Expectations towards / tasks for a wife

hopeunseen · 2018-05-17T01:14:51+00:00

I think you have some good stuff here. One big thing I see missing: Mission

As the man we're called to lead our wives. Our wives are first and foremost called to support us in OUR mission. So if my wife asked me this question, rather than a goodiebag of things I'd like her to do, I'd first ask myself "What is MY mission?" is it big enough? Bold enough? Does it having a God Calling / eternal purpose? What are my priorities, values, and calling - Where am I headed in this life this year, in 5 years, in 10 years? - Basically extreme ownership. Don't start by asking "what I want from my future wife" - Start by asking "What am I committed to for my future (Which is also going to be her future) - Once you've laid that out, she can get behind it, however that looks and wherever you need it in any given situation / season. Without a clear mission and purpose, she'll have a hard time supporting you or viewing you as a leader. I learnt this one the hard way.

Definitely read / listen to Extreme Ownership if you haven't already. Just my 2 cents.

rocknrollchuck · 2018-05-17T16:02:09+00:00

Mission specific support: I would say that the key in this area is that YOUR mission must be clearly defined. For example, my mission is to share the Gospel with anyone and everyone I can. My wife supports that role by sharing the Gospel herself, and inviting people to our home so the Gospel can be shared. This is key, because she is Eastern European and has a large circle of friends and cultural acquaintances that I have access to because SHE has access to them because of the shared culture. She is much better at inviting and hospitality than I am, but I am much better at giving a clear presentation of the Gospel than she is. We work well together as a team. We also hand out tracts together, pray together, and hold our family accountable together for reading the Bible every day. Love for the Lord and a desire to obey His commands is the key to motivation here, and this is something that the husband must take the lead on.

Mistress: In addition to the things you mentioned, which are good, I would add that you should work out between the two of you things like expected sexual frequency, as well as any and all expectations concerning specifics. For instance, before we married I made it clear that I love oral sex, and would expect my future wife to be willing to give and receive in that area. She had no experience, but stated she was willing to learn (and has exceeded all my expectations!). Also if she has anything she absolutely will not do sexually, I think it is a good idea to know beforehand so it is clear from the outset. I would also discuss whether birth control should be used, and if so what kind.

Hostess: The things you stated here are good, I would add that her attitude is key in creating an inviting atmosphere in the home. This cannot be overstated. Also, being flexible in her plans to accommodate last-minute changes and opportunities you encounter to have guests is a good expectation to have.

Nutritionist: Your general statement is good, I would question her about her nutritional knowledge, and educate her if necessary if she lacks understanding in certain areas. Does she understand macros? Is she willing to accommodate your needs for certain foods after a strenuous workout? What about soda, sugar, sweets – does she like to indulge in these things, and if so, how often? When you have kids, what are the nutritional plans for them?

Will there be an expectation for eating out every so often – if so, what are both of your expectations? The budget for food will also need to be considered, since it may be easy to prepare nutritious meals but it can be expensive depending on the food choices. A good understanding will go a long way toward creating a balance between nutrition and affordability.

Mother and Christian Evangelist towards the children: I would take some time to lay out specific expectations in this area. This will highly depend on whether she works or is a SAHM. It will also change frequently according to the age of the children. There are tons of good resources out there for this. I would also remind you that bringing your children to Christ is the responsibility of BOTH parents. Some children may respond better to their mother in this area, others may connect more with the father. Both parents need to be on the same page with regard to their doctrine of salvation before getting married, otherwise it will cause problems later. I recommend reading How to Bring Your Children to Christ...& Keep Them There: Avoiding the Tragedy of False Conversion by Ray Comfort.

Assistant: Your description of assistant reminds me a lot of what a mother would do. Be careful here, and take the lead in this area as much as possible. Otherwise you risk becoming the oldest child who has to ask mommy every time he needs to find a document. There is nothing wrong with delegating office-type tasks to some degree, but I would be careful and avoid ceding too much in this area lest she take control and it turn out badly for you. I would personally start the marriage being in control of all these things myself, and delegating certain ones to her one at a time, with clear expectations of how I like them to be handled. Once she is assisting in this area to my satisfaction, then I would delegate another task. But there needs to be a balance here.

I'd also add that she stays healthy and slim and also has a feminine clothing style. Not sure where to add that.

I would say that this falls under the area of maintaining a healthy level of attraction to each other, which is God-honoring and also protects the marriage from the devil’s schemes. I would make it clear to her that the devil WILL try his best to make the marriage fail, and we live in an age of great sexual temptation. That you obviously both want to avoid that temptation as much as possible, and that maintaining your attractiveness to each other is one significant way of protecting your marriage.

Takes actives steps to talk about god with others and to be a role model This is an area where you will have to lead by example. There is little use in stating your expectations of sharing God with others if you’re not doing it yourself. Best to show her and set the example. Same with being a role model – be the role model you want to see your wife become.

Money This is one of the areas couples fight about the most. Determine what your financial goals are: how soon do you want to buy a house? One bank account or separate accounts? (My opinion is that one account is best) How much goes to savings, and what are your savings goals? Do either of you have debt? How much spending money is expected by each of you weekly, approximately? Who is the spender, and who is the saver? Who controls the money and the account and has the final say, ultimately? (Hint: it should be you)

Children How many children do you plan on having? How soon after you are married? If you are going to wait a while, what kind of birth control will you use? How far apart in age do you want your children to be? Public school, private school, or home school? Spanking, or other acceptable punishment methods? Long-term plans, such as college?

I think it is important to realize that you will probably not find a woman who will agree with you 100% in all areas. That is where you will need to pray together and determine whether you can find an acceptable compromise, or if it constitutes a dealbreaker for you or her. I would not get married if there are any major dealbreakers, personally.

ThoughtCaptive · 2018-05-17T17:36:56+00:00

Funny. No one has yet to point out that defining expectations and vetting accordingly is good BEFORE marriage, but that you also need to be sure to DROP all of those expectations as soon as you get married without telling her you are going to do so.

Here are my notes from my pastor's sermon just this past Sunday: One person's hopes and dreams is one person's expectations. When "I's" Collide: 1. We Leave, 2. We Win: we convince, we convict, we control, we coerce, 3. We Conform, 4. We Compromise Expectations create a debt/debtor relationship. We rarely express gratitude for what we have come to expect. Expectations eliminate the possibility of unconditional love. What do they owe you? NOTHING! Happy Families know: I owe you everything, but you do not owe me anything in return. John 13:34, Ephesians 5:2

What are you going to do if she goes a whole year without meeting a single one of those expectations but does not cheat on you? Divorce her? Let me remind you that you will more importantly be making a covenant with your Savior. Marriage is fueled by your relationship with Jesus Christ, not by the other person. Marriage is about God. Marriage is not necessarily "happily ever after", but it can and should be "holier ever after". You want to find out how much Jesus loves you?, then love your wife even when she isn't living up to what you expectED (sorta like Jesus' relationship with you). Don't get me wrong. Dont let her walk all over you. There sometimes can be a massive difference between how she wants you to love her being opposed to how Christ wants you to love her (what's healthy for her even when she thinks it's poison). Be careful. That requires some serious knowledge of both God's written Word and His personality.

Title	Expectations towards / tasks for a wife
Author	cornthians12345
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	May 16, 2018 9:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/8jystf/expectations_towards_tasks_for_a_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/expectations-towards-tasks-for-a-wife.301925 https://theredarchive.com/post/301925