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I’m getting married in 40 days and I don’t know if I can go through with it.

Reddit View
December 30, 2019

I’m 23M and I am supposed to get married in a little over a month and I don’t know if I can, but I also am finding it hard to leave. A bit of a backstory, I am a single father to a 2 year old daughter (knocked up the first thing I saw in the military) and I met my fiancée as I was raising my daughter alone when she was a month old. Anyway, things in my current relationship were amazing up until after I proposed, our sex life has dwindled to virtually nothing, affection from her is slim, and I just don’t feel fulfilled. I know I probably should leave but I live with her and I don’t know where I would go, or even how to survive being I live in CA which I can’t afford to live alone, especially with a child. It makes it even harder because my daughter and her have built such a tight bond and she sees her as her mom. It’s so tough and I need some words of encouragement.

Post Information
Title I’m getting married in 40 days and I don’t know if I can go through with it.
Author loneamerica
Upvotes 185
Comments 134
Date 30 December 2019 05:42 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–]RPNorvell[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (5 children) | Copy

Don't be an idiot. Do not marry. Do not live together. You're 23 and already posting in dead bedrooms. You guys shouldn't be able to keep your hands off of each other. Eject.

[–]RedLegendx158 points159 points  (3 children) | Copy

You’re fucked if you don’t leave now, you think it’s bad now lol wait till you’re actually married, you’re gonna want to blow your brains out (don’t).

Start planning something now, you need an exit route ASAP, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

[–]mickenrorty17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

8 x more likely for suicide during divorce, I don’t know what the stats are for OPs circumstances but I suspect it’s the 90% likely divorce kind of stats

[–]Whitefarmer3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

So he should run away? I think he needs to look in the mirror and ask why she stopped fucking him. Maybe he proposed a started acting like a owned puppy dog. Do redpill men base the future on if they think they might kill them self’s later

[–]mickenrorty0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the case of divorce rape, because the stats are so staggeringly high and so staggeringly serious it’s simple a factor to consider during the best or worst of times... regardless of RP philosophy.

OP would be insane to take the risk here, but I agree that self reflection is always a great idea

[–]Dilduo341 points342 points  (17 children) | Copy

Your not happy

Your sex life wont ever get better

Getting married wont magically change anything.

You daughter wont remember shit about her

Just leave if your not happy

Ya fucked up by living with her. Never live above your means. If you cant afford where you live, move.

[–]MarvelousWhale58 points59 points  (5 children) | Copy

Not only is marriage not going to change anything for the better, it's incredibly high chances she will feel empowered in the relationship and suddenly she will bitch and moan about every little thing she ever hated about you and your family that you never knew about because she's kept her mouth shut up until she is married.

Do. Not. Get. Married.

Move out, "go out for a pack of cigarettes" so the saying goes. Bring your daughter with you of course.

Kids that young are surprisingly resilient to change, I don't even remember the status of my parents relationship pre-3 years old honestly.

[–]mickenrorty19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Divorced raped man here: THIS ^

[–]FatGirlsInPartyHats11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Incredibly this. My kids don't remember m ex girlfriends and they don't give a shit. Get the fuck out.

[–]ChadTheWaiter1007 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

The cigarette thing is a good idea.

[–]voyager145 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Parents divorced when I was 4, remember nothing but what I’ve seen in VHS tapes.

[–]SoulRedemption2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This right here

[–]kdsflyfree47 points48 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]jackandjill226 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's the problem. This may be his last opportunity, this is more than about why don't I fewl wuv this dudes trying to survive.

[–]Whitefarmer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’s the one that’s not happy and probably has no idea why. He’s not happy based on a woman’s feelings. Blue pill AF

I don’t think leaving every time your unhappy will ever make you happy

[–]sgasgy-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Ops daughter might remember her

[–]aDrunkenWhaler0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

A 2yr old doesn't remember shit. Give her to a loving adoptive family and in a few weeks she will forget OP ever existed, and start crying her teeth out if he'll try to get her back.

[–]sgasgy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe but there have been plenty of kids who remember something

[–]aDrunkenWhaler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not at that age

[–]ziphias102 points103 points  (2 children) | Copy

As a man who also knocked up a woman and married her while I was in the military, please just don't. You will look back and regret this decision and waste your twenties. Mine lied about birth control and I got her pregnant more than once. Please don't do it man. PM me if you need someone to talk to.

