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How do I get a group of friends?

Reddit View
January 7, 2020
62 upvotes

I have a couple of friends and I have fun with them one on one but I usually avoid groups because of some experiences I have had in groups-eg;sometimes my frame breaks when other people try to banter/people i havent known for much time try to banter, or fear of being made the joke of the group because that had happened a couple of times too. But at the same time I crave to be in a group of friends and go out. Its shitty because I know I am one of the few people in my college in a situation like this. I also have tons of other problems; falling grades, parents pressure because of falling grades. They do alot for me and thier anger is justified but my lack of friends is pulling me down and I think about that alot. I dont know where to focus. Focusing on grades may affect my already terrible social life when others are maintaining grades and having an amazing social life aswell. I am reading books on earning more money and that shiy inspires me alot and along with gymming I have looked into opportunities for earning some money aswell.

What do I do?


If this has been posted before, idk why it did because I got a message telling me my post was removed so here it is again.


Post Information
Title How do I get a group of friends?
Author notashittyperson69
Upvotes 62
Comments 27
Date 07 January 2020 05:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/304564
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/elenvb/how_do_i_get_a_group_of_friends/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
frame
Comments

[–]TRPCops[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Your post was removed because you tried to link outside the sub. Don't do that. Only use archive.is or just reference other subs

[–]paul_ernst106 points107 points  (5 children) | Copy

The basic problem here is your perspective on how to approach the idea of working yourself into a tribe. In other words, you're looking to be adopted by a tribe and everything you do and say will reflect that, and that is not a good thing because your behaviour will lean towards needy and fake.

Instead of focussing on acquiring a tribe, I would advice on becoming a social dude in general. I was in line this morning to enter the library. Guess what, I talked to the girl next to me and even the guy behind me. I went to the supermarket this afternoon. I asked a random chick what spices I should add to beef and I asked the cashier if she was alright with standing up straight for so long (after which she took her time to ask me what I do with my life). When I left the library an hour ago I asked the girl next to me what she was studying. She's in engineering, just like me. I then started guessing the year she was in, she guessed how old I was, asked her if she studied there more often (she said yes and smiled) so I said 'see you tomorrow' and left and of course she laughed.

Tell yourself every day: "I'm a social guy. That's just who I am." And people will love you for being a social guy. Along the way you stop caring for being adopted by a tribe because you can build your own. Tribes are build on two or three people who dare to take initiative in conversations, in events, in doing whatever. Become one of those guys. Reach out to people, invest in conversations. Free your mind of the concept of what ought to be and make up your own rules of how and when people can interact (spoiler alert: everywhere and always). The rest will follow.

Start small. Baby steps. Say hi to people around you. Ask stupid shit. Learn to hold eye contact, learn to smile. Be kind to yourself, even when you fail. Be your own best friend.

[–]illegalyborn12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I needed to hear that last paragraph. That shit hit

[–]kristuhfur4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the advice you need

[–]notashittyperson69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I reach out to many people and greet them in college, but most times it's me meeting and greeting them not the other way around-eg;I met a guy I know a bit who was at the cafeteria. Next day I notice him and I go meet him again. I think I seem desperate doing this.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's banter if the shit goes around. It's bullying if the shit only comes at you. It's very simple.

The exception is that the shit will come at you alone in the beginning, while a group is testing your frame. However if the leader is threatened by you, then it wont end. You'll always get picked on.

Count on threatening a lot of group leaders if you desire to live by red pill ideals.

[–]notashittyperson69[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Well then I find myself sometimes in places where I am being bullied but I just take it as banter and let it go because its not personal.

What would you do in such circumstances?

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bro you got to give back as well as you get.

Never take no shit off nobody for no reason. It's some old school tough guy shit but it works. Bully the bully right back.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. And you'll find out whether they were simply pulling your chain, or, bullying you by how they respond when you dish it right back.

[–]the-bro11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's not 'how do I get a group of friends' it's more like 'how do I get a group that won't fuck me over'. You could make friends anywhere mate, but if you're desparate you'll stop analysing who they are and just be thankful they're there. That can lead to you ending up in bad situations (Bullying guised as "Banter").

Talking from experience there. You've got to be careful with people and not give your trust out too easily. Make people earn it. You say that loneliness is getting to you but I'm gonna turn that on you and say make the most of your alone time, because once you meet the wrong kind of friend they won't leave you alone to figure out just how bad they are for you.

Focus on yourself, keep lifting, pushing, working for better grades and reward yourself when you do well. Once you're in a good position in life, good job nice house.. then worry about a social circle. People will literally flock to you and if you aren't EXTREMELY careful you could end up being used. Use your gut to figure people out - it's the best weapon you have. Cut out the chaff and keep the good folk close to you. But never give anyone too much trust.

Edit : Not even people on TRP. Most people on here are stuck in a perpetual anger phase and come from their own experiences in life. Nobody has all the answers and some have none at all.

