Regulating Sexual Desire

BayAreaRPChristian · 2018-05-06T03:27:26+00:00

I find myself in the same situation. I’m turning 25 soon and would love to hear others’ wisdom.

ElectricalAutumn · 2018-05-06T03:31:08+00:00

I’m in the same boat dude. What I’ve come to think as of now (still learning and taking it a day at a time, mind you):

channel my sexual desire (eros) into devotion to God through prayer, reading scripture, cultivating the gifts I’ve been given and giving them back to God.
work out 6 days a week. This helps me channel my energy into something productive.

Prayer is a major help for me.

Maybe some older people in this sub could enlighten us some more as I am right there with you. You aren’t alone in this brother.

Deep_Strength · 2018-05-06T05:35:08+00:00

Red Pill theory strongly recommends that men stay uncommitted until 30 or so, and then once their SMV is at its peak to consolidate and settle down with a woman who also has a high SMV.

The Scriptures in 1 Corinthians 7 recommend you marry if you burn.

It does not specify an age; that is up to you. Waiting often is a temptation. It is not a guarantee that you will find a quality prospective spouse at any age either. Being older does not necessarily mean your chances are better either: there are bunches of non-Christian and Christian women in the 20-25 range who wouldn't go out with men 30+. This is an RP semi-myth. Sure, some of them will, but you're limiting a portion of the population.

In my opinion, it is important to start now and focus on finding a virtuous woman who wants to be a wife and mother. If you try to hold out for the "best," you may never find one (similar to all the women holding out for "alphas"). It's better to be in the 20-25 range if you can get a woman who is virtuous who also fits your attraction standard. Maybe 25-27 if you're already older than that. The optimal statistically seems to be about 2ish years older than your woman for a man for the lowest divorce rates.

As far as sex drive goes, what /u/akohlan198 said is good. Flee the temptations, and channel your sex drive into the spiritual disciplines (Scripture, prayer, meditation, fasting, etc.) as well as masculine traits, leadership qualities, and physical appearance. In other words, become the godly, masculine leader that your ideal wife would want.

Also, I did a statistical analysis on the amount of Christian virgins who are not obese or overweight who regularly attend Church:

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2017/04/06/doom-and-gloom-and-the-amount-of-attractive-christian-virgins-part-3/

Indeed, there was also a huge disparity between those who married 16-20 and 21-24 and 25-36 with the rates at 15.8% (includes married by pre-marital pregnancy), 38.8% and 13.5% respectively for no sex before marriage. Overall, if you’re a Christian man aim for the 21-24 age group of Christian women attending Church often for your best shot.

The sweet spot for Christian virgins with those qualities seems to be women in the 21-24 range.Before that, you have shotgun marriages. After that, there's not many virgins. Virginity is one of the qualities that significantly decreases chances of divorce. It would behoove men to start as early as possible becoming a godly, masculine leader. Women this young tend to want to marry men in the 22-26ish range.

Red-Curious · 2018-05-07T18:15:06+00:00

There is some other good advice here on the distinction between why secular RP says to wait and the actual orientation of the Christian life, so I won't re-hash that here. The real reason I recommend guys wait until later in life is two-fold:

Guys tend to hit their peak SMV at around the age of 35, so it makes sense to wait until at least 30 so you're a lot closer to that optimization. At this point, lots more options open up. Sure, statistically, you might age yourself out of some women. But on the whole you will have a lot more options open to you and it's certainly not uncommon for people to marry 5-15 years younger (my grandparents: 17 years apart; my in-laws: 13 years apart; my wife's grandparents: 12 years apart; a couple friends: 9 years apart; a missionary couple I know: 8 years apart).
When women marry a guy in his 20s she's marrying him for what she thinks he could become, not for who he is. This is very dangerous because it has an incredible bolstering effect on her frame and she will often find herself disappointed if she sees the man's actual direction in life take a different path from the one she had in her mind. If the guy waits until his 30s she can hardly make this mistake - she sees that he is well established and knows exactly what she's getting, making it much easier for the man to maintain frame and set his course in life for her to follow, rather than her demanding that he go down the path she expected him to follow.
Biblically, people shouldn't even making "getting married" a priority in the first place - not now or at any age. Marriage should be something that happens as a natural byproduct of two people living on mission for Christ alongside one another in a context where a "burning passion" eventually occurs. Paul frequently references in the Scriptures several women who "labored at his side" - and that was in a culture that heavily opposed women having any actual role other than sitting in their houses tending to a man's needs. I've written more on this elsewhere here, so I won't refrain.

