Divorce

Most of you know by now that, although being a divorce attorney, I'm fairly against the concept of divorce. I believe all appropriate effort should be made to resolve the marriage. That said, here is when divorce is biblically appropriate:

  • Sexual Immorality - In Matthew 5:32, Jesus uses the word porneia for sexual immorality instead of moicheia for what we know today as adultery. I won't go too much interpreting that here; there have been other threads about it.

  • Unbelieving Spouse Leaves - This only applies if your spouse files the divorce first. If your spouse is a believer, you are obligated to follow the Matthew 18 path toward reconciliation/repentance. At the end of that path, if the person still doesn't repent, Jesus says to treat them like a non-believer, at which point 1 Cor. 7 says you're allowed to let the unbelieving spouse leave.

  • Death - Nuff said.

  • Spouse Disowns You With a Callous Heart - This one's a lot shakier, so research it yourself. Suffice it to say, Jesus says, "Whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my father in heaven" (Matthew 10:33). If someone is the bride of Christ and verbally declares with a callous heart (Hebrews 6/10 level) that they want nothing more to do with you, just as Jesus disowns his bride before the Judge, so can you. Just don't run afoul of 2 Timothy 2:13 (with 12 for context) and do this merely because your spouse is lazy or "faithless." It must be active and intentional (see Hebrews 10:26 et seq.).


Stay Plan = Go Plan

With that in mind, MRP has this saying: "The stay plan is the go plan." It's not hard to understand and internalize: Your path to improvement is the same whether you're trying to save your marriage or preparing for a nasty divorce.

Now, the immediate objection to this is that we should live differently as married people than as single. This is true. There are clearly different obligations and expectations placed on married people, including biblically. It has an impact on how you live your life. As with the parables of the talents/minas, you should do your best with what God has given you - because this is how you will mature and improve. As you are faithful with little, he will give you more because he knows you will be faithful with much (Luke 16:10). So, be good stewards within your families. More on that to come in other posts, no doubt.

But here's something that gets overlooked: "From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none" (1 Corinthians 7:29). Some people like to discredit this passage saying, "Paul thought Jesus was going to return in a few years; that's the only reason he said that." But if that's an excuse for ignoring the authority of a passage, are we suggesting Paul's intent in writing those words wasn't inspired for the rest of us centuries/millenia later?


Just "The Plan"

There is no "stay plan" or "go plan" - there's just "The Plan." It's the plan Jesus gave us when he ascended: "Make disciples of all nations." In 1 Cor. 7, Paul is making it clear that our mission to God takes precedence over our marriages. Indeed, our marriages are part of that mission (as our spouse and kids are a small part of "all nations") - but we cannot live as if our marriages are the primary, singular most important central point of our lives, which is the beta mentality. God has called us to something bigger.

Our mission is threefold:

  • Love God (greatest command)

  • Love Others (second greatest command)

  • Make Didsciples (great commission)

Most people love to leave that third one out. It's easy to say we're "loving God" and "loving others" when the word "love" is so watered down in modern society. In reality, Jesus clarified: "A new command I give you: Love one another ... as I have loved you so must you love one another." "Love one another" wasn't a new command. The "as I have loved you" part is what's new. How did Jesus love his disciples (this passage was said just before they started eating the last supper, so he's only talking to them)? He discipled them. He trained and taught them. He rebuked and helped them. He oriented his life around their spiritual growth and well-being so they could reproduce the Gospel in others as he did for them.

If we're not making disciples, we can't legitimately say we love one another. Moreover, if "God is love" (1 John 4:8), then if we are not sharing God with others in our relationship with them, how can we say that we "love" them? Jesus did not say the second greatest command is to "be nice to others" or "be kind" or "be a servant toward" others - he said to "love one another." That biblical understanding of love transcends the individual components. He wasn't referencing 1 Corinthians 13 because that book hadn't been written yet. He was referencing what he had modeled for everyone. The 1 Cor. 13 things were parts of what he modeled, but discipleship was the purpose.

"The Plan" Jesus gave us is to make disciples. All of your self-improvement is worthless if it's not leading toward your participation and fulfillment in that plan. Whether your marriage is on the rocks or in full bloom doesn't matter if you're not making disciples. This is the plan, whether you stay or go. Jesus says in Matthew 7 that we'll know who is truly in him by their fruit. Where's your fruit? If you're so wrapped up in your marriage that you forget your greater purpose, that's about as beta as it gets, no matter how good you get at passing tests, lifting weights, or whatever.

Do you have a plan? Is it the one Jesus gave you or did you make it up yourself and decide to go a different direction?