Are your married friends happy?

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December 20, 2019
106 upvotes

I'm 32 and one of the few unmarried guys in my group of friends. Some of the married guys always say "stay single" in a joking way, but I can't tell if they really mean it. Everyone seems like they have good marriages and get to enjoy a lot of things I don't as a single guy. I wonder if I'm as jealous of them as they are as jealous of me...


Post Information
Title Are your married friends happy?
Author h0ud
Upvotes 106
Comments 152
Date 20 December 2019 06:25 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/302321
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ed69oe/are_your_married_friends_happy/
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Comments

[–]RisingUpAgain247 points248 points  (16 children) | Copy

The grass is always greener

[–]bayfarm89 points90 points  (10 children) | Copy

Single people wish they were married and married people wish they were single.

[–]black-cattle48 points49 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is true. I love my wife and have alot of fun with her, also I really value about our marriage is our 4 children and the structure the marriage provides them.

I am 41 and turning into a silver fox basically so the temptation is there, but I wont ruin it for some extra flesh.

I did wait to get married at 31, just the way it worked out. People are so different at 21 compared to 31.

My wife is great and puts up with alot from me. My advice is to find a good woman with no kids in mid 20s who has still married parents for the best chance at it all to work.

I am thankful for my life and family and just wish you all to find what makes you happy. Merry Christmas.

[–]TheYoonFather6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

It won’t apply to everyone. But still married parents seems to be a good way to improve your chances of a successful marriage. Especially if the parents are good people and even better, sort of like your own parents.

[–]black-cattle11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep that huge IMO. Plus better get one before they get too deep into their 30s. Women hit the wall around 25-27 and a good looking single 34 year old woman is that way for a reason. Career maybe, or crazy? Gosh I sound sexist.

[–]IndiansSmellLikePoo22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

Reminds me of can't live with women, cant live without them

[–]oldslut0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

i thought the joke was: "can't live with them, can't live with them"

[–]mcmwhite1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Women. Can't live with them. Can't shoot them."

[–]Monitorul6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's more than just married or single. Being unmarried doesn't mean you're single.

[–]QueenSlapFight2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm unmarried and wish to remain unmarried. I've never been married and am midlife. Granted I've had some LTRs, but it's dumb as fuck to thing everyone who isn't married wants to be married. Especially if they're RP.

[–]AscensionExperiments1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As a single person, I hope to fuck I never get enough brain damage to get married

[–]azsxdcfvg14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

The grass is always greener where you water it more.

[–]MYMOUTHISNUMmn27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

Too busy watering my fields to see if yours is greener. Too busy eating my own fruit to see if yours is sweeter.

[–]damaged_goods4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn

[–]drevil_9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]TheRedPillRipper2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The grass is always greener

Where you water it. If you’re happy spinning plates, enjoy the thrill of the chase or hate commitment then get after it.

I prefer LTR’s but that familiarity CAN breed complacency. It’s called Hardmode for a reason. Truth is your experience will always differ. The good thing is you define what your relationships look like. Don’t know what you want? Try it all.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]cat_magnet211 points212 points  (17 children) | Copy

Being a father makes me very happy. Everything else seems pretty pointless in comparison. I've travelled the world, ive built a great business but my daughter doesn't compare. My wife isnt a unicorn but shes a good mother and doesn't cause much drama.

[–]sehns48 points49 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good job

[–]JFeezy31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo. This guy nails it.

[–]Efficient_Look6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

even during the diaper changing years?

[–]cat_magnet5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha yea. You get used to it.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

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[–]cat_magnet4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not sure unicorns exist mate. They all have issues once you know them well enough. I didnt have my daughter til I was 35 so I don't feel like I settled. Shes a great mother, keeps her figure, submissive etc. She can get a bit moody which annoys me but nothing too bad

[–]TheMistakesWeMake4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I recently became a father (3 months), and whilst I adore my son and enjoy being a dad, I haven’t felt it to be significantly impactful on my happiness. At what age (of your kid(s)) did you find it became that rewarding parenting them?

[–]cat_magnet10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

The first three months is hard mate. Not enough sleep and babys basically do nothing but sleep and shit. From here on it gets better. He will sleep better and he will start smiling and laughing. I'd say from about five months on you really start feeling the bond.

[–]TheMistakesWeMake4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks pal. Good to know.

[–]i-am-the-prize4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

they are not human yet, at 3 months. that age sucks (your wife would disagree)

... yes, at 5-6 months with them interacting, smiling its better, walking after, then talking by 2yrs. then a few years late: showing your son(s) how to fish, hunt, shoot, paint, bike, etc. are a blast.

and now, that mine are teens, i've been doing "guy time" discussing RP (without using RP or any of the keywords) it's been amazing bonding.

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You found a great one. Must have vetted properly.