[–]GeuseyBetel10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

^ good man. Hope OP is getting the message.

[–]ziphias1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Looking at OPs post history in dead bedrooms and asking the same advice repeatedly, I don't foresee a TRP outcome. It hurts me to see, this pain is avoidable with the right decisions.

[–]milkywaymaster22626 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

“A life that is lived with fullness of peace of mind, contentment, and happiness always divests itself of everything it does not want. Anyone who submits to annoyance by things he does not want is not definite. He is a drifter.” - Napoleon Hill’s Devil

[–]ChaotixEDM23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Things aren't going to get better. Only much worse. Don't get married. That's the biggest mistake you can make.

[–]kdsflyfree65 points66 points  (5 children) | Copy

Whatever you do, don't get married.

I assume your daughter's mother is worthless or she'd have custody. Any other trusted relatives in the picture who could take care of your daughter temporarily while you sort things out with your living situation?

If "affection from her is slim," then she is probably as tentative about the marriage as you are.

You should be direct with her--"We lost the passion since we got engaged--this is a super red flag--it's dumb to get married when we feel this lukewarm about each other--you deserve better." The objective would be to buy some time by breaking the engagement but continuing to live with her until you can relocate to cheaper digs or out of state and/or find a better job.

Good luck.

[–]qwertyuiop11122235 points36 points  (1 child) | Copy

"We lost the passion since we got engaged--this is a super red flag--it's dumb to get married when we feel this lukewarm about each other--you deserve better."

This is really well-worded - it is neutral and doesn't blame anyone, but also watches out for the happiness of both parties. Hope OP sees this, and uses it.

[–]Onein1024th8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

and it will probably put her into hysterical bonding, during which OP will become convinced that the deadbedroom magically got better and maybe he SHOULD go through with marriage!

Only for it to get worse on the honeymoon unless he gets his shit together

Honestly one of the best things to happen to this guy is a dead bedroom BEFORE the wedding instead of after.

[–]NPC7252114 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

No no no. If you decide to go, you do it now. You don’t live with a scorned woman with one foot in and one foot out the door. That’s retarded and weak thinking. You break it off, you move out, and if she calls for anything beyond “you left your favorite tie over here” you block her number.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty good answer.

[–]GeuseyBetel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is some of the best advice I've seen on here. OP should consider moving in with a relative temporarily as well - just absolutely do no get married.

[–]1pointtwentyone18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

At the VERY LEAST just hit pause for 6-12 months. It doesn’t matter what anyone’s expectations are. This is your life and yours alone. You are not obligated to marry anyone under any circumstances.

[–]Nergaal16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

things in my current relationship were amazing up until after I proposed

dread game zero. abundance zero

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K1814 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

I dunno man. At least reply to some comments so we know we're not wasting our time.

Fuck that bitch. Seriously. I read your post on dead bedrooms, and she says 'she can live without it'?

Marriage is RedPill on hard mode, and you'd be starting it with life drained to .001%.

Either get out...or be prepared to study everything about RedPill and dreadgame.

You are getting NOTHING in return.

[–]toughenup201614 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]monky-loves-you78 points79 points  (3 children) | Copy

You know what you need to do, it's obvious in what you wrote.

Thank god she showed you her true colors now and not when it's too late. Call it off, back away, tell her you need more time, and start to demote her to just another girl you're seeing.

Making a permanent commitment because of your temporary circumstances is something you will regret for a long time. Move back with your parents if you have to, anything but this.

[–]NPC7252150 points51 points  (2 children) | Copy

When you are talking about a fiancée you don’t just move her back to a spinning plate. You either marry her or you dump her and block her number.

Keeping an ex-fiancée a few weeks from marriage as a side piece? That’s absolutely ridiculous and it’s begging for big trouble. Terrible judgement.

[–]Zero-Milk30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy

100%. Good to see there are some actual adults here. A man can be TRP and fuck hoes all day long, but this is different. It's cowardly to suggest emotionally wrecking another person by abandoning them at the altar and then continuing to string them along, especially if they've been good to you and your kid.

Cut it loose if you're going to cut it loose, but don't be a piece of shit.

[–]hoopingblob8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. Keeping her as a side piece can only backfire because of the little kid aswell and that's just one of many reasons you shouldn't keep her as a side dish

[–]fiasco_jack22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

As a young guy in the military who might be having a kid in 8 months any advice on how to survive?

