I'm using a throwaway account because I don't want people to see my real account. (irl people know it) I am an upper middle class white kid who grew up with no hardship at all. I don't want any sympathy or "internet hugs", I just want a bit of guidance. Also, I'm in therapy, just so you know. I am also in marching band, jazz band, and robotics club in high school.

I also have been diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome, but I don't need any help with it.

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I was very tech savvy as a kid. When I was 10 I got an IPad Mini with my birthday money.

Little did I know this would turn into a bad thing. When I was around 11 to 12 years old-ish, I was indoctrinated into MGTOW. I wasn't looking for answers or anything, I literally just stumbled upon it while looking at right-wing shit(was a hardcore trump supporter until recently). I just kept on watching and watching. I would play GTA Online and listen to all their podcasts while playing. I'd estimate that I've watched over 3000 hours of MGTOW content in the past 4 years.

I was around 15 when I got out. I cut MGTOW off cold turkey. And I started reading this sub. I'm 16 right now, just to clarify.

The weird thing is that I've gotten more depressed since I've left. I'm usually okay when I'm doing something. But when I have time to think or use this sub, my mind goes haywire. After 4 years of thinking everything against MGTOW was bluepill or cucked, I still can't break out of the mindset. I guess it's like I see all the crazy shit the MGTOW/Incels say, and I know it's wrong, but I think it's right subconsciously after all of these years of hearing it over and over again.

I'm stuck with my stupid beliefs. I'm gonna say some of these beliefs. I don't mean to offend anyone but I wanted to share. There are contradictions in this, but this is how I feel:

I think that all women are gonna cheat on me. (hypergamy)

I think that all girls in my age range are all basic bitches. (AWALT)

I think that all girls are naturally evil or manipulative. (female nature)

I think friendship is just a means to an end

I think the jocks/fuccbois at school are all getting all the attention unfairly (Chad)

I think college is the worst place ever (just the same kids but with no supervision and beer.)

I feel lonely, even when I'm with friends, I realize that no one really cares for me like others.

I hate that my friends have better chances with women than me.

I hate how my friends (weaboos), can have people they count on, but I'm doubtful that they will for me.

I hate everyone, even people who are just like me.

I enjoy anime conventions and stuff, but I hate a lot of the fujoshi's(yaoi k-pop girls), and all the teenagers/idiots (annoy the fuck out of me.)

I'm just annoyed with all of the people and the daily interactions of life

Even the kids in all of my clubs, they all annoy me with all their popularity and friendship.

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I know that all these beliefs and more are wrong, I can see proof for my own eyes, but my mind is wired to not see it.

I almost wonder if this is my Asperger's playing tricks on my head. I just can't see the world the same anymore.

I always hate how anime pulls the "power of friendship" card. Because real friendship doesn't exist. Us humans are social creatures, where getting kicked out of the group meant certain death. So we naturally make friends, to enable survival. But I have a hard time with that. I can see the charades, so why should I pretend like it's real?

"You're 16, don't worry about it!" doesn't help. Also, "It get's better after high school" makes it worse. I hope I don't come off as an asshole, I just don't feel right. I'm sorry for dumping text on you, but I want to express these feelings with everyone. Thank You.