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Seeing Past Through the RP Lens (Not really a question.)

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September 12, 2019

I look back to when I was at my absolute worst and cringe. A 260lber,no friends, and completely dependent on my wife for validation. As my weight was ballooning up I used to say things like "Oh, I bet you're not attracted to me anymore since I'm getting so fat" -- I guess I was giving her comfort tests LOL.

She's pretty good at broken record actually.... just "I'm just worried about your health for our future family".

Thing is, she was being incredibly honest but my BP lens wouldn't let me get the whole message which was "I want you to stick around for you beta qualities, and yes, I'm not attracted to you as a needy fatty"). I just didn't "get it".

Still "getting it".

What big realizations did you have about your beta past as you became red-pilled?

Post Information
Title Seeing Past Through the RP Lens (Not really a question.)
Author cdnrpc
Upvotes 3
Comments 6
Date 12 September 2019 06:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betacomfort test

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Self-improvement is a lifelong process, and it's easy to take your foot off the gas and just coast. That's what most of us did before we got here, myself included.

Other than that, my biggest realization was this: before I married my wife I was a daily drug user. A functional addict. When I quit, I had no emotional control at all. The littlest things would set me off. Why? Because drugs were my emotional control for 23 years. Learning how to develop my emotions from basically a 16 year old level, in my 40's, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I'm still working on it.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The past doesn't matter. Look forward and plan for the future, but live in the present.

Sometimes I still work on my time machine, though.

[–]SkimTheDross2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be a better man than you were yesterday.

Tomorrow, be a better man than you are today.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I guess I was giving her comfort tests LOL.

Careful typing stuff like that, if I end up laughing so hard while I have a full mouth of coffee and ruin keyboard, laptop, and monitors, then I'm sending you the bill.

Thing is, she was being incredibly honest

I just had a break through moment myself this weekend with my wife and I told her that I like how she always keeps it real. Thing is, I a have learned to ignore her words and watch her body language and her actions. She spins stuff and rewrites history all the time, but I've adjusted my vision to focus on her differently. Women are brutally honest if you learn their "speak".

What big realizations did you have about your beta past as you became red-pilled?

I'll give you the three you probably need to hear the most in my opinion.

  1. It's all your fault. Not saying women aren't to be held accountable or hold up their end, but when things go SOUTH, she's almost always following your lead that way. Likewise, when things are going well, it's also to your credit. If you pursue God first and make the mission he has given you the first priority, the wife will, most of the time, follow you faithfully and happily like a cat following a farmer who milks the cows at the exact same time every morning. As I have also cringed looking back at all the weak behaviors, negative feedback patterns, and toxic fighting, it was almost all started, perpetuated, and escalated by my own blue pill conditioning.
  2. You have to lift. We don't preach this maybe enough in this sub, but I suppose it should be. A lot of the truths I had heard in the books and in the sub were only academic for a long time, then even when I would "try" them, it was just LARPing. It wasn't until I began lifting, that I began growing, establishing frame, letting things go quickly that needed let go, making a stand when I needed to, and began to receive the respect that I wanted. A couple things that happen when you life really heavy things; you get a boost in testosterone, increased self confidence from being stronger, increased attraction from having muscles and losing fat, the humbling process of pushing my limits, feeling victory in gains and setting PBs. I will go as far as saying there is a spiritual component too by enduring suffering on purpose and dying to my desire to take the easy road.
  3. You have to put in the work. You see it all the time when guys that simply don't read the materials. They have zero understanding of these problems that are causing. They are hard to see too, they are hidden from us in plain sight, covered up by comforting lies, perpetuated by triggering our negative responses, and our vision clouded by our own pain and insecurity. Personally, after just reading the post series, watching BPP's youtube videos, and reading MMSLP only, I was just able to see things in hind sight, like a couple days later. In the past three years I have read more books than all of my post-education life combined, and that knowledge is in me. Many of the books repeat the same concepts from slightly different takes, but by time I got through all of them, I was finally understanding these things in my head AND seeing them playing out in real time.

Once I'd understood and integrated all three of those points, I was able to begin progress. It's like the moment in the matrix when Neo says "I know Kung Fu!". If you recall that is when his training with Morpheus actually began.

[–]Rifleshoot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I kick myself because a lot of this stuff are things that I already instinctively knew. My dad has always been a good example of how a man should be. He lead his family and my mom followed. I simply let myself be lazy. I legitimately told myself that once my wife tells me she’s pregnant, I will have a 9 month timer to get my self together (i.e. OYS). I KNEW that I wasn’t living as I should be, yet my laziness won out. It took months of low interest from my wife to wake me up. If I want a fruitful marriage, I have to shape it to be so. If I want my wife to desire me, I have to be desirable. If I want a good social life, I have to go out and create one. I was still living in a childish mindset that “someone else” will take care of those things. That my wife would find me attractive regardless of how badly I let myself go. That my friends would remain friends regardless of how much time I invested in the friendship. That my life would simply manifest itself with no input from me. And I knew better. I knew enough people that had happy, successful lives that I could model my life after, but I took a passive approach to my life. So for me, it’s less about finding out that I was lied to, and more about how I had to stop lying to myself.

[–]Praexology0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Two things RP has opened my eyes to:

1) I've had a lifetime struggle with clinically diagnosed depression. When I feel that my chemicals are getting messed up, I've learned I shouldn't talk/be open to the fiancé about it. Not that I'm deceitful, but I'm not going to go out of my way to overtly express it. Physically or verbally. (Unsurprisingly exercise, sleep, meditative thought, and shifting my diet has immensely helped. I would say I'm about 85% fixed.)

I set the emotional tone for our relationship. Even if she is at her happiest, if I am open about being 'down' the entire relationship suffers.

2) That my local community struggles immensely with personal responsibility. Men and women alike. The vocabulary I hear is mostly justifications for not handling situations, or passing off blame for failure. Especially for the men in my life. An exemplary situation is in my premarital appointments. Our counsellor is so BP'd he will actively say that a complimentary relationship (read: classical or old fashioned) is sinful. Whenever I bring up scripture that is directly opposed to what he's saying he will tell me "I work with abused women, I know what I'm saying." Lol okay guy. Our most recent session was on sexual intimacy. He talked about how "even in his marriage he's had to learn to wait until his wife wanted to sleep with him . . . that she isn't obligated to sleep with him." Dude, you're not fit and talk about your feeling as your job. Your wife isn't not attracted to you because attraction fades, she not attracted to you because you're not attractive.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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