[–]loneamerica27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

Send me a pm brother. Vets for vets always.

[–]Pokeylaw5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Out all the replys here the only one I've seen you reply back to is towards the only other guy who is slightly on your side bc he has a similar situation.

[–]SaharaFatCat10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't get married. BAH differential can help with child support. Get DNA tested just in case (a little hair incognito and private testing as not to cause drama).

Your income will go up with rank. Save and if getting BAH, live small, with a roommate.

[–]Haytch12349 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are having doubts now then you know what to do.

[–]muricanwerewolf110 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you think going it alone is hard now, imagine having to pay alimony.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]GeuseyBetel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It might be a good move to start with "postponing" the wedding. He needs to figure out housing for him and his daughter. "Postponing" instead of outright cancelling could buy him time to start talking with relatives/friends and planning his escape.

OP dug himself deep in a hole - not entirely his fault, tough to find good advice at 23 - but 100% needs to start climbing and stop digging.

[–]redpillbanana8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Imagine you're 63 and have been in a sexless/loveless marriage for 40 years hoping one day that it might improve.

Check out the deadbedrooms subreddit for a preview of your life if you get married to this woman.

You're lucky she flipped to wife mode and showed her true colors before you tied the knot. She made a strategic your favor. Thank your lucky stars and run while you are legally free.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

He is already posting there

[–]bakachelera7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not get married bro.

You already know the answer. It's not gonna get any better after the marriage.

[–]lolomotif127 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have a gun to your head and you are about to pull the trigger. Dont do it.

[–]Massap2415 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don’t marry a woman that’s not putting out man. Stay with her and stash some money on the side until you have enough to move out. Then dump her and move, your child will be fine without ever seeing her again.

[–]muricanwerewolf114 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol he doesn’t have a whole lot of time to do that.

[–]KarmicPrism2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A lot can be done in 40 days and 40 nights my friend.

[–]Jaganshi933 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't do it my friend. Leave her. And in the future don't mix your relationship with your daughter. She doesn't need a bitch. She needs a strong father figure.

[–]CainPrice3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why would you tie your finances to a woman who doesn't fuck you, show affection, or treat you well?

She's not a wife, she's a roommate.

Fuck. It's California. If you want to pay the exorbitant price of half of everything you own for a roommate, I'll marry you and not fuck you. Hell, I'll do it for a third of your shit.

[–]vermisa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This sounds like those stories where beta bucks finds a single mom who fucks like a porn star, gets married in less than a year, then instant dead bedroom because now that she's secured him she can go find alpha fucks.

While you're situation is different you have to ask why the sudden dead bedroom

[–]drunkPKMNtrainer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, most likely you won't be happy but maybe your daughter will. But this page is about you and you can also provide a good life for your daughter by yourself. You can find a way.

[–]theUnBannableHulk2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She’s shown her true colors note that she’s locked you down.

Losing custody of your daughter and half your shit and getting cheated on is not worth it and all the red flags are there.

Stop making excuses, and stop fucking up your life, California is fucked up take your daughter and move out. go to Vegas for a start it is cheap as hell.

You are lucky that she showed her character now. do not fuck up your life. Do not marry her.

[–]Whitefarmer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s the fact that he’s acting like he’s locked down.

[–]Helpcalculus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes we have to make unpleasant choices to end up on the right path. You know what to do.

It is your life you are gambling with man!

[–]TFWnoLTR2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just piling on here in the hopes I can help motivate you out of the marriage.

I was lied to about birth control use and ended up knocking this girl up a few years back. My social life and cultural upbringing pushed me to try and make the best of it and move in with her and build a life together. After a couple years I realized I didn't want to be tied down at all and I was getting more miserable and unhappy with the situation but just burying it deep inside because I believed I had to for my son. I cheated on her, several times. I guess I thought it would release some of the pressure but it didn't.

Then one day she started telling everyone we were getting married. I hadn't even bought her a ring. Within a few weeks I told her about the cheating and it was over. The breakup was a disaster and got really nasty and I damn near killed myself over it.

It's been almost three years since the breakup and in hindsight it was the best decision of my adult life. I'm so much better off not being stuck with that manipulative bitch, even if I only get my son half the time. There are so many other women out there. You're sure to find many who are better suited to make you happy, even if only in the short term.

