“I want a woman but I don’t like people”

decoy88 · 2020-01-04T11:48:18+00:00

To put their dicks in something occasionally.

wtknight · 2020-01-04T15:13:16+00:00

These men usually want a constant sexual partner. They don't actually want a woman's non-sexual company.

On the other hand, it could be that some of them just don't like social gatherings, but they like intimate, one-on-one conversations with the opposite sex. I'm a guy who is like this.

QuestionablePresenc3 · 2020-01-04T11:49:29+00:00

I don't hate people but I kinda get it. I'm okay with one on one conversations or small groups and I'm okay with group activities too if you are not expected to talk all the time (e.g. a group hike), but activities with heavy focus on socializing drain me very quickly.

What this means is that I don't really want a huge social circle, a harem of options or whatever, ideally I would like to find just one person to add to my life. Unfortunately, that's not how any of this works.

vonbuxter · 2020-01-04T16:23:50+00:00

You have tentatively diagnosed them as antisocial. Technically this means a criminal disregard for others. In that case, escorts would suffice for sexual urges. I believe most people who "hate people" exhibit a pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal deficits marked by acute discomfort with, and reduced capacity for, close relationships. In extreme cases, these individuals do not want any human contact. Most of the time, though, the choice to "hate people" is a reflection of their social difficulties. They still crave human connections. The world has rejected them due to eccentricities of which they are not aware, or are fundamentally unable to change. They want some Beauty to come along and see beyond the creature everyone else sees. They want to be recognized as human and worthy of love.

Mr-LBN · 2020-01-04T12:17:35+00:00

Seems that it basically means "I want to skip the social circle/social dynamic game I'm forced to play and simple be personable/social with 1 person which happens to be a woman I wanna fuck".

Problem for guys like that is that it's attractive to women that a man wants to be in the social arena and navigate it instead of logically skip it and get right to the point.

decoy88 · 2020-01-04T13:09:52+00:00

I think it's possible that the people idealise what a 'girlfriend' is and they are actually referring to the romantic, early days portrayal of a relationship.

In actuality theyre going to encounter the same problems that they do with the regular people that they avoid.

the-lone-squid · 2020-01-04T13:48:45+00:00

I'm pretty antisocial.

Many of my past gfs were also antisocial.

It just takes longer to meet each other

uezo · 2020-01-04T19:02:46+00:00

Ah the great paradox.

I'm one of those people that think that.

From experience, I don't believe most people are good. Most are ambivalent and self serving while some are downright evil. Given that, I can't trust people.

It takes a lot of willpower to let down your guard to talk and get close to another human being. I crave companionship and intimacy though so these two competing forces are always fighting in my brain.

decoy88 · 2020-01-04T12:16:23+00:00

Not it means they want a partner but only hang out with that partner and not socialise with extroverted normie scum. They can hate humans together.

They want somebody like them (don't we all?)

geyejoe7 · 2020-01-04T14:15:46+00:00

Peopl are lazy. They think everything is gonna be handed to them.

They want a partner, but don't want to socialize with people, including women, and have social circles.

From which you would then pick potential partners.

No, they would rather go the easier rout and just find a partner without all of the "hassle"...

PlainSlim · 2020-01-04T22:34:22+00:00

I think most of these guys are introverts and don't like most people in general. To introverts, social interaction is taxing and to be happy they need to spend their social energy wisely with only people that they truly enjoy being around. But dating makes that difficult because you have to give a lot of new people your energy. Dating is a combination of a lot of things introverts HATE (new person, person they probably won't be all that compatible with especially if they met from OLD and don't know much about each other, potential awkward conversation/silences, going out, having to put on a bit of a show to present themselves in a positive light).

Just because someone hates dating doesn't mean they don't like sex, that they hate ALL humans, or that they couldn't really enjoy a relationship if they did find that rare person who they are attracted to and really enjoy being around.

