Older guys, what was dating like pre-social media era?

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December 20, 2019

Hey guys, I was watching an AMS video [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ8SyouyNUg] the other day where he says something to the affect of "I feel bad for all you young guys, 20 years ago we didn't have to deal with [blah blah blah]."

Has dating the dating game really changed that much in so little time? If what AMS says is true and you have the time and patience, could you tell me what it was like?

Post Information
Title Older guys, what was dating like pre-social media era?
Author SerialATA_Killer
Upvotes 57
Comments 62
Date 20 December 2019 05:51 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/302368
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eddh7i/older_guys_what_was_dating_like_presocial_media/
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[–]Truedemocracy565 points66 points  (9 children) | Copy

Nexting someone was far less common. You weren’t dating multiple people at a time unless you were a SERIOUS player or slut on either side. Now, it’s never been easier to pull together a bunch of interested candidates

So you’d go on dates and would likely see the person again unless there was something badly wrong with them. This could be a good or a bad thing - market is more efficient now so a hot introvert of either gender used to be dating someone below their league, less common now

Being exclusive was also implied pretty early, like after 2 dates. In my experience most women don’t even bring up the “are you seeing other people” line until 3-4 months in. In older days that much time the relationship is already established

Also, this was pre me too era and pre apps. Dating coworkers was VERY common. Still is, but not nearly as frowned upon. Inversely, if you used online dating back in the day you were a social pariah

In fact if you spent more than 1 hour online a day you were a huge loser as well. Smart phones and social media changed that

[–]user201806209 points10 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'll note that in conservative religious circles, I've gotten the "are we dating" question as early as date 3.

Which, imho, is insane. I mean, physical intimacy or lack thereof is the girls prerogative, and commitment is the guys. Define your own relationship however you want. But girls have no business expecting commitment if they aren't giving intimacy.

[–]Sintar072 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The problem with religious women, speaking as a religious man, is they talk a big game about being different from the secular chicks and seem to actually believe it themselves. Of course they're not that different. They just expect even more and usually come with a bigger laundry list of random things that set them off. Literally was on a Catholic Singles page at one point and it was just FULL of posts from women to the effect of "here are all the reasons you should dump a guy instantly" and then two posts later "why will none of the guys talk to me?" apparently oblivious to the high maintenence, wasted investment image they're projecting.

Ended up getting taken over by feminists who banned anybody who messaged a woman 'without getting permission in public (in a post on the page) first, which as anybody here could guess, led immediately to a bunch of guys being banned while the women complained that the men were getting boring.

Just really amazing how little they see for sypposedly being so socially adept.

[–]user201806201 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree.

Religious girls don't all an awful big game... But I know for a fact that they still put out for alphas.

And they are hugely validated via social media (just like all girls these days) so that they have no idea what their true smv is... Which leads to them acting incredibly entitled. Demanding dates, gifts, long waits for intimacy, etc.

Meanwhile, the church has a massive taboo about sexual contact... But no issue at all with a girl locking a guy up in a commitment.... Without ever paying for it via intimacy. Which is some BS.

I've also seen those groups online which require a guy to ask for permission to dm a girl. More BS.

As a religious guy... It genuinely got me thinking about ditching religious girls altogether and just mining for whores is secular places... which is crazy... Because I'm not full black pill, and would really.lovr to find a girl to marry. (Yeah I know... Danger zone, but still)

So these "good girls" are shooting themselves in the foot.. If they would just be a bit warmer, and bit more reasonable... I'd actually play the game with them... And we might both win. Sigh.

[–]user20180620-4 points-3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Update... I just got this conversation from another girl I've been seeing. Conservative, religious... I think we've been on a grand total of 4 dates. Her friends saw me at a coffee shop with another girl... And that triggered "the talk".

She knew I had a sore throat, and she instigated this... Which ended in a 2 hour monologue from me about my philosophy on dating.

