This is a comment I made on askMRP. For context, OP's wife's mother's friend wanted to post something on ebay and OP's wife decides to put the pressure on him to do it for the old lady. He doesn't want to, but doesn't know how to answer. He says he keeps DEERing and can't hold frame when she keeps questioning him on why he won't do it. This is my reply, which I thought this community might enjoy :)


I believe in God. You don't have to for this to make sense, but read Job 38:1 to the end of the book. For context, Job is stuck in a really crappy place in life. His family dies, his entire fortune is plundered, his body is covered in boils. If anything could go wrong, it has gone wrong (and this was part of an intentional plan). Job starts questioning God with all that "Why?" garbage. God's answer to Job is the ultimate RP answer. It starts ...

Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?

Your plans are what matter; she can't tell you what to do.

Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.

Pressure-flipping.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!

Amused mastery - God's getting playfully sarcastic about how trite this issue is in comparison to the bigger picture, and ultimately refuses to answer Job's questions.

[God:] "Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!" Then Job answered the Lord: "I am unworthy - how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer - twice, but I will say no more." Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm: "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me."

God's pressure-flipping and amused mastery worked. Job STFU and gave up, even though God never answered his accusations. So, God pressure-flips some more:

Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

This is what most wives do: they spin their hamsters to find a way to make you the bad guy, even when they're the one making the unreasonable request. She can do the whole ebay thing herself, but she doesn't. Instead of faulting herself for her laziness, she faults you as the lazy one to justify her not doing it.

Job's final conclusion?

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.

Become that wonderful to your wife - become that high-value and display that same sense of amused mastery at how trite this "ebay purchase for your wife's mom's friend" is in the grand scheme of your lives.

Of course, in the end, God doesn't do this just to stifle Job as some peon. God loves Job and ends up blessing him greatly beyond pretty much anyone else alive in that day. In the same way, bless your wife ... just don't put up with her garbage or feel like you have to answer her questions and challenges. Bless her on your terms, not hers. She'll value it more that way anyway because people value what they can't control. If she can control what you give her, it's cheap - she knows she can get what she wants when she wants, leaving it with no value to work for. If you decide when and how you're going to bless her, then your goodwill gets its value back.