I also see similar posts and I think a lot of these guys haven't had a whole lot of interaction with similar women. They only see the more stereotypical socialite, social media type girl because they are visible to everyone, so they think all women are like that. The more introverted nerdy girl is out there, but harder to find, because she's probably also inside on reddit or something.

NarniaFox · 2020-01-04T12:02:20+00:00

I think these people want to have comforting magic relationships, that don't require anything from them, as relationships with real people do. You know, so they could get everything that want doing nothing. You sometimes can see this in anime - a girl just falls on a guy and BOOM now he has a girlfriend, that is all over him.

Or they want in a kind of passive way. It would be nice, but they don't want/aren't ready to do anything for it.

2020-01-04T14:34:53+00:00

Actually, this kind of men look for a woman who is also introverted. I'm an introvert myself so all the girls I've been with except for one were also introverts/not very social. The relationship with the social girl was too difficult to bear.

Being an introvert can be a death sentence in dating before 30, unless you compensate in looks, intellect and confidence. But still, a handsome, intelligent and confident man who happens to be an introvert has a way narrower target audience than a social extroverted man of average looks and intelligence (at least that was the case before Tinder and OLD) and to make things worse, his target audience consists of women way less good-looking, as pretty girls have grown up to have tens of people around them and can't imagine any other way of living. The few pretty girls who would go after an introverted guy either are late bloomers or have issues (depression, BPD, etc.).

However, your prospects as an introvert improve drastically after 30, as women over 30 don't care much about your social network but they value other traits, like your intellect, instead (Disclaimer: I'm not referring to being a betabux provider, I'm referring to being their lover. In confirmation of this, even married women go after this kind of guys although they don't expect commitment or money from them).

decoy88 · 2020-01-04T13:22:33+00:00

One has to decide whether he prefers instinct or ratio.

dejour · 2020-01-04T14:37:26+00:00

Well, I imagine there are people who only like, say, 10% of people.

Such a person might think that they could find a girlfriend that they like. After all, there are some people that they like. They liked 2 or 3 people in most of their classes growing up. They were able to find a few friends.

However, when it comes to an activity or event with a dozen people or more, they may recoil. Chances are they will be spending the time with mostly people they don't like.

King_Loser27 · 2020-01-04T14:39:37+00:00

Ill be the first to admit it. I like the thought of sex, but talking about shit I dont find interesting is not my forte. I'm not the type of person to act interested when I'm not really, so that doesn't do me any favors. Plus I hate the idea of walking up to a random just to start a conversation. I'd much rather it come naturally with someone who I perceive will have common interests.

hammerhaunts · 2020-01-04T16:01:37+00:00

A woman is a person.

2020-01-04T20:48:49+00:00

I don't see the contradiction and am confused as to why this is hard for you to comprehend. Humans are a markedly social creature, to the point that we've constructed elaborate civilizations with the ability to connect with almost anyone provided they have the necessary technology.

Most anti-social individuals still crave human interaction and engagement, they just have a lower threshold for social niceties and pointless engagements, and tend to only desire one or two close people to them (a significant other, a best friend or family member).

I'm completely capable of socially engaging and being nice, especially when its important or to get something that I want, but I rarely want to unless it's with someone I genuinely care about (re: a girlfriend) where for some reason this barrier to connection dissipates.

There's a reason solitary confinement is psychological torture.

solowng · 2020-01-04T21:41:40+00:00

People want to be alone, but they don't want to be lonely.

A relationship is kind of like a safety net; They have someone who cares about them when they're upset, while they may not entirely care about the other person; But keeps them around 'just in case'. The relationship between the two, and emotions built up, also makes it less likely their partner would leave them; Securing the safety net of the relationship.

The relationship also works as a safety net by giving the antisocial person someone to use as a social crutch to lean on when they do feel like being social; That they may live bicuriously through them and 'feed' off their social energy and outgoing personality. Almost like learning how to be social through them. Or for the social person to be used as a tool the antisocial person can lean on when they go out so they don't feel so awkward and alone.

