LTR of 1 year tells me last minute she's going out to get drunk with her friend. I dump her.

trudatness · 2016-11-27T07:12:00+00:00

Dude is having surgery done.

GF instead of being there for him - wants to go out and get shitfaced hunting for strange cock.

Buh Bye...

dr_warlock · 2016-11-26T20:06:22+00:00

If women wanted to get drunk just for fun, they'd do it at a friends house. A bar or club is a socially acceptable mating ground. Every attempt to go there has "if I find some dick, that wouldn't be terrible" laced in it.

fakefalse · 2016-11-26T17:03:14+00:00

I respect OP's difficult decision.
He offered no ultimatums. He was not controlling her. She demonstrated low value. He's free to find and invest in something better.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-11-26T17:54:13+00:00

Women are so prey to peer pressure and short sighted/solipsistic. I'd bet a dollar that this is a slutty/attention whore friend or a friend that just got out of a relationship, and she talked your girlfriend into it with all kinds of usual BS.

Women have forgotten how things look to others and to the men in their lives, and they expect total trust until caught red handed doing something unforgivable.

I think you showed abundance here. If you are okay with not being an a LTR now and you are not okay with a GF that will periodically do dumb shit, then I'd stick with your decision. She will try hard to get you back though. Thing is, if she went out after you broke up with her, then the chances that she got fucked by a random dude just went up. I can't see myself taking her back after that.

Hunter2isit · 2016-11-26T17:23:43+00:00

So you are in another state, you call her to ask her to come see you and she said she was going out with friends, you said "i'm out". The gist?

That ^{^} feels a bit robot to me. You mentioned a boundary but didn't say if you told her the boundary and said that you expect her to know. That sounds like BP thinking. Expectations / covert contracts. That said if you wanted out then you wanted out which makes this post an excuse you aren't owning. So own it. Say I don't like girls who club, my LTR said she wanted to club while I was out of the state, I dropped her.

Dr_Frogstein · 2016-11-26T20:33:41+00:00

I don't blame you. When my last ltr started all of a sudden going out with her new friend I should've ended it sooner..

All_Ads_Deceive · 2016-11-27T00:55:33+00:00

When a girl isn't a party girl but suddenly becomes one when her bf is gone, that's a huge red flag. Perfect example of female solipsism. She's single when bf is gone. This is why LDRs don't work and why chicks going on party vacations with friends are unacceptable.

mksu · 2016-11-26T17:42:41+00:00

No you didn't overreact. It shows you know very clearly what your deal breakers are and you acted on it promptly.

Cunt_Robber · 2016-11-26T18:35:20+00:00

Hey man, sorry about the breakup. At least if you decide you overreacted you can blame it on pain meds right?

Did you trust her? From the behavior you displayed (you going nuclear like that raises a red flag for me) I would assume you didn't trust her, therefore there wasn't much LTR potential with her to begin with. Maybe you didn't realize it.

Was her going out to get crunk a once-in-a-blue-moon ordeal, or is she one of those girls who likes to go out frequently and likes the nightlife? In that latter case, she wasn't LTR material to begin with, and you should've instead plated her and set clear boundaries. I made that mistake with my last relationship: everyone (+ my gut) saw this girl as too immature, too "free-spirited" (when you hear that word you know theyre a slut) as she called herself, to take on the responsible behavior of someone relationship-worthy. Also we were too young to actually function as a LTR. I went nuclear and ended it abruptly. It comes to a point where you realize you're being retarded letting yourself get dragged through drama and heartache repeatedly, and you take responsibility for yourself and hit abort.

Regardless, sounds like you saved yourself some headaches from dealing with her behaviors. Now think ahead: if she tries to get in touch, will you cave? Would you want to keep her around as a plate or hard next/no contact? Would you be open to discussing restarting the relationship? -- go over these things in your head and set a clear frame for yourself going forward to make sure you take responsibility and stick to your decisions, avoid drama/headaches, and not waste further resources on the matter. Be as efficient as possible in your actions.

Edit: hope your surgery went well man.

throwthebluepillaway · 2016-11-26T17:43:52+00:00

I don't think your decision was wrong, but it was maybe too hasty.

You shouldn't have reacted to this text, just ignore her. Before making such a decision - I mean you said you were happy - sleep one night over it. Think. Plan.

It was knee jerk, but probably the right decision. Girls who get stupid drunk are major redflag.

Just for the future, better think a bit about what you are going to do and how this affects you.

You could've broke up when you're back - now she definitely is going to drunkfuck some dude

Now she's single.

Willkuer_ · 2016-11-26T19:57:45+00:00

Not helping but respect for calling and consequent ghosting. Makes a solid impression. At least to me.