[–]fartt1231 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

easy to get their true self out. you treat them exactly like they treat you and say no to them. see how worked up they get then cut em out.

and not trusting people is wrong way to go about it. once they are a good enough friend. you give them your trust with something you don't care about but significant enough for them to cheat you on. you try a person couple of time and you'll know them pretty quick

I think you get bad friends when you get in a dick measuring war. your friendship is based on the things they have instead of the person they are. then when you get hurt and you complain they hurt you.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you can't take 'jokes' or being made fun of, or razzed, or teased in a 'group' of friends... well, you'll never have a group of friends.

Just how it is, I had a 'shitty group' of friends when young, where all the day was make fun of each other, and it wasn't 'teasing' it was 'brutal' saying stuff like, "At least I graduated high school, you dumbass" and the whole room gets silent(this was in like 10th grade, etc...) and I realized, "Why do I even hangout with these bums?" I did not like them, they did not like me, when i got a girl, they would talk shit about me to her.

Or try and take my 'girl' behind my back, by badmouthing me...

I started to play sports(Football, track and field, baseball) and then realized, "I don't have to have shit friends, I can have 'good friends' that do stuff, and have my back" and that freed me, after playing football mainly, I saw who the 'real friends' were, and who they weren't.

Then I changed up my circle, learned what 'friendship' was, read on Teddy Roosevelt, learned what 'comraderie' is, and I don't regret having those 'trash friends' in middle school, early high school, since due to them, I've had 'great friends' since age 16, until now, added on friends, I'm part of 3-4 different groups, and we're all close like brothers.

You need to learn loyalty, edicts, and complete a goal with a group of men, until you 'learn that', and have it test, you'll never have a 'group of friends' worth anything... My advice? Go play Rugby for a year, join a local club, work hard, and 'don't quit', and see how you fair in a year.

Good luck.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll be your friend

[–]xoxuv2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being bantered by men is great practice against shit tests.

What you do not have to do is to take it personal. Jump at the joke as if you were one of the jokers. As if the joke were not on you but on a third person.

You have to learn to not need to "defend" yourself, and to reframe any attack on you as a harmless prank. That's how you deal with shit tests.

[–]RacistMuffin1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you're in college right now, focus on your grades. Your social life can wait once you known that your career isn't fucked for the long-run.

Fix your grades first.

Once you have done that, I highly recommend you joining a frat. It forces you to be social when you're a pledge where you speak to every brother and get through that familiarity of shit tests from other guys. Believe it or not, guys can shit test you as well. Learn how to properly hold frame when you encounter those shit test situations.

And honestly, it really isn't that hard when you banter with people. Holding frame isn't just fixated to not being reactive. It is just knowing that you can take a fucking joke and doesn't put you in an emotional state.

You've read red-pill enough, I'm pretty sure many posts tell you that the public opinion doesn't matter and so why should it break your reality?

[–]femaledoglover62 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bullshit having a good social life will help career wise. It’ll help strengthen frame and give connections

[–]RacistMuffin0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The kid is failing his fucking classes

[–]femaledoglover60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn actually I read his post he needs to redo his life in general and fix his mentality

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am one of the few people in my college in a situation like this.

Very very VERY Wrong - this is super common. The more personal the wound the more universal the wound.

How to fix this ? Repeated accidental contact - that means go to all the classes (get a good nights sleep) talk to classmates, joke around and show your TRUE personality - cool people always want more cool people to hang with - then join a club / sport - I highly recommend ultimate frisbee as it is very social

Now you should fix your grades too - Just set aside quiet time and bang them out

You need more work AND more fun - life will get better

https://youtu.be/ZbQh1ZPG5pc

[–]jrterry19691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Groups of friends bust each other's balls constantly. You've got to roll with it or get good at it.

[–]seeing_red_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Join the fraternity with the kind of guys you'd imagine in your "group." If it's too late, if you can't afford it, or if you are not invited, just join literally any other org, especially a social one.

I hope you're serious about maintaining a group of friends, though, because that includes obligations, and it sounds like your current obligations may be overwhelming.

[–]rockyp320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Baby steps is the answer for everything

[–]SalporinRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your first priority is your grades. That is why you are in college. Stop wasting your parents money. In college you'll have the most free time you'll ever have in your adult life unless you're unemployed or retired. You have enough time to get your academic shit done and have a social life. Plenty of people do it completely fine. You just have poor time management skills. How many hours a day are you spending a day playing video games and watching TV?

As for socializing, as others have said just go out and talk to people like a normal functioning member of society. Just start with baby steps.

Since you're in college I would also join clubs. Many clubs have their own social events and parties which is a great way to meet people.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

dont be autistic

[–]JedYorks-5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Once groups are formed and once you’re out of school into the adult world. Making new meaningful friends is almost impossible unless you join the military

[–]femaledoglover61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a scarcity mentality

[–]cherrycoloredfunk89-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

know how to act and be likable and not be a fucking whiny incel like everyone on this forum.



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