It came up when we were arguing about when to try to have kids. (I want to start now, and she wants to wait til she's out of debt.) She just finished her studies and at some point during those studies (several years ago, before we were even engaged) she ran out of money and needed to get a loan. She hasn't said how much (I didn't ask), but that she can pay it off in 6 months with her new job, so potentially about 10-15k. I would have expected that to go into our joint bank account, and you know, towards a house or car or something unimportant like that. But now it will just be disappearing into thin air.
It explains why she was always so reluctant about joining our finances. But we talked about that before and after getting married, and she never said a word about her debt, and even (reluctantly) accepted my offer of a card with access to my bank account after the wedding, and started using it.
I don't have any debt. Funnily enough, she did loan me some money during my studies, because I had told her that I was running low and would need to get a loan, and she offered. I paid her back ASAP. So, I've been in exactly her situation, but I told her about it and even accepted help from her. So I don't really see any excuse for her behavior. She says she never told me because "it's my matter, not yours", and that she felt too ashamed to tell me.
What would you do in this situation? We are devout Catholics, so divorce is not on the table, only annulment in which you have to justify that a legitimate marriage didn't happen. I just know that the fact that she did not communicate with me about such an important thing feels to me like deception. So now I feel that I can't trust her, or at least in her ability to communicate. What if something else happens that she's too ashamed to tell me? At the moment I don't even want to be around her. But she didn't seem to realize the importance of what she was telling me when she mentioned the debt. Or she was just downplaying it. I don't know. Am I making too big of a deal out of this?
Edit: to be clear, we had agreed to join finances after the wedding. I brought this up and she said that she would pay the debt herself. I explained that if our finances were joined, then she is not earning money for herself, but for us. To which she had no response.