Don't fucking do it. Just hit the red button and burn the bridge. The short term pain of the breakup is nothing compared to the long term pain of an inevitable divorce.

[–]modern_soma4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey buddy that post-proposal treatment from her is just a quick glimpse into what marriage will be like. Best of luck!

I wouldn't marry her, but if you enjoy her presence then keep her around. Beware of common law marriage.

[–]Kniit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Talk to her about what wrong with the relationship. If she can't change/fix things then you have no other option. Simple.

[–]GeuseyBetel0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He still shouldn't get married at 23.

[–]IATAsshole1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your daughter has built a tight bond with her so you should live in an affectionless, sexless marriage until she’s had enough of your beta ass and divorce rapes you for the little you have.

Sounds like a plan!

[–]SaharaFatCat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're a young soldier. Do not get married. You have a kid and will get at least BAH differential. That will go towards your child support. Worst case you can get it the barracks.

Your plt Sgt/ 1sg or buddies will help you out while you get sorted.

You're only on the hook for child support... You get married and you will owe way more to include alimony and part of your pension if you make it to 20 years. It's on her to find her own place if she wants to take the kid.

Edit: just realized you had the kid before this woman. Advice is the same.... Do not get married.

[–]oldslut1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

get married and things will get even worse... much worse.

[–]temerity181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get DNA test. Have the CA judicial system force the mother to pay child support if it is yours. Have her thrown in jail if she is a deadbeat mom. DO NOT GET MARRIED. Move back in with your parents if you have to. There are cheaper states than CA. Sort out your finances. Single moms can be stay at home moms financed by the state. No reason single dads cannot do likewise.

[–]generic-affliction1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get married bro! So you can come back and post on reddit how you regret getting married and how bad the divorce rape was and how you got put in jail on false charges and how the state took your kid. Because that story of your wrecked life will help someone else out because we all know you ain’t going to listen to sound advice.

[–]HumbleTrees1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The fact that you're asking means you've already reached your answer.

[–]SteveStJohn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, the votes are in. What are you going to do?

[–]marcus8crassus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The worst decision is failing to honor what you know to be true. If you carry forward, you will not only become increasingly miserable, you will come to hate yourself for living in regret. You’re 23, call off the marriage. She isn’t the mother to your little girl, rip the bandaid off and begin the healing process.

Note: despite how close you are to totally fucking up your future, you had the foresight to ask for help before it’s too late. Grab the lifeline from us and save yourself and your daughter from drowning.

[–]EvelynnSpoiler1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women generally lose interest after they don't feel like they can lose you. You need to reestablish that you can walk out the door at any time, married or not

[–]Wildfire481 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

23 and dead bedroom LMAO

[–]mountainofsnow1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't do it. Move to a state that is more in your price range.

[–]PayneGreyWolf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're a fool if you get married to this broad

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus you're my age bro . Don't not be daft and get married.

Listen to your gut bro It's called your "second brain" for a reason.

Would probably be quite a fucked way to start 2020 hahaha

[–]PhaedrusHunt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen dude. I got married at 23 to a chick I had doubts with. Mistake. Luckily I ended things pretty quickly (it was never a dead bedroom, she was a nymphomaniac which is a different type of problem-- you think you want a nympho until you have one).

Knocked up a woman a couple years later. Did what I could, doing the right thing the best way I knew how. Never technically married but 11 years and 2 kids. Thing is, I didn't really like her. We wound up hating each other, both probably with good reason. Dead bedroom, but basically because she repulsed me and most of the time I'd rather jerk off than fuck her. I finally bailed.

Hit my stride, spun plates, had a couple relationships, and met the woman that eventually I wanted to drop my other plates for. Married her. Still married. Enjoying my present and looking forward to the future. No dead bedroom situation I promise.

Look, you have to WANT to marry the woman you marry (if you ever even do that). If you don't REALLY LIKE HER AND WANT TO SPEND A HELL OF A LOT OF TIME WITH HER, don't fucking marry her.

Re her relationship with your kid: that's your fault buddy. You didn't control frame.

Don't bitch about money. Do something about it. You're in the military. Have some self reliance. Learn something about leadership. You're not leading your chick, your daughter, yourself. You can, but you have to start.

