Help me get a younger coworker out of a dry spell

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January 1, 2020
75 upvotes

Recently I got assigned on a project with a younger guy (around 25), up until now I had barely heard from him, as he was kinda reserved and shy. But we got along really good and I took him for a few beers afterwards. Turns out the poor soul is going through a long dry spell, since he broke up with his girlfriend in the first half of 2019, he’s only had sex once and is not even trying anymore.

Now, the guy is far from the incel-type you might picture in your heads. He’s taller than me, handsome, quick-witted, charming... He could use a bit of mass, and also he needs to be more alpha and less meekish. Other than that, he shouldn’t have issues getting pussy out there.

The thing is, he has huge self-steem issues. Specially when it comes to sex. I think that the fact that when he had sex for the first time after the girlfriend it wasn’t that successful, has really messed him up. According to him, it was a drunk sloppy hook-up, and the girl ghosted him afterwards. And he’s convinced it’s because he was awful in bed. I told him there can be a hundred reasons besides that: maybe she’s a slut and only wanted a quick fuck with a stranger, or she had a boyfriend...

I really want to help him out. I told him general advice and platitudes like: start going to the gym to bulk up and gain some confidence, come with me on a night out and we’ll approach girls in a relaxed/no-pressure way... But what else is there that’s more specific and tailored to his situation? I feel he’s on the edge of getting back to normal, but if he continues this way he’s only gonna spiral down and down.


Post Information
Title Help me get a younger coworker out of a dry spell
Author harry_powell
Upvotes 75
Comments 67
Date 01 January 2020 11:13 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/304009
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eihbt3/help_me_get_a_younger_coworker_out_of_a_dry_spell/
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Comments

[–][deleted]  (17 children) | Copy

[removed]

[–]freewheelingsoul28 points29 points  (15 children) | Copy

30 years without sex?

[–]JedYorks31 points32 points  (13 children) | Copy

Yes, never even been on a date

[–]freewheelingsoul12 points13 points  (11 children) | Copy

How old are you?

[–]JedYorks45 points46 points  (9 children) | Copy

30

[–]alleyteris45 points46 points  (6 children) | Copy

Buy two Escorts and have a threesome, then start approaching more

[–]TacoMedic46 points47 points  (3 children) | Copy

Honestly underrated advice. I used to pedestalize women because i was a virgin. Then i lost my V card to 4 German hookers over two days. Its been 3 years and I’ve slept with 19 (unpaid) women. It would likely be more if it wasn’t for 2-8 month relationships.

Once you realize that sex is just not that big of a deal, you stop looking up to women and start seeing them as equals.

[–]MarvelousWhale7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Equals? Idk man they don't seem to offer much other than pussy, have you ever compared the amount of work a woman could do compared to a man in a typical cubicle setting? It was eye opening to me as much as the difference in sexual Dynamics from men to women are.

Honestly I've come to the conclusion that we are almost entirely different species, we are absolutely not equal. Not necessarily better or worse than one another but equal is not the term to use to describe it.

[–]TacoMedic11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t mean equal in terms of sexuality or work environment. I mean equal as in we will both do whatever it takes to come out on top. For men, it’s strength, perseverance and an overall force of will. For women, it’s sexuality, emotion and instincts.

[–]alphakari1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ain't really looking to do this, but how do you even do this? Where do you find these women?

[–]alleyteris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are whole sites dedicated for escort services man

[–]freewheelingsoul17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best of luck mate. Put yourself there and hope you get some soon

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hookers, and blow.

[–]btrpb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck a hooker for Christ's sake.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are on the rihgt sub

[–]theUnBannableHulk62 points63 points  (4 children) | Copy

🤔

  1. Invite him to bar for beers

  2. Be a good wing when girls are checking him out ring them over

  3. Just let him get into the scene of hitting on girls

  4. Send him funny RP stuff to ease into it

At the end of the day the motivation has to come from within 🤷‍♂️

[–]rizzyfromthe919 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Motivation is temporary. Confidence is forever.

[–]pitchblackrain7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can be a bitch today and a beast tomorrow and vice versa. You gotta earn and maintain that shit.

[–]thexrayluver0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What are some funny RP things to send to help this fellow?

