Last night I went to a bar with a friend for no apparent reason. He and I didn’t talk or even sit together. I ordered a drink which I didn’t know I wanted and would hardly touch. There was this hot middle aged chick there for reasons I can’t imagine. She had a drink too. For a while we talked about stuff that didn’t matter and neither of us cared about. I bought her another drink, which she seemed as indifferent to as the one she already had. She twirled her hair a lot, as well as shifted on an uncomfortable bar stool. I know this because mine was uncomfortable too. Bars make me uncomfortable in general.
I wondered if she might be interested in me but how could I know if she was, so I tried to forget about it. She told me she visited my town often on business, but she couldn’t tell me why. I didn’t care anyway. I kept wondering what sort of red flags she was setting off, but it’s not like it would matter anyway. I would suspect a woman her age had a lot of experience, but that horrified me as much as it excited. Either way, it was pointless. She twirled her hair. I traced the rim of the glass with a finger. Around and around.
She asked me what I did for a living, but I didn’t want her to know too much about me, so I told her I am a barista. Though oddly enough I really am a barista. And now she knows that. She seemed very proud of her career, though I can’t remember what it is. It definitely wasn’t barista, nor do I think it has anything to do with typing or making cupcakes. That’s too bad. I like cupcakes. I never eat them, but that doesn’t diminish how much I like them. Maybe one day she could make some cupcakes for me so I don’t eat them. That would be great.
Speaking of fantasies, dreams and other things I can’t be bothered with, she was very open about a couple of hers. One day she wants to go to Paris. She wants to ride on an elephant. Oh and she desperately wants a guy to blindfold her, chain her to a bed, dump ice on her tummy and hot wax on her wrists, jam an 8” butt plug up her ass, pull her hair and smack her face while fucking her as hard as humanly possible and trying to maintain a constant yodel. I’m happy for her that she has dreams. Too bad there isn’t a way for me to fit into them. Elephants scare me.
She asked what I did with my spare time. I told her I slept a solid 8 hours every night. I have a very comfortable bed. I told her this, but then noted that it didn’t matter, because she would never see it anyway. She laughed. In fact she laughed at a lot of what I said. I’m a little put off on it. Does she think Im a Joker or something? I’m sure this is another red flag. It has to be. Not that it matters.
I gave her my phone number but I ignored her messages. It seemed a bit inappropriate for me to send any to her either. What would people say? It’s not like I know people, aside from my friend that I ignore. But someone out there might say something. I mean, I don’t care what they think about me, but they would be thinking things about me. She might think things about me, so it’s a good thing I’m going to block her number.
Tonight I’m pretty sure I’ll go to the bar again.
Yours truly, Consumer Of Oxygen