So I went on a couple dates recently and I've found that I have some weaknesses that I need to turn into strengths and some things that I do well too.

(These are two separate people, not the same person on two different dates)

Some reflections overall:

1st date strengths:

  • I always brought things to do to look busy beforehand. I was always reading and on my laptop doing work prior to them getting there so I was busy and indifferent if they didn't show up (OI).
  • During the date, I asked them questions about themselves and controlled the conversation and was comfortable with silence at points as well.
  • Ended the date after about an hour or so so I kept them wanting more for the next date.

Weaknesses (Growth areas):

  • I bought their coffee for them, I shouldn't have done this. I should have let them buy their own drink considering I have no emotional attachment to them yet, so why should I be buying them things.
  • Shared some aspects of my life from my past (that I was bullied) because it pertained to the conversation, but on reflection, I shouldn't have opened up that early on an intimate part of my life and should not have shown weakness.
  • Said "I like that" about things she said. I shouldn't have shown that much investment yet considering it was the first date. I should have just kept quiet instead of mentioning that I liked an aspect of her personality. It kind of felt like I was investing too much emotion when I said that.

In the end, this person was an atheist and I couldn't see myself dating them, so I am not pursuing them anymore. I kind of messed up on setting up the second date too and was too "beta" in the text I sent the day before our second date. She canceled with no reschedule, so I just "nexted" them after trying to text them in a few days with no response.

This was a good date to build my skills on and to hold frame. I held frame very well on this one, but I had room to grow.

Second date (today, with another person):

Strengths:

  • I was decisive and held frame when I went to the wrong coffee shop across the street instead of the one that she went to. She called me and I told her to meet me at the one I was at instead of playing into her frame and getting up and going to where she was.
  • I was natural throughout the date and held firm to what I believe when talking about my faith with them. (This one was Christian and was very open to talking about faith, actually... we talked about our faith's throughout this entire date).

Weaknesses (Growth areas):

  • Need to make eye contact intentionally and don't avert gaze when thinking about something to build on to my thoughts. If I am to do this, look at their nose or ears as this still looks like I am still making eye contact from their perspective.
  • I need to work on ending dates. I got anxious as we were both walking back to our car's in the parking lot and when we were saying farewell I didn't know what to say other than "off to do some homework, see you sometime" after agreeing that we would be in touch for meeting up next over text. (Advice on ending dates from everyone's perspective and experience would be welcome here)

At the end of these dates, I felt like I am on the right path to embodying these RP concepts in a Christian way, but I have ways to go in growth and embodying them more fully.

Questions that I have off of these experiences:

  • How is the ideal way to end a date in a confident way (without anxiety)?
  • How long should a first date be ideally?

I felt that I need to develop even more in Christ-confidence even though I held frame very well through both of these dates and expect there to be more in the future with the second one. I have other dates with other people so I don't get pulled into oneitus and have developed an abundance mentality.

Any advice and/or experience is welcome. I would love to hear everyone's thoughts.