What would you do if your LTR/fiance/wife told her friend you weren't "her type"?

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trp1223
January 11, 2020
17 upvotes
askMRP

Disclaimer

I'll admit I'm a little bitch for posting about this again, but I wanted the opinion of the MRP demographic.

Stats

I'm 30 years old, 6'5, 240 lbs, and about 20-22% BF (down from 25-30% when I met my LTR). Started lifting 18 months ago and got my bench up from 155 to 285. Due to an ankle injury I don't squat more than 225.

I own two businesses, one B&M and one ecommerce, and I am an investor in a few local small businesses. I own a modest home, nothing fancy by any means. My family is one "the" families in our area of about 800k people. I can't go anywhere without someone saying "Hey! You're so-and-so's son right?!"

State of the LTR

She's 26 and we've been exclusive for six months. I have to be honest and disclose that she was part of the rotation for just one month prior to her asking for exclusivity. I dropped my other plates and don't regret it in the slightest. She paid for dates, brought me lunch to work, cleaned my house, and gobbled my ding dong with alacrity. And she still does all of this. She's submissive in and out of the bedroom. Although she rarely initiates, she never denies me sex and we have it at least once a day. If I tell her to get down there and take my load to the neck, she does so. If I want to tie her up, she doesn't say a peep. If I tell her to bring me lunch to work and blow me, she does so.

Surely, this girl is super attracted to me! So I thought.

Her "Type"

Although I never really care about n-count unless it's a confirmed outlier, I'll say I "confirmed" her n-count of 10 by seeing old messages with her closest friend where they were exchanging that information.

I'm from the trust-but-verify camp and have no qualms about it. If I'm investing my time and resources in anything, whether it be a girl or a business, I'm absolutely doing my due diligence.

That being said, I've been able to go through her messages ad libitum without her knowing. Turns out, nearly every guy she's dated, hooked up with, or wanted to hook up with was a sub 10% BF juice head. I'm not saying her type was just fit guys, it was 100% dudes on steroids.

One of the messages I saw she sent prior to meeting me was a picture of one these juice heads with the text "He's just so big and strong. He's definitely not boyfriend material so that's why I don't mind just giving myself up to him".

The Truth Hurts

Due to us having mutual friends, I already knew she was into juice heads before we even started dating.

But going through her messages recently, I was hit with the truth in black and white and boy did it suck.

Most of the messages since we started seeing each other were glowing 5-star reviews of me and our relationship... except one.

A few months ago, a friend of hers was asking about me and what I was like. So my girlfriend sends her a couple pictures of us, to which her friend responds "OMG YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE WTF".

My girlfriends replies "Thanks! :) he's totally not my type, but I think that's a good thing!"

Her friend: "that's DEFINITELY a good thing!"

FUCK THAT NOISE. We all know that "type" = attraction. And clearly this girl isn't physically attracted to me,

My Conclusion

Although the LTR is everything a guy could want, she's clearly only "attracted" to two things: how I make her feel, and my resources.

Ergo, I'm beta bux in RP clothing.

It's unfortunate because she really is better than most girls I've been with. I would love to have children in the near future and this girl seemed promising (she's even okay not getting married before having kids); however, it seems like the shelf-life on this one is exceptionally short and it's only a matter of time before she comes to the "sudden" realization that I'm not her type and is no longer attracted to me.

Am I wrong to make that assumption?

If my end goal is to have kids, do I jump ship on this one sooner rather than later?


Post Information
Title What would you do if your LTR/fiance/wife told her friend you weren't "her type"?
Author trp1223
Upvotes 17
Comments 137
Date 11 January 2020 06:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/305454
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/enaz7z/what_would_you_do_if_your_ltrfiancewife_told_her/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
alpha fux beta buxbetalong term relationshipplateliftn count
Comments

[–]FoxShitNasty8340 points41 points  (12 children) | Copy

Watch her actions not her words dickhead!

[–]markpf7310 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is her entrapment phase.

OP refers early in his post on to his family being the family in the area. This statement wreaks of his weakness. We all have these families near us where the grandfather and father were the studs that built the empire with courage and hard work. Unfortunately by the second or third generation they’ve raised a lazy entitled beta bux softy.

So OP may say hey I’m not lazy. Look at my bench #. Look at my entrepreneurial ventures. But sorry the big red flag is when someone gives the excuse of my squat # is low because of an old ankle injury. Bullshit. People have low squat #s because they can’t endure the hard work of the movement. This is a window into the fiber of a man.