The good news is that is she walks away, I won't have to worry about plating her. Lol And she will have ended it, so it won't be awkward to be around her (we live in the same building)

So yeah... Word to the wise... Avoid church groups as dating circles. 😆

[–]Kink38 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why spend 2 hours mansplaining yourself?

[–]user20180620-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

Because this way she can either next herself, since I'm playing the field.

Or she can stick around and see where it goes.

Either way, I don't have to dump her and deal with the fallout (since she lives in my building)... She gets to choose.

Win win

[–]imtheoneimmortal4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Next time you choose, letting others choose is so bad That’s my personal experience, if you take 2 hours to explain to a girl is relatively badly

“Talk less or necessary” it’s one of 48 laws

“Hey babe I’m seeing others, if you wanna see me ok, if you don’t is ok either”

[–]user20180620-4 points-3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd agree with you in other situations. But this girl is conservative religious... And literally parks next to me in the lot.

The problem with social circle game is that everyone knows everyone. If I play this wrong, not only might lose her... But that could spread to other prospects.

So the "hey babe, I'm seeing multiple girls" without context would next this girl... And it would blow me out of the whole circle.

However, playing it this way... She knows what I'm about (not being exclusive) ... And she can make a decision for herself (either way is fine with me) ... Plus she can (and will) spread that word to her friends... That this guy has multiple girls after him.... Which is a message I'm happy to have spread.

So it's worth the careful play to me.

No downside, since I'm legitimately cool with her walking away. In fact, if she does walk away she'll do it with an apology to me, since I was completely rational and explained my whole deal in a way that makes sense. So if she isn't on board with my lifestyle... It'll be her declining my reasonable offer.

And other chicks will know I'm hot stuff. Lol

But yeah, in other circumstances I don't mind pulling the plug myself.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i think either one would work, both are alpha, it's the in between where a beta cant explain themselves that fuck a guy over

[–]theUnBannableHulk133 points134 points  (8 children) | Copy

Back in murrrr day........jk 😂

Women get a lot more attention these days than they used to get. This has inflated their value of self-esteem. This makes them think they deserve better which makes them bitchier , you have to be more masculine.

[–]gbnz8711 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

While I do think you are correct on the otherhand women are getting far less interaction in real life which makes a man that does do things the more old fashioned way far more valuable in their eyes. A lot of girls dont see online options as real unless they actually end up meeting the guy in person.

The only thing ive noticed is that younger women are just awful at holding a conversation with a stranger. They have no idea how to follow leads and keep it flowing. Also the lack of men approaching has made them less confident in general chit chat and they end up being shy as they dont know how to handle the situation.

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of the girls I run into have a very masculine front; it's a breath of fresh air when I find the few who are naturally feminine.

[–]Hungboy69694208 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yet also crushes them when they don't get their insane expectations met

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy


What I recall is that a lot of people used the classifieds in the newspaper to meet people; blind date. Well, not "a lot," but many did and it was acceptable. So different from today.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

So head over to the masculinity clinic and pick up 4 inches, 30lbs, and an unbreakable jaw with the $200k you should be making by 23. /s

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, I'll add 4 inches right now if you know what I mean

[–]TheRedPillMonkey42 points43 points  (1 child) | Copy

Back then, you had a window to meet people on Friday and Saturday nights, or day game. Guys hit on women, women were open to getting hit on. You had 100 people in one room all look for the same thing with limited options. Some bars were even know as 'singles bars' where you knew everyone was looking. Like a real life Tinder.

You only knew about them what they told you and had to have real in person face time to get to know them. No texting, sliding into DM's, snapping, or online dating.

Now, women who are powered by validation, get it in droves via social media and tinder. They don't need to put on that hot slut suit and try to get in to the club all the ballers and Chad's go to in hopes of being sluttier than the next thot just to get some too tier dick. They can just throw a dress on, post a gram and watch the thristy hoards of men roll in. Then, when they want a real man, they've got themselves built up so high they think they should only date the .0000001% an nobody else will do.

