Woman who is sinking to red pill philosophy. Help.

CarpetBurn12 · 2019-12-25T19:16:36+00:00

As a 24yo male, I prefer the romantic aspect to relationships vs just wanting sex and there HAS to be some form of emotional attachment or at least a connection there other than the woman being attractive. Love sex, but I prefer having incredible sex with 1 real romantic partner than mediocre at best sex with many women.

aldjfh · 2019-12-25T15:58:22+00:00

Yeah. I'm a 23 year old dude so I guess we might have slightly different perspectives. But you arent wrong. Your paranoia isnt unsubstantiated.

From a guys prespective, cynically and economically speaking if I can get more from your part without having to put too much on the line from my part I'll do it. Its almost human nature to do that.

What's a solution? I think you should just be more selective with your partners and be honest with what you bring to the table and what you expect of them. Dont compromise on that. Of course a guy can be a sociopath just lie about it all in order to get you to bed but that's just an inherent risk I suppose and it's not as common as you think.

Typically amongst my male friends I've found that guys who are honest, honourable and of a good character generally tend to exhibit these qualities in all areas of life. Guys who have flaws in characters these tend to resonate through all areas if life including relationships.

For example, If he deals drugs theres a good chance his moral compass isnt geared towards empathy for others and will likely have the same outlook on relationships as he does on his clients.

On the flip side, If hes a vegan or environmental activist he will have a tendency towards empathy and may exhibit that towards you as well.

But yeah. That's just my anecdotal observation. I'm sure theres some shining examples of drug dealers but generally how somebody treats other people he isnt getting sex with is how he'll eventually treat you. So yeah. Just be smart about your partners.

CaptinSuspenders · 2019-12-25T16:27:09+00:00

What about the red pill women ideology do you think would help you, though? As in do you think any of their strategies are actually worth your time to cultivate?

Before I get downvoted, this is coming from the perspective of someone who took the red pill, digested it, integrated it, threw a little bit of it up, and then moved on and kept taking other, better pills. Hopefully you appreciate the nuance. We never talk about ex pink pill stuff here so I put a lot of effort into this.

I think finding love is harder than ever right now. I think women having been more "promiscuous" since birth control became available is a huge obstacle for women being able to even find a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I think the millenial economy made marriage-minded men extremely scarce, as their being able to imagine affording a home and children comfortably is sort of impossible for many, and even when it's sort of possible, the amount they'd have to commit to working forever to sustain it is sort of not even worth it. Again, couple this with the ease of not having children, and boom, a bunch of lonely women.

It's so amusing that the decreasing birthrate is blamed on women focusing on their careers. First of all, life is expensive and women have to take care of themselves now. Secondly, it just seems so much more obvious that men aren't committing in an age where it's so easy not to (especially throwing in the hypothetical infinite sea of partners online dating has to offer).

AWALT always confused me, especially because I personally know that NAMALT. Maybe I just I know excellent people. I think a lot of redpill ideology holds up in certain social circles, but when you find and belong in circles of more developed people then the it's sort of hard to understand why so many men think this at all.

AMALT holds up a bit more, honestly, imo. I've known so many attractive, smart, funny, hard working women who have only really ever wanted love and marriage and to raise the love of their lives' babies. They fall in love with the people they organically connect with. These men have been less successful, less attractive, put less effort into the relationship, and damn sometimes even have lower libidos, and still they end up fucking around on these women or just severely neglecting them or even being vaguely abusive to them.

You know which women I've seen keep a man? The kind of woman that makes a man obsessed with her forever? Narcissistic women. Women that make men feel bad about themselves and perform being better than everyone else. Women who naturally are sort of insane enough to behave like the characters in "The Art of Seduction" (yes, I've read it, can't really make use of it though because I can't help but see people as people and not my prey these days). Women that make men feel insecure about being able to keep them. Of course I've also seen many examples of healthy relationships outside of these toxic bonds, but being dark triad is sort of a decent shortcut to getting commitment out if people. The red pill knows this, and does it. It's not real love though, even if some men I know have never really gotten over these partners and are still suffering. There is something to being "that bitch" though, in the same way that men here have also held onto a few useful things from TRP.

Some of these men come to the red pill because they dated a narcissist or someone with BPD so they think AWALT. Sort of frustrating to see as a "good woman".