So let me look into my crystal ball...you are her type (for her current means to an end). Enjoy the entrapment phase. It’s like the best drug in the world.

Come back in 2-3 years after the wedding is done, the babies are born and your drowning your loneliness in wine. AskMRP won’t let you down. Now sidebar bitch.

[–]dilberryhoundog-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in 3 generations”

[–]zuhal9313 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have been exclusive for six months. That is nothing, zilch, nada. What a fucking joke of a post. Wait until 5 years.

Stop being an insecure little bitch. All this submissive shit is just a game for her, you haven't even given her enough time to show her true colors. Women don't show themselves at least for the first two years, unless there's some major crisis.

Make it so that she is 100% replaceable. You are not doing that, clearly, because this stupid little message (which really means jack shit) is driving you to waste all of our time with your whining. What you need to do, which is make her an accessory rather than a necessity, will require a complete change in your mentality and your way of life.

It sounds harsh, but if you're worried about her cheating with some roided out closet homosexual, then you haven't actually done the work to achieve the independence necessary to even be in a committed relationship in the first place.

If your goal is to have kids, be an independent man that can serve as an outstanding role model first. Don't worry about women. You'd be a shit father.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dude you’re insecure. Who cares if she dates tatted up juicy porn stars with 12 inch dicks.

You sound put together financially, start lifting heavy and be Chad.

She’s 26, and is approaching the wall and Is looking for beta bucks and security.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Congrats faggot you just led with - “you sound like a beta bucks.”

Seriously what the fuck do you post for if it’s complete shit and you have zero understanding.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

she's clearly only "attracted" to two things: how I make her feel, and my resources.

You got one of the 2 correct

Quit snooping around and use that time to read the sidebar and lift.

Oh, and it sounds like you got a snowflake otherwise.

[–]WeightsNCheatDates6 points7 points  (13 children) | Copy

The most basic advice I can give is “it’s your turn.”
Once you completely take this on, you become completely outcome independent.

So what if she loves you to death and stays with you forever because you provide the feels and comfort in and outside of the bedroom. So what if she cheats on you in 6 months.

Regardless of the outcome, you’re a man on a mission and you deal with shit as it comes.

Source: my wife dated a roided out competitive body builder before me. At first, and before finding MRP it bothered me because I was an out of shape pussy who thought I was cool because I lifted a little. Now I don’t give a fuck who she dated, because she’s with me now. She might not be with me forever but that’s irrelevant because I’m a man with a mission and options if it ever came down to it.

[–]MartinVDK913 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I rather use the term "it's her turn" ;).

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I coined that.

Sorry, but not even J10 framed it that way.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's been on the cock carousel long enough.

Time to hop off and find herself a nice beta provider to pay for the kids and to afford her the luxury of staying at home and having zero financial responsibility.

Now where would a gal find someone like that?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Learn to value yourself, and this becomes a non issue

Sidebar. Lift.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Ok, concisely:

  1. The guys are right, you have no frame and you're too worried about your unicorn. That you went through the messages shows that, period.
  2. Your true risks here aren't that she isn't attracted to you per se; you should be worried that you are betabux and that she is an alpha widow.

Even if (right now she feels like) she loves you, those memories of getting her holes (yes, plural) destroyed by guys who have 150 lbs. of pure muscle on them will come back at some point. Especially with how much of a bitch you are. Get some frame or do her a favor and cut her loose.

EDIT (because apparently I'm not as concise as I thought I was):

She has fucked 10 'roid boys? Or maybe 7 or 8? That's not a "type" -- that's an addiction.

[–]RoccoPinkman4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Her saying your totally not her type is her saying that your too nice for her, it’s that cliche of a woman always saying she just needs a nice guy and when she gets one it doesn’t give her the feelz.

She usually goes for ‘assholes,who treat her like shit’ right? But your different, not her type but just what she needs, only she doesn’t!

You reek of neediness and she knows it and when the novelty of being treated like a princess wears off she will be off to fuck Chad.

[–]learning00071 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think he reeks of anything, and luckily found out this shit before it's too late

[–]RoccoPinkman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Doesn’t look like he’s about to do anything about it, that’s the problem. If he does, good on him.

[–]SepeanRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think you’re reading too much into this.