Jocko in Extreme Ownership: PRIORITIZE AND EXECUTE

You must detach from the situation

Relax, look around, make a call

You're WAAAYYYY in her frame. Probably too late to get her back in yours. I'm not going to give you specific advice just get your head on straight and lead your own life and make your own decisions the way that it actually makes sense.

Also don't fucking marry someone you don't want to fucking marry my dude

[–]Zero-Milk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would tell you not to marry, especially if the relationship isn't fulfilling to you, but I get the feeling you'd ignore the advice. This is a lesson I fear you're probably going to wind up learning on your own after years of stress and resentment, both of which will cause you to age more rapidly.

I pray that you'll consider your own needs one more time before you commit to this decision.

[–]amphix3390 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bro I'm around your age and I can't even fathom getting married any time soon. You're sacrificing too much life, too young. Then again it's your life

[–]sebastianconcept0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s a terrible way to start a marriage. Material motivation is the wrong foundation for marriage.

[–]thisismyfirstrode00 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is not the least bit surprising. Listen to the book The Rational Male via Audible from amazon. It’s a 14-15hr listen I believe. It will tell you exactly why this happened and so much more. Swallow the red pill, but be prepared for what you will find

[–]yettymonkey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You marry this chick you WILL be divorced raped within 3 years or less. Hell she may even decide to take YOUR daughter from you just to stick the knife in a little deeper. You live in Cali which is the MOST liberal state in the country and the courts ALWAYS favor the women unless you have proof (video/audio evidence) of drug use, stealing, and more. If you have any family you can turn to NOW IS THE TIME. Once out of there form a plan to improve your situation which in turn WILL improve your daughters life. If you are not a hardcore stem guy then don't bother with a 4 year school but go to a community college that offers VALUABLE trade degrees. Pumping, HVAC, network security, and others MAKE BANK. Also YOUR daughter will NOT remember this chick at all. Trust me in the back of your girlfriends mind is well its not my kid and if you go through with this and then get her pregnant..... Oh you and your daughter are in for a world of pain and misery as she WILL focus on HER blood child and come to see YOUR daughter as a THREAT to HER offspring. Its literally programed into the primal part of her brain to act that way. Please for your daughter and yours safety, mental health, and future DO NOT MARRY this chick. Turn to YOUR family and call them TODAY!

[–]theredsperg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

our sex life has dwindled to virtually nothing.

Mate, you're putting your finance on the line for a dead bedroom relationship. fuck this, get out of there before this ends worse than it begins

[–]atanoidserial0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude maybe she is in for the military benifits.Dont marry especially if she is not affectionate. Skill up ,get a job also why live in CA so many good states move to tx or something. This is from someone who is of the same age as you mate. You have your whole life in front of you dont ruin it.

[–]BeLeafer_19670 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re on a one way ticket to a long miserable life.

[–]golgynat0r0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You got great advices even from deadbedrooms and you still ask here in askTRP. I think regardless what people say you'll get married and end up in a even worse situation since she will divorce you eventually, cheat and then kick you out. I'd rather be homeless than in your situation.No hope for you op, its harsh but true

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't waste your life away, you're 23 man, fuck.

Remember, you don't owe your fiancée this marriage.

[–]Whitefarmer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is a representation of you. Look in the mirror and get your shit together

Everyone else that has replied thinks you’re an alpha badass and saying get the fuck out like your blue pill ass is going to do better with some other woman !!AWALT man it’s you that has her not putting out

[–]AncientDragons0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Here’s some words of encouragement: take no further steps to burden yourself with ANY additional responsibilities until you can support yourself and your daughter on your own.

Do not marry this woman if the relationship isn’t feeling right. Do not marry this woman out of a sense of obligation or desperation. Get your feet under you. Your daughter needs you to be able to support your lives on your own right now.

Do you have family or friends you can lean on at this time? There is no shame in getting some backup from your family until you can figure your situation out. It’s not easy being a single father, but I guarantee you going through a divorce because you married needlessly is only going to make it worse for you.

[–]Dumbusernamerules0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s better for your child to have your fiancé leave now vs. later. A two year old will forget with a little time. A ten year old won’t.

[–]Totsean[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Run the fuck out

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You go through with this and you’ll fuck up your life. Trust me, experience is talking here.

Abort the mission now or you deserve the consequences.

[–]TominatorXX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]FilipDimko0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get out!!!