[–]cat_magnet0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yea I had some pretty brutal LTRs in my 20s but my wife has a very low n count, great relationship with her parents, no tatts or piercings, doesn't drink or take drugs. There are still no guarantees but that makes it a little safer.

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It definitely does. Especially low n count.

[–]TheeSakred-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So what you’re saying is, have a kid while you’re single and never settle?

[–]cat_magnet5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

No I'm not saying that. Believe me I know how risky it is. I saw my father get divorce raped. However I think the best path is spending your twenties focusing on building wealth and then vetting someone younger to start a family with.

[–]1KirthWGersen61 points62 points  (7 children) | Copy

It all depends...

I had a happy marriage for a long time ... until it wasn't.

No relationship is ever going to be perfectly happy all of the time. But one of the things I wanted out of that relationship was children. So I chose a woman who I could do that with. A woman who is responsible, whose company I loved and who I found attractive and fun.

The marriage didn't work out, but we have treated one another very well throughout and bring up our children together in a way that makes us all happier than when we were married.

Rather than try to find a good woman to marry, it may be best to find a good woman to get divorced to!

[–]askmrcia27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rather than try to find a good woman to marry, it may be best to find a good woman to get divorced to!

I think this needs to be repeated more. I remember talking to my mom about her divorce with my day. She could have taken his ass to the cleaners, but didn't. They paid whatever fees and that was that.

My dad was a good dad, so he gave child support on his own and not through the courts. My mom had her own job so she didn't need alimony or spousal support. But if she really wanted too, she could have cleaned my dad out.

I think what helped them after the divorce is that my dad's side of the family and mom's side had such a great relationship so no one including my mom was going to try and destroy each other's lives after the divorce.
It's weird, they been divorced for years, but still treat each other like family.

[–]bluemoviebaz11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

THIS! young guys take note, this is great advice.

[–]z2a1-95 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rather than try to find a good woman to marry, it may be best to find a good woman to get divorced to!

Haha no don't get married!

[–]A-Buff-BBC-Blackbelt3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or just knock a ‘solid’ bitch up, and don’t get married.

[–]Truedemocracy51 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Last part is key. So many here worry about divorce rape.

Marry a woman who has her own ambitions and finances and you can’t get divorce raped.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]Truedemocracy50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Marry a doctor :D

[–]riggedved41 points42 points  (7 children) | Copy

32M here. Unmarried. All my friends are married now. My last single friend got married 2 weeks back.

Most of my friends seem happy. When I ask them about it, they say it was a good decision and life has settled for them. Some of them even have kids. Some even a second child!

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

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[–]askmrcia6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seem is the key word here.

True. You have to get one of the married guys out for drinks to get the real story behind their social media or public marriage life perception.

From acquaintances (people I know, but not too close with) I know, they seem to have a pretty good marriage. From my closest friends they seem to complain.

But I do believe that is life in general. Grass is always greener. I know single guys who seem to be living life a rock star talk about how they wish they were married or not lonely.

My cousin has been married for 20 years. Three freaking daughters too. He's the only guy in his household. I'm sure he's fine with his marriage, but I there are days he wish he was alone to escape the madness. He talks to me all the time how he's jealous that I have my own place and I come home to a nice peaceful apartment. lol

[–]ndestruktx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Number 5 is huge. Have a high quality position in whatever field you’re in. Don’t settle for being in a low value place. If you work on a factory line then find opportunities to be the line manager eventually. If you work in accounting, become a controller, if you’re an attorney- get partnership.

The worst is being underemployed or unemployed. No amount of RP is going to make you desired in that case (well to low value hoes maybe but nothing above that).

[–]Truedemocracy50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When it comes to divorces I still blame men for being shell shocked. From the outside it’s pretty damn clear something is amis

[–]therealbigoso7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like the need for closure overpowered their will to live life to the fullest. Funny that some say fuckboys are needy as they pursue the royal pussy, yet the married ones only talk about how much they needed to settle down. People addicted to dopamine vs people addicted to oxytocin.

[–]gentmarelmalo7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Crazy people

[–]SuperCrazy070 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

32 is relatively young though. It’s not surprising that things are still mostly good.

Of the guys I know who got divorced, one was in his 20s, one in his 30s, and the rest 40+. It takes time to grow apart and develop different life goals (unless you just royally fucked up).

[–]creating_my_life31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

A better question is to ask your older married friends if they would get married again knowing what they know now about being married.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (12 children) | Copy

One is. He comes to pieces whenever his wife leaves on business for an extended period. His mood drops and he just looks depressed. When they're together it almost makes me want to get married.

The rest tho are clearly living miserable lives. They deter me.

[–]TeamRed229 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a guy who is firmly in his wife’s frame. He doesn’t have direction in life other than his wife. And sooner or later his wife will be repulsed by his neediness.