[–]theUnBannableHulk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

DENNIS system.

Fiancé cheated on bachelorette party threads from Reddit

[–]aaronryder77326 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy

Wow, I appreciate you for helping this guy out. Wish I have someone to help me get into TRP better. Maybe some general pointers from Sidebar will help him? Couple of books or podcasts?

[–]harry_powell[S] 41 points42 points  (4 children) | Copy

You might mean well, but sometimes I feel this sub feels like an eager young Mormon knocking on doors and trying to evangelize people to the wonderful world of TRP. Let people discover it in their own. I might mention it to him in passing, and if he’s curious and investigates, perfect. But saying “Go read this obscure book and get into a subculture” just because of a dry spell isn’t the best advice.

[–]aaronryder7736 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

No no.. I mean obviously I don't want you to throw TRP on his face. Like I said maybe couple of pointers from the OG subreddit sidebar. You don't have to hand him the whole thing but I guess asking to read book would be kind of like that and that is why I added question marks and "maybe" in my previous comment. I am in no way an alpha to even suggest tbh because I found out about TRP couple of weeks ago.

Edit: Had to remove the mentioning of TRP subreddit AutoModerator contacted me.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The rational male is not limited to this subreddit.. (or a particular subreddit)

It's a deeply imbedded psychological analysis between intersexual dynamics between the two genders (M & F).. psychologically, physically, biologically, biochemically etc etc etc..

I agree in saying "it's a really great book to recommend for him" especially in his situation.

Book suggestions:

1-Rational male, 2-Positive Masculinity, 3-No more Mr Nice Guy,

[–]Zombiespire1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Models. Should definitely be in there

[–]philltered14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

As ECs have said, you do not need to help him. However, as friends, it'll do you both good of you introduce him to working out, playing sports, drinking less, talking to women, watching movies that show the sidebar, etc...

Lead by example. He will follow if he finds you masculine and successful enough.

But do remember it is your workplace, so do not shit where you eat. And never mention the words TRP till he discovers it himself or is at the cusp of wanting to unplug.

[–]AP33402 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Quick question. Why did you mention drinking less? Does TRP advocate for that?

[–]muricanwerewolf18 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t think drinking is a red pill concern by itself, only in how it effects your life. Lotta drinkers out there are red pill, lotta sober dudes too. I think it comes down to two questions, is your drinking a cope? And does it negatively effect your life? If you answer yes to either of those questions it’s probably time to modify or end your relationship with alcohol.

[–]NocnaMora6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Because it’s bad for your health, also for gym gains and generally bad for your behaviour (game frame etc) when you are under influence (not only from alcohol). That said, use your brain and if you are in a social situations like going out with your bros then it’s imo ok to have few drinks as long as you can handle it ofc.

[–]philltered0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This guy here puts it eloquently. I'll only add that it prevents you from getting deep restorative sleep which is important for losing fat and gaining muscle.

[–]volvostupidshit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fun fact: Spartan warriors were discouraged from taking alcoholic drinks.

[–]Zeekou1125 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell him read “The Rational Male”

[–]mountainofsnow8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell him to buy 3% man book

[–]GearaltofRivia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have him read Rollo’s book. He should first focus on himself before anybody else

[–]JerkyMcGee2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is quite gracious to help you to want to help him out! If I were you, I would get that guy out of the house as much as possible. Just get his social confidence up and getting him comfortable with people and girls again. Get him used to it, being around other people and then maybe slowly help wing for him in a comfortable manner. Seems like he needs that gradual push and if you want to take the time to help him, that is super awesome of you!

[–]Iluvalmonds832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Invite him into your social network and offer to wingman. Offer advice when asked. leading by example will probably offer the most effective learning opportunities for him. Honestly, he will need to resolve that self esteem issue surrounding sexual performance on his own; it’ll take some time but he’ll figure a way to get over the mental obstacle.

[–]dutchgguy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should just take him out, you already did plenty!

[–]Youngyoda89[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No one is going to help your friend, brother or father get RP’d. The only person you can save is yourself. The sooner you accept that the better.

[–]alphakari1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Needs to find a social-6. An okay looking bitch who loves the sound of her voice, and ask her some questions when they fuck. In fact, maybe he shouldn't even try to fuck this bitch the first time. Should just get good at foreplay/teasing, fingering, and maybe eating pussy.