Pretty much none of us are the most alpha, most jacked man. And being that usually comes with real assholeness and so low beta that they’re not LTR material.

Being high alpha is plenty fine, you don’t have to be extreme alpha.

It is not much different than how my ideal ONS girl is way too dumb, slutty and have too big implants to be the mother of my children or join me for social events.

The question is, are you high alpha?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes this. Sense amongst the noise

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you like something, you hang onto it for as long as it has value to you.

If I don't like something, you get rid of it.

If you're unsure about something, you keep it in the unsure pile until you decide what to do with it.

Why is this chick any different?

[–]Rock_Granite4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you are 6' 5" 240#. It's not like you are little panzy. That being said, you cannot change what she is or is not attracted to. Just ride the ride while it is your turn. But for gods sake, don't have kids w/ her until you have been with her for at least 5 years. Too fucking risky. Girls can hide the crazy for years. You gotta wait her out to find out what she is really all about.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (11 children) | Copy

I too am so insecure I snoop my girls messages.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Congratulations, you have now earned a golden ticket to ride the luxury cruise to Beta-dom! All expenses will be covered, of course, by you. In your travels, You will be travelling at twice the speed of sound and straight to the fiery pit of doom, the perils of your self dignity and self respect. Don’t forget your camera because it won’t last forever, and you don’t want to miss those memories. “Snowflake” just called, and she’s invited. In fact, she’s the only one who really wins. Enjoy!

  • Terms and conditions apply. See your minced testicles for details.

[–]RoccoPinkman9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who wrote this? You or your girlfriend? I’m not surprised your not her type she’s probably into straight guys.

[–]Livecrazyjoe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you understand the game. Also realize that once marriage happens all those blow jobs and sex will end. Been there done that.

I say keep fucking and having a good time. When she pushes for marriage think twice.

[–]Sartek2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah man, you are not her type, usually she goes for losers that need to cheat to get ripped, you are a winner, you bring more to the table then just your fists. Who cares what she thinks, it's about what you think and if other people are willing to believe it.

If she went through 10 juice heads and none of them were right for her, do you just want to be another juice head or do you want to be you?

[–]fannyfire7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she used to be a major whore and now she finally gets to relax and suck money instead of dick. She is down to do anything because you’re rich and if she puts up with you long enough she can get a kid out of you that will provide her plenty of money for years to come. I wouldn’t marry her because I don’t hate myself enough to think that I’m number two every day of my marriage.

[–]HeckleandChide5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

I like to play a game on aMRP. If a guy gives an excuse as to why he doesn't barbell squat heavy, I assume he is an even bigger faggot than the average noob here.

So far I'm batting 1.000.

[–]Cloudy_Pirate1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good rule

[–]learning00073 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good thread, and a classic example of a girl hitting the wall l and "settling" . Seems like most of the guys here know nothing about the feminine imperative or the red pill for that matter. Demote her to plate and start spinning several

[–]kiddonick697 points8 points  (11 children) | Copy

I can appreciate how you feel about this, and reading texts about yourself from your significant other is never easy.

From my perspective, what many lady's do when they break the "type" mold is, knowing that happiness & longevity has not been found there previously, they try something new.

So "not my type" in female speak, means "not the same old D-bags that I always go for, end up getting played by, and heartbrokenly shit on."

So"not my type" does not indicate not attractive, or not worth it, or any other negative connotation.

In my view, it meant she shifted gears, took a chance on going out of her normal M.O comfort zone of dating the same Juice Bags over & over, and saw someone truly unique, special, and worth getting to know in you!!!!

In girl speak, this is what we call a back handed compliment!!!

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[M] 25 points26 points  (7 children) | Copy

Spoken like a true woman. Too easy to spot.

[–]An_Actual_Politician0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

To me, "not usually my type" is right up there with ILYBINILWY as far as red flags go.

Does anyone think when a chick starts banging DeCaprio or Brad Pitt that she's texting her friends with a "he's usually not my type" even when her "type" up to that point has been unemployed losers?

It's every bit as much a beta identifier as IlYBINILWY is an identifier of impending cheating.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're making it too complicated. It simply means he doesn't make her panties wet.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

So"not my type" does not indicate not attractive, or not worth it, or any other negative connotation.

Right. It means "not what I want, but what I'll settle for because I know that what I really want is unattainable." Yes, yes, we know... you don't mean it that way. Doesn't change that it's true.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Her she her her she she her her.........