[–]RevolutionaryPea717 points18 points  (10 children) | Copy

Don't forget that those times where his wife leaves on business trips is his life. Do you really want that? A live where your emotions are controlled by the whims of a child?

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (9 children) | Copy

Hey man, I'm just reporting that this guy seems sincerely much happier when his wife is around. Not all marriages are shitty.

[–]RevolutionaryPea73 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Well, of course he's happier when she is around, but she isn't always around. That sounds like a shitty life to me.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just desperate to deny any possibility, aren't you? There aren't any absolutes bro. There are some men who are genuinely happily married. Just because we're choosing not to go down that path doesn't make it impossible.

[–]TeamRed27 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

No marriage can last where the husband follows his wife around like a lost puppy. Trust me, I was that guy, before she started banging Chad. Everyone else thought we had the "perfect marriage" because we never fought, and were always affectionate. But the fact that I was in her frame made her take responsibility, and women are never happy in that role.

[–]RevolutionaryPea70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You just said he "comes to pieces whenever his wife leaves". That is not a good life. That is not true happiness. That is a man who requires a woman to be around him for his happiness. A woman who, as we all know, doesn't live him like he loves her.

[–]volvostupidshit10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

He is happier when she is around because he probably knows deep inside what his wife can do when he is not around.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lol is it that impossible to imagine that someone out there has a decent marriage?

You're too far down the rabbit hole, bro.

[–]muricanwerewolf11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, it’s not hard, but what you’re describing isn’t a good marriage. This is ATRP, we know men, we know women. This guy is asking for trouble.

[–]volvostupidshit-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

No it is not hard to imagine that there are men who are happily married. Especially if they are red pill men. But those blue pill simps? I don't think so. They may appear happy outside but are probably hurting inside.

[–]LethalShade3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't envy him if his mood is dependent on the proximity of his significant other. I've been there and it was great when all was well but it never seems to end well.

[–]anish71420 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

Marriage was miserable until I discovered TRP. My wife was treating me like shit, no respect, nagging etc, even when I put her first. Once I discovered TRP, and starting taking care of these things in this order, 1) kids, 2) myself, then 3) her, she did a 180. Marriage is a lot happier now.

The men who are miserable being married aren't doing their roles right. Look outside the marriage to be happy, ie hobbies friends etc. The wife isn't there to make you happy.

[edit] typos

[–]aLL1HU3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree here. It was my fault things got Rocky, because I expected it to be like it was before. The fact is that marriage then children changed us both. Adapt or die.

I'm grateful that I found this community and for the Own Your Shit process.

A variety of pussy is great, but my family means so much more to me.

[–]Manny14003 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

this 100%. I got married when I was pretty blue-pilled and clueless. Didn't expect a lot, and the quality of the marriage started going down hill 5 years in. I then straightened out my head, got red-pilled, started talking to the right guys, and I fixed the situation.

These guys that complain about their marriages are frequently at fault themselves.

[–]HumbleTrees19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

As a married and now divorced man in early thirties, imagine marriage as a curved line. In the first 6 months after marriage, your relationship tends to increase in the happiness it brings to both parties. Sex dries up and certain things are no longer on the table.

After 6 months, it just steadily gets worse. Comfort kills attraction and marriage is comfort to a woman. We desire more the things that are fleeting or could leave any moment. Look at how woman, and indeed men, treat their possessions. Those things that are fleeting or rare are more sought after. The things they use daily are disregarded. Use this as an indication of human nature to devalue that which we see most or feel we have captured.

[–]Pooddit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look how we manipulate the value of diamonds. They don't even have inherent value anyways. A man should master manipulation of his own value if he wants to be in a relationship.

[–]throwitdownman2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Very underrated comment. Your anecdotal evidence is completely in line with TRP philosophy. Passing shit tests, dread, frame is all done to make ourselves the prize and in turn, become something women see as fleeting.

[–]HumbleTrees1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for the kind words.

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy

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[–]IndiansSmellLikePoo11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for sharing your experience man

I couldn't bring myself to bet half my net worth on a female not divorce raping me after having children.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy

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[–]dani0980 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

How do you “not let them” Other than no kids and no marriage

Anything legally binding is 100% out of your hands short of money

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]dani0980 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I want to say it’s 1 year in Texas but I am not 100%

[–]VaultGuy19951 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Marriage is overrated since I'd rather have a good relationship, but I couldn't say that kids are overrated.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

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[–]VaultGuy19950 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah special needs kids are not something I'd want to deal with. Can't stand them now, but idk how I would feel if it were my own, probably the same or worse.

[–]handfulofnuts1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, so, so glad I got out before 1. I got money, and 2. we had kids. It was bad enough as it was, and I think she wanted a kid as a way of ensuring I’d stick around (she could sense I had one foot out the door).