My point here is that you shouldn't wait to get married just because the red pill tells you to wait. Their rationale is a secular one. But there is still great wisdom in waiting anyway, if you choose to do so.

As for dealing with sexual urges between now and then, there's some good advice around here from /u/akohlan198 and /u/Deep_Strength, but I'd add pursuing a mission in life. This is how you're going to happen across that woman anyway. I did a much larger write-up on this in this post from a month ago. Simply put, the best way to keep sin out is not to try to avoid sin; it's to re-orient yourself toward the things God wants you doing. Those aren't general characteristics to employ; it's an actual mission he put you on. If you're not living on that mission, then you'll be living for something else - and anything else other than the mission God has set you apart for is sin. So, if you're not going to live on that mission, whether your sin is premarital sex or even spiritual apathy, it doesn't really matter ... you're just swapping one sin for another.

To be clearer, if you refuse to live on the mission God called you to live on, but you also want to refrain from sexual sins, what you're really suggesting is: "Guys, I want to live a life of sin and rejection of God's mission for me, but I don't want that to be sexual sin because the church will shame me real bad for doing that, so can you help me get rid of that sin and find another sinful way of living instead ... maybe a sinful lifestyle that the church will actually be okay with?" That's how those types of conversations always feel to me.

oloug · 2018-05-06T04:44:27+00:00

Don't wait. Get married.

1 Corinthians 7:9 "but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry; since it is better to marry than to burn."

justtenofusinhere · 2018-05-06T16:36:32+00:00

It sounds like you are trying to follow rules, given that christians pulled down the "laws" which previously underpinned the Judaic understanding of how to live a righteous life, you might want to reconsider this approach to success or righteousness.

Instead, ask, what are you trying to do? Where is God leading you? As you then proceed down that path, ask yourself, how does this fit into the plan? Everything will have one of three answers: 1) It helps, which means it's good so long as it help; 2) it hinders, which means it's bad so long as it hinders; or 3) has no effect, which means it's neither good or bad, so long as it has no effect. Note, things can be in more than one category. For example, doing nothing. It's good if you're resting, it's bad if you're being lazy.

So, let's bring it back to women. What role do women, or a woman, have in the plan? What role does sex have?

purifash · 2018-05-08T22:19:43+00:00

You can regulate it by taking the pussy of the pedistal. DGAF. It will draw them in anyway. The less you care about them, the less you will care about sex, lust and things that are not for now.

ReddJive · 2018-05-09T18:27:35+00:00

Another comment from the occasional onlooker.

I post and read here becasue it's fascinating to me. Aside from the hyperbolic and often over the top language used on MRP and TRP the message is nearly the same. I have said taht my mentor in college used to remark that christianity was the only historically proven religion. He meant that the secular proved the faith.

Any way it's simple. You adopt the monk mode perspective and as directed by what others say follow the faith. You build yourself into the man you want to be. Marriage, women, they are not teh goal they are the outcome of your hard work

IN TRP they won't tell a man no. It's his job to explore the path and find his way. I see a different approach here. So while the journey is the same the terrain is a lot different.

Having read all the comments one other point I would like to make.

Women fall in love with you for who you are. Your potential.

They then spend the rest of your life changing you into who they want you to be.

It's your job to prevent it.

Men have 3 roles to fulfill in marriage. Boyfriend, Father, Husband. Fail at any one of them and it can be bad. Women have similar roles (GF, Wife, Mother) but without strong leadership they will rationalize their errors and mistakes. People are not rational. They are rationalizing.

cornthians12345 · 2018-05-09T18:34:03+00:00

Waiting until 30 might be advisable in a non-christian world where there is a) hook-ups b) masturbation and c) an almost infinite number of girls to which there is easy access. At least where I'm from it gets harder to meet (Christian) women the older you get. In addition there are just not as many Christian girls, meaning there is much more "luck" involved (Mind game: Compare how much "new" Christian girls you could meet each month compared to how many "worldly" girls you could meet in one month.)

Title	Regulating Sexual Desire
Author	ElectricalAutumn
Upvotes	10
Comments	41
Date	May 6, 2018 3:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/8hcjje/regulating_sexual_desire/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/regulating-sexual-desire.301935 https://theredarchive.com/post/301935