[–]dark_rabbit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s a dry spell? A random guy in his 20s not having sex for a year got you to reach out to the internet?

[–]sh0t0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Accelerationism

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Take care of yourself. You are not the Mother Theresa of the red pill.

[–]Tramelo14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mother Theredpill

[–]harry_powell[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alright, one man island!

[–]muricanwerewolf13 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Building up the men around you is high value behavior.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Only if you are already high value yourself. Nobody needs a beggar giving you investment tips. If you come here asking questions you are not in the position of building other people up than yourself.

[–]muricanwerewolf11 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Of course you are. It doesn’t take an expert to teach a newbie the 5 basic lifts. You can still be a student and teach others. Shit, teaching is the best way to build mastery.

Your ego is showing, Oh Learned Master.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

He is not asking for lifting advice. Your idiocy is showing, Oh retarded faggot.

[–]muricanwerewolf14 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine having trouble understanding what an analogy is.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I do appreciate OP's willingness to help tho, thank OP!

[–]Mr_Badass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Helping him will take resources like time and energy that is better focused on yourself.

[–]GrinninGremlin0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

when he had sex for the first time after the girlfriend it wasn’t that successful,

Perhaps it isn't self-esteem, but a conflict of his values. If prior relationship was monogamous then he might still be equating sex with others as somehow wrong. Not on an intellectual level but an emotional one....and emotions have a huge impact on the physiology of sex.

This btw...is just a guess...there are too many possibilities to state with certainty here. But it is at least worth his consideration. Does he hold out hope previous relationship will be restored and he's entertaining the idea that his "faithfulness" during their separation will somehow prove that his love for her was true?

[–]harry_powell[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m not in his head, but hasn’t anything like it happened to you? Sometimes you get shitty sex the first time you sleep with someone. It can be nerves, not knowing what makes each other tick... I think it’s most likely that.

[–]GrinninGremlin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, it could be a one-off bad experience, but lacking motivation to try again might suggest something deeper.

He's really the only one that can answer it, but if the barrier is internal then outside pressure from a buddy to get back in the game is going to meet with some significant resistance.

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He needs to realize what you said about a hundred possible reasons. His lack of a sample size and experience is hindering him and is most likely whats causing his insecurity.

He needs to focus a lot on outcome independence and that the game is about him, not about what one chick thinks of him.

Just introduce him to a few of those concepts and have a good time out together.

[–]sh0t0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He's probably only hot to you and not to girls

[–]wyota0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the current age, a 1 year dry spell isnt even that bad. I think its average for Zoomer men.

[–]Reenas541 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Tried saving some lost souls from work. Most of the just want to go to bar, sleep and/or spend all day jerking off. If they don't want to change, then all your effort helping is pointless. Suck his dick if you really that bothered about his dry spell.

[–]harry_powell[S] 16 points17 points  (7 children) | Copy

He’s not a lost soul, and it really seems he wants to change, just doesn’t know how. You’ve never been in a situation like it? Is this sub full of self-made-pull-yourself-by-the-bootstraps-and-fuck-everyone-else?

[–]Flux_710 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. This sub is full of LARPers primarily.

[–]muricanwerewolf11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol so true.

[–]xnesteax1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ignore these people, I think it's cool that you try to make the world a better place and are not a nihilistic asshole like most humans.

Don't let these comments change you, also not a mod's one.

[–]harry_powell[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I think some people here really makes an effort and gives good advice and helps the community. But for everyone of those there’s three little shits larping as a nihilistic chad who’s says he’s constantly fucking with 10s and has no time for weak people. Then what are you doing in reddit, asshole?

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]harry_powell[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s the right attitude. Honestly, I wish I had help like that too in my dark days. I’ve only achieved what I am now by trial and error, but wasted a lot of time and effort doing the wrong things. There’s no shame in asking for a guiding hand.

[–]rockemsockemlostem0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They’d all like to think so, I’m sure.

You’re doing good work dude

[–]bloobird080 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You sound gay. You’re like deeply invested in some dude’s sex life and you don’t see anything weird about it? Lmao. Just suck his cock already, faggot



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