Dr_HoaxArthurWilmoth · 2016-11-26T22:58:45+00:00

Gonna save money for Christmas and NYE. No better time than after Thanksgiving tbh.

constructiveasshole · 2016-11-26T18:54:20+00:00

This is going to sound contrary to what some of the others here say, but good for you. She's just a girl. There are thousands more. Recover from surgery and go find a hotter one. The minute I tire of mine, she's gone, poof, bye bye.

[deleted] · 2016-11-26T19:37:36+00:00

Over reaction or not, you can't go back. That will look weak, and regretful. Stay the course. When you show back up in town, ignore the calls. She'll probably show up at your door. You'll have to decide from there if you want to undo this.

the-bum-hammer · 2016-11-27T01:58:26+00:00

Crazy drunk girls always get "blackout drunk" and then they "don't remember fucking him" and she was "raped, but there's no need to press charges."

I'd say you did the right thing.

[deleted] · 2016-11-26T22:22:50+00:00

What many of the commenters are missing is that there are indeed girls that don't do this sort of thing and have no desire to. Now, you won't meet these girls at bars and clubs, by definition. So, if OP is not comfortable with this and there are girls that do not do this, and he can attract them. Then I don't see where he overreacted at all, unless someone believes every woman is a bar fly.

yomo86 · 2016-11-26T18:48:41+00:00

From a far away standpoint and in regard to my own life you made a wrong choice which will only benefit you. Why? Well, her state of mind has roots to previous behavior; either you were too soft on stuff like 'Imma geddin shitfaced drunk' or she is accustomed that testing the waters of your relationship has no side-effects at all.

What I am saying is: You are probably better off without a party whore who got the idea that such behavior is ok, on the other hand letting her down easy and keep her as a plate might have been the wiser option.

From another perspective: I guess you are you <29 girls under that age are not LTR capable as a rule of thumb thus the always advised screening, every relationship especially in this age bracket has a best-before-date on it.

[deleted] · 2016-11-27T00:58:43+00:00

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bhouse114 · 2016-11-26T19:18:16+00:00

Sounds like a bit of an overreaction

niczar · 2016-11-26T19:23:20+00:00

Not saying you're wrong, but I would've first tried to shamed her into behaving. Express how disappointed you are, more progressively, and without going into details.

First "Hmm I expected better from you." Let her fill in the blanks. If she probes for specifics, just say you're disappointed. Don't give her specific orders against which she can rebel, let her come up with the reasons why it's bad. Let her macerate in the cognitive dissonance instead of helping her resolve it into you being a controlling asshole. If she starts accusing you of that anyway, shut that down with a guilt trip and a strong hint of break up but not a direct threat. "I wouldn't go get shitfaced in a club if you were sick, but I guess maybe this relationship doesn't mean the same thing to you."

ThinkerToy · 2016-11-26T16:49:58+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

rajesh8162 · 2016-11-26T19:36:46+00:00

You did the right thing. Especially if her behavior wasn't like this for the last year, which would've increased the contrast that you felt in what she was doing. If she was already into being crazy drunk alone and had told you (that would've come up), then there wouldn't be any reaction from you for this instance.

Shit tests just mean that they put themselves on a higher pedestal. Add to that; the belief that men can't see through them, only makes them seem more dumb.

Snooze212 · 2016-11-27T00:28:31+00:00

The key here is that you must KNOW you can now form a new relationship with a new girl and not get stuck in this 'What if...' cycle. As long as you've been keeping your game sharp, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

You've kept your RP truths close to home, which is perfect, but these RP truths must be in-sync with one another. Sure you can dump your girlfriend, but is SHE now in a better position than you? Will she simply waltz into a new relationship? (Obviously she will cause she has a vagina and people with vaginas can do that) But YOU also need to be able to waltz right into a relationship (if you so choose). Keeping those boundaries you have but also keeping sharp game is really important to your happiness.

I know it's tough, but life is tough. Women are a grind, and you have to embrace that grind if you want to be truly happy. A year of a relationship is simply a lesson that life has taught you, take that year and continue to build upon it with a different girl.

clint_bronson · 2016-11-27T01:29:27+00:00

Finally a story with a happy ending. Alot of people coming to this reddit asking about wether or not they should dump their disrespectful LTRs should learn with this man right here.

gg.

[deleted] · 2016-11-27T03:27:49+00:00

This is respectable. It's just business.

InformalCriticism · 2016-11-27T04:11:20+00:00

This may sound somewhat like an echo of what was already said, but I want you to get the most out of your post, so I'll opine at the end.

I think you made a great decision. Not only because it was appropriate, but it was not easy; you made a good decision under great difficulty of circumstance. You should be proud of your ability to think clearly in a pressure situation.

While I don't think you overreacted, I can't say what I would have done in that situation, because it sounds like there is plenty about the relationship you wouldn't have time to share. However, based on what you were able to share, there's a good chance I would have handled it at least similarly.