To put it another way, women used to spend their time trying to get face time with you and proving themselves to you so you can validate them. Now that they get the validation all the time, they want you to prove yourself to them via text.

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I actually remember overhearing people talking about singles' bars when I was a young teenager. I haven't heard that term in more than a decade.

[–]ThrowawayYAYAY200220 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

Different! Very different.

The one thing you simply had to have back then was "game" or lots of front, simple as.

"If you don't ask, you don't get" was definitely the motto of the day back then.

It is so easy for a simp to start up a profile in this era, hit a few women up that are out of his league, and try his luck. That same guy wouldn't have the balls to approach those same women without technology.

Ugly women, to be blunt, knew their place (and they had no filters to fool the rest of the world).

I also think that if you cheated back then, you really had to put the effort in to do so. It's too easy to do that now.

I've been with a friend and woman, we've walked past a group of guys (she was friends with one of the guys), he then immediately messaged her on FB! We're talking seconds, easy. Crazy!

I know I'm going off on one, but if you lived that era then you'd know just how different it really was...

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well technically I was alive.....

[–]Livecrazyjoe4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ugly women, to be blunt, knew their place (and they had no filters to fool the rest of the world). Now? These same scrotes think they're MODELS! They act like that can pick & choose. Wasn't like that back then.

This a thousand percent.

[–]vondoom90012 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Girls who were an 5 or 6 dated a guy who was a 5 or 6 unless you were loaded.

Now you have social media whores posting a nice pic, getting shagged by a Chad, then thinking that's the level they're on - a 5 getting banged by an 8 then thinking she is an 8 for the rest of her life.

As mentioned 'validation' was face to face so you could actual you know... Talk. Women now blow up social media to get validation and you have less chance to again... Talk face to face.

Everything has become far far more shallow since women started getting online. I think someone actually predicted this also when 'profile pics' became a thing. Women are the shallower gender by far and it's shown over the last 20 years.

[–]Gordon-G3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s a pandemic of 49’ers... 4’s who believe they’re 9’s bc of the social media simps

[–]Iwaslike-emilio10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

It was fucking great 👍

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]MassiveLeftist8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

We were a lot more social I think. I would go to the grocery store, mall, bars, etc.

Directly start chatting with a girl, not hitting on them... say a joke, and if they laugh... ask them to come out with me.

I threw a lot of kick backs... super easy.

[–]polarizingpotato15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes I imagine it to be true.

There wasn’t all of this feminism and me-too movement bullshit back then.

Women were way more feminine and men masculine.

In an interview in the late 1900s, women said that they didn’t believe in women’s rights and gender inequality or some shit. Today you bet they won’t speak the same words - this interview was posted on the main sub recently.

[–]ArnoldT100014 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hot bitches I find actually don’t give a fuck about feminism, because they think it’s retarded (since they’re hot and have no reason to be salty bitches)

But you’re right that they definitely won’t say shit like that on live TV.

[–]TorchedSky6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very true pretty much all feminists I know are uglier/fatter women who blame the patriarchy and toxic masculinity for the fact that they aren’t getting as much attention as the top girls. Any girl above an 7-8 usually doesn’t care about that stuff as much.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actually only 9% of women in the west self identify as feminists. They're just a very loud minority.

[–]oooKenshiooo4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am from a European country, so the advent of online dating came a little late over here and I can elaborate as a 30 year old.

The most jarring difference between then and now is unified markets.

Back then, my dating pool would only consist of the night scene and the places I visited during the day. (and since I did music for a living, I got a lot of both and a lot of pussy as well)

The fragmentation of dating pools made niche game powerful, and if you were smart about it, you knew how to steer situations in a way, that minimized the chances of getting amoged or hypergamized.

This is impossible now, because everything is funneled through tinder, to the point that people will look at you weird when you try to hook up offline, because that's what apps are for. Just like you would look weird at someone who is using an old fashioned road map.

