Infidelity: I (44M) discovered my wife (40F) of 14 years had a short affair with some loser from her yoga class in July of this year. She quickly ended the affair and wants to reconcile / improve our marriage, which she says was in a bad place. The problem: a core value in my life has always been that infidelity results in divorce — no questions asked, good riddance! However, just prior to finding out, my mate told me to read up on MRP, as I sensed my wife was unhappy. I began researching and consuming everything I could about MRP. It didn’t take long before I realized where I had gone wrong in the marriage and why she chose to do this. This does not make it acceptable, but according to MRP, I was doing a lot of things wrong, in spite of being a good man, father, husband and provider.
My Family: We have four great kids together (3 boys and 1 girl), who I love and couldn’t imagine even less time with. My other core value is being there to raise my kids and not letting my current wife bring random dudes around them. To add to this problem, my wife has not worked outside of the home in 12 years, so my life after divorce doesn’t look all that good, financially and with my children (based on the state that I live in).
My Question for the MRP community: I know this is often a resounding “no”, but are there any scenarios where a 2nd chance is worth it? If I was doing most of the things wrong (according to MRP), should I give it a 2nd chance, but this time with the MRP concepts and strategies vigorously applied to EVERY aspect of my life and relationship, or do I need to divorce her and leave my house immediately? If it weren’t for my 4 children, who I love and want more time with (given my demanding career that makes it hard to be home as much as I’d like to), I would not consider a 2nd chance. However, with what I have read, I know I could have done more and most likely avoided this devastating event...if only I knew about MRP 12 months prior to this happening. I know everyone’s situation is unique. For me, I believe my children are worth fighting for, as the judicial system in my state will strongly favor my wife and my financial situation will be a struggle as I would be responsible for two households.
Thank you! The MRP community has helped me during these harsh times. I would appreciate any perspectives or advice, as I try to figure this out in my head.
UPDATE: Thank you to all that replied. Yes, I’m struggling with these conflicting core values. Given the dynamics and that I’m in a no fault state (one of the worst for men), I have decided I have a better chance of working on myself and recovering from this (personally, not in terms of the relationship) if I stay together for the next 6 months. During that time, I am going to continue to work with my attorney on either a post-nuptial or actual filing that favors me. I will respond in detail shortly.