Most of my friends have kids now. Their lives have gotten completely fucking lame. Beers on Friday evening once every 3 months, but still daddy has to be home by 10 because he doesn’t have the nutsack to tell mommy to do her fucking job and take care of the infant. It’s revolting.

I may want kids one day, but not like that. On my terms.

[–]throwitdownman-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

How do women change specifically? Is it more ‘my kid is not getting the best, they need more books, nicer clothes etc and you are going to provide it’ type of whining? Or ‘I’m a mother, look at me and my feelings, I’m hitting the wall and I lost my physique, I’m feeling sad, feelz feelz look at me’ type?

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

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[–]throwitdownman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do think this is the most productive perspective. It is not fair that women can be unaccountable and hamster that ‘you did this to me!’, denying accountability and lacking in integrity yet get away with it. However life is not fair.

Yet it is also very difficult to achieve this (imo, impossible). You can be constantly rising, the best shape of your life, and improve your SMV, yet a girl who has been by your side for an extended period of time will eventually see your ‘progress’ as her own - she will see your accomplishments and victories as hers.

[–]Manny14001 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

A lot of this is true, and good advice. However ...

There are situations where the guy is positive, a good father, works hard, and is still fun, and the wife STILL cheats. I just had this happen to one of my friends.

The guy in question has a good blue-collar job (probably makes close to 6 figures), keeps himself in decent shape, is very positive and easy-going about stuff, is an excellent dad, and takes the wife out frequently. They were held up as an example of a marriage that works.

Then I found out the wife had cheated with the dude's friend, multiple times. Even driving out of state to do it. Young child at home, good income, house, etc. --none of that mattered. She developed some kind of "emotional connection" to this other dude.

According to mate-switching hypothesis, women tend to formulate "plan B" lovers and providers. They will keep other men in their orbit as a potential replacement to their husband. Even if the woman is happy in her marriage, she will still do this, and it only takes one argument to phone that other guy up. Men need to be on-guard for this.

[–]SilverLion0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This sounds terrible and makes me wonder if he did properly vet her.

[–]Casanova-Quinn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The guy in question has a good blue-collar job (probably makes close to 6 figures), keeps himself in decent shape, is very positive and easy-going about stuff, is an excellent dad, and takes the wife out frequently.

But that doesn't necessarily make him sexually attractive to her. Plenty of boring nice guys fit that same description. To me, it sounds like this guy lacked the "alpha edge" to get her turned on.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen31 points32 points  (19 children) | Copy

No man I know is really happy in a marriage with children. I know some childless couples where the guy is happy, but as soon as a woman gets pregnant, she changes - forever.

[–]Russian_Bot_73710 points11 points  (12 children) | Copy

Could you elaborate on that more?

Is the change always bad, sometimes bad, or good and bad?

[–][deleted]  (7 children) | Copy

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[–]DavoAmazo51 points52 points  (5 children) | Copy

Well I would want my wife to prioritise my own kids well-being rather than my own.

[–]Zero-Milk3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely not. The children only exist because the relationship between the parents made it possible. You can (and should) prioritize your own relationship with your spouse and still be excellent parents. When the children move out and move on, what're you left with? Hopefully not a relationship you've de-prioritized for 18+ years.

[–]swarley_145 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

But the question is how much.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Depends on how you define good and bad. Good for the children, bad for your happiness.

[–]throwitdownman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What do you mean by this? If the relationship is ‘captain, first-mate’, does it mean she becomes more challenging of your decisions?

If so, do these shit/comfort-tests come from the perspective of ‘I want what is best for my child’, or with a ‘I’m suffering so much as a mother, look at me, I need MY needs addressed’?

If it’s the second, I’ll probably never get married.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't want kids there is no reason to get married anyways and if you want them you'll have to live with it. Simple as that.

Careful selection of a mate will also be crucial and at least ensure that she'll not become a total bitch.

[–]TheMistakesWeMake0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am a father of 3 months. In my experience so far, the pregnancy hormonal changes aside, the biggest change has been the constant state of overwhelm my LTR is in. She’s permanently stressed due to the demands of our son, which in turn leads her to being way more bitchy, and shit-testy.

Her priority is now him, but it’s mostly a biological drive. I’ll never be first in her eyes again, and if you want kids you have to live with that to some degree. That said, she’s doing everything she can to meet my needs (very regular enthusiastic sex still, great head etc)

[–]HumbleTrees17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

Just yesterday I was having a chat with a female colleague about her child. She's not married yet. She literally used these words "I thought I loved (Partner ) until I had (baby's name), now all I care about is my child and nothing else compares. Don't get me wrong, I still love Partner but it's a different kind of love. Baby is my world and all I care about. I know if Partner left me or I left him that I'd be fine as long as I had Baby."