MisterJose · 2020-01-04T17:51:51+00:00

It's not that complicated: They want dat ass. Like, really want it. It's like a dry-aged steak and they haven't eaten in a year. They're fantasizing about what it would be like to be able to feel her body against theirs, to be able to see her naked, to have her look sexily into their eyes and suck their dick, or whatever else is flooding their minds. It all seems like the most amazing, interesting, awesome thing that could possibly happen, because they're crazy horny for her.

...but they're not into socializing. That's it. I'm not sure why those two things can't go together. I'm curious: Have you ever really wanted someone, and been standing there thinking 'ok, how do I make this happen?' The process isn't the goal, in fact the process might suck, or involve you just trying to get it right so you can get there with them, or have them be really into you. Never a thing?

gunbusterxl · 2020-01-04T15:11:41+00:00

Antisocial is gonna antisocial. It's not just a guy thing, either. I bet most femcels are similar.

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-01-04T19:12:42+00:00

Why do you want to spend time with those whose company you loathe?

Because they're not being logical. They're being over-emotional, at best. Mentally ill spoiled brats, at worse. Elliot Rodgers is really good proof of this.

PM_ME_CODE_CALCS · 2020-01-04T19:43:59+00:00

I'm pretty asocial (Antisocial is more like someone who shits in the punchbowl, or lights a stink bomb). I still like hanging out with a really good friend, or my family. I want to find a woman who I click with in the same way.

skystar86 · 2020-01-04T20:42:33+00:00

It's not contradictory. Some people are very introverted and want one close partner and mate but not want to have to deal with all the other social things extraneous to the relationship. Some people also go very into depth into their relationships. Some prefer a few deep connections to many shallow connections.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-04T15:41:36+00:00

Yes there are so many incels and men who are incel-adjacent who don’t want to leave their house or go to a bar or club or party where they might have to actually speak to people, but at the same time are angry and frustrated that a non-fat semi-cute girl doesn’t knock on his mom’s basement door with a plate of hot pockets and introduce herself.

NEETVirginWinner · 2020-01-04T12:24:15+00:00

Let me further try to explain.

I have giant lists of things I want to do, watch, play or read. More than I can ever hope to finish off in one lifetime.

In addition, I love studying that shit and actually paying attention to it. I want to know small details about it and properly take it in. It's harder to do that when someone else is around. It's like that talking idiot or the crying child in the theater while you're trying to watch the movie, shut the fuck up, the movie is the show, not you.

You as a human being are a subtraction to the things I like doing.

So if I can't do the things I want to do with you because you subtract from them, what's left?

Talking to you? I can get unfiltered conversations on the internet. Learning from you? Again, the internet. There's nothing I'm getting from you that adds to my experience or there's faster, better ways to experience it, so I can take or leave you as a human being at the end of the day. At best, you're harmless and mostly in the way.

Unfortunately, women have vaginas and I'd like to have fun with one of those, but the person attached to it, I'm doing all the work, need to show all the responsibility as the initiator (women just have to show up, wow, how difficult) all while having no fun, and with no guarantee I'm getting anything out of it, and I have to keep this bullshit up because women hate men who aren't social.

In addition, women don't actually have hobbies, they just use them as things to get with guys they like or to get attention. It's friendzone city if you lead with the nerdy, autistic detail that I care about (women hate autistic details because it doesn't make them feel anything), so that's no good. Also if I wanted to do something like that with a friend, I'd just do it with a friend, someone I don't need to impress or put fake airs on and who doesn't expect all that extra dating shit out it. I also don't care about their social lives or any of that stupid bullshit (your friends are your friends, not mine, and I don't want to be part of your family nor do I want you to be part of mine, that's just extra social obligations that I don't want with people I don't care about). Literally nothing fun about dating, it's playing a dancing monkey just so someone with all the demands can get sufficiently satisfied and tricked to hopefully giving me what I want. It's not even a remotely equal tradeoff, she has all the gains and I get nothing out of it.