STFU fagot. It is shit test, treat as such.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ever heard of a self fulfilling prophecy?

Sounds to me like she's putting in an awful lot of effort for a guy that's "not her type"....but what the fuck do I know.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

IMO her statement is an "every hot woman" statement.

Many, many women have the "bad boy" dream. They think their type is a combination of every bad-ass guy they ever met. In her mind she says "I like bad boys". The reality that it is a bad idea, that she hasn't attracted the "Bad boys" never crosses her brain.

So when a friend looks at the picture of her new man and says "cute" her hind brain cries foul and she immediately gives herself "deniability" that "he's not really my type".

She wanted her friend to say " he's hot", not cute.

This is not about you, it is about her inner solipsism, and her disappointment in her friends reaction, and her desire to salve her own ego.

Who's getting laid like pipe here?

Get over it.

If you can't come to an understanding of her nature, give up on her so you can get another that you don't understand, and give up on, and, and....

[–]nantucketghost1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just reading this now... She was right. It's a good thing.

My wife is not my type either. We've been married forever. The problem is that "my type" was the wrong person. What I thought I wanted and what I really needed/wanted was something different.

I was wrong.

Same as your girl. She thought her type was X. She was wrong. Her type was YOU. She just needed you to come along to prove her wrong.

The problem is you're taking it as a slight against you. It's not. It's major props for you. You came along and turned her world upside down on what she likes and wants.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'd swear you already posted something similar about scanning her text messages because she let you use her apple laptop and it synched those messages. That was almost a year ago ... wasn't it.

You're not just a little bitch. You're a repeat bitch ...

with One-itis ...

... for a woman who's done riding the cock carousel and is looking to settle down. How do I know?

She's 26

he's totally not my type

we've been exclusive for six months

​

And you're in her Frame ...

FUCK THAT NOISE. We all know that "type" = attraction. And clearly this girl isn't physically attracted to me,

Yet she brings you lunch at work and sucks your dick. So much for looking at what she does vs. says.

​

You're constantly in her head, trying to figure her out. If she's not already shagging some dude on the side because you are driving her nuts ... she will, because you are. She will leave you because of who you are right now. Not because of some fucking Alpha widow BS you are telling yourself.

​

Your insecure ass ... screams through these words ...

got my bench up from 155 to 285

I notice on /askTRP that's your max bench ... but you don't mention that here ... because you're so fucking insecure you hide your shit from internet retards. You insecurity will be obvious to her because we can see it.

​

I'm beta bux in RP clothing.

she's clearly only "attracted" to two things: how I make her feel, and my resources.

Her and every OTHER female on the planet dip-shit. You are Beta not because of the Bux and you aren't wearing RP clothing. Give her a Frame worth living in and she might be attracted to that!

​

Iron Rule #1 ... Frame is everything. You have NO frame.

READ THIS

Last chance faggot.

Read the sidebar and actually apply it or lose both her and us.

[–]Maximus_Valerius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lemme guess: RP for two years?

Ok, then you know watch what she does, not what she says.

[–]AlohaMaui8080 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Everything you keep commenting (including your original post) reeks of someone who grew up with status, used his advantages pretty well, but deep down has low self confidence, when it comes to your self-evaluation of your intrinsic value as a man. You wonder deep down if you've actually earned what you have, or if it's in large part due to the advantages you were born with.

If you completely understood red pill theory, if you had actually read the sidebar at r/MarriedRedPill and the recommended books, and had started doing the work found therein, you would already know what is wrong: you are weak.

At the end of the day, your status, your money, even your "decent" level of fitness is not at or even anywhere near your true potential. You actually know this already. You have a whole lot of excuses for why you aren't actively pursuing that potential, but the bottom line is that you are comfortable where you are. You aren't living in the realm of challenge, risk, and quite likely failure, you're living in "comfortably managed without too much hardship"

You're still hoping for and will probably take an easier way out. Because you're weak, and you know that you can still have a pretty decent life without the effort required to not be who you are now, which is weak

And that's why you aren't her type.

What she likes about the juiceheads isn't just that they are big and shredded, it's that they have dedicated their entire being to a mission to such an extent that they are willing to even sacrifice their long term health in the pursuit of achieving it. Have you ever pursued something that passionately? I doubt it. Just by the language you use and the fact you can focus this much energy and attention on what this girl does or doesn't think about you, you clearly aren't pursuing your true potential as a man right now.

