves the choice to Eve, the second leaves the choice to YOU. Which do you think is most Biblical?

RunawayGrain · 2019-03-28T20:09:02+00:00

She's bored, and my guess is that she's got an eye for another guy, but wants to hang on to security until she's sure she's gonna swing.

Relationships are funny, though, in that both of you have to be in the right place with God, or it isn't gonna go too well.

So I'd give some advice to you about prayer. Don't pray for what you want to happen. Believe it or not sometimes God grants that, even though it's not the best thing for us. I'd point to the Old Testament here where the Israelite's asked for a king after Samuel. God let them know it wasn't going to go too well, but in the end, he still granted them Saul.

Or even Jacob, who labored for Rachel. Eventually he got her. But look at the turmoil it's caused since...

Part of that, though, is being a bit humble, and realizing that maybe sometimes God says no to things for good reason. So pray for the best thing to happen, and have the stones to deal with it if it isn't what you want to happen.

So pray for the right thing to happen here.

OrangePeelies · 2019-03-29T15:16:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

OrangePeelies · 2019-03-29T03:36:20+00:00

She’s lost attraction to you because you’re acting weak, it’s as simple as that. You’re scared of losing her. You’re begging, pleading and crying. Do you know how much attraction she lost in you because of that? You’re in the right sub, but you need to do a ton of work here. The best advice was already given to you (break up with her and date around, and trust that she’ll come back) but you’re too weak and scared to do that. Unless you dramatically change your behavior, this relationship will deservedly crash and burn.

redwall92 · 2019-03-28T19:34:28+00:00

I'll tell you the same thing I told my almost 16yo son last night. My advice is to date around. Get a few girls and spend time with each of them. Don't go out on a date with the same girl more than twice in a row.

Your desperation is what you need to focus on changing. You can't change her. Your desperation will drive any girl away that you get the feels for.

You want advice and comfort? I've given you my advice. No comfort here other than you are in charge of your own life and your own feelings. Don't give that control to a woman.

hidemyface1234 · 2019-03-29T02:40:28+00:00

She's saying please break up.with me

https://therationalmale.com/2016/10/24/please-breakup-with-me/

Title	Rebuilding a relationship after an almost breakup.
Author	OrangePeelies
Upvotes	5
Comments	36
Date	March 28, 2019 6:54 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/b6mq1z/rebuilding_a_relationship_after_an_almost_breakup/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/rebuilding-a-relationship-after-an-almost-breakup.301360 https://theredarchive.com/post/301360