"Why not just go to a prostitute." It's illegal, I don't want STDs, I don't want to be robbed (I have a friendly who's rather proud of being robbed at knife point by a hooker and having escaped another robbery), it's a whole bunch of excess bullshit that I don't want to get involved with.

NEETVirginWinner · 2020-01-04T11:43:22+00:00

This seems contradictory because, women are also ‘people’. Why do you want to spend time with those whose company you loathe?

Like I said in the other thread, "The same reason guys hang around women at all, to get their dick wet."

2020-01-04T11:46:51+00:00

seems to be an incel thing.

mistresswhat · 2020-01-05T02:18:16+00:00

They complain that their dates are boring conversationalists and when you probe deeper you find out they're just annoyed because she talked about herself and her life. When you're going on a date with someone and you're not interested in learning anything at all about them, you're gonna be bored.

When they do get a girlfriend and she needs any kind of emotional support, they complain about that too.

Obviously there are people who only talk about themselves and demand ridiculous amounts of emotional support without returning the favor, but from the conversations I've had with these guys... that's not what's going on here.

RooseChange · 2020-01-04T14:48:43+00:00

There are plenty of women who feel the same way, but they're not handicapped by it because the burden of performance is on men.

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-04T14:51:46+00:00

This seems contradictory because, women are also ‘people’. Why do you want to spend time with those whose company you loathe?

One word. Sex.

2020-01-04T16:10:47+00:00

They don't loath people per se, but as a reaction of being ostracized for long enough to become unfamiliar with them. The moment people give them a chance not to be marginal, the moment the loath goes away.

King_Loser27 · 2020-01-04T13:29:38+00:00

They want an admirer/sex slave, not a person with emotions of their own to deal with.

dylang92 · 2020-01-04T13:51:25+00:00

A lot of people on here, a lot of people are either autistic or have debilitating social anxiety. They want the idea and status of a woman, but don’t want to be around them

SevenDrunkMidgets · 2020-01-04T19:58:51+00:00

I don't understand how these two ideas can't be compatible.

Personally, I have very little interest in socialization with other men. The only guys I like talking to are my childhood friends who I've known forever, and even then I don't seek them out. Men are competition; why would I want to become vulnerable around people who wouldn't hesitate to sell me out for a crumb of pussy?

Now when it comes to women, it's not just about the sex. I love all that romantic shit too. Taking her out on dates, meeting her friends and parents, or just talking for hours about whatever comes to our minds. I want all of this too.

Fortunately, playing the role of the extroverted dancing clown doesn't increase your attractiveness to women. All it does is increase your propinquity and the volume of women who could potentially like you. Every girlfriend I've ever had approached me first. I've even been cold approached with obvious sexual intent by girls whose names I didn't even know. I've had girls fight and subsequently end their friendship over me.

Why? Because I got lucky and inherited my father's good looks. Sure, if I was out partying every week, I'd probably be able to bring a new girl home every time, but I don't want that. And of course, if I was uglier, I'd have gotten 0 female attention either way and I would probably have killed myself by this point.

ElGupo1978 · 2020-01-04T22:31:44+00:00

Americans are becoming more and more isolated , people in General are spending more time online , not interacting with people in real life and spending time in their bubbles everyone withdraws but the only way for a man who isn’t ‘gorgeous’ to meet a woman is to be social , at a time when social activity is evaporating.

Women can cocoon themselves in their own social media bubble and be just as anti-social but at the same time have as active a sex life as they choose.

2020-01-04T12:43:06+00:00

[removed]

Pants-down · 2020-01-04T14:37:24+00:00

are you pretty?

