/u/KUZURI271828 asked in another post: "Steps to become less of a jerk and more of a Christian?" This question shows a fundamental flaw in how we perceive what it means to be a "Christian" that needs to be addressed on a wider scale than a simple answer in that thread. Let's discuss. I'll start with my response to that question.


How about be a jerk and a Christian?

WHO decides if you're a "jerk"?

I mean, there's no "Thou shalt not be a jerk" command. Being a "jerk" is defined by the person you're interacting with, not you yourself. I can act one way on this sub and people see me as a man. I can act the exact same way on r/Christianity and people will see me as a jerk.

Google defines "jerk" as "a contemptibly obnoxious person." There's certainly nothing wrong with being obnoxious. So, how does it become "contemptibly"? If you had contempt for your own behavior, you probably wouldn't be doing it in the first place. It's when other people show contempt for your behavior that makes you a "jerk."

Now, you can't read everyone's minds as to what they'll find contemptible or not - and I'm pretty sure Galatians 1:10 says you're not supposed to be trying to please all those other people anyway. If God would show contempt for your behavior, I'd be more concerned. That's a definitively bad kind of jerk. But if God has no contempt for your behavior, I don't know that it matters that other people do.

WHY are you being a "jerk"?

We Need Balance

From there, it's all just a matter of motive. Are you acting like a "jerk" because you have no love for God's people, no kindness in your heart, and no compassion for those around you? Sure, that's sin. God has contempt for that kind of attitude. Or are you acting like a "jerk" because God has you doing things and nothing's going to stand in your way - especially not the types of people who want to sit around and judge people for being jerks?

Here's the thing: the world needs to find balance. On the "doormat to douche bag" scale, we need to be somewhere in between. The natural order of things is that we tend to fall into the middle of two opposing forces. Balance is natural. The problem is that the church and most of the secular world teaches us all to be doormats (one end) and most of the rest of everyone else is "balanced" (other end) with very few stragglers who are actual Christian douche bags. So, with this cultural tension, people will fall somewhere between doormat and balanced, which won't help them actually become balanced.

Be a Jerk to Create That Balance

Somewhere along the way we're going to need a few douche bag Christians to help pull people further toward the douche bag side until eventually they wind up in the proper balance - and then they need to stop moving toward douche baggery once they get there. The trick is being the Christian jerk (or even a little bit of a douche bag) without compromising your obedience to God. It's certainly doable. It involves stepping on a lot of toes and getting some people ticked at you. But if your orientation is right - that your life mission is to make disciples and your "jerk"ness is in the advancement of that cause, I say keep on being a jerk.

That's what I did at my last church. I tried playing "nice" with the pastor and people there. They wouldn't listen. So, I started stepping on some people's toes and suddenly I have the pastor's attention. Rather than being another "yes man" to him, I called him to a better way. I was blunt. I knew he could take it. He was intrigued, but not convinced. So, I challenged him, pressured him, refined him, and wouldn't back down when he tried to argue his way out of being a disciple-maker. Result? He adopted the mission of disciple-making, trained the elders to do likewise and in the following year we saw 7 new people come to Christ who never would have heard the Gospel if we'd all just been a bunch of pew-sitters. The church eventually split up after the pastor and I left for independent reasons (it was a plant of about 50-ish people) and now there are disciple-makers in several other churches, some of whom I know are continuing on the mission in new congregations. If only they would be a little bit jerk-ish too, I know they could radically transform their new churches as well and we would see even more people come to Christ from those even larger congregations.

Jesus is a jerk too

If I just acted like a doormat who had a big heart for discipleship, nothing would have gotten done. I had to be a jerk to kick my church into the right gear, just like Jesus ...

  • had to be a jerk to the money changers at the temple who were dishonoring God

  • was jerk to the cyrophonecian woman to whom he said, "Go away, I'm not here to help you and your people" in light of his laser-focus on his mission

  • was a jerk to the Pharisees

  • was a jerk to Pilate and Herod

  • is still a jerk to his bride, the church, by letting her flounder around in danger rather than swooping in and saving the day.

Seriously, think about that last one. If your wife is being disrespectful and she slips and falls in the mud and you don't help her out because of her disrespect, she'd call you a jerk, right? Pretty much anyone would. But isn't that just God's attitude in Romans 1:18 et seq? God's people ignore him, disrespect him, don't give thanks to him, etc., then they fall away and he just sits back and watches it happen.

That's the God we serve. That's the God I love. That's the God I want to emulate with every fiber of my being - just as much as I want to emulate his compassion, empathy, kindness, service and all those other things that we already know we're supposed to be doing.