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Looking for advice on how to recover from an evening of shit tests ... that I failed.

by False_Responsibility | January 04, 2020 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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First time poster. I'm not going to ask for you to go easy on me. Fuck that shit ... tell me like it is.

Me: 51, married 14 years, 2 kids (13 and 11). I’m outwardly successful ... strong job skills (mid 6 figure annual income), kids in private school, nice show home. Inwardly, I’m a blue-pill-beta-fag. You’ve heard the story here a hundred time, failed shit tests, drunk captain, sacrificing my integrity and pride “... to do what’s best for the family.” Wife is 48 SAHM.

About 18 months ago wife decides she’s having a midlife crisis “ ... cares about me, but is not in love with me.” This leads to a period of emotional turmoil, and discussions. I can't figure out what's going on, and remain largely clueless. She decides she wants to get fit, so joins a gym and starts working out. We start counselling about 1 year ago. A lot of her issues are raised and discussed. Things get more stable.

But then wife decides that "we should behave naturally" and no longer wants to participate in counselling. I'm lost and in reading r/relationship advice I stumble upon "the 180". I start reading more and about 6 months ago I end up here. I read all the stories that the other sad beta-fags write about ... and recognise myself. I've been worst than a drunk captain ... I've been an AWOL captain. Realise that I'm not special. I read the side bar: NNMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steel's guide. Much of the material resonates. Need to get my shit together, so I start by taking the basic steps ... 1. STFU, 2. Lift, and 3. OYS.

Made lots of progress in the last 6 months. Started taking ownership of my my shit ... fixing stuff in the home/garden that's been neglected ... looked after cars so everything regularly cleaned and maintained ... fixed pool problems so it's no longer green but blue, clear and kids want to hang out there. Started Body Weight Fitness (BWF) ... Drop from 85kg to 70kg ... strongest and fittest I've been in about 20 years ... now working on cutting to better show the progress.

Relationship changes too ... start getting shit tests on a regular basis. I read about shit tests and start giving them back. We even start to have fun, and I start reading about game to take things to the next level. Haven't had any physical intimacy for over a year, and I want to take things to the next level.

Feeling good about myself ... until last night.

Spend the day at the beach with friends. Have fun during the day playing in the waves. I'm good in the water, and comfortable playing the big waves that the others are intimidated by. We go for dinner. There are 12 of us (3 couples and 6 kids). We don't have a reservation and the place is full, but with a stroke of luck I make eye contact with the bar manager and she asks me how many for dinner. I ride this wave, and we end up with two tables ... a table for the adults and a table for the kids. Feeling alpha as fuck! Shit yeah.

Then she has a couple of wines, and starts the shit tests. One of the guys is a retired chef ... Wife says all wives need a retired chef and it should definitely be on "the check list". All the girls laugh. I cook 1/2 the family meals, and this is a deliberate upper-cut. Changes the subject before I can respond. Makes me feel totally beta. I decided to take one up the arse. Not liking it.

10 minus late, she makes a joke about a question I ask every morning. Again everyone laughs. She's on a roll. Starts teasing one of the guys and they banter backwards and forwards. She blocks my interactions by turning away from me and using her hat to block eye contact for the rest of the meal. I try some lame jokes but nothing resonates. I've been outed as a spineless beta-fag in public.

Spent a sleepless night trying to figure all this out, and decided to make my first post on r/AskMRP. Retelling this story has focused my thoughts. I started this by thinking I needed advice, but I've been imagining r/AskMRPs answers as I type and I now have an idea of how to progress ... 1. Don't act butt-hurt ... I fucked up, so I've got to deal with it and suck it up. 2. Regain frame, and get the captain on deck. 3. Start preparing for shit tests based on the new material from last night ... I'm sure it'll come around again.

Thanks for reading. Just typing this shit helps ...


Post Information
Title Looking for advice on how to recover from an evening of shit tests ... that I failed.
Author False_Responsibility
Upvotes 15
Comments 113
Date 04 January 2020 12:23 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/306310
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ejoi0k/looking_for_advice_on_how_to_recover_from_an/
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Comments

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet34 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop trying so fucking hard. Your wife is your #1 priority right now when she should be like #8 or #9.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ffs, this is so useful

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret20 points21 points  (14 children) | Copy

Feeling alpha as fuck for communicating with a hostess that you have a party of 12 and then the hostess does what hostesses do and seats your party? The fuck is that?