[–]Kakashi_hatake7070 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't do it, it is not worth it.

[–]strainer1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The sex is already not happening BEFORE marriage? Total red flag, don't do it mate, its going to be hell.

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't get married.

She'll end up getting half of everything when you get divorced. By half of everything I mean everything that you'll ever make, including your pension.

[–]InsidiousCurve0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This posts reminds me of the power of flexibility, essentially a reminder of why I feel zero pressure to get married or have children.

[–]throaway694040 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]jrterry19690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do whatever you need to do for you and your daughter, but do not marry into a dead bedroom.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can tell you with 100% certainty that you will regret marrying her. You will.

you can find a roommate in a similar situation, or you can rent a smaller simple studio if you need to. I lived in a 400 square-foot studio apartment with my newborn son for four years, because it's all I could afford.

[–]RDamoNR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey you sound like a good man, a down to earth hard working man, why would you let her literally RUIN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE ?

Run Like if your Life depends on it.

[–]kendo310 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't do it

[–]LazerSpin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


Sorry for the caps, brother. Look, you’re in the military. You’ve had to eat some shit. This is no different. Inprovise, adapt, and get the fuck out of there. Your baby girl will understand.

[–]Unbiased1010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't leave now then you are selfish. You do not care about your daughter if you go through with this

[–]sixseven890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is this a troll?

[–]rprookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m from California and I just moved from Texas so I totally understand the living part.

But please for the love of god don’t marry her

[–]covertpenguin33900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Had you said 9-12 months, i would say improve yourself and see if you can fix the dead bedroom by not being a cuck like you have been. My guess is that inadvertently you dried up her vag in some way. While this problem can be fixed, though only by some, you have no chance of fixing it in forty days. And once you get married it’ll get even worse and your lack of results will just leave you continuing down the path that dried out the pussy in the first place.

Im about to get married in the next four months and my girl still sexts me and literally fantasizes about sucking my dick. And even Im super unsure about being married. Now look at you, you’ve become a dependa (as a fellow military guy, you should know this term) and you don’t even get sex.

You probably are too big of a pussy to take our advice but at a minimum postpone the marriage for at least a year. Get your finances in order. Stop being poor, not for your sugar momma but for your fucking kid. If she turns it around then maybe try again but i know she won’t since you’re probably too exhausted raising a 2 year old to put in the work it’ll take to flip this bitch around but at least you can eject with just some hard feelings that’ll go away in a few months.

Or you can marry her and not have sex for the duration of your 20s after you’ve probably only banged 2-3 girls prior to her in the first place. Hopefully that’s not the life you want, but if you get married in forty days it’ll be the life you get to enjoy. And then she’ll steal your daughter from you during the divorce rape after she didn’t suck your dick for 8 years.

I would say good luck, but you don’t really need any, you just to grow a pair and own up to the two paths ahead of you. There’s the easy wrong and the hard right. It’s your call to make.

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you in the military? I wouldn’t recommend being married. And with this girl, obviously don’t go through with it. She’s not the one

[–]Intentional690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea it stopped because in her head she "already won" now there is no competition for her anymore. You are 23 w/ kid. You literally just started life on Hard Mode. You shouldn't be thinking about getting married until you REALLY GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. And even then don't marry, any hopes of finding a unicorn with a sense of traditional Marriage is dead. That does not exist anymore. Take care of you and your kid.

[–]FillySapper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can get government assisted housing and basically live for free.

[–]Taipoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Getting married is a good way to lead to a life of depression and anxiety if its to the wrong person. Leave asap and you need to do it sooner rather than later because if you feel that the relationship is dwindling now its gonna be even worse when its official

[–]linkofinsanity190 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You came for advice, here's what I'd do. This is assuming you stay with her. The alternative is to leave her and figure out the rest of your life. Every man should have the capability to live on his own. Kids make that harder, but not impossible. Also, the fact that things got worse after the proposal should be a major red flag to you. It's not you she wanted most likely. At least you're not the primary objective.

  1. Don't go through with the marriage. If you think it's possible this woman has real potential, still don't get married. Especially not in fucking California of all places. Tell her you don't want to do the wedding but do still want to be with her. She will ask why. Your response to that question is up to you but here are some options.

