[Q4ALL] Do you feel like you have a "chip on your shoulder" due to rejection from someone of the opposite sex?

Kwint86 · 2019-12-30T21:57:23+00:00

I wouldn't say its a "chip on my shoulder" per say but...

It just takes so much effing effort to attract a woman, and if you hear that some woman wants to meet you, they expect you to get super excited or some bullshit.

"dOnT u lYkE her"

And honestly, I'm just hella apathetic to the whole thing. I gotta entertain her, make her laugh, and generally make her like me and bring all this other shit to the table without any guarantee that its gonna go anywhere.

"bUt ItS fUn iSnt It??"

Nah, not really. I can't be honest without them getting offended at what I really think, and I'm tired of putting a veneer over who I am. Like fuck bitch, you really want me to "be myself" or are you just saying that shit.

CHAD_TDK · 2019-12-30T22:15:56+00:00

Not anymore.

Now that I am old(er) and wis(er) I realize that shit happens in life left and right; nothing is owed to anyone (no matter the promises made), and there are no snowflakes and no unicorns, just imperfect humans, some less imperfect than others.

We are wronged continuously, from small instances to tragedies; and we do wrong other people too, at times unintentionally, at times we're just clueless about it, and other times we are justified (or so we feel).

So:

realize that it's just the way it is
move on, fast and furiously
cut toxic people out of your life, even mildly toxic ones
remove yourself from toxic situations
work hard on better yourself every day by pursuing what you enjoy
spend more time with like-minded people

gunbusterxl · 2019-12-31T04:13:33+00:00

Not all. Everyone has their own preferences. However, many women that I have respectfully turned down seemed to take it as a personal insult. I know the meme is that men will sleep with anything given the chance, but no one is actually supposed to believe it.

Also, a lot of the women on PPD really make me want to write off the entire gender. If I wasn't constantly reminded that most women in real life don't act like you all, I'd probably go MGTOW.

poppy_blu · 2019-12-30T22:10:13+00:00

No.

There’s no one on the planet whose never been rejected. How many times has Brad Pitt been dumped?

The idea that your so called suffering is greater than everyone else’s and deserves more attention and retribution, especially in the form of an entire gender or “society” giving you what you want simply because you want it, as you so insightfully pointed out, is the definition of having a chip on your shoulder.

Wonder who that sounds like.... 🤔

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2019-12-31T03:38:48+00:00

Absolutely not. If someone doesn't like me, that is all them. No one has to like me, no one owes me anything, and I don't really need anyone's approval. Rejection hurts, it sucks, and it can be easy to take it personal, but don't! You have no idea what reason someone rejects you, even when they do tell you why they reject you, there is no reason to fully believe them. People lie and justify their lies constantly.

If you are looking for someone to have a relationship with, study what details you find attractive and figure out if you offer the same type of thing. Like, if you want a partner with a job, do you have a good job? If they wear nice clothes and always smell fresh, do you? Do they have a good personality that people gravitate to? How does your personality stack up? You can't expect more than you offer because no one wants to get in a relationship thinking that they are pairing down.

HarassMyAnger · 2019-12-30T21:58:55+00:00

Yes, I lost my virginity at a very late age and struggled in general right up to relatively recently.

I remember very distinctly at a middle school dance two girls dragging another girl towards me while the one being dragged was screaming 'No! No!' in a playful manner. Another girl kept acting like she was my girlfriend as a goof. I was just depressed and had a really shitty view of myself at the time I should have been learning about women, so everything kind of got warped around it.

Maybe your question was directed on a specific person who rejected me, but all the rejections kinda just blur together into a big slimy ball of spite.

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-30T20:56:24+00:00

define

"chip on your shoulder"

EDIT: OP, this is the highest rated post on here... I don't think my confusion has to do with me being Brazilian.

2019-12-30T22:00:36+00:00

Yes.

My negative experiences with women vastly overshadow the few positive experiences.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-12-30T21:30:31+00:00

No

But PPD has made very aware of the bubble I live in, and that I have a lot to be grateful for

Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-30T21:35:01+00:00

My first marriage and my second engagement failed spectacularly and when I was 38 I decided I was throwing in the towel and giving up on men entirely. Not in a "men suck" kind of way and more in a "I'm no good at relationships and shouldn't bother" kind of way. But I still missed sex and affection, of course. So after 3-4 years of being a cat lady I tried dating again, just casually, nothing serious. When I met Mr. Paisley he was supposed to be just a FWB situation. He was supposed to be leaving at the end of the summer and I thought he would be a fun distraction. But he's stood the test of time and it's taught me that maybe I can do this whole love and marriage after all.

WIA20XX · 2019-12-30T22:00:33+00:00

I used to assume the best.

Now I make no assumptions.

diffdedbed · 2019-12-30T21:03:23+00:00

Not at all, I am just fascinated by human behavior and perceptions of that behavior.

I got dumped once, was bitter about six months, got better, got multiple women, found wife, glad I got dumped.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-12-30T21:07:57+00:00

I did over my wife for a long while. I've always gotten what I wanted from the opposite sex and I was not being an adult about, well having three kids, running two careers, two masters, and a house hold.