How did you get so butthurt by your wife joking about a retired chef? "Hell, I'd love to have a retired chef around, maybe I'll hire one."

When she shut you out of the conversation, you probably sat there, not talking to anyone... Because she was the only person you were even trying to engage? Be more fun, engage everyone, not just her. You shouldn't have even noticed she wasn't talking to you. Talk to a cute waitress on your way to the bathroom or talk to her friends, or the other men at the table. Don't sit there like a sad puppy because your wife isn't noticing how awesome you've become lately, or how great you are at frolicking in the waves (faggot).

On top of all of that, as others have said, she's either getting, gotten, or is actively looking to get some strange dick. ILYBINILWY is a sure sign, beware.

The good news in all that... It doesn't fucking matter. It's not about her, it's about you. Hyper focus on you! Lift, work on your looks, social game and being fun - soon you won't care what she says or does, you're good.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (10 children) | Copy

"Hell, I'd love to have a retired chef around, maybe I'll hire one."

Better still:

"Hell, I'd love to have a chef around, maybe I'll send you to culinary school (you worthless whore)."

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes! Bottom line is that anything would've been better than OP sitting there butthurt that his wife gave a compliment to another man.

Point is that he should've been so busy chatting up other people that he didn't notice or care what she said at all.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, i saw this on the pilot episode of “..how to look good without Gayness”.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Would you, IRL, drop option 2?

I am trying to understand the effective range of a Jedi’s use of the Force?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Would you, IRL, drop option 2?

Depends on your situation/value - I could pull that off with my wife in front of her friends, and they'd all laugh hard. It wouldn't be said with malice or butthurt like OP would be saying it though.

A high Enough value man can say anything he wants and it's "fun"... A beta could say the exact same thing and his wife and her friends act like he's a terrible person.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck you and your self actualization.

I’m Betacus!

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't have it all figured out just yet, but 2 years in and life is pretty fucking good.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Ok, first, never say "I am trying to understand the effective range of a Jedi’s use of the Force" again. That's infantile.

Next, WTF is "option 2"?

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

“Ok, first, never say "I am trying to understand the effective range of a Jedi’s use of the Force" again. That's infantile.”

Yes, you’re right. If i could catch that infantilism before it exits me...i’d save myself from a-lot of self induced bollox.

Option 2 =

"Hell, I'd love to have a chef around, maybe I'll send you to culinary school (you worthless whore)."

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ok, now I understand what you're asking: would I actually say that. Absolutely. But the key is not what would I say, but how would I say it. I would not say the parenthetical part; that's implied in the how it's said part of the equation.

As for your infantilism, you need to start thinking different thoughts. You like Star Wars? Cool, I really loved that shit... when I was a teenager. You probably typed that out with some vivid image and emotion in mind, right? You in brown robes, eyes closed, "feeling" everything around you via "the force" or some such bullshit? Get a grip and see how that's a version of reality evasion and fantasy. You're here for the Red Pill, not an alternative, easier-to-swallow Blue Pill.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. You're right, I'm here for the red pill. I have to let go of the desire for an easier to swallow blue pill.

[–]False_Responsibility[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

you probably sat there, not talking to anyone... Because she was the only person you were even trying to engage?

Ouch! That's so close to the truth it hurts.

Be more fun, engage everyone, not just her. You shouldn't have even noticed she wasn't talking to you.

This. I need to learn this lesson. I need to lighten up and stop taking myself so seriously. My social game is almost non-existent, and I have a lot of work to do.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're missing a lot of basic RP principles. Specifically, you're 100 percent in her frame, seeking validation from her and you seem to have oneitis.

How are you still with a woman that doesn't fuck you? Even at my lowest, I got starfish 2- 3x/month...and I wanted to burn it all down. What's in this relationship for you? I'm not saying to go Rambo and burn it down before you do the work, but use it as motivation to get your ass in gear and build a better life for yourself - maybe that includes her, maybe not.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Harsh, think of the man’s feelings, will you?

[–]second-last-mohican13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dude, you are overanalyzing shit.. being in big waves and getting a table, that would've gone unnoticed, especially from your wife

[–]False_Responsibility[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

being in big waves and getting a table, that would've gone unnoticed, especially from your wife

And you're on the money ... that's exactly what happened. Wife gave no fucks. As u/RPeed mentioned below, I'm a dancing monkey. I have work to do.

[–]second-last-mohican10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's right.. you were putting on a show in hope of achieving praise. You are in her frame.

