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Handling accusations of cheating that I didn't do

by dll142 | January 16, 2020 | askMRP

17 upvotes

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Hi all. It's been a while since my last post. I'm a good year into my MAP. I'm 42 and wife is 43. Both in good physical shape and we lead an active life. Second marriage. Been together over 4 years, married just over 2 years. 4 children (2 are mine, 2 are hers) that all get along well.

6'1" 215 lbs with good solid lifts. Bench 335, squat 410, dead lift 435.

Relationship and sex life is good. However I do get called selfish, a jerk, and on occasion, have been outright asked if I've cheated / am cheating on her (I am not and have not). I usually use AA, deflection, and sometimes fogging (which completely diffuses her) when she rants about this. When it ends in her being rude and disrespectful (i.e. I get called a name), I end the conversation with a boundary and she usually comes back hours later and apologizes, and other times just drops it.

I wrote an article on here about 8 months ago about getting a loan for my business (borrowed against the house, which I had before the marriage and is still only in my name). I have a wife that is very tight and conservative with money. She had no debt when I married her (still doesn't), and she has a great job and is a big saver. I always had my home equity line and have used it over the years (paying it off and reborrowing) before I met her, so it's always been a behavioral pattern I've had. I took a draw 8 months back and she found out and confronted me. I said in a nutshell. "yep, took money for the business." She got pissed and called me a "liar by omission", which, in her eyes, hurt her trust and confidence in me. She gave me extensive grief, which I had to put up a boundary, but my actions (at least the way I handled them) caused some damage to my relationship. Now that I look back, I made a mistake by not disclosing up front. My bad. Maybe my old nice guy persona was subconsciously afraid of her reaction... don't know, don't care, but I've improved and I run things better now. Because of this, I've had expressions (from her) of broken trust and have been outright asked if I'm cheating. I made that bed, and have dealt with lying in it. I share this story because it has a point in the next section.

A couple nights ago, we were planning a trip for next month. I reserved and paid for the hotel and plane tickets. She asked about the rewards program for the hotel, so I gave her the logon info for my rewards account and she logged in and put the info in for the reward. She scrolled through the rewards history and saw charges / rewards for a local budget motel on a Friday night, a couple months back. She immediately blew up and confronted me, accusing me of laying with some whore. I blew it off and told her it was one of my employees stayed late to finish a job and worked the next morning (Saturday), which was the truth. She didn't believe me and and brought up how I was untrustworthy because of the home equity loan I wrote about above, I was a known liar (because of that). I actually shrugged and said, "you're right, we did have an issue about the home equity loan, and I can see this issue with you seeing the motel reward is making you upset.... I told you the truth about the situation, if you don't believe me I can't help that." She erupted and demanded proof and to see my phone, to which I have not complied. She demanded to know why it was in my name and had our address in it, and that it must be me.

I do have proof that it was paid for on an employee's credit card and I have a copy of the signed slip by the employee. I don't feel I'm under any obligation to explain myself. In fact, I'm tempted to let the hamster run and use it as dread. I hope she digs through the computer or my phone "when I'm not looking." It may be fun to see what happens. Who know, who cares?

My question is, am I handling this optimally or should I break down and comfort her by offering proof. She hasn't brought it back up, so I let it go. Should I stay my course through fogging and maintaining boundaries, or should I give in and show her comfort? I can see pros and cons either way, but I lean toward the former. Blast away guys.


Post Information
Title Handling accusations of cheating that I didn't do
Author dll142
Upvotes 17
Comments 69
Date 16 January 2020 09:11 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/310435
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/epponb/handling_accusations_of_cheating_that_i_didnt_do/
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Comments

[–]arm_candy13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

I don’t think there’s any additional comfort to give here. Providing the employee’s receipt looks weak as hell and I don’t see why she’d believe it’s real anyway. Opening up your cell phone for her similarly won’t prove anything. She’ll just say you must have deleted the conversation with your slut.

I think you’ve done the right thing and all you can realistically do. You told her the truth.

I wouldn’t try to spin this into “dread” though. That it’s just going to encourage you to engage in suspect behavior to get a reaction from her. Do what you actually think is right for your.

[–]dll142[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks, I agree with what you say. "Showing proof" is pussy ass weak and sets the stage for a really dark and slippery slope into betadome.

My instinct is to just drop it / let it go. If she brings it up, I'll just tell her, "already told you the truth... I can't help if you don't believe me."

[–]arm_candy4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think that’s all you can do. No amount of evidence will “prove” you didn’t fuck some whore. It will just show her that you’re willing to cave to her emotions.

I mean, feel free to lay on as much comfort as you can in terms of words, but you should stop well short of providing any evidence against her accusation.