I was just sitting there listening intently to the rest of it and it simply confirmed that men love women, women love children, and children love dogs. If you want love, get a dog and complete the triangle but you won't get the kind of love you want from a woman if you have kids.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women don't even love children per se. The evil stepmother is a cliché for a reason. They even don't love their own children that much in many instances. They will often put their own comfort and well-being before that of the child and even use their children to reap in benefits for their own.

[–]HumbleTrees4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree. I think most women love children. There will always be fringe cases that deviate from the norm, but the majority do in my experience. There is a tendency to vilify women in this sub for the attributes experienced by women at the fringes. That's not the case in the majority of instances. Step mother's have no blood relation and hence no maternal love, so not sure that is a viable counterargument. Also, shitty parents exist and I'd agree some out their needs first but again this isn't the majority and also any self respecting man would bet out that sort of woman quickly and not have kids with them.

[–]1RainySeasonInPH1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is definitely in the area of, some are, some aren't.

Women can be heartless, self-centered bitches that consume and destroy their own offspring.

They can also, at least equally frequently, be self-sacrificing, everything is for and about the kids, uber-mamas, and when I say, everything is about the kids, I specifically mean, all their shit is now for and about the kids, and all your shit is now for and about the kids. Whether the kids are yours are not is completely irrelevant.

So, while I'm not refuting that bitches can go full psycho even on their own offspring, what have found is, more prevalent is bitches go full muh mini me's before muh man, thus you are a farm, slave and servant to her uterus fruit. Whether yours or not.

Frankly I think this about 3/4 -1/4 , in terms of Vampiremom vs. Frankenmom.

Vampiremom is the one that lies about needing her car fixed so she can funnel your cash into her kids school project.

Frankenmom is the one that will beat her own daughters with a clothes hanger and then lie about it in her autobiography.

They both exist, the only salient point is that they are both vastly to the detriment of men.

Most of you are against Frankenmom.

Some of you are okay with Vampiremom. I wish you a painful ignominious death, with sparklers up your ass, because there are about be fireworks where I live. Also, fuck you.

[–]Manny14002 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

see my comment above on this. The woman changes, yes, but that is often because the man gets lazy, lets her change, etc.

My kids are my life, and they bring me great joy. Guys who say they are miserable because of their kids aren't being good fathers, and are probably immature and selfish.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guys who say they are miserable because of their kids aren't being good fathers, and are probably immature and selfish.

Wrong thread

[–]BogdanPradatu5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's the difference between a LTR and marriage, from a lifestyle point of view?

[–]A-Buff-BBC-Blackbelt12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’d say she likely feels safer, competition anxiety nearly erased, stops trying as hard. And then you get divorce raped.

[–]LilLoserFreny0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah seems about right.

[–]ArnoldT10008 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Doesn’t matter. You know why you can’t.

[–]RedSkeller4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t know if they are but they also don’t how know happy they could be, so it’s a wash.

I have one friend who legitimately might make it the distance. Him and his wife were from a smaller town, raised religious/conservative, lost virginity to each other, have been together since HS and dated 6 years before getting married. Now have a kid who is awesome. Don’t think he escaped, she still has two different tones of voice, one for him and one for everyone else. Runs the show, demanding at times, materialistic, he has to ask permission for things.

My other friends all married terrible women, fat, entitled or both. My one friend is an MD, so by no means shitty job, and his wife doesn’t want to work and would rather be a mom. Same for my other friend. Seems like most women want to work until 30 then retire.

Sometimes I feel like I’m on an island where I’m watching every city in the distance burning. Happy to be where I am, but definitely concerned for my friends. But as I get older, the ocean grows larger.

[–]RisingUpAgain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like your hs buddy needs to learn to tell his wife to stfu.

[–]Herdsengineers4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm married and content currently. It's my 2nd marriage. First one - it was never quite how I imagined it. Ended in a nasty divorce. I have a kid with her, "coparenting" is a pain with someone you detest. New wife is solid woman and worth putting up with woman stuff for.

I have married friends that are content, others that are miserable. Also have single friends that are content, single friends that are miserable.

It's all about yourself in the end. Are you content with you whether your married or single? That comes down to are you living your values or compromising, and are you pursuing goals and accomplishing them or not? If you are trying but your spouse is doing things to hold you back - that makes for a bad marriage. If you aren't trying and blaming your spouse same thing.

If you're trying and succeeding, and your spouse is complimenting the efforts, that makes for a good marriage. The key is not marrying because you have fun or great sex. If you marry, marry a spouse that shares your values and will serve your mission with you. That's the only thing that will make it last.

[–]LateralThinker134 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

They tend to go in groups. People in healthy marriages tend to associate with other people in healthy marriages, because they have similar positive habits that make their marriages work. (Incidentally, marriages success rates go up as wealth does).