And that's why you aren't her type.

Because you are weak, and she knows it instinctively

[–]AlohaMaui8080 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

u/EasyDaysHardNights I thought I remembered this guy posting before as well. I'm curious if you and I are more or less saying the same thing? I enjoyed your break down. I'd appreciate your thoughts on my take.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

No. There are nuanced and distinct differences between what I'm saying and you are saying and the driving factor behind them.

While I don't disagree with your statement. "He his weak." I'm less concerned about that weakness being the cause of what makes him "not her type."

You have the same issue as OP. You are looking for an answer, and it is tied to her ... and why he is weak in her eyes. That, his weakness is what makes him "not her type."

You are looking for an answer. Just like OP is, Something you can point to that says ... THIS is the problem ... in her. This is her thoughts. This is "Why she ..." In your case it's the answer "because you are weak."

In OP's case it's because "he will never do roids."

Or is only 6'5".

Or 20% body fat ... or a Beta Bux.

Or a winner of the genetic lottery, thrust into a family of wealth and influence with no assurity that you are a man who can stand on his own and face the world.

All of those are "answers." The issue is that there will always be a reason to be anxious. No "answer" will ever completely solve the problem of problems. We are imperfect and therefore by definition vulnerable.

An answer is an illusion. An Oasis in a desert of anxiety.

Emotions are constructs our subconscious creates to wake up our conscious mind and drive a need for awareness into the machinations of our environment. It's literally a "Wake Up ... there is something to pay attention to!"

OP is anxious. He has internalized enough RP knowledge that his subconscious is literally telling him he needs to pay attention to this girl because it could all be a show. That anxious emotion is driving him to check her text messages and dig into her past. Yet ... he finds nothing about her current behaviour that is suspicious. Only her past.

He cannot control her past, or the specter of a bigger more Alpha male who "widowed" her ... and so he cannot abate his anxiety.

The anxiety drives us to find a reason, or an answer or a solution. But in OP's case ... he doesn't need an answer ... he needs to address the anxiety.

You suggest reasons for "Why" she thinks he is weak. She does not need reasons. As a woman, all she needs is to FEEL his insecurity and over time, that alone will drive her away. She wants a man who is secure. OP is not.

The issue is not his physical stature. OP is 6'5" and lost X% body fat. If he keeps going he'll be more of a unit than most guys.

The problem is, there will always be a man who is taller. A guy with lesser body fat. A guy with 3 companies. A guy with 5 generations of wealth compared to his 3 (or whatever the number). You cannot out Alpha a ghost.

You have to deal with the ghost directly. You have to deal with the underlying beliefs. In OPs case he believes that she is attracted to big muscular men of a caliber he is not currently and never will be. So to him all hope is lost. So he comes here, in his insecurity and asks if he should cut it off with this girl.

That will not solve the issue. The next girl may have something else in her past ... like she fucked a movie star ... and he will never be a movie star. The girl after that will have fucked a drummer in a rock band ... and he will never play in a band. There will always be a "reason" ... an attribute or an excuse for the anxiety to flare up.

So ... how to get out of the maze. You acknowledge the emotions, some would advocate consciously thanking them for raising awareness ... and then go to work addressing the issue. The REAL issue is that the problem is internal.

It's not her past 10 lays ... or his family inheritance ... or any such external source. It is his biologically hardwired need to find an answer to every concern that comes along.

We all come here, to MRP, with a set of beliefs about how the world operates. The sidebar disabuses us of those incorrect beliefs. It also offers up a different set of beliefs which may be hard to swallow, but are true.

It is true that there are levers (like Frame and Game) which he can pull that will balance the scales more in his favor ... but even then ... there will be another man with better Game or stronger Frame that will come along.

OP hasn't gotten far enough into the sidebar and OYS to understand that his real problem, is the anxiety itself.

His anxiety, and only his anxiety, is what's causing the problem right now. It is causing him to redirect his time and energy away from activities that would actually abate his problem. Reading up on Game, or Frame. Or having Plates. All of those would be more productive for OP than posting here in an anxious turmoil.

Hell, OP could really use a period of meditation.

OP, all of us ... will never be "enough." Pursuing that path is not just being a dancing monkey for the girl in front of us. It makes us a simp to the Ghost of the Alpha we have constructed in our minds. A ghost that will haunt us everywhere we go in every relationship we have ... because we are biologically wired to look external to ourselves for the problem. Our Ego drives us to do that. To blame, to find reasons, to look for answers which will preserve our identity as it is ... and what we really need to do is scrape off the ineffectual beliefs we currently hold and adopt new ones.