I've read pink pill statistics against men alongside red pill statistics against women, and it's sort of funny how easily the red pill science is very easily reframed to show that men are by and large the worse partners. They overwhelmingly find young 20's women to be the most attractive throughout their whole lives (although of course romantic love can and does fill in the gap here!), while women generally find men around their age to be most attractive. Women are less likely to divorce their husband if they fall ill, while men are much more likely to divorce or cheat on their sick wives. I could go on. Personally in my life women "settle" for worse looking partners because they just like them as people. I rarely see men doing the same, but I do see it sometimes.

At the same time as I see all of this dysfunction, I still see real, happy relationships. I still know some actually amazing men. I've seen men be truly beautiful partners, even excellent stay at home dads supporting their wives and children at home.

So, in the same way that AWALT, I truly do not believe that AMALT. Men do care about more than sex. Sure, some of them have been indoctrinated into some backwards beliefs about love and marriage, but they are all fully emotional people with hopes and dreams and a human need to be loved.

I think people are just sort of trash for the most part, and society has collapsed to a point where trash people can get away with more than they ever have been. All of us (ex?) Red pill and pink pill folks are just out here broken hearted, honestly. I think society had to move away from these toxic structures for many reasons, but damn let's build some better ones already.

Look, I know you're frustrated. Even by redpill standards it seems like you did all the right things to find a life partner (not sure about the exact details of the dynamics but the longevity is a good sign). You were a good woman. The thing is, I'm not sure if anything you could do would help you get the love you've always wanted. You can read all the dating books, watch all the youtube videos, read every word of red pill women, get plastic surgery, update your wardrobe, but none of these things will guarantee your being able to find lasting love. Not even being young did, right? That's the scary part. It's not guaranteed, and that's kind of what makes it so special.

You have to be fully prepared to go it alone. You need to find things that fulfill you in the same way that the idea of being in love forever would. The fact is that even if you did find love and marriage, there's no guarentee it would last, it rarely does. A few people get lucky. You're not defective if you don't get lucky. Foster some kids, start meditating, pick up painting, build a house, ride horses, find close friends, whatever speaks to you. Find the things that fill you up. Lean into being a spinster (the word actually meant a woman who could make fabric herself and was thus able to not marry)

The balancing act is that while doing this, keep an open heart. Keep dating, keep finding lovely men to connect with (but yeah probably don't smash for a bit, or do, whatever, I don't even know if it matters anymore). Just enjoy them for them, enjoy making a connection with them, don't even consider their ability to be the love of your life forever and ever (although you can totally ask about their thoughts on marriage and children on the first date and it's not weird if you're slick enough). Women have been trained to be immediately accepting and romantic and I think it fucks up their chances. See them for them, the good and the bad, respond organically to all of it. Men want real love, not just to fit into a woman's fantasy. Maybe you already do this, cool. Again idk what to tell you. There's nothing that can really be told about this mess.

These feelings of frustration will not be made any better by reading pink pill content. It's just not the right rabbit hole to go down. I know the impulse is to shut yourself off from all men and decide they're all trash, but not only will that make you less attractive, it'll make your worldview so much less beautiful. Even if there are only 100 good men (and sometimes I wonder...) it's still worth keeping an open heart. Love is real, love is incredible, but love is rare. We don't all get to do it. And that's okay.

honestgoing · 2019-12-25T15:52:18+00:00

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dongtouch · 2019-12-25T17:42:49+00:00

Stop dating for a while and work on yourself. Try to meet new people who have empathy and integrity, with the goal of learning from them not dating. Read books like 7 Habits of Successful People, Thinking Fast and Slow, Hold Me Tight, The Gifts of Imperfection.

There are crappy people out there all over the place and they date each other. If you don’t work on yourself and expand your social experience, you will wind up stuck with them. Good, smart, empathic, loving people gravitate to others like them. Work on becoming the kind of person you would want to date.

TurnPunchKick · 2019-12-25T15:51:02+00:00

The first four points you posted are true.

Lots of guys just want sex out of women that aren't really compatible for them. Honestly my interest in MOST women is just sex.

But I would do almost anything to be a guy tied up to the one that's right for me. While I (as part of "most guys") do just want sex from most women I also want a meaningful long term relationship. But if I can't find the right girl am I a monster for wanting sex from someone who is not my soulmate?

I don't know why your long time relationships don't work out. Maybe the guy wasn't ready, maybe your taste in guys suck, maybe the guy was a scumbag. IDK. I am just here to tell you that while most guys might only seem interested in sex from you (because they are because you are not their misses right) there are also lots of guys who would make your dreams come true.