Similarly, people in crappy marriages/divorcees tend to associate as well.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everything in life is a trade-off. Some guys I know are married and happy. Other guys not so much. Guys who had kids and then got divorce raped are generally happy they had kids, but not happy about hemorrhaging money to pay their ex-wife to fuck other guys and teach their kids to hate them.

I'm perfectly happy being single, and having a rotations and I'm not going to blow that up because: "But what if you DIE ALONE! Quick! Wife up one of those tatted-up, cankled bar sluts before all the 'good' ones are taken!" That is "Scarcity" mindset. Also, you could get married, get divorce-raped and die alone anyway. There are no guarantees.

[–]cactushatter3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So I read an interesting article that explained how being single is fairly neutral to baseline happiness, and studies showed that being married would make you either extremely satisfied or extremely dissatisfied with life.

So imagine 3 guys standing on separate stairs on a staircase. One guy is at the top (happily married), one guy is at the bottom (unhappily married), and the last guy is in the middle, (single).

[–]skuttt3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m getting divorced. For a time I was very, very happy to be married. It does mean something to make a woman your responsibility, men are built to want that. But I was BP’d and it failed. Discovered MRP too late. But go there and you’ll see that RP men can maintain a happy (for both) marriage, you just have to maintain a healthy SMV delta.

[–]dtyler862 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

33 here. Not married, but in LTR in a group of mostly LTR and married friends. Get each of them away from the SO for a night and they go wild. I see the reason for the jealousy as a single person, but the married friends seem strained and often resentful that they’re “married”, not that they’re not singles. It’s like a holiday for my married friends to not be with the one they “love”. My gf and I dont necessarily like the same bar scenes, but we do travel a lot, party goddamn hard sometimes and enjoy chilling. There are pros and cons to all of it.

[–]throwitdownman0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Jeez. Truly the CC never ends. AWALT, regardless of relationship status, and the only way to prevent it is to be the best version of yourself. Even then, ‘she’s not yours, it’s only your turn’.

[–]dtyler86-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

What’s CC?

[–]skuttt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The Cock Carousel.

[–]muricanwerewolf12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know a guy who’s been with the same woman since he was 16, we’re all 34 now. Two kids, his wife is still beautiful and vivacious, he’s successful and loaded. I envy him in a way, even though I realize I’m not suited for that life and set upon his path I def would have made different choices.

[–]2319Skew4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is anecdotal so take it with a grain of salt.

I married who I though was perfect and spent over a decade with some great highs and terrible lows. You are living the social narrative so you feel like you are doing right. You also have been told that marriage is about compromise.

When it's good, you come home to a clean home, your favourite meal made with love and affection and her horny AF. You feel loved and valued and complete.

When it sucks. It sucks hard. You deal with lack of sex, fighting over financial problems, and mind games. You also realize that you are fighting uphill.

Everyone is dealing with various degrees of this but here's what I know for sure. Marriage is not the same as it used to be. Decades of globalization, feminist ideology and social conditioning has made women feel that they are OWED a career that they excel at, a perfect family, a hedonistic past that's "empowering "and a husband that's good looking, successful, social and KNOWS when to go alpha or beta despite her not being aware enough on what she wants.

Are married guys happy? Yep. Absolutely. Some are ignorant AF. Some are lucky/skilled enough to have a" good woman" and have great frame but it'd wager that the increasing majority aren't.

Everyone is lonelier than ever before but they've got really good at masking it.

[–]thr0w4w4yaway1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Excuse me if this is a silly question. But from the looks of it the value of the good times seem to outweight the value of times when it sucks. And most things in life are like this, even your dream job and hobbies. Sometimes something just sucks and you have to endure it. With this perspective, marriage doesn't seem that bad of an idea. Obviously I am assuming no divorce rape and no getting cheated on. But how could one know one of those won't happen anyway.

[–]Manny14000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

this x1000

[–]Musicgoon4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look don't hamster and expect people here to validate your feelings about Bluepill goals.

You know the score, marriage is a losing venture. You have to always play on hard mode or get taken for a ride.

I was married. It was miserable. My married and now divorced friends were miserable. My only friend that is still married talks about divorce and is sad constantly.

Do you want a Disneyland story, or the truth?

[–]DirtJellyBeanz8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

One word - let me ask the wife

[–]Enlightened_Chimp9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

that’s 5 words tho

[–]z2a1-91 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

lol

[–]Jcorb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

To be quite frank? The only married couple I think is happy, is my dad and stepmom. They're both quite a bit older, though (he's 60 or 61, she's early 50's I think).