[–]Alpha_FucksFormerly DaddyChadThundercock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Correction: Dancing monkey faggot

[–]hack3geRed Beret35 points36 points  (50 children) | Copy

How are all you faggots missing the elephant in the room? His wife gave him the ILYBINILWY and then proceeded to start going to the gym and working out.

She’s fucked half the town and he’s worried about random shit tests - literally rearranging the chairs on the deck of the titanic.

Fuck that you don’t invest your life in a cheating whore - you kick her ass to the curb and go find a bunch of young chicks to fuck - you can thank me later.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, and then she openly flirts with guys at dinner...

Starts teasing one of the guys and they banter backwards and forwards. She blocks my interactions by turning away from me and using her hat to block eye contact for the rest of the meal.

[–]HeckleandChide22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. 100% this. OP, you need to recognize, right now, that chances are high that she is getting some on the side. ILYBINILWY then getting fit is a code red sign. Get your financial shit in order asap.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Always get the getaway bag ready.

[–]Alpha_FucksFormerly DaddyChadThundercock7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is what stood out to me. This shit is fucking over and has been for a while. OP, you are a faggot of the highest order.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

Second one here in a week.

OP - she is/was fucking someone else. It's a script we see here all the time. Ask me how I know.

[–]An_Actual_Politician8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

If I had to guess, I'd say the fucking commenced right around the time she quit counseling. Looks like the branch swing failed though. She got pumped and dumped and retreated back to the safe harbor of the cash and prizes OP is forced to provide. She's planning on setting sail again as soon as opportunity arises.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Youre close. She was fucking someone else at least 18 months ago when she had a "midlife crisis" (aka - fucked chad) and got in the gym. Probably 2 years ago this started. Probably sucked and fucked a couple dicks in those 6-12 months, at the very least one, then right before marriage counseling came up is when the branch broke.

She took OP to counseling to absolve herself of any guilt, blamed it all on him with her hamster. The duty sex came back because she was afraid of losing OP beta and feigned true desire to recommit to him. The real commit was to his is $$$.

She "forgave" herself, but as blue as OP is, she cant resist the urge to suck and fuck a man worth fucking again.

She will never, ever, ever respect OP again as a cuckold.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re a fucking animal.

[–]part_wolf8 points9 points  (23 children) | Copy

I’d call you out for wild speculation, but this was my first thought as well. ILYBINILWY + a sudden and new found motivation for the gym = she’s getting the kind of attention she wants from someone else.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (22 children) | Copy

Its not speculation - none of this is rocket science - humans in general just aren’t that complicated animals. We have the same genetic programming that drives our behavior in response to specific situations and stimulus.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (21 children) | Copy

It's not speculation /u/part_wolf .

Do you know how many times hack3ge and I have seen this? It plays out exactly the same way, everytime.

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (16 children) | Copy

Yep and odds of coming back from this are slim to none - there have been a few guys here that have turned things around after that point by being a completely selfish asshole and just not giving a fuck about her.

The issue I have seen time and time again in those situations is they always end up leaving the wife any way. It’s essentially the death of a relationship even if your wife becomes attracted to you again it’s still over.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (15 children) | Copy

Who the fuck would want to try to come back from this?

Faggot OP needs to up the Tren and get some lifts in.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

No one should hence why I told him to drop her cheating ass - the smart ones do and the ones that don’t regret it eventually.

You ever run Primo? I don’t think I’m ready for tren but thinking about running 500mg test and 400mg primo - I wasn’t sure if that’s enough though as some people say to go up to 800mg.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

No brother. No experience with Primo.

And honestly unless you wanna fuck up your life, stay away from Tren.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So I hear - I’m trying to stay away from it for now but I’ve heard it’s fucking legit and not sure I will be able to stay away for ever.

How much have you run max? Some guys I was talking to at the gym said you can make decent gains on 200mg and not experience all the shitty sides.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve run a gram of primo with TRT test and some anavar. Diet was tight and I was fucking shredded.

Only downside is legit primo is $$.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Meh money isn’t a problem I have 15k in cash in a bug out fund in case the wife ever goes feral.

I’m actually considering the test, primo and var stack for my next cut.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do it man. You’ll love it. Honestly, I won’t touch tren again. I don’t fuck around with a lot of “exotic” compounds anymore for my long term health. Stuff like halotestin, tren, anadrol and even dbol etc.