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Thanks

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You might want to mention that it's impossible to prove a "negative". Meaning it's impossible prove definitely that you didn't do something.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret14 points15 points  (7 children) | Copy

How you handle it depends on how you usually handle things.

Me?

I'd say something like " if I was going to fuck someone else I'd probably use __ expensive hotel _"

[–]dll142[S] 9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

I did say something like that.... I did say, "give me some credit, I wouldn't use a Days Inn."

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

There you go.

Your other options are to pressure flip.

If she is acting scared hug her.

If she is is acting bitchy book a few rooms and stay a night away.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Ah yes.

Nothing says I am the man better than retreating to a hotel due to a cunt wife.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You're right. He can make himself scarce and that's my point. Guys have done this to good effect here.

Stop eating paint

[–]wheremyballsgo-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why stick it out like a strong oak who can handle a little girls emotional winds when you can just go stay at a hotel.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're right. You go handle that damsel in distress. But also learning how to read is good.

I did mention it depends on whether withdrawing your attention would be prudent.

Or you can " handle her at her worst " ... So you can " deserve her at her best ". Like a " real man"

[–]msr8361 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hotel - best move I ever did. That BS didn't happen again. Got a great sleep too. And free breakfast buffet.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (20 children) | Copy

Why was it a problem for you to take a loan out against the house you had before the two of you hot together? I don't see the problem?

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

I didn't either. She had a problem with it because I didn't disclose it upfront. She felt disrespected by that action, more than the borrowing itself. I care about her enough to understand that and now I keep her informed of important decisions of that nature.

[–]ImNotSlash7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you care if she had a problem with it? Its your house. It's your business. She bullied you into caving which assuredly has helped lead to this accusation of cheating.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't either. She had a problem with it because I didn't disclose it upfront.

Don’t be a flip flopper. You owned it in your initial post, and as soon as someone says something different your flopped back here. Weak

Here’s where you initially owned it:

Now that I look back, I made a mistake by not disclosing up front. My bad

You need to decide whether or not you lied by omission. Don’t let others make that call for you. It shows how weak your frame is.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fair enough, I just think her acting like you broke her trust over it is a bit excessive.

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe we all think that. How does that help OP?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By generating discussion so we can better help him and each other? TRP is supposed to be a group of guys discussing sexual strategy, I would assume MRP would be an extension of that, while also including relationship strategy.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Should have let her know, you were afraid of her reaction because of her tight fist with money (a good thing).

Lots of posters will say “it was your house before marriage”, but unless you signed a pre-nup, any reasonable person will assume that’s it now BOTH your houses.

$10,000+ money decisions should be discussed between both parties (even if it’s just hey, I’m doing this) whether it’s friends, family members or spouses.

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with you. After thinking about it, I believe that I dropped the ball on that with respect to my own set of values and principles. I betrayed her trust by not informing upfront on a larger decision because she unequivocally trusted me with money (i.e. I manage and control it), and she opens and reads the bank statements and is in charge of the record keeping (how she saw it). I never balance a check book day to day, although I log into my account and check several times a day, because I don't have to. I have always made enough money and spent way less than I made so I didn't have to live paycheck to paycheck, and my business has always paid such loans from me back over the last 20 years.

[–]RedPillGlasses3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good = She now knows you can do whatever the fuck you want. Apologize once (I’m sure you already have), and then don’t talk about it again.

There was some motel rewards BS, sounds like you brought the business loan BACK into the conversation.

Don’t.

If she brings it up again, don’t use any fancy RP tricks. No fogging, no AA, just hit her straight.

“It was a mistake, I apologized once, I won’t do so again. I love you.”

And then move on.

If she pushes hard, you gotta go over the top.

“Your name isn’t on the house, if you don’t like it, then you can move out.” with a dead flat look LOCKED into your face.

She will break before you do. And then you’ll never hear about it again. Good luck.

[–]ImNotSlash0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The issue isn't that he told her. The issue is she threw a fit and he caved like he did something wrong.

And this,

Should have let her know, you were afraid of her reaction because of her tight fist with money (a good thing).

Is fucking retarded. "You scared me honey so I'm trying to behave. Please love me!"

Fuck outta here with that bullshit.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

like he did something wrong

He did.

He was sneaky about it because he was worried she would talk him out of it.

Your FO should be aware of any major course corrections, even if they don’t have a say in it.

[–]ImNotSlash0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He said maybe he was scared. If true, fuck him. But his response was,

I said in a nutshell. "yep, took money for the business."

Done. She had issues with it? "Ok, I'll keep that in mind should I consider doing it again."

This "i fucked up. I'm sorry." shit is just that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Because they are married. His finances=her finances. You should take charge of them and do what you want but acting like it’s none of her business is being childish and not a good leader at all.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I never said it wasn't any of her business, I'm just curious how other guys handle these kinds of things.