Mystery_Tragic · 2020-01-04T15:36:54+00:00

The romantic in me thinks that if I ever did meet a woman, and even after talking with her for an hour I still wanted to continue the conversation, then she would be the woman for me.

ontherailstoday · 2020-01-04T15:50:01+00:00

They like people just fine when people are giving them things and experiences they want, and not asking to take in return.

corey_trevorson · 2020-01-04T17:16:38+00:00

There is a difference between introversion and antisocial behavior... And yes, it's easier to date if you're extroverted for obvious reasons.

lilacluna548 · 2020-01-05T07:13:31+00:00

I hate the early stages of meeting people but it's worth it once you get close and comfortable with someone. I'm antisocial but when I was dating my ex, he was the one person it felt like I couldnt spend too much time with. It's just different, somehow.

binkerfluid · 2020-01-05T09:17:44+00:00

I want a relationship but I dont want to meet people. Just how it is. It wont work that way but I doubt it will work anyway.

bonusfruit · 2020-01-05T17:23:56+00:00

Sex feels good.

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neubs · 2020-01-04T13:55:16+00:00

In my case I like my family and very close friends but don't like being around people I don't know. With online dating it seems like a way to sidestep the whole process of "going out" and having to be around all of those people and then put her on the track to maybe becoming a family member.

decoy88 · 2020-01-04T17:40:55+00:00

Every straight guy wants pussy, but they don't want the thing attached to it so much, especially if it's a modern woman. Too much work for too little gain

Shitty work is fine if you get rewarded at the end of it, but dating is mostly unrewarding and the women are either outright trash or trash personalities/gold-diggers/looking to add themselves to your benefit$.

Kwint86 · 2020-01-04T20:21:35+00:00

I wish I found this thread earlier.

There are women who would give a me a shot, I have zero doubt. And like I said, if I actually put in effort, I'll find someone. Alot of times, I just don't want to go to the venues where women would be normally. I also don't want to have to socialize with other people, just the women I'm interested in. There's that, and then I'm too lazy to actually explain why I'm at where I am in life.

But I guess thats why you become a good enough conversationalist where they feel they got to know you but in reality, they did all the talking.

But a girlfriend is a responsibility more than anything and thats what it comes down to. Do I want that responsibility? Not to mention the amount of time you have to invest into the pre-dating phase which may amount to nothing/wasted time.

I mean sure, I would like a girlfriend. I don't hate women or anything. Its just with any sort of hard work, there is usually a reward at the end. The reward at the end of getting a girlfriend is...more responsibility. lolwut

TheseNthose · 2020-01-04T18:52:18+00:00

Based on your description they may like smaller groups of people not big event type shit. Might be that they actually like getting to know people which is easier in smaller more intimate groups rather than larger surface level conversation groups

iamgroot333 · 2020-01-04T19:43:14+00:00

because sometimes you want to put your dick in a pussy. and prositutes are out of the question for these types because these types of guys are probably gamer nerd virgin types and so a prostitute is scary to them.

the kind of guy that goes to a prostitute is a beta or even an alpha who doesn't really give fuck OR some virgin type who's at the end of his rope and pushes himself through 100 tonnes of anxiety to get a prostitute.

IN SIMPLE TERMS IT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY

Grek27 · 2020-01-04T20:44:15+00:00

Ok this post has some misconceptions.

I'm only interested in interacting with people who have either a background in my field or an interest in me.
There is nothing inconsistent with wanting to be in a relationship that involves minimal communication but is still exclusive. You can still live with, have sex with, talk to(sometimes) the person without entering into the social rat-race that so many women love to enter into.

ElGupo1978 · 2020-01-04T23:05:49+00:00

What exactly is a a ‘great’ sex life for a woman ? Variety of partners ? Frequency of partners ? Frequency of orgasm ? Social inept men tend to have zero sex.

PM_Happy_Puppy_Pics · 2020-01-05T01:34:13+00:00

I don’t get it

I "get it". It is typical of our narcissistic society. No one wants to deal with the cow, we just want the milk when we want and on our own terms. Men like this are spoiled brats and it is actually really common for men and women to have extremely selfish views. They aren't socialized well enough to understand how unfriendly that is.

Title	“I want a woman but I don’t like people”
Author	decoy88
Upvotes	87
Comments	352
Date	January 4, 2020 11:41 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ejvoy1/i_want_a_woman_but_i_dont_like_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-want-a-woman-but-i-dont-like-people.306248 https://theredarchive.com/post/306248