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Advice for a young man considering mission

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August 28, 2019

Disclaimer; this post is not short, I lack brevity. Details have been included because I felt they were needed, and also just can't stop writing once I start.

22 y.o. | 6'0 |195lb | 15% b.f. | b.p. 60 kg | Single

Reading: whole RPC Sidebar, NMMNG, TRP (before discovering RPC)

- 35k UK Student debt - works very different from the US, consider it more like a Graduate Tax, but still requires some repayment. Otherwise no debts or significant outgoings.
- Some savings in the bank, starting marketing/copy business so a consistent income will take a while to accumulate, living at home for the next year to save ££££.

- Prayer 3x a week (Needs improvement, I know)
- Bible 3x a week
- Getting much better at memorizing scripture, I believe Bible Memory App was referred on here? (Ty to whoever mentioned it)
- I have been very blessed to see two close friends come to faith and be baptized in my last year of University. I wasn't anything special at the time, just very open and honest about my own testimony, they (by G-d's will) did the rest.

I'm gonna partially dox myself here by giving my general location, as it's relevant to the post. I'm from Bristol, UK. I've moved back here for the next year or so after University. Not to demean the experiences of other guys in similar situations, but Bristol is especially liberal and degenerate. Imagine a British Berkeley, for those living in the US. It's a shame because otherwise, the city has a lot to offer, as far as the UK goes.

Though I am happy to be proven wrong, I find the possibility of meeting a wife here to be very slim. Few girls here are genuine Christians, and many of the ones that proclaim to have very questionable views on the big Qs like Gay marriage, abortion etc. Finding a (socially) conservative, attractive Christian girl here really is Unicorn territory. I'm not asking to meet the female Carl Jung, but most of the girls at my past Churches seemed to have had little substance, and I struggled for chemistry with any. Unfortunately, it's actually driven me to a point where I find most British girls repulsive, even if they just look like they are from my area, which has made me a primarily (but not exclusively) "grass is greener" type. It probably doesn't help that the average girl here puts on enough foundation to build Nicolae Ceaușescu's Palace of the Parliament.

Thus, my (relatively limited) dating history has been exclusively brown in the four years away from Bristol, to prove the point (I am white, just to clarify). This is a shame, considering there were some wholesome (albeit mostly reserved "Becky" type) white Christian girls at my University, who I felt guilty for not being attracted to. I'm far from a "Chad" (cringe at using that unironically lol), and am very aware of my own faults, so I hope this doesn't come across as arrogant.

I'm happy to be single for the next few years, that isn't a concern, 22 is not old. The idea of being single for life is a HUGE concern. I don't believe I have the "gift of singleness". The syntax/semantics of this phrase confuses me, as some people say this (based on scripture) indicates that being single in itself is a gift, while others say that it is referring to the ability to stay single for use in ministry by G-d. Clarification on this would be very helpful, both for myself and others in similar situations.

Either way, I do believe my mission is better served with a FAST woman by my side.

However, I understand that marriage is not the silver bullet to sexual temptation, but there is no doubt that a healthy sex life does mitigate the effects. Nor is it the cure for loneliness, but there is no doubt that a good woman and well-raised children are (normally) good company to a man.

My mission is simple, minister to people of a certain "Abrahamic" faith that I will not name, and anyone else who I happen to meet along the way, through the mediums of business (marketing and eventually small/medium business consultancy) and MMA. Having been to the Middle East on a couple of occasions, I am seriously considering moving there by 2021 to pursue this mission. This would be a country on the Med, just not sure which one yet.

My question is as follows; is it morally wrong, or unrealistic to hold that hope that I might find my wife during my mission in a country like this? Is that a distraction to the purpose of the mission? Is it wrong to have what is effectively wife-hunting as a peripheral motivation for moving abroad, so long as my mission takes precedence?

All thoughts are very welcome, and I am happy to answer any Qs for clarification, to the best of my ability.

P.S. Not sure if this against the rules (Mods please remove if so) but I am an IRL friend of u/Chazza_Lazza (from Uni, not Bristol). My sincerest thanks for your responses to his post. Also, apologies for the cucked nature of my first post on r/RPChristians. I was so ashamed of it that I chose to delete it, but I did take the advice given from that to heart.

Post Information
Title Advice for a young man considering mission
Author notsoSlimShadyIV
Upvotes 6
Comments 5
Date 28 August 2019 11:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askRPC
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
BeckyChadunicornthe red pillcloseNMMNG

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

being single in itself is a gift, while others say that it is referring to the ability to stay single for use in ministry by G-d

There are no absolute interpretations of this. My take is simply this: Treat your single years as a gift and try to stay single for as long as possible, per Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Cor. 7; but if while remaining single you are on the verge of sin, then feel the freedom to marry. It's really that simple.