What's also new is the adven tot a new dimension of social proof: Instagram and followers.

[–]LordFa94 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

My thinking is that social media just enabled a woman's natural open hypergamy, nothing more

[–]Livecrazyjoe3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

40 year old here. I started dating before the internet was common or cell phones. I did alot of talking on the phone and getting numbers. Also alot of networking. Girls would introduce me to their friends. No one ever stood me up. There was less disrespect.

[–]Compeliminator3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 56 .there were 18 year old bars where I lived. I turned 21 in 84. We went to bars that had live music or dance music and just hit girls up to dance or whatever. It was awesome. Girls did not dance with other girls back then unless they had guys out there to. You could fuck a different girl every week.I was 35 before I even had a flip phone

[–]throwitdownman5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hard to say. My hypothesis is AWALT, regardless of time period. It is simply that with the internet, we can SEE sexual strategies in play. In the past, you wouldn’t have such clear, and readily available evidence of AWALT.

The biggest difference is in techniques. In the past, a girl may ‘visit her family for the weekend’. Nowadays, girls may ‘go on a hike with friends for her IG’. It’s the same purpose - to branch swing, reassessing her SMV, find orbiters. As unicorns don’t exist today, I feel they did not exist 20 years ago.

If anything, I’d think it’s better dating today than yester-year. I don’t think I would have developed RP philosophies on my own - similarly none of my friends had these types of thoughts. On the other hand, I think all women have, biologically programmed within themselves, AWALT, and the need to attach themselves to a high value man. I do not think men are programmed to naturally pass shit-tests, develop dread, have frame. If I was born 50 years ago, I would likely have slept with less women, not developed the ability to screen women, and generally live less well.

Just listen to old music, or interviews with popular men. Sounds like there were hoes back then as well, the only difference being they weren’t caught, were sneakier and less obvious than women today.

[–]jrterry19692 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

20 years ago, no it wasn’t that different. In 1999, “online“ was already One of the main ways to meet women to date. Having dated a lot then, and then after my recent divorce having dated a lot in the past few years, it’s basically the same.

Dating myself even further,Before online was the thing there were elaborate voicemail systems. You would get an ad published in the personal section of a printed newspaper. If someone was interested they would call the line and they could hear voicemail from you and they could leave you voicemail.

Earlier than that, you had to actually come into contact with women.

I don’t know about these “high interest women”. why bother? You should avoid them the way armies should avoid fortified cities.

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I edited my OP because I didn't want this to be about theories, I wanted to know if there were differences between then and now.

But as far as I understand it, instead of actively pursuing women in the day to day, you only entertain girls who display high interest. This way you don't spend valuable time going down dead ends and chasing down girls who have less than ideal interest levels. It's just efficient time use.

[–]jrterry19692 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, I though that meant women who generate a huge amount of interest in themselves from other men.

You meant women who are interested in you.

Ok, then it’s definitely the same. Going after women who aren’t that interested in you has always been a losing strategy.

[–]3chazthundergut2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Back in the day getting your dick sucked was like how getting your ass eaten is today

[–]Tousen711 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Girls really didn’t suck dick like that all the way up to the early 2000s. Especially black girls.

[–]SeasonedRP2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm dating myself but I'll go back to 30+ years ago. My experiences were similar to those of some of the other commenters. The big difference now is social media and online dating. They allow even unattractive women to have lots of guys show interest in them. One thing that isn't different, though, is unattractive women hooking up with a much higher value man for one night only. People seem to think that this is a recent online dating phenomenon, but it was common then for high value guys to get drunk or horny and end up with someone they weren't exactly proud for people to know about. Sometimes your hotter girlfriend was unavailable, you know, so you did what you had to. My friends and I still joke about some of our more unsavory escapades. So when I hear young men say it's harder to get a date now because social media and online dating lets unattractive women hook up with attractive men, I don't buy it because that's always happened.