Someone on here calls it shooting yourself in the balls, and I love that saying because that's pretty much what I did.

I think it was wholly my fault. But I had to work through my "anger phase" and pop out the other side with an intent on not being a total asshole. Trying to be influential rather than rule by fear.

In the context of marriage though, I don't mind rain checks that are addressed fairly quickly; you kind of have to with 3 kids. But I do not fear rejection anymore because it only makes me apathetic. And why would she do things that make me care less about her?

Kind of a weird biproduct when you take off the "wife goggles".

Mausmaster · 2019-12-30T21:20:03+00:00

Copied my post from another thread, it is more relevant here. And yes, I would say I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder, but it’s only due to disgust towards the type person I was previously with.

I had an experience a few months ago that could have seriously led me down TRP rabbit-hole, but I refuse to be as terrible of a person as the individual (woman) who did something to me. She is clearly not representative of women, just a subset, who lack decisiveness and mutual consideration. I come from a home community that’s 70%+ women, but within my social circles/university I’d say I spend 70%+ of my time with other men exclusively. At this point it’s clear to me what my needs in a relationship are, and I know what I’m looking for in a partner. I am so much better at spotting ‘red flags’ as well, but they are likely to eliminate 90%+ of potential girlfriends. So... I am a little disheartened and lost some confidence in my ability to find a ‘unicorn/my type’ after this experience, but it gave me so much perspective.

Where does one go from here?

(I am already in self-improvement mode with school, exercise, eating/sleeping, and my looks)

For context: I had a lull of motivation, and my ex of 3 years did not stick by me or try to work things out, and instead cut me out of her life in a week and was not very truthful about the reasons for breaking up. At this same time, she had brought up the idea to transferring into a more elite program in another town. I had a very rough few weeks after, because I had been convinced that she had great potential and broke my heart. While this is true, she also had inherent flaws and mismatched personality traits that didn’t suit me.

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Maybelowsmv · 2019-12-30T22:56:41+00:00

i dont think i have a chip on my shoulder

i have had plenty of dumb experiences tho. I can see myself having more of those though if I dont learn from my own mistakes

i'll pm you some stories if youd like lol

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-12-30T23:12:20+00:00

When I was in high school, then I entered out in the real world and had actual relationships.

Now I just don’t care that much.

PM_ME_UR_1ITIS_SNAP · 2019-12-30T23:35:26+00:00

no, i don't think ive eer experienced rejection from someone of the opposite sex before tbh

Christian_Kong · 2019-12-31T00:34:03+00:00

I would say.....kind of. There is a lot of grey areas of rejection. I've been in enough situations of: Girl seems to show interest, not interested or even worse offended I showed interest. Girl doesn't seem to show interest, mad that I didn't show interest or enough interest. Girl wants to make out or fool around in the bathroom, has boyfriend or other scheduled hookup for that night. Girl wants to make out/fool around, gets mad I did it while we were drunk. Sleep with a girl, mad I didn't text her enough or too much afterwards. Girl says no sex, sex "just happens" while hanging out. etc, etc, etc.

NAWALT but it happens enough. Women will have a couple guys queued up and you have to navigate where you are in that hierarchy. I don't exactly have a chip on my shoulder, but I definitely went from having a lot more trust in people, where you can kind of navigate things to where I expect explosions, nonsense and madness with every person I meet. I'm simple, honest about who I am, what I say and what I want. I don't feel a lot of women in the dating pool are. I went from having positive expectations with women to assuming chaos.

PM_ME_UR_1ITIS_SNAP · 2019-12-31T00:47:00+00:00

kinda.

A man I slept with stopped calling me. I found out later from his friend that I was 'too much hard work in the bedroom' and that made me mad pissed! I didn't get pissy with him - or show it in anyway - but inside I was fumin babez. A few years later and we're actually quite good mates now.

Another time I got quite heavily involved with a tindr fling and we got really emotionally attached. a he decided he didn't want a GF and made up loads of BS excuses 'I don't know what I'm doing with my life ect ect - but you're so wonderful and I feel so strongly for you cry cry ect ect'. I deleted him, blocked him on everything and literally made it imposibe for me to 'cave in' and contact him.

Both flet horrendous - but times a healer and I now realise that they were just not for me :)

NPC55 · 2019-12-31T02:29:17+00:00

I don't have a chip on my shoulder as that implies anger or resentment, and I don't feel that towards women at all. I like women and enjoy having conversations with the ones I am buddy's with irl. However, having none/minimal success romantically with women through all of my teen years and most of my 20's did impact me in other ways. How couldn't it? I don't think I will ever establish a real long term relationship and I definitely can't imagine ever getting married. I am just so used to the way things are, and with all other aspects of my life going really well, I just don't feel the urgency to try to find and gf anymore. I just can't relate to a lot of the stuff people in relationships talk about. I'm not a psychologist, but I don't think I would feel this way if I had more experience with women when I was younger.