New Beliefs like: "She's not yours, It's just your turn"

That change, the adoption of a new set of beliefs (which is evidenced by action) ... that progresses us forward, breeds confidence. That confidence drives away the anxiety and makes OP ACTUALLY attractive.

We will never be 100% bulletproof. But we can be better than we were yesterday.

As far as our subconscious is concerned doing "anything" ... is enough. Some progress is enough. For OP ... he's considering cutting it off with this girl. That will give him a short term sense of relief. But the issue, for all the reasons above, will flare up again.

He won't have solved the problem with any sense of permanence.

Only changing his underlying beliefs will solve this problem.

When he (we) do that, something that will actually improve our situation, we can get a greater, more lasting peace.

It is in our ability to dance with the anxiety, transform it into useful energy and redirect it into positive behaviours, that result in a lasting success, which breeds a real confidence ... that makes us attractive. It is the foundation of the Frame OP needs and his girl seeks.

The reason she may cheat are both legion and immaterial.

The only thing that matters for OP is gaining control of his state of mind and redirecting himself in an effectual path.

Anything more or less ... is just window dressing.

[–]AlohaMaui8080 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yep, I thought you would do a better job putting it into language that is digestible for the MRP audience.

My intent was more to try to help him start to peel back his ego, and challenge him to "live just past his edge" by focusing on a mission rather than on her.

The anxiety I agree comes from his obsession with her and her thoughts about him, "not being enough" as you said, but I think the root might be more centered in his own self-percieved "lacks" and I also agree that the next girl he will also find some reason she might betray him, because this whole thing stems from his own insecurity about his own value.

It is the foundation of the Frame OP needs and his girl seeks.

That's what I was trying to allude to when I talked about the juiceheads having a mission, even if a very simple one.

You have to deal with the ghost directly. You have to deal with the underlying beliefs.

Great stuff.

He cannot control her

This was one of the most important things I had to realize. Focus on me and my shit. It's not instinctual yet, but internalization is coming along. This helps breed real OI, the real "stay plan=go plan" mentality, not just the "well if she does this then I'll do that" anxiety based fear planning of possible future events.

You are looking for an answer, and it is tied to her

When I looked at all the replies OP had made, I saw that he wasn't looking internally. He might have paid it lip service here or there, but I could tell he was still obsessing on her, like you said, looking for any answer outside himself. He was refusing all answers based on actions he could take to change himself.

My comment to him was an attempt to bridge that gap, hoping to help him realize that the "answer" for "why she's with me when I'm not her type" doesn't matter, because it's not the right question. The real question OP needs to answer, that it seems like I failed to properly explain in my original, isn't "why she's with me when I'm not her type" but more along the lines of "why am I focused on this and not on my mission/MAP/goals etc" the answer being, as you said, his own anxiety that he is so far refusing to deal with.

I think that has a lot to do with what I said about living past your edge, because when you do that, you know that you are pursuing your true potential, so it's a lot easier to not have that self doubt and anxiety. And if you still aren't "good enough" or they cheat or whatever, then it's a lot easier to accept that and move on.

I think what you said about beliefs plays a major role in that, but I've personally found that changing my actions is easier to start with than changing my beliefs. That shit is very hard! I've also found that as my "better" actions become my new normal, with that objective proof it's a lot easier to look and say, "huh. That belief I had about x is kinda dumb, I've proven it wrong over the last (however long)" and then changing the belief is much easier.

I get that what I'm suggesting here is to monkey dance, but it's your own thoughts about why you're doing something that matter most, ie lifting to get hot for her vs lifting because you want to be healthy and test your limits,and you enjoy it. I started MRP the same reason as most, I wanted my sex life back. When I started lifting, it was because the program insists on it, not because I actually wanted to. Now 4 months in, even if I quit MRP, I would keep lifting because I enjoy it. There was a subtle shift that happened over time in my mental model, but I had to start somewhere.

I do think my comment left the door wide open for OP to have a dancing mentality rather than a self point of origin one, he would potentially be even worse off if his new belief became "if I just live at my edge, I'll be her type" but that's what the sidebar is for. If he reads it, he will be told countless times why this is wrong.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

changing my actions is easier to start with than changing my beliefs.