If we had neon signs emanating from our spirit telling us what spiritual gifts we had, then this would all be a different story. But in the absence of certainty over whether or not you have a particular gift, all we can do is "eagerly desire the greater gifts" by living as if we had them, and if we find we cannot practice them, then to be okay with that and not force it or pretend what is not true.

My mission is simple, minister

The quality of this mission depends on what you mean by "minister." Nowadays this word has become a catch-all for every kind of uplifting activity toward someone. Give money to the poor? You just ministered to them. Share the Gospel? You ministered to a non-Christian. Smiled at someone and brightened their mood? That's a type of ministry.

This word is extremely hollow. Even though the Bible authors use a word we translate as "minister" regularly, it's no shock that Jesus didn't say, "Go minister to all nations," but "Go make disciples of all nations." He meant something very specific. Something he'd just spent 3+ years showing them how to do by doing it with them. They knew exactly what was expected. If that model is what you mean by "minister" then I'm on board with you.

is it morally wrong, or unrealistic to hold that hope that I might find my wife during my mission in a country like this?

Why would it be morally wrong to find a wife among the people you "minister" to? That's actually the exact setting where you should find your wife.

If the emphasis is on the "in a country like this" part, just make sure they're a believer before you go getting yourself involved. That's all.

Is that a distraction to the purpose of the mission?

No, it means you have an insider with unique insights to help you on your mission. Help. ... helper. What does the Bible call a man's helper again?

Is it wrong to have what is effectively wife-hunting as a peripheral motivation for moving abroad, so long as my mission takes precedence?

I once made a post exactly on this point of whether or not it's okay to have multiple priorities. My conclusion from that and since then is that there is only one singular priority: make disciples. Everything is subservient to this and only holds value to the degree that it contributes to this.

But that doesn't diminish the authenticity of the relationships we build along the way and the appropriateness of our desire to let these things develop while we stay mission-oriented. Don't let it be a distraction, but if you can marry an asset, then marry her - and it's not a bad thing at some point to realize: "If I really want to make a difference, I'm going to need some help," and then go find that help.

When I tell guys not to look for a wife, it's because 99% of guys aren't looking for a helper on their mission. They're looking for love, sex, commitment, a partner to share their feels with, etc. /u/helaughsinhidden had an INCREDIBLY good top comment in that thread about this being like you're a secret agent in (ironically to your post) Iran, where you're always loyal to your handler, but if a beautiful woman comes along who has intel that you could use and you marry her because it's the best way to advance your mission - by all means, do it. This is mission-oriented asset-seeking, not "Yeah, I've got a mission, but I really want a wife - can I use making my mission a higher priority as an excuse to still be okay with really wanting a wife really, really badly?"

[–]notsoSlimShadyIV[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's fair RE the G of S question. It's easy to forget we don't have an outright, definitive answer for all issues / concepts in the Bible.

I'm using "minister" as a synonym for making disciples. Apologies that was not clear in the OP.

In regards to mission vs find wifey, what you've said is very helpful. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the last sentence in " " is essentially mental gymnastics, which I have been, and will be, careful not to fall in to.

What I would in say in response then; is it a large detriment to your mission to want to marry, despite being content / finding contentment with the current season of being single? I don't see accepting G-d's will for a season (or life if he chooses) as being the same as denying that you have a basic human desire for companionship. So long as the desire doesn't cloud judgement when an unsuitable prospect (WRT enabling you to pursue your mission) comes along, I don't see the issue.

[–]Red-Curious1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

is it a large detriment to your mission to want to marry, despite being content / finding contentment with the current season of being single?

That depends on what you do with the want. I want punch some people in the face. I don't. Wanting to do it doesn't prevent me from making disciples - if anything, it can inspire me to want to get to know them better and potentially disciple them in order to overcome my impression of them. But acting on that want would certainly get in the way if I were to let the desire control me.

Don't let the desire control you and the desire won't affect your mission negatively. As soon as it shifts from "I want this" to "this is an imperative in my life," you've gone too far.

[–]notsoSlimShadyIV[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Arinupa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think it's morally wrong to hope you'll find your wife, while doing something you want to do in life, have no guilt. I've had the same fear. It's something to do with thinking that following our dreams, which might be different from society's tried and tested path, might lead to losing out on something "normal" People have. Having the fear that you won't find her is natural but you have to have faith in yourself that life will eventually work out.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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