Yesm3can · 2019-12-25T20:02:16+00:00

OP relax, can't you just enjoy things as it it? I feel that you smoke too much of that happiness ever after bong.

As a wise couple from Romania used to tell me in their wedding day, "we don't know if we'd still be married to each other in ten years." , yes, they are still married to this day and yes, it is more than 10 years already.

My sis in law got left by her partner of almost three decades just last year, another friend got amicable divorce with her husband after 16 years of marriage. Will you call them being taken advantage of sexually? For 3 decades? for 16 years?

You are chasing the dragon and only stressing yourself out if you have that must...die...of...old...age...side...by...side...in...bed else it is all failure and I was just being taken advantage of for sex mindset.

You have had a stable 8 years of relationship as BF and GF with your first partner, a happy 4 years with the second. Other people have shorter marriage than that.

Do you only accept dying of old age side by side with your legally and lawfully, recognized by state, husband, to feel like you've made it?

assfgkigfdhjo · 2019-12-27T17:40:30+00:00

It sounds like you want a LTR and maybe start a family and you need to communicate what you want better. 4 years and 8 years is a really long time to be with someone without figuring this out. All men are dogs but most want to be good dads some day

Opposite-Campaign · 2019-12-30T12:55:32+00:00

Yo I can understand your fears , but let me tell you it’s all about the person itself and there are shitty men and women but from a personal standpoint:

Im in a relationship and it’s pretty enjoyable , but as u already know it takes time energy and commitment, I wouldn’t ever leave or cheat my girlfriend because I’m horny. Like yes there are attractive girls out there but there will be always someone more attractive , talented or smarter than you , but remember ur own uniqueness and why the person you’re with is with you . I’m too busy with my dreams and goals to spend anymore time on a sidechick or something

peripeti · 2020-01-02T04:55:07+00:00

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peripeti · 2020-01-02T19:51:44+00:00

This is good advice for your age group: female-game-for-women-in-their-30s

Also this is good information about what you can do:

Hope it's what you're looking for. :)

Also avoid these mistakes.

Cherubin0 · 2020-01-04T01:30:42+00:00

Independent of gender, commitment are all lies, intentional or unintentional. They are as stable as house of cards. Yes some survive but they just random.

honestgoing · 2020-01-09T17:08:14+00:00

Really? The guy stuck around for 8 years with you and then just suddenly off and leaves?

Another for 4 years?

The only common factor here for them leaving, is you and if you're 30 now, you're not old enough yet.

So what aren't you telling us?

Secret-Agent-Ninja · 2020-02-13T03:45:38+00:00

Split it into 3 parts: The traditional values, the self-improvement culture, and the TOXIC ranting.
The surface information that draws on some time tested conservative values can be OK, like saying marriage is important if you want a family. They also have stuff about self improvement which is legitimate, such as saving money and investing.
The toxic stuff saying women are inferior, or just for sex, stay out of the head-space that it's all there is to life... it's just some guys talking about THEIR dating past, which is not the same life for you as a woman.
Just do what is right for you as a woman. If you want a man for a long term relationship, find a guy who treats you right, is fun for you to be around, and is responsible in practical stuff, and just treat him right, do what only women can do for women, with love.

Mrapocalisse · 2019-12-25T18:35:37+00:00

Sounds like you have some issues and should probably get some psychological help

Iamthegirliam · 2019-12-25T17:38:38+00:00

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Trengingigan · 2019-12-25T23:19:37+00:00

The Red Pill is true but humans are humans. Reality is nuanced. People make compromises. Exceptions exist. Some people make choices different than others. It’s good to swallow the red pill and always keep in mind the truths about how our species behaves, but then just live your life and make case by case decisions.

frappuccinoCoin · 2019-12-25T17:20:51+00:00

So while I am still redpilled, it's not as dark as think it is.

A lot of women have nothing to offer a man but sex, for those women, what you said is true.

However, if you have more to offer, the case is not true for you.

I broke up with my last LTR because the sex dried-up. I love her, I still miss her a lot, I worry about her, but she was denying me a biological need. I've talked to her multiple times about it before we broke up, nothing changed, so I moved on.

Title	Woman who is sinking to red pill philosophy. Help.
Author	honestgoing
Upvotes	55
Comments	59
Date	December 25, 2019 3:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/efhip7/woman_who_is_sinking_to_red_pill_philosophy_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/woman-who-is-sinking-to-red-pill-philosophy-help.302967 https://theredarchive.com/post/302967