There's nothing wrong with actions being easier. In fact, it's a good place to start. It's simply a tool to change beliefs. In fancy psychology terms it's called "exposure therapy."

Actions and Beliefs are in a feedback loop. New actions give new results which will either reinforce or disprove existing beliefs. The goal however isn't the action ... or even the new outcome ... it's the new belief. Proving to yourself that what's possible for you is limited only by your current belief. By suspending your belief long enough to try a new action and observe a new result ... you reach the truth about reality you already discovered for yourself ...

"better" actions become my new normal, with that objective proof it's a lot easier to look and say, "huh. That belief I had about x is kinda dumb, I've proven it wrong over the last (however long)"

As for ...

it's your own thoughts about why you're doing something that matter most

That's close.

Under a thought is usually an emotion. The thought is just an instantiated expression of an emotion at a point in time. That's why OP needs to address the anxiety. It's what is generating all the thoughts he's wrestling with.

The problem is, if you go after the thoughts, it's like cutting off a Hydras head. Two new ones will grow in its place. You have to kill the beast. The beast is the emotion itself. The emotion however isn't the root or "center" as you describe it. An emotion is just an instantiated version of a belief our subconscious pukes up at us. Until you get down to the belief ... you will just keep puking up more beasts that can regrow more heads.

Changing the belief means you kill not just the beast you are currently fighting, but your subconscious' ability to puke new ones up at you. The awesome thing about how we're wired though is, just doing something new can help us change the belief directly.

Every time we take an action that results in a different outcome, we directly attack or reinforce the belief. All we need is 5 seconds of courage. An ability to suspend our disbelief long enough to see that things can be different.

That last part ... that moment of choice, is where our true power lies.

It is Victor Frankl's key discovery in Logotherapy ... found in his book "Man's search for meaning." It is our ability to choose. To define for ourselves how we will act ... and ultimately what something means (the beliefs we attach to an outcome) that creates for us a path out of the darkness.

That choice is always ours. It can never be given away.

We can forget we have it. We can be convinced or tricked into not using it. But it is ours.

The greatest birthright we have and gift we can offer is that ability to choose. To be The Decider. To say "This ...Not that."

The more we hold fast to that reality ... that Ultimate Truth ... the faster we progress. In all areas of life. MRP or otherwise.

[–]AlohaMaui8081 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for your time and insight.

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

"why I don't mind just giving myself up to him."

Is she giving herself up to you?

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck her and laugh.

Stop asking people to think for you

[–]Toowhammy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It’s a turn off to me. Girls Dating juice heads is the same as a guy dating a girl with fake tits, ass, and lips. I couldn’t take a woman like your gf seriously enough to commit to.

[–]bentlife19860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

do you like her? Does she like you? Do you get along? Has she done anything to fuck you over? Just go with it and enjoy the ride faggot.

[–]Toowhammy0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

So what’s the update?

[–]psychoduckly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My best friend in college told me that his fiancee wasn't really his type.

They had the best, happiest marriage that I've known, that lasted over 40 years, with totally awesome kids.

[–]Brickles090 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

N-count = 10? Would you really want a wife with such past? Let me guess: she has tattoos too?

Just the tought of your girl going to bed with those other guys will eventually destroy your marriage, especially when she says that she has a headache when you initatiate. You can get a woman better than that, I'm sure.

Good luck.

[–]drsherbert0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Don’t start taking steroids. It’s a cheat. Do the work!!

[–]JoeBuckYourslf-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don’t listen to these “don’t cheat and use steroids!” nerds. Fucking get on TRT and stop being a faggot OP. I can smell your low T from here.

[–]drsherbert0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I got a 1140 total T at age 42 and never went on TRT. High fat diet, steak, eggs and potatoes, zinc, mag, boron, heavy weights, and occasional ashwaganda. I can smell your bad genes from here brah.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My genes are the worst.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

whats wrong with you becoming her type? flipping the script is always fun

[–]JCX_Pulse-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ just keep lifting. It’s not like she’s attracted to an attribute you can’t attain. Fix your diet and fix your self-esteem.

[–]Faust1an-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why don’t you just juice then? It already seems like you’re pretty invested, might as well take the plunge and solve this insecurity issue you have.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes he should definitely change himself into something he doesn't like to get her to like him more.

That will definitely work.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop being an insecure faggot. Going through her text messages? Only Cucks do that.



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