Question on femdom fantasies.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-08-24T14:55:00+00:00

This seems "trollish" to me, as in not a real person expressing real feelings, but I'll bite. Granted, I am a bit more liberal in this bedroom advice.

From my teens I have a femdom (BDSM) fantasy as a slave/submissive to women

This is fine as long as she is doing this because you have told her to do it and it ends in the bedroom.

I've always tried to suppress and everytime I suppress I hurt myself mentally and physically

No, you didn't hurt yourself mentally. What do you mean physically? Like, whipping yourself?

I'm unmarried and I'm not interested in any sexual activities with women but just want to experience the pain and the servitude that I get when I serve a BDSM mistress.

Even if there is no sex involved, this is VERY MUCH a sexually intimate encounter. Possibly more so than actual sex. Get married and get your freak on with your wife.

My concerns here. You used the words "BDSM mistress". BDSM is a category of kink that encompasses a lot of things, some of them are complete opposites. What you are specifically looking for a Female Dominant person to for sexual gratification. This is fine I think inside the marital bedroom.

However, you also slipped in later that she should specifically be a Sadist to which I must assume is to fulfill your Masochistic fantasy, but not from a wife, from a mistress. I am not so much worried about you wanting to feel pain or humiliation although I think assume it's very likely you have some unhealed emotional trauma that you should probably start talking to a pastor or mentor about.

Understand too, that in order for her to be sadistic, she probably has a lot of underlying issues too. You would be asking her to harm the temple that the Holy Spirit resides in. There are things that are reasonable mind you. We do it when we lift weights, work hard, and push our endurance. Just know that you are not just your own, but that that Christ is in you and you are in Christ as you develop boundaries that are respectful to this.

After all, my wife and I had troubled childhoods and both work out unusual things for each other quite often.

Down to what troubles me the most as a Christian. We should look for a relationship that mirrors the one that Christ has with the church. One of full commitment, sacrificial love, guidance, leadership, vision, monogamous, as well as safe and non-judgemental. If you are full of the Holy Spirit as claimed, you have to ask yourself WHY are these thoughts focused on a mistress? God, being Holy, wouldn't want you to be an adulterer, so those thoughts are not from God. I think this an area where real soul searching is required. Are you afraid of commitment, rejection, judgement? Or do you just want to find a woman, who is in a place spiritually that she already desires to sexually dominate a stranger, subject them to pain and humiliation, and is then perfectly ok with being used and forgotten when either you've reached your gratification or you want to move on to make a different woman your wife?

redwall92 · 2018-08-24T13:10:05+00:00

I know this is RPC, but ...

DAFUQ??

Good luck answering that one with anything close to sympathy or empathy. Tell the guy to buy a collar and walk around his church asking for some woman to hold the leash for a while. Get it out of his system.

Let us know what your judgement is Red - the mighty (Christian) BDSM know-all.

RPCJoeMak · 2018-08-25T14:40:56+00:00

There are a lot of #Shame based behaviors and attitudes in #BDSM practices. #Shame is a universal feeling that is understood by every human. It comes from a feeling that we are #Flawed a not worthy of love.

I have a hard time believing that Christ would be pleased with us participating in #BDSM practices outside of marriage. As far as #BDSM practices in a marriage context...Hey man, that's your bedroom not mine.

But in terms of #RedPill behavior...I don't see a man on the receiving end of #BDSM exhibiting #RedPill behavior.

Good luck to all as you Field Test these things. Lol

Uncommon_Sense_12345 · 2018-08-24T14:46:09+00:00

Why should anyone have fun with this? A fantasy is a fantasy.

I hope you don't go on to make him feel embarrassed for wanting this. Upon marriage he can still retain the leadership position. But nothing makes sex as boring as having to adhere to someone else's version of the "correct way."

This desire can be expressed in marriage as a form of sexual gender role play reversal. Most people don't go on to have a true 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle so male leadership would still remain intact.

Those 24/7 lifestyles are very rare and would go against Christian male leadership if he wanted this extreme form of femdon and should be discouraged, but it would be acceptable for the woman to enter into a M/s relationship with her husband.

He should adhere to scripture and try to refrain from mentally indulging in this fantasy and remain celibate until marriage if he so determines marriage is what he wants. Upon meeting a woman who is a contender he should be open with her to see if she wants and is willing to engage in that type of play and lay the groundwork and rules that allow for participating in this form of BDSM within a Christian marriage.

Deep_Strength · 2018-08-25T09:02:23+00:00

Others have it mainly covered already, but the key in these situations is always to dig down to the root motivations and comparing/contrasting them with Biblical Truth.

It's almost always the case if someone wants to experience pain, servitude, and things of this nature they have an incorrect view of the gospel and may be stuck in a works mindset where they constantly need to "do better" to "please God." Part of that is projected onto their desire(s) from women.

The same is quite true of men who desire "love" from their wife instead of "respect." They're usually wanting some form of unconditional love that only God or their mother could give them, and their issue is that they're demanding of their wife something that she can't give them.

Title	Question on femdom fantasies.
Author	Red-Curious
Upvotes	5
Comments	12
Date	August 24, 2018 12:53 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/99x5tz/question_on_femdom_fantasies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/question-on-femdom-fantasies.301778 https://theredarchive.com/post/301778