250-300 test C/E, 40-50mg anavar and primo anywhere around 500-1g. Get diced mother fucker.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Really thinking my 100mg a week of prescribed test is unfair with you faggots running 500mg.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I felt like a god when I was on 500mg - I can see how people get addicted to that shit. My bloods weren’t even that bad - cholesterols, HCT and HGB all stayed in range and liver / kidneys were fine.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I need to find a pharma grade source. Doc wont up my 100mg a week even with lower numbers. Problem is my SHBG is shit.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Da fuck!

[–]Chump_No_More3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you know how many times hack3ge and I have seen this? It plays out exactly the same way, everytime.

Add my name to that list. I've seen this exact scenario twice in my life.

The first almost unmade me, but I doubled down on the stupid with another woman believing all the BP bullshit on what a woman wants in a man.

The second completely smashed my paradygm and found my way to MMSL, TRM and enlightenment.

Every clueless sap that showed up at the MMSL forum wanting to know what ILYBINILWY meant and found out the hard way.

No doubt in my mind she's fucking other men on the OP's dime.

Only solution is for OP kick her to the curb, take his lumps, and rebuild his life with an understanding that better represents reality.

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s incredible the degree to which some of you guys can break this stuff down with so few details.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember when you first saw the matrix that is RP? Remember how easy it was to predict behavior and outcomes of women?

I think it was jack10 who once said that you start to realize that AWALT becomes second nature and you start to realize APALT (all People are like that). When you learn about everyone's desire for manipulation and control (or lack thereof) based on fears and desires those few details become markers for predictable behavior. When you see more examples of what BP folks call cognitive dissonance - you get better at manipulating how predictable the code is around you. Longer you observe it, the more you "see" it.

The world happens to those with the BP. The RP happens to the world.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Couple marries, with zero STDs. 3 years later, one of them has an STD. It is incredible how much information one can glean from these two facts, isn't it?

[–]JoeBuckYourslf4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep.

OP, re read your second paragraph. The writing is on the wall.

[–]red-iron-man1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP you have to listen to hack3ge. Your story is so text book.

About 18 months ago when she was having her "mid-life crisis" another man was catching her eye and/or giving her attention. ILYBNILWY is code for "I can't stop thinking about this other guy, and you don't make me feel the way he makes me feel".

This is so common its cliche. You would have to be an idiot to ignore this. She is very capable of cheating on you.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Ah dude, c’mon. You’re driving the fear stake deep. She’s an uber cunt for sure. Loads of us started there. But, you’re probably right, he needs a good kick in the stones. That hostess shit was lame.

[–]hack3geRed Beret6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

She’s not an Uber cunt at all - she’s just acting as she is programmed to do. He’s a giant faggot hence her behavior. She’s 100% cheating anyone that doesn’t think so really hasn’t been paying attention.

There’s like 3 scripts for guys that come here and this one of them - fortunately for him his cheating whore wife is actually a non factor in the grand scheme of things.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You’re straight 100% on this?

Man, that’s fuckin’ hardcore.

And strangely liberating too.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep and you know my policy - I always say 99.99999% but it’s certain in this case.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Man, may i come back to you on this in the future?

You’re affecting my perspective and I’d like to be a bit more compos mentis before i ask my question.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sure I will likely call you a faggot though

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree w this man. I won’t be surprised to see a post about how he found out she’s cheated very soon..

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry op. You’re missing the big shit. She’s “finding herself”, hitting the gym, flirting with guys right in front of you... she’s fucking other guys. Get your shit together this is over.

[–]Alpha_FucksFormerly DaddyChadThundercock4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your whore wife is sucking Chad's dick and getting fucked in the ass too. You need to get your finances in order and plan a 6-12 month exit strategy to get out as a new man ready to fuck the world. You are faggot and don't get to fuck anyone. Stop. Start over, you blew it.

Money ain't shit if you have no frame.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I struggle to see a true “Chad” joining a 48 year old SAHM in a relationship. I’m sure it’s someone but it’s probably a relative 6 to his 3. Almost certainly another married dude whose relationship “is already over” and they think they found true love with each other lol.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck you, OP is sucking my dick. That’s the only shit that’s verifiable. You’re okay OP, that’s good. Keep it comin’. That’s it... nearly... slow down...

[–]FoxShitNasty8311 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Chill man, next time just AA that shit. Dry your paper thin frame out in the sun for a bit put some staples, reinforce with wood sticks and it will be good as new.