    A. Tell her you no longer want to get the state involved in your relationship and don't need the state's permission.

B. Tell her you need to figure out why or that the loss of passion in the relationship is a sign marriage is not in the cards, but you're certain marriage right now would be a mistake. Yeah, you want to stay with her but you think marriage is not what you guys need right now.

If you tell her and she leaves, she wanted the marriage, not you brother. Keep that in mind.

  1. Get your financial life in order to be able to live on your own and you should honestly probably move the fuck out. Common law marriage is a thing you should be worried about. If you have to, see if you can't get child support payments from the biological mom. Probably won't happen, but worth a shot.

  2. Read the 12 Steps of Dread over at MRP, and maybe a few other posts. That would give you some good insight into the possibilities of the future.

[–]SoulRedemption0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy've already asked a few othet subs about this and you got similar responses.

You keep asking the same thing, expecting different answers, maybe answers that tries to justify you going ahead and marrying her. "Words of encouragement".

Wake up n smell the grass, facing reality does not mean you getting some "wisdom" that will help you "cope" with what you are going to go ahead n do neways. It sounds to me like you are looking for a specific answer, an answer that will make you feel okay to go ahead n marry, then turn things around. "tis k bro, you are doing this for your daughter go ahead n take a bullet. You the man, you will come out okay from this marriage, you will turn things around".

Tough luck soldier, you asked the wrong sub to cushion your inevitable blow.

First I thought you literally had nowhere to go, to move away from this marriage. But looks like your dad n sis are in good terms. Looks like you are just way to dependent on this future wife of yours.

Dunno how to put this exactly, but you got the hard way, and the harder way. Your choice. Hindsight 2020


[–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Brides smile so big when they eat wedding cake because it's the moment she can start to get fat and knows she won't be sucking dick again unless it's your birthday

[–]barragan140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Terrible call. It may be seem comfortable since your already living with each other but it sounds like a toxic relationship that could get worse as it goes along.

Take some time to reflect and see what you have all these doubts and reservations. I chose to silence them before getting married and a couple years later saw me finishing up a divorce.

Be honest with yourself and develop more before making a decision like that. Do it for your kid at least.

[–]IXseed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You gotta be prepared to take that L of calling shit off. If not you'll be miserable more than you are now and she'll leave you high and dry

Your turn has ran its course. Time to move on.

[–]red88lobster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Use the side bar on married red pill to fix you.

[–]Zanford0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't marry. This is a no-brainer.

The only reason you've given for getting married is you think she will help you afford living expenses. This is a pretty shitty reason, especially for a dude, b/c if she doesn't repsect you (which she obviously doesn't), SHE WILL BE A NET DRAIN ON YOUR MONEY. Even if she's rich.

And when (not if) you get divorced, she will make out better (even though you are the single dad) b/c the courts will likely favor her. I can tell you don't have the money for a good divorce lawyer.

If she doesn't respect you, she WILL NOT treat your kid well, she may even be abusive. "Bond has been formed"? She's only 2, she won't even have any memories of that age later on.

And even if she were a net financial contributor, you will be MUCH HAPPIER living in a smaller place as a single dad than in a slightly bigger place shared with someone you hate.

If you feel social pressure from parents, etc. to get married, then you need to have a serious talk with your parents and explain why you are calling off the wedding.

If you have to stay in CA b/c of work, figure out what the other military guys in your town do to make it work. But if you can move, probably do, CA is wildly overpriced.

[–]MDMCrab0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're having serious doubts, extricate yourself before tying the knot.

[–]its_meKnightSwolaire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Looking at your posts and since you’re posting pics of yourself...

Break up with her dude. You’re posting in dead bedrooms and she admits she doesn’t want to fuck you anymore. You clearly have not internalized the sidebar. Also you’re in the military so fucking look like it and lift some weights.

I get it’s scary to move. Do you have family that lives somewhere else you can ask to stay with? Get out now.

[–]AztecNorthSider0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're way too young to be married. Don't. I'm 44 and never been married. Been in a lot of relationships and will tell you that being single is the best way to go. Too much bullshit that comes in with it. Nothing beats peace and quiet.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy


[–]robbiedigital0011 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bad advice I'm afraid. As Rollo says, you can't negotiate desire. Two things, have you let yourself slip recently? Are you still the man you were at the start of your relationship?

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]howigotin-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just man up and do it man. maybe in the next life it will be better. /s

[–]janaheyiloveyou-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahahahahah she withdrew sex on him

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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