The other big difference, and the real reason some younger men now find getting a date to be difficult, is that good game seems less common in younger men now than it was then. Most girls didn't want to appear to be sluts, so if you wanted a hook up, you had to develop good game. Some of the people posting here and on TRP seem reluctant to try to develop game, but that's a big mistake in my view.

[–]WIA20XX1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

he says something to the affect of "20 years ago, there was no such thing as high interest women. There was no 'game' that women used to play against men."

As usual, he is showing your ignorance.

Instead of not responding to your text messages and dm's in 2019, she didn't listen to voicemail or she would screen you based on caller ID.

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You trying to say that hoes were getting 50 calls a day from dudes that saw them from afar?

[–]WIA20XX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it was worse.

Hot girls would get guys running up on her and spitting some bullshit. She had to develop all kinda tactics to screen, in real time, with a lot more stimulus.

Somebody knocking on your door is harder to deal with than a telemarketer.

Now the broad filters for height, and then deletes the app after getting pumped and dumped by six pack bathroom selfie guy.

But he says in his book that he was a square even though he was a tall athlete.

His front end game is horrible, that is why he tells these simps to rely on "choosing signals"

Where he excels is on how to spot her bullshit and how to get your own mind right.

Guess what kind of advice guys typically ask for?

They want to approach girls.

What do I say and do?

[–]mikalepkoslika1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The same. Chads could be literally mentally handicapped, the girls would nevertheless flock to them like idiots, they always had the most popular friends, good facial aesthetics, the physical athleticism for the sportsball and they mogged the normies in any activity they were pursuing (the nerd stuff didn’t count then, too). What was different? One could compensate for his deficiencies with music or a popular hobby (niche game was real), the female looksmatch would give her looksmatch a chance if looking for a casual encounter.

[–]danielcrestwellbestb0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This mans a legend

[–]SerialATA_Killer[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks bro, I love you too

[–]I_Love_You-BOT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love you too!

I am a bot trying to spread a little peace, love, and unity around Reddit. Please send me a message if you have any feedback.

[–]2319Skew0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

20 years ago the stigma of online dating made most interactions much more personal. You'd find a woman to date through social functions, friends, events and cold approach was not like how it is now.

Women still had orbiters but the validation was lower and they were more cautious about sleeping around.

Don't get me wrong. People still fucked. Mind games still were a thing. It was different.

[–]Compeliminator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm 56 .there were 18 year old bars where I lived. I turned 21 in 84. We went to bars that had live music or dance music and just hit girls up to dance or whatever. It was awesome. Girls did not dance with other girls back then unless they had guys out there to. You could fuck a different girl every week.I was 35 before I even had a flip phone

[–]Gordon-G0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

AMS is the master ... listen and take note of his preachings !

[–]no_delay10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There was also a lot more testosterone swimming around and the guys you were competing with weren't soy boy video game Champs. They lifted and didn't care about feelings like today's entitled youth. Just saying it was better in some ways and also just as fierce.

[–]Whammywham1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Dating is the same. The men aren’t.

[–]HumbleTrees1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy


[–]Whammywham15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

They are pussies. Their feminine. They pursue attention and validation instead of progress. Their spend their time doing femine shit like social media and dating apps. A grown man should spend his time improving his career, his body, and his social life. And he should leave his phone in his pocket and if he’s interested in a woman he should Walk up to her and tell her to her face.

[–]Gordon-G0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You’re not wrong.. testosterone levels are at the lowest ever recorded for these simp manginas! Birth and marriage rates have plummeted! Men have been demasculinated by the gynocentric society... it’s a total shit show. Thankfully Hillary wasn’t elected or it would be worse.

[–]Whammywham2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men have been emasculated by themselves.

[–]HumbleTrees0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

While the English is a little broken, I think the core of your message is very solid and I appreciate you taking the time out to write that. Cheers pal.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Source: it was revealed to me in a dream


You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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