Tomorrow is a new day, learn and do better.

Edit:"she makes a joke about a question I ask every morning."

What question do you ask every morning?

[–]False_Responsibility[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dry your paper thin frame out in the sun for a bit put some staples, reinforce with wood sticks and it will be good as new.

Lol! I needed that! =) Thank you!

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Makes me feel totally beta. I decided to take one up the arse. Not liking it. "

If it makes you angry it's because there is a covert contract in there. What is your expectation on how she should behave?

If I improve, lose weight, be the alpha then my wife will not disrespect me or make feel bad.

[–]False_Responsibility[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I improve, lose weight, be the alpha then my wife will not disrespect me or make feel bad.

Maybe you're right. I don't know. As others have pointed out, maybe I'm just being totally gay and doing all this for her rather than for me. Maybe all the drama is in my head, and I need to worry about me for a change, and do these things for me rather than anyone else.

Change is hard. I thought I'd made progress, but the conversation in this post is a wake up call.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy

You're a successful, relatively young dude, and your wife says "I'm not so into you."

  • Why... do you not realize that you've got a whole 'nother half of your life left to live and that you could be having tons of fun?
  • Why... is her aging, relatively boring (14 years) body bothering you so damn much?
  • Why... are you so clueless when you're 1/2 of this dynamic anyway?
  • Why... should you be bothered when your (pretty old) wife works out to look better?
  • Why... are you so fucking interested in counseling in the first place?
  • Why... not adhere to your own needs and desires, as opposed to your "relationship-imposed" feelings of guilt?
  • Why... does your "moment of insight" result in nothing more than reading a bunch of fucking books?
  • Why... do you prioritize a goddamn garden? (Calling foxshitnasty, garden man).
  • Why... do you make me look up kilograms-to-pounds conversions?
  • Why... are you talking about a pool?
  • Why... do you feel good about yourself until your wife says or does something or tells a joke or speaks to another human being?
  • Why... are you upset by your wife's intellectually honest observation that wives should have chefs for husbands?
  • Why... does your wife's harmless joke feel like an "uppercut"? Have you not ever been on the receiving end of an actual uppercut?
  • Why... does it bother you - again - when your wife looks at other human beings, especially considering there are 7.99 billion of them on the planet and only one of you?
  • Why... do you impose standards of eye contact on your wife in the first place?
  • Why... did this silliness... especially at your age... cause you to lose sleep?

Why?

Are you a weak, retarded, gay, six-year-old child who's been contempuously spurned by the equally weak, retarded, gay, love of his life?

Why?

Edit: in the event you actually consider the worthless dreck you've jotted down as "an evening of shit tests" then you should know that you have not yet actually encountered a shit test. The silliness of which you write is much more akin to a squabbling sibling taking the remote control and changing the tv from the flintstones to sesame street.

As such you should strongly consider whether (1) you were intellectually stunted before age eight or (2) you were dropped on your head at an even younger age.

Were you not so clearly challenged, and conceivably deranged, I would have to call you a pussy or a faggot or a worthless piece of shit.

However, I understand that the Americans with Disabilities Act casts a wide net and as such I will not be liable for offending someone so incapable of defending himself.

Homo.

Edit 2: God damn Google Slate... all the bullshit you write about is just that: bullshit. No shit tests. Except one. The first one. The one where she says "you suck" or "ILYBINILWY" or whatever the fuck she said. That was a shit test. The rest is your own irstwhile imagination running amok.

Just don't sweat it old man. You've been together this long... what are you expecting? Cinderalla and cherry pies? Of course you'll have your challenges. Just remember...

  • Focus on you. Not - perhaps pardoxically - "us" - but instead, you.
  • Don't be so dramatic.
  • Don't be gay.

Edit 3: And stop believing in fairy tales.

Edit 4: WTF are you and foxy making in your goddamn gardens anyway?

[–]FoxShitNasty838 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Listen its not "garden" with flowers and shit. It's a small holding where I grow fruit and veg and it gets me away from fatty.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know what else gets you away from fatty?

Skinny.

As in a skinny broad with killer breasts, a strong forarm, prounounced jaw muscles, and no care in the world for your fucking garden.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You failed this shit test because of your fragile ego, just like OP.

You could have A&Aed, as OP should have, but instead you DEERed about your precious "holding".