Million-Suns · 2019-12-31T02:55:22+00:00

I used to. Now I'm just jaded. It helps that I don't even think that a relationship will be fulfilling. I don't bother with the game anymore.

bonusfruit · 2019-12-31T03:15:36+00:00

I have a can of pringles on my shoulder. Not just over dating or rejection but over the whole scope of gender relations

extrachromozomes · 2019-12-31T04:23:30+00:00

I wouldn’t say I have a chip on my shoulder but rejection when I was younger and uglier has kind of ruined my self esteem around men, because of that I don’t date guys who are my looksmatch or higher

smoke_mardeljano · 2019-12-31T04:56:22+00:00

yes, it's quite annoying to deal with. most people say "wait" but that's all I've done for the past years, not fruitful.

wekacuck · 2019-12-30T21:54:18+00:00

I'm ENTP so having a chip on my shoulder is my MO.

It's like an old usenet joke that the quickest path to an exquisitely detailed and well-researched answer to anything is NOT to waste time crafting a well phrased question, but instead to provide an obviously wrong answer/opinion and let this effect work its magick.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-12-31T00:21:26+00:00

Not at all. I'm pretty damn awesome and if someone doesn't want to be with me, it's their loss.

findingfemininity · 2019-12-30T21:39:05+00:00

What do you mean by that? I am realistic about male nature but I do not think the entirety of that gender is inherently good or bad. It is what it is.

noNooodleArms · 2019-12-30T21:44:38+00:00

So....not rejection. Actually, the opposite. I had a brilliant smokeshow 20 years younger than me on my arm for 4.5 years. We broke up with love when she went to grad school, nary a tear. I should have a chip on my shoulder for having had such a wonderful creature in my life. I should meditate on that.

wtknight · 2019-12-30T22:15:23+00:00

I did in high school and early in college but once I realized that there were actually women out there who did want to have sex with me I grew out of that phase.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-12-30T22:21:46+00:00

Maybe like 10 years ago lol, I was always pretty smart and fit but I just couldn’t “crack the code” with casual sex, the things I didn’t understand was “what look was attractive” for a guy (to me all guys kinda looked the same) and I didn’t understand the specific sorts of asshole behavior that women are into

bonslytoss · 2019-12-30T22:26:20+00:00

I absolutely have a chip on my shoulder. I lived MGTOW for 6 years and arguably still am. My current attitude has disintegrated into "I've been single for so long I wouldn't know how to act in a relationship." I harbor a longing for a relationship but recognize that I can't really bring anything to one and have achieved a level of life satisfaction that suffices me to live without one.

I really wish I could stop having a chip and just be normal, but the damage has already been done. In order for me to learn how to conduct myself in a relationship, I need to have a relationship. In order for me to keep a relationship I have to prove myself when I can't really do it and have no motivation to learn. It's past being a "just in my head" thing and become core to who I am.

PennnyLame · 2019-12-30T22:38:03+00:00

No? I paired off young with a really wonderful man. I know I was very lucky in a lot of ways but I also think I made some good choices (emboldened by my good luck no doubt).

AsclepiustheSage · 2019-12-30T22:40:38+00:00

Opposite sex as a whole. Like most unattractive men, I don't really have a story to tell - that's kinda the problem.

2019-12-30T22:54:36+00:00

No, i never directed any anger, rage or fustration at the opposite sex. I directed it at myself. i even had an unsuccessful suicide attempt as in my mind I was that worthless. im kind of glad now that it was unsuccessful.

I went through a long period where I hated myself. Even when I got a gf a year later, I thought it was just sympathy as I saw myself as that worthless.

Joining the army and doing time in the army (now left) did give me some self worth, so that was when things started getting better. My experiences with women changed almost over night, once my view of myself changed.

Ive since had plenty of relationships and more than my fair share of ONS's. Although recently, I have spent a while totally out of the dating game and just focussing on myself, career and fitness. I have just had a job promotion that will kick in in the new year and my working hours will change so I can start getting my social life back (currently do shift work as IT Infrastructure Engineer), but ggoing to be more balanced about life. I may have jumped into Game a bit too deep at one point of my life, it really did define my life not just enhance it (some bloody good experiences though).

i have also stuck out out the gym for 9 months now, where in the past i may have gone for a month and then quit. and you know what, when i look in the mirror now, i like what i see, i don't hate myself anymore.

So in summary, in answer to your question no, I just despised myself instead, but that has since fueled me to become the best I can be as opposed to settling for mediocrity.

granted, i may be a late bloomer, and sure I have probably missed some good oppurtunities in life, but the show ain't over yet. Just gotta make best of what I have left.

Title	[Q4ALL] Do you feel like you have a "chip on your shoulder" due to rejection from someone of the opposite sex?
Author	PM_ME_UR_1ITIS_SNAP
Upvotes	7
Comments	118
Date	December 30, 2019 8:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ehrwoi/q4all_do_you_feel_like_you_have_a_chip_on_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-do-you-feel-like-you-have-a-chip-on-your.303634 https://theredarchive.com/post/303634