I see it like this, she should trust me to make the decisions that need to be made for the family. I don't feel like I need to give her an update on every financial decision I make. If she thinks I'm a fucking retard or bad with money, she can pack her shit up and deal with her own bank account.

Again, I was just curious specifically because its a house he had before her, marriage or not.

I don't need to tell my wife if I sold a car I had before she came around. Why is a house that different. He took a loan to further a business. Business as usual.

[–]FRedington1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This: your separate property prior to the marriage is something you should have taken care of via a pre-nup before you married her.

IANAL. See a lawyer specializing in family law and see what you can do to assure that your property prior to the marriage remains yours after the marriage. This includes the house, fixtures, furniture, household goods, tools; same for your business, business finance including leases, WIP, inventory, ... If there is anything you can do, then do it.

The stay plan is the same as the go plan.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It’s because it’s nothing more than a loan. It’s not like selling the car you had before her. It’s more like trading it in on a new one without even talking to her. He said himself the entire reason he didn’t tell her was because he was afraid of how she’d react.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He said himself the entire reason he didn’t tell her was because he was afraid of how she’d react.

That was his ONLY mistake in all of this, and it's a case study for others here on the long-term damage of a shitty Frame.

[–]QueenSlapFight0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is the dumbest comment in the thread. Is he the captain, or is he on a sinking ship with two first mates and no clear leadership? A captain sets the course, makes snap decisions, and doesn't have to ask the first mate for their input on all decisions. A good captain will get first mate input for relevant topics. But a first mate mutining over a made up slight is absolutely unacceptable. He has shit frame and his wife is leading him around by the balls with made up slights and tenuous "evidence" of cheating. She's clearly just finding excuses to try to break his frame and he's an idiot for back peddling over something that is clearly not a gregarious error or undeniable evidence of betrayal. She is literally casting that position as their frame and he's entering it.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I completely disagree. It's his house, it's his business.

Obviously, that's not the frame in which the relationship was established, but he's within his assertive rights to change that frame at any time... it's non-negotiable.

The strong emotion is the 'tell'... it's all a power play for who has the dominant Frame.

[–]part_wolf7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

“I understand you’re upset. I can’t prove something that didn’t happen.”

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

But where is the DEER????

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I understand you’re upset, Red.

[–]becoming_alpha4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

But I want my meat.

[–]wheremyballsgo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What's so wrong with saving money on a cheap hotel?

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you cheating? No.

Are you cheating? Asked and answered.

[–]dll142[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I think "showing proof" is weak and validation seeking.

[–]joe555555552 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It sounds like this will never end, even if this blows over something will happen later. If I were you I'd sit her down and be like if you don't trust me why are we together. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"what reason would I have to cheat on you" is all I've ever said to my wife. She seems to seriously contemplate the question, but I've never gotten an answer from her because I've always walked away to do something else.

Give less fucks bro.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

However I do get called selfish, a jerk,

And that’s a bad thing?

house, which I had before the marriage and is still only in my name).

Most states would award her additional equity accrued during the marriage it’s your residence. If it was an investment property, different.

I took a draw 8 months back and she found out and confronted me.

Ok, now I’m getting a clearer picture. Taking a secret equity line is a blue pill pussy move. And before you say it wasn’t secret and it’s none of her business... ask yourself why it became a big issue when she found out. I’m almost positive she has some equity since it is your primary residence. In a divorce, your most likely get what ever equity you had before the marriage, and equity accrued after the marriage would be 50/50. Check to see if you live in a community property state. If it was a rental property, that’s different, and you’d probably have 100% equity . So, it mist likely is her business if you live in a community state. Plus, your intentions are important since you were scared of mommy.

hint - the answer is because you withheld information. Pussy move. Own it and inform your first mate.

subconsciously afraid of her reaction... don't know, don't care, but I've improved and I run things better now.

At least you kinda own it here. The “don’t know, don’t care” part is weak

It m tempted to let the hamster run and use it as dread

Yep, the picture is even clearer. This is a comfort test, and you want to use intentional dread. Weak.

I’ll admit this is a tough situation, but as you said, your mr. nice guy withheld information because ultimately you were scared of mommy. But, now you seem to be going to the other extreme.

Find a balance

How do you find a balance? Well, we can’t write a script for you. But, I’m trying to put myself in your shoes, and I’m thinking STFU might be a first good move. See how far she pushes it when you STFU.

You don’t always have to use a damn “MRP technique.” Sometimes your best move is to say nothing. Use that tool more.

A running hamster is good , but a hamster running off the rails is destructive. That being said, I’m thinking if her hamster is going crazy, you need to add in some comfort. Start with an A&A about screwing a $20 ho in a cheap hotel, and then pull her in tight for a long kiss. See how something like that goes.