Every other couple I know, though, seems to be unraveling. For various reasons -- one couple is getting divorces because it looks like the hubby may be guy, another the woman is a cokehead and we suspect has been cheating on it -- but it all sort of seems to me that, when marriage becomes an obligation, I feel like it starts to cause problems.

That's not to say I think all LTR's are "doomed to fail". But I do think there is some real truth in "choosing to be together" every day, as opposed to "fulfilling a previous commitment you made to each other".

I will say this, though... as a guy who was always trying to find "the one" or get into a relationship... I've recently started realizing that being single is actually pretty sweet sometimes. I don't have to report to anybody about my personal life, I'm free to go wherever or do whatever I feel like.

My friend has a daughter, and while that little girl in his entire world now, he's told me before that there are times he wishes he could just get rid of everything, his house included, quit his job, and just go on a road trip.

Not to say there's anything wrong with relationships. But, like everything in life, it's a trade-off. So take advantage of being single while you're single.

[–]Foolishoe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some are, some are not, just like my single friends, my gay friends, and my even farther out there friends.

[–]Benny7571 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let's see. Most marriages end in divorce. Most divorces are instituted and filed by women. Most of the men get kicked in the nads and take the financial shaft in a divorce. So, I would have to say that no. Most really are not happy.

Now if you have never been married, but want an LTR or marriage, I can understand that. Being 32 and never married, you don't have the perspective of marriage and what it requires to truly know differently.

I don't think it's a red pill or blue pill thing really. It's just the truth of the way things are. What we really should be striving for is "Are we satisfied." I'd say most are not satisfied in their marriage.

[–]IFuckingHateAllergy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 30 and not married. I cannot emphasize how much more freedom I get compared to my married peers. I have no one to report to and I own all of my time. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. The only downside to not being married is you lack the daily companionship and access to easily available sex( which is sometimes not even that available even if you're married).

Now, to compare, I have a few friends who are so limited by what they are able to do. Just because of the fact that they have kids and their S.O. always nagging them where they are, what they're doing and what time they're getting home. Majority can't even make plans without involving their S.O. But to answer your question, I've yet to meet a friend who is completely happy with his married life. I can already think of two who got cheated on, one who decided to stay, and the other who was left by his S.O. for someone else. I only know of one who seems to be happy but obviously has no freedom whatsoever to do whatever he wants, He does seem happy however as he prefer to just always be by his wife's side.

Majority of the people I see that stay married do it for convenience. But that's just based off my observation and nothing more.

I am not at a point in my life where I seriously can't find any upside in marriage that I'd want to give up my freedom. And unless you really want kids, I'd say it's just not worth it.

[–]BurnieSlander1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love it when married guys jokingly say “stay single” but you can see it in their eyes that they hate their lives.

Anyway, in my experience I’d say 1 of 5 people I know are happily married.

[–]SeasonedRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, they aren't. Though there may be married men who claim to be happy, viewed objectively, I doubt any normal man would want to be in their position. Those of you who think you can RP your way to a happy marriage, that there will be some "captain-first mate" relationship, and that if anything is wrong it's the man's fault, are either naive, delusional, tradcons, or some combination of the three. After a period of time, the woman gets bored, unhappy, loses attraction, and blames it on her husband.

The biggest RP is when you learn how women don't care about children, even their own children, nearly to the degree that many of you think they do. It's apparent to me that even on here, many aren't ready for that RP truth.

[–]ProFriendZoner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most married women I know are scared to death of losing their beta bucks provider. Most married men I know are not really happy but they've accepted it.

I am a performer (at this time of year I do a lot of Caroling, acting, etc.) and I can't tell you how many times i've heard a woman ask a Santa Claus for a new husband or boyfriend. I've never once heard a guy ask a Santa for a new wife or girlfriend.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I learned in my younger years that when my friends entered into committed relationships... it’s usually the last time I see them. Most guys focus too much on the relationship and the other aspects of their lives decline.. including the body.

Smart guys keep the other elements in their life in order and don’t make their lives revolve around a woman. She compliments their life is along for the ride.

You can get a solid read on the relationship power status of the guy “has to ask for permission” to hang out or if the woman dresses him.

[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What does marriage get you, as a guy, that being single doesn't?

Judging by the number of single mothers out there, you can have kids without being married.

The only thing marriage gets you is that when things go bad, the government will step in to enforce lots and lots of laws that you never knew existed. As one comedian said, "Nothing says 'I love you' like inviting the government into your relationship".

Don't get married. For the foreseeable future, the milk is free. Why buy the cow?

[–]Domebeers2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

" I wonder if they're as jealous of my situation as I am of theirs "

Same boat.

I will say, in the business I am in, I see married people, divorced people, single people, all types of people. The thing I hear the most is "have kids, but don't get married"

Also the strongest marriages I see are either arranged marriages or marriages where the the guy has at least a 10 year age gap on his wife.

