My last couple OYS here:
I’m 10 months in to MRP. Up to this point, I had thought my situation was less dire than average. I was basing this diagnosis on not having a dead bedroom at any point in my 25+ years married. The last few weeks, feedback from this community has made it crystal clear that I have one-it is really bad and little social network aside from my wife’s work/church/general circle of friends. Also critical gaps in my competency set as described in my OYS.
The past week, I have been pulling back from smothering/clingy/needy behavior at home. Wife’s response has been to cut me off sexually. Not unfriendly or hostile, just smug and perky: If I’m not going to pedestalize her princessness, then I don’t get my validation handout sex. Enough about her, Rule 9. If this is just a bump in the road, no problem. You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs. It’s just a place I have not been before.
Emotionally, I’m pretty raggedy. Am attempting to be OI about not getting laid, but there’s zero chance my wife is buying any of that, my frame is weak as hell. I understand, textbook-wise, about developing abundance mentality so the OI is genuine and unforced. I got married as a 28 year old almost-virgin, so have never experienced abundance.
To my question. I’m recently retired. My hobbies are largely cooking, writing, car restoration, and aquariums. I also sail several times a week, and attend a weekly BSDM class and post-class coffee meetup. I backpack solo for a week every year, and sometime another week with my brother. MRP 12 Steps of Dread indicate that I need a hefty increase in time spent away from the house, opportunities to make friends, and a robust social life. This leads to a quandary. For the most part, being a home-body is compatible with 99 percent of my mission. The guys I sail with are chill, uber-competent, and stoic, difficult qualities to find in the general population of humans. It’s hard to schedule sailing crew, so I solo the boat a couple times a week as well. 80 percent of people I run into randomly, I find fat, beta, pathetic, and annoying. I don’t see how they would add value to my life. Becoming more social solely in order to get laid also seems like it violates some foundational MRP principles.
BJJ is out, my skeleton is too fucked up. Although an MMA dude at my gym generously worked with me on hitting the heavy bag. Ditto for say, rock climbing, but that’s exactly the kind of people I like hanging out with. At 56, there’s also the problem that I’d be “that old guy” hanging out with all the young people. Church is out, because I can’t fake believing in the alternative history, science, and the invisible guys.
Help me to get my head screwed on better. I'm experienced with the beat-down style of this forum. Bring it.