First time poster. I'm not going to ask for you to go easy on me. Fuck that shit ... tell me like it is.
Me: 51, married 14 years, 2 kids (13 and 11). I’m outwardly successful ... strong job skills (mid 6 figure annual income), kids in private school, nice show home. Inwardly, I’m a blue-pill-beta-fag. You’ve heard the story here a hundred time, failed shit tests, drunk captain, sacrificing my integrity and pride “... to do what’s best for the family.” Wife is 48 SAHM.
About 18 months ago wife decides she’s having a midlife crisis “ ... cares about me, but is not in love with me.” This leads to a period of emotional turmoil, and discussions. I can't figure out what's going on, and remain largely clueless. She decides she wants to get fit, so joins a gym and starts working out. We start counselling about 1 year ago. A lot of her issues are raised and discussed. Things get more stable.
But then wife decides that "we should behave naturally" and no longer wants to participate in counselling. I'm lost and in reading r/relationship advice I stumble upon "the 180". I start reading more and about 6 months ago I end up here. I read all the stories that the other sad beta-fags write about ... and recognise myself. I've been worst than a drunk captain ... I've been an AWOL captain. Realise that I'm not special. I read the side bar: NNMNG, MMSLP, 16 Commandments of Poon, TBOP, 60 Days of Dread, Steel's guide. Much of the material resonates. Need to get my shit together, so I start by taking the basic steps ... 1. STFU, 2. Lift, and 3. OYS.
Made lots of progress in the last 6 months. Started taking ownership of my my shit ... fixing stuff in the home/garden that's been neglected ... looked after cars so everything regularly cleaned and maintained ... fixed pool problems so it's no longer green but blue, clear and kids want to hang out there. Started Body Weight Fitness (BWF) ... Drop from 85kg to 70kg ... strongest and fittest I've been in about 20 years ... now working on cutting to better show the progress.
Relationship changes too ... start getting shit tests on a regular basis. I read about shit tests and start giving them back. We even start to have fun, and I start reading about game to take things to the next level. Haven't had any physical intimacy for over a year, and I want to take things to the next level.
Feeling good about myself ... until last night.
Spend the day at the beach with friends. Have fun during the day playing in the waves. I'm good in the water, and comfortable playing the big waves that the others are intimidated by. We go for dinner. There are 12 of us (3 couples and 6 kids). We don't have a reservation and the place is full, but with a stroke of luck I make eye contact with the bar manager and she asks me how many for dinner. I ride this wave, and we end up with two tables ... a table for the adults and a table for the kids. Feeling alpha as fuck! Shit yeah.
Then she has a couple of wines, and starts the shit tests. One of the guys is a retired chef ... Wife says all wives need a retired chef and it should definitely be on "the check list". All the girls laugh. I cook 1/2 the family meals, and this is a deliberate upper-cut. Changes the subject before I can respond. Makes me feel totally beta. I decided to take one up the arse. Not liking it.
10 minus late, she makes a joke about a question I ask every morning. Again everyone laughs. She's on a roll. Starts teasing one of the guys and they banter backwards and forwards. She blocks my interactions by turning away from me and using her hat to block eye contact for the rest of the meal. I try some lame jokes but nothing resonates. I've been outed as a spineless beta-fag in public.
Spent a sleepless night trying to figure all this out, and decided to make my first post on r/AskMRP. Retelling this story has focused my thoughts. I started this by thinking I needed advice, but I've been imagining r/AskMRPs answers as I type and I now have an idea of how to progress ... 1. Don't act butt-hurt ... I fucked up, so I've got to deal with it and suck it up. 2. Regain frame, and get the captain on deck. 3. Start preparing for shit tests based on the new material from last night ... I'm sure it'll come around again.
Thanks for reading. Just typing this shit helps ...