Anyway, happy hunting out there boys

[–]RedLegendx3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

They’re not. And the ones that tell you they are, are lying.

[–]30dirtyfingers1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Only the cheating ones

[–]Fromstatepharm-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Loool

[–]RevolutionaryPea71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If they are still having sex then they are at most as happy as they were before marriage. It can only get worse, though. Marriage never makes anything better.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last case I heard about a happy marriage was from a buddy of mine. Apparently, his brother had a happy marriage, and was doing fine with the wife. Somewhere along the way the narrative changed to "doing fine with his kids". I had the discreetness not to ask about the wife.

Most men,. especially after having kids, are in too fragile a position to admit they fucked up their life for good - until shit hits the fan so hard that they can no longer deny it.

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

very few married friends are happy. and most are BP. coincidence?

multiple buddies in the past 2 years (and few weeks) have filed for divorced. 3 out of 4 were cheated on.

I have 1 married friend who's happy, but still does the 'grass is greener' talk sometimes. He is the first guy I told about RP face to face... he "couldn't believe it" but "as a favor to me", he read all 3 rollos, nmmng, and pook. what do you know, he has said it's made him a better man and stronger LTR thanks to understanding some of the "wtf" he would be stumped with, since he actually listened to his wife's words, not just observed her actions.

He also sees branch swinging, cheating, hypergamy in his other social circles, and didn't understand "AWALT" before, and thought "glad mine isn't like that" now he knows, any of them can do it. Thankfully he's ripped, successful, strong male friendships and had decent frame (shit game, tho). so he wasn't a basketcase. but he's definitely the exception, not the rule.

[–]psychotropy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree. I'm married 12 yrs, w/ 2 kids. The saying "Men age like fine wine" is so fucking true! My wife wants to fuck me more the older I get (40). Mind you, I keep myself in shape, set boundaries (i.e. don't take shit) and expectations, am unapologetically masculine, have trained BJJ for years, etc..Also the more "Red Pill" I've become, the more she loves me, and the more in line she stays...Point is, want to be happy & married? Raise your game, be unapologetically masculine, and keep improving,

[–]InscrutablePUA0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some of them seem to be. Mostly the non american ones who've married other non western women

[–]amwfhunter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've been married. I dont know if my married friends are happy. I am happier not married. Most of my friends are rather affluent or down right wealthy so they seem to be happy as they married the woman they wanted or some are not happy with their wives but have mistresses and the wife doesnt care because of kids and money.

[–]putconfac0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've 2 kids and I'm not married we're living together idk how much time I can hold this situation.

Being single is much better.

You are just afraid of being alone and crave emotional connection, feminism doesn't help neither.

I don't have time to explain the advantages of being single but the SHIT TESTS never ends, your money is her money, her family (mother) always judge and criticize you behind your back , if you want to date another girl better become a ninja, she can divorce rape you, she's doesn't turn an Unicorm but certainly a Rhinoceros.

Reading all this thread I can tell there are a lot blue pilled guys.

Are your marry friends happy? A better question would be, is marriage a good idea?

Answer; is not.

[–]Manny14000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have sen a lot of bad and a lot of good. Maybe 50 / 50. I grew up in a very unhappy home (dad was out banging chicks right and left while mom drank herself to death over it--not good).

My marriage is good, and I am happy, BUT that shit takes work. Some points:

  1. After a few years, the sex tends to drop off, become routine, etc. A lot of wives simply focus on other stuff (kids, job, house, etc.), and the husband gets ignored in the sack. You CANNOT let that shit happen, and you need to call it out. This started happening to me, with the wife giving excuses, phoning-it-in, and being boring. I said we needed to spice things up, and at first she resisted because she thought I was being critical, or expecting too much. I didn't let hr weasel out on this, and through some diplomacy and assertiveness, greatly improved our sex life (more variation, more frequency).
  2. A man needs his friends and a life outside the marriage. Find a "group" (you know what I mean here), and get some hobbies. No sitting around watching sportsball or working on the house.
  3. Do not let the wife dominate the home, and never, ever, let her give you a "honey do list" --fuck that noise. She can ask you nicely to do something, but she isn't your boss.
  4. Make sure your wife has common interests (theater, shooting, hiking, whatever) and make time for just the two of you to go out and do that stuff.
  5. Be not only a father to your kids, but a role-model
  6. Make sure your wife is ideological sound --this is a tough one, and it is something I struggle with. But a woman who is a feminist or a leftist? Hard next that shit. Not marital material. Find a traditional girl, or at the very least, a centrist.

[–]FitFinancier0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nope

[–]savageinthebox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage sucks IMHO.

[–]dani0980 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What is the actual point of marriage ?

[–]baykk8-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love this subreddit

Bunch of random dudes who want better themselves from all different experiences



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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