As for my overall opinion, I think you should take stock of your long game. Why were you in an LTR? Are you not well and that's why you needed surgery? These questions are pointing me to question your long strategy; it sounds like you might not be ready for LTRs if you can't keep the lid tight after only a year.

Take the time you need to be healthy. Don't get into serious relationships. Establish yourself to the point you won't find yourself in that situation again before taking on an LTR, if that's your endgame.

ItsTheHomeWrecker · 2016-11-27T11:21:49+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

Igaunija · 2016-11-27T11:22:36+00:00

Good choice, slut knew you were having surgery and decided fuck that guy, I'll get hammered and ride some Chad cock.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2016-11-27T23:55:09+00:00

Clearly she knew you wouldn't approve of it. If getting blackout drunk and competing with her catty friends for the attention of thirsty dudebros is more important to her.....

You made the right decision, man. I respect your integrity.

ecosci · 2016-11-29T02:41:35+00:00

Shes already fucking another dude and doesnt respect you trust me the last time i heard something like this she was fucking a married man behind my back and she broke up with me shortly.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-12-01T01:07:32+00:00

Dude you did no wrong. Don't feel guilty, you reacted like a fucking champ. I've been in similar situation and I did the same. Had you not done it you would have set yourself up for more behavior like this down the line. Also possible cheating.

You wen't out winning and she knows it, that's the only reason she's blowing up your phone. I do not give her any mercy. She will take it and then fuck you over twice as hard in two months. Don't say I didn't warn you if you do decide to give her a second chance.

Not everyone will agree to this. Some will say it's to extreme. To those I say, you have never experienced a woman's ultimate cuntery. She would have done worse. What OP did was nice and clean.

[deleted] · Sat Nov 26 22:30:07 2016 UTC

[permanently deleted]

homme_rouge · 2016-11-27T07:03:53+00:00

I would never allow my female to drink at a bar without my supervision. There are many cocks. Female cannot make proper judgments. God job.

skinnysandvs · 2016-11-26T22:17:22+00:00

I mean every man has their boundaries and at least you let her know what yours are... but come on man you dumped her because she wanted to go out without you?

iamirishpat · 2016-11-26T22:58:50+00:00

That's not right. Did you ever tell her you don't want her to do that? If not, you can't just do that.

suchhound · 2016-11-27T03:05:55+00:00

Well, this is what you get for hanging around this side of the Internet

Extreme paranoia where you can't send your girl to the 7-11 without thinking she'll suck a few cocks before coming back to you

The red pill has become so diluted lately that if you pay attention you can see that it's only the extreme bullet points being parroted out by the lowest unsuccessful beta men, pay attention, every single post no matter what the girl did or what was the situation you'll get the same advice :

she's fucking someone else

Awalt

Rinse and repeat

I find it ridiculous that for all intent and purposes you mother fuckers are looking for Amish girls

What's the point?

Here's the point

You have to be so high value and great in bed and not invested in the relationship and on a clear mission path that She would have to be out of her mind to go suck another cock

And even if she does it would not phase you because of your value

So obviously since you just threw a tantrum at your girl we can be sure you need to work on your value

Actually let's be real, by this time the dread of losing your girl has gotten to you and you have already answered her texts/calls and you're deep in drama mode which women love, and it's a massive loss of frame for you

so enjoy the drama and paranoia I guess

beau-dhi · 2016-11-27T02:54:43+00:00

This seems reactionary and over-compensating. Your overall uneasiness, and her (and her circle's) reaction indicate this.

This zero-tolerance, all-or-nothing, knee-jerk, nuclear approach seems like the default redditor response found in /r/relationship_advice, except TRP fueled. Remember "Cut Contact, Delete Facebook, Hit Gym"? It lacks nuance.

Icanus · 2016-11-26T20:49:38+00:00

Buddy, you overreacted.
When my LTR says she's going out I say "have fun; I want bacon with my breakfast tomorrow"

[deleted] · 2016-11-26T18:00:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

All_Ads_Deceive · 2016-11-26T20:42:53+00:00

Definitely seems like an overreaction, which in itself is failing a shit test.

You should have gone out with friends to a strip club instead.

[deleted] · 2016-11-26T18:55:49+00:00

I don't think crunk means crazy drunk

adjective 1. black slang (of a person) very excited or full of energy. "get crunk with some raw hip hop

Title	LTR of 1 year tells me last minute she's going out to get drunk with her friend. I dump her.
Author	addwater
Upvotes	98
Comments	183
Date	November 26, 2016 4:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5f08at/ltr_of_1_year_tells_me_last_minute_shes_going_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-of-1-year-tells-me-last-minute-shes-going-out.303 https://theredarchive.com/post/303