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My piss taking sarsam didn't come through well. But I get your point

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

piss taking sarcasm

It's the go-to of betas everywhere, but it doesn't work ... it's usually just passive-aggressive and unattractive.

[–]False_Responsibility[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The questions are good. Really good. They make me think. Well, except the question about kilograms-to-pounds conversion ... that one is pretty weak.

The rest is your own irstwhile imagination running amok.

Yeah, I'm see this.

Focus on you. Not - perhaps pardoxically - "us" - but instead, you. Don't be so dramatic. Don't be gay.

I think this is the general consensus to my post. I'm over-analysis everything making drama where there is none. Fuck ... I need to take a chill pill.

[–]Red_Beards3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Firstly, the premise of your question is wrong. You don't need to recover from an evening of shit tests. I'm not even sure if what your wife was doing at dinner was even a shit test. Sounds like she has checked out and has no respect for you.

she’s having a midlife crisis “ ... cares about me, but is not in love with me. Unlikely, although she may have been looking and considering her options. I know the games that cheater play

You don't know shit because your ego invested head is so far up your own ass. Do you know what AWALT means? My personal eye opening experience was when an ex from college, married with kids, randomly text me at 2am on a weeknight and asked me to drive to her house and meet her in her driveway while her husband was sleeping in their own bed. Why? Because I ran into her one night out and she caught some tingles. Somehow you think your wife is some unicorn who wouldn't attempt this same shit, even after she gave you the ILYBINILWY speech, bailed on counseling, and hasn't fucked you in over a YEAR. Have you even read The Rational Male? If so, read it again, except this time, actually pay attention.

I'm lost and in reading r/relationship advice I stumble upon "the 180".

You found it, but you sure as shit didn't implement it. You should. The 180 is just red pill concepts of stop giving a fuck, remove time and attention, lift, don't DEER, get out of your wife's frame, and stop trying to save your marriage because you need to save yourself. The stay plan is the go plan.

Feeling alpha as fuck! Shit yeah.

You are completely delusional. You have barely gotten started and are a giant dancing monkey. I've been there. The good news is that you found MRP, but you're going to have to put in your own work.

[–]ur-2385 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy

Body weight fitness? You need to lift There is no substitute

[–]Smuggler-Tuek2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

all wives need a retired chef

I would be embarrassed if I was her. That’s equivalent to man saying “all husbands need a wife who can change their cars oil for them.” She outed herself as dead weight.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You spent the day building your ego like an air balloon with things like outdoing others in waves (nobody gave a fuck), getting a table (that’s what restaurants do), and then the rest of the night was your wife systematically burning your paper frame. She knows how weak you are and she has zero respect for you. I agree with others that ILYBINILWY is usually textbook code for she’s cheating.

The writing is on the wall.

1) quit being a homo and lift some real weights so you can get some real muscles

2) Starting working on an exit plan

3) work on your frame and hit the gym in the meantime. Do the 5x5 program for best gains out of the gate

4) Quit being a faggot

Your ego is so fragile... I’m surprised uou posted TBH, so cudos for that. You have a serious case of ONEitis though. Work on your social game and start diversifying your eggs. Man, you have such a long way to go that I actually feel bad for you... and i pretty much never have pity on posters here.

Starting doing OYS posts weekly, and take your lumps so you can improve your outlook

[–]beholdthemaverick2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

When, or if you finally come to your senses and next this cheating thot, I hope you get angry as fuck about all this bullshit you tolerated (even though you caused it by being weak). Get angry about all the time you wasted focusing on her instead of working on becoming a better version of yourself and focusing on your mission, and choosing to stay in a shit situation with a wife who doesn’t fuck you, yet entertains/flirts with/fucks other guys.

When you wake up to what’s really going on, I hope you get really angry at how fucking stupid this all is, that it would ever be tolerable to give your precious time and presence to someone who so clearly does not value it. I hope you can get angry and use it to work on yourself, lift heavy shit, fuck hotter women, pursue a worthwhile mission and elevate your life.

If you read the sidebar and wake the fuck up, I hope the future you gets mad at the current weak you, and you vow to yourself to never tolerate this kind of fuckery in your life ever again. But the catch is that you have to actually wake the fuck up first. You’re asleep right now.

Like Patrice O’Neal says, you’re stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on a narrow road leading to a dead end. Might as well stick a fork in this, start lifting some heavy shit, and focus on what matters pleighboi, cause it ain’t this ol’ raggedy thot.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well one of you went without sex for a year.

