Physical: 14% BF, benching 275-ish, squatting close to 400 (haven't tried to max in a while)
Reading: I've read the entire TRP/MRP/RPC sidebar and apply most of what I've found to be useful.
Mission: make disciples and all that.
Spiritual maturity: See below.
Okay, so I've really screwed up. Like, a LOT. I was the typical TRP guy who was stuck in a crappy marriage. I was ready to divorce, then discovered MRP and figured I'd give it a shot.
My wife and I have always been Christians, at least in name. She more so than me. When things got bad, I started cheating. Often. I'm clean - no diseases or anything. Mostly short hookups, ONSs, FWB, etc. I travel for work so my wife is mostly clueless. She thinks I played the "good Christian" part.
Well, a little over a year ago I started figuring out how to have a fulfilling sex life with my own wife, and things started turning around enough that I decided to stop cheating. u/Red-Curious posted something on askMRP about how duty sex doesn't exist (yeah, I had to go to ceddit because some butt muncher mod removed it for not following some mysterious writing guidelines that he refused to explain?) and it resonated a lot with how I started bringing my sex life back with my wife.
Long story short, I've been faithful ever since. Gave up cheating. Don't need it anymore. Not that I couldn't. It'd be easy to go back. I just don't want to. I've got more important stuff to worry about now that I've rededicated my life to Christ.
Here's the thing though. My wife is totally clueless. Part of me wants to think she's AWALT and must have cheated on me too and I'm just clueless as well. But her hyper-purity-culture "church made me think all sexual thoughts were sinful" past really convinces me this is unlikely. I was generally good at hiding my tracks, but I doubt she'd have that capacity, especially with kiddos running around her all the time. Telling her will likely ruin our marriage. But I also don't want our marriage founded on a lie.
I can't tell if this compulsion to want to come clean is from the Spirit, even if it ruins everything, or if it's just church culture trying to make me feel shame and guilt for my past actions that Christ has since freed me from. And if Christ freed me and forgave me, why is it for my wife to get all screwed up over this when Jesus and I are past it?