[–]2wo2wo3hree1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

LOL! You’re Michael Phelps in the water! You’re so cool!!!! You got your group a table!!! OMG! What a hero!!!

You’re butt-hurt because your wife made jokes at dinner and there was another guy who cooks better than you.

You’re here for validation.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lose the ego and start being fun and witty and learn how to take a joke.

Meet with Divorce attorney to study up on how fucked you’ll be with divorce. Then make an 18mo plan to become a better man and if she’s the one that you want at the end, then great. But start paying down debt and getting cash off the books now.

The Stay Plan is the same as The Go Plan.

[–]Gtrplyr38382 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck.....You need to be ready to walk and tell you SO that you will happier on your own. I had one that constantly ran me down for years until I told her that I was done...then her whole attitude changed and she tried everything to make it better. Unfortunately for her, I checked out already and moved on. I am now with someone 30 years younger who doesn’t give me half the drama as my ex, If you stayed there, held hostage, you will be miserable. If you show that you will walk, she may straighten up and behave. If she doesn’t, then let her go. She would make the rest of your life miserable.

[–]False_Responsibility[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck.....You need to be ready to walk and tell you SO that you will happier on your own.

This is not our typical behaviour. We don't usually run each other down and I certainly wasn't expecting it. But I hear what you're saying about self respect, and standing my ground.

[–]buckeyeboy19771 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Aww mommy made fun of you in public :(. Hope you didn’t cry too much that night. AA - agree and amplify. Come on man you have to maintain some kind of frame. Also lift some real damn weights. Bwf is shit and doesn’t count

[–]Gtrplyr38380 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, counseling won’t improve things..

Stand up for what you want now or you will be that pathetic miserable dude pushing the shopping cart while your wife walks ahead and chooses what you will buy.

[–]creating_my_life0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

70kg = 154lbs. How tall are you? You sound skinny. Bodyweight fitness isn't lifting.

You have NO dread. Wife knows no other woman would fuck you, so why should she?

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You say you're a lean 70 kg big wave surfer? what the fuck? you should be slaying them 20/30 year olds, the fuck are you concentrating on a 48 year old hag?

[–]sidepiecebandit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

About 18 months ago wife decides she’s having a midlife crisis “ ... cares about me, but is not in love with me.” This leads to a period of emotional turmoil, and discussions. I can't figure out what's going on, and remain largely clueless. She decides she wants to get fit, so joins a gym and starts working out.

She was getting railed by the local meathead who doesn't blame his own shortcommigs on his wife's "midlife" crisis.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

your narcissism is stopping you from seeing the forest from the trees. its just all about you "she said this and it made me feel... i need to hold the frame..." blah blah blah.

really there is no outcome independence here, there is an unhealthy level of ego invested in the relationship and your ego takes everything as an attack, causing you to be a complete fag. all your beta behaviours are in fact your ego seeking validation so that you dont need to face the fact that you have subconscious issues that you need to deal with.

how do you find your subconscious issues, confront them and change them to become closer to your true nature?

get out of your comfort zone, with no help or safety net. the further you get out of your comfort zone and the less of a safety net you have the more of your subconscious will have to be confronted, destroyed and a new character created in its place.

dont feel too bad though, by coming here your journey has begun.

[–]Toowhammy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Once you discover how many times she’s cheated on you, you’re going to look back at the obvious signs and feel dumb. You literally just typed a story about about your wife that might as well been About a character straight from the cheaters handbook.

If I was you, I’d file for D, wish her luck with her retired chef she go about improving my body, my career, and my social alone and let her sneak with her actions and earn me back.

[–]OptimusRP0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

First time poster. I'm not going to ask for you to go easy on me. Fuck that shit ... tell me like it is.

Well, that was brutal. Are you still with us OP?

[–]False_Responsibility[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep, still here. I feel like r/AskMRP just ripped me a new arsehole. And also, y’all are rude motherfuckers.

But a lot of what was said hits uncomfortable close to home ... the comments about my ego tied to her approval ... the comments about my priorities ... the comments about motivation. If r/AskMRP can smell desperation in an online post, then I must stink of it in real life. I understand what u/BobbyPeru means when he said I have a lot of work to do ... I don’t understand how much just that I’ve got a looooong way to go. I’ve taken a step back the last few days to make a list of things I need to get started on. Going to create a new account (cos I’m paranoid AF) and start posting in OYS so I’ll post an update there.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve taken a step back the last few days to make a list of things I need to get started on.

Don’t start making up your own shit. Keep it simple. If you lift, do the readings, practice the readings, and mostly STFU, it will come in time. Don’t be in a hurry- that’s a mistake.

Do it for you

That is the most important part. The fact that you haven’t had sex in a year does not bode well... that combined with the fact that she’s openly flirting in front of you... Well, the likely implications of that have already been pointed out. That’s why you have to do it for you... not for her.

[–]Octellius3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't back down. There are a lot of us, lurking beneath the covers not posting, just observing the guys (like you here) running around like a flak target saying all the same things as whats in the archives. This forum probably what you have been looking for your whole life. That missing part of yourself that never felt right. I've been lurking myself, lifting and doing my best to STFU and observing myself, introspecting on why I get so pissy when the wife says X or Y which is disrespectful then later realizing that my ego is covering my tender spots, the spots I have to work on anyway. It'll take you a while to come to your own internal understanding as to whats happening, but the guys who are further down the trail have seen people like us a hundred times over, often because it was them 1-3 years ago.

We all have a different starting point but I believe that the reason the course corrections above are so pointed is that you don't need to just track 5 degrees to the left from where you are. You are going away from the goal and need to stop investing in the wrong things immediately.

I read TRM (web only) and the 12 dreads about 4 months ago and started lifting that week. The guys say lift, lift, lift. You probably didn't understand the why part. I'll provide a newbie perspective. After being puffy and weak all my life just recently I started squatting my bodyweight at 90kg. A small win and a long way to go. When you walk down a street you stand straighter, you are carrying more muscle. the crowds flow around you. Hormonal changes affect your mindset in all area's of life.

My advice which is not worth much and the Red berets will berate me for not being observant enough, but anyway:

  • Saying you feel alpha is an illusion. An alpha just is, he doesn't think about whether he is alpha enough, everything is second nature. He puts himself first often enough to generate abundance. Giving\operating from a position of strength is what you see from the outside. The abundance needs to come first.
  • If you're an aussie as well you have probably worked out that you can't get test and 100% of the talk on tren\dbol is off the cards. I almost ordered it from overseas a while back which is treated as the legal equivalent as to me ordering from the silk road. lol. If you have to go natty, consider anabolicmen.com and possibly the testshock program. I got a PT, but only to write me a tailored program on a 3-4 week rotation.
  • Bang for buck wise, spend your time and effort in the gym rather than cardio and BWF. Even away for 2 weeks on holidays I preferred sprints and pylo's and beach runs to BWF. I still need to cut, but I'm doing that with diet rather than adding bulk cardio(and I say that as an ex ironman)
  • Lastly, you have made your relationship your mission, hence your success is controlled by another. If you fail and the relationship doesn't get better from all your hard work you don't get sucess your are forced to seek validation which would have to be external by the nature of your model. Your ego steps in and your become indignant from the lack of effort you put in. As mentioned above by others the whole direction is wrong. Work on YOUR goals, make YOU better for YOU. Not for her, or the next. Don't do 'alpha things' to look good. Chicks will love me if I learn Spanish guitar is dancing monkey. Once you shed the rotten parts of your image and personality you'll be better than 90% of the chumps out there already.

I have no experience with cheating wives, but even if the guys above are wrong nothing for a year is a sign of something very wrong. Females consider males either hot or creepy\gross. Nothing for a year puts you in the second category. I'd be 90% sure there is no coming back, hence your are improving you for the post breakup life. The stay plan is the go plan. Look at every aspect of your life. If you would not do it as a single man, than your lost on this point.

As for her actions a year back up to now here is a thought exercise for you. Where on the 12 stages of dread did she get to? Once your anger levels rise, use it as fuel in the gym.

Some tips:

  • Android Secure Folder. In that use an app called writer. It stores local files in the encrypted volume. Get used to how secure folder works.
  • Open a new bank account somewhere and consider getting a mailbox. You may even consider getting a debit card(with a CC number) for an offshore bank. Operates just like a normal card. If you stockpil cash here, don't touch it until after the separation.
  • For the love of god take control of all household finances and pay off debt. Any credit cards in your name (only) leave them open and empty. Lose the card somewhere you can find again later just in case.

Once you are ready to walk at any point and have the tools and plan to do so your ego won't be wounded all the time. Your ego is protecting your weakness. You CAN'T leave if you want to. She knows this. This is why she is looking for a branch.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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