Admit you omitted information in the past, and you can see how she’s feel that way. This is not weak - it’s ownership. Don’t apologize, just admit it. Then, tell her she’s the only ho you want to tuck in a cheap hotel lol (more A&A). I don’t think I’d own “breaking trust-“ it seems a bit extreme, but you definitely purposefully omitted information from your first mate. And NO, it’s probably not solely owned by you since you both live there, so I disagree with others who say it’s none of her business. Sh most likely has some equity in the house,, depending on the state.... but you own more. Those who say differently, don’t understand the concept of community property. It became community property when you started living there as a married couple.

Get the picture...? Push and pull... have a little fun with it and then add in a little comfort. The success of this depends on where you are in your journey. I and most of the Red Berets could easily pull off such scenarios, and make her laugh. But remember, say things to amuse yourself, not her... like my lol above was genuine. I made myself laugh because that’s really something I’d say to her, and she’d maybe punch me in the shoulder and say “your bad”’in a sexual way.

Picture becoming clearer?

Ok, this has turned into a long comment, but the main point I want you to get is to have a little fun with it, while simultaneously adding a little comfort. If you aren’t “there” yet, you’ll know by her reaction.

So , there’s no A+ answer because there’s so many different ways to go , and it depends on where you are in your MRP journey. Try some things one by one, and gauge her reaction.

Most importantly, stay in your frame. You are the captain, so you think and act like a captain, but you gauge your first mates’s reactions and act accordingly. Don’t be autistic.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If a woman calls you selfish, a jerk, or an asshole, it means she wants to fuck you.

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I get called that alot, but she still does fuck me good, so I must be doing something right.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You handled it fine.

I remember this story. Trust is important to a FO. It's hard to get back. (Very hard).

[–]dll142[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, it is. Like I said, my actions and the way I handled the home loan issue is on me and I have those consequences. Chose the behavior, chose the consequences. The only thing I can do is don't repeat behavior that is harmful to our relationship and her trust.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The question you are asking is 'should I play this for dread or comfort?'

You could do either or both.

Or neither.

All of them have different outcomes, all of which you should - at this stage - have a pretty good idea of.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You obviously fucked up the Captain/FO dynamic. Is it your house? Sure. Are you the captain and going to make the ultimate decision? Sure. But part of that is briefing the FO on what is happening. All you needed to say was “hey, look this what we’re going to do with the house. From here, this will happen... Then this will happen”. That way, you make the ultimate decision, your leadership is strengthened (which is really just solidifying your frame within the relationship), she trusts your lead and respects you for including her in the brief and what’s going on. You didn’t even need to DEER, or to explain why. Just brief her on what’s happening with a solid plan and then do it and succeed. You failed here, and hence the trust of the FO is unnecessarily damaged, and the mission is effected. You are now dealing with the run-off from that decision. She doesn’t trust your leadership, and found (although fairly weak) “proof” of “cheating” which is really bs. But ends up being grounds to let the hamster run. At this point, it’s your fault. But at the same time, you need to stfu, provide MINIMAL comfort without DEERING or explaining yourself, continue raising your value and moving forward with your mission. She’ll let this go. Or she won’t. It’s on her at this point. Ball’s in her court. Just learn from this and move forward.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't cheat. You told her you didn't cheat. That's it.

The rest is on her.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a post of you seeking validation

At some point you must be 110% confident in your reactions, and either blow them off, or AA them off in a “10 Fucks Not Given” frame.

You lack frame, confidence and mission. This why she comes at you. The more you react like a pussy, the more she charges and condemns you for being a pussy.

You got to be so grounded and do fuvking confident in what you want that you should be eating someone else’s pussy in your left hand and feeling her up with your right and she won’t give a fuck.

last words of advice, those that throw cheating accusations out repeatedly... are generally guilty of something

Sidebar and keep lifting

[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She's cheating on you.

That's why she accuses you of cheating. For her it's a normal, expected behavior. And she doesn't want to be the bad person in the relationship.

[–]QueenSlapFight0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Plus she's really harping on "lying by omission". There certainly signs of dishonesty.

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You mean signs of dishonesty on her part?

[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep on what you are doing

[–]fannyfire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If I somehow managed to get married twice I’d already be on DGAF mode. I don’t think you should comfort her. Kissing her ass and explaining yourself is going to open up the door for future scenarios just like this. She keeps getting validated because you keep comforting her. Then you create a vicious cycle of explaining every damn thing. Then she is the prize and your back on your ass again. I say you just keep doing what you’re doing and let her get over it. The stay plan is the go plan and this is your second marriage so who cares?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

i think the question of how to handle the cheating accusations have been adequately handled, let's take a look at two other issues:

I end the conversation with a boundary

boundary doesn't mean fuck all unless there is action/punishment right behind failure to ignore the boundary. how are you enforcing your boundaries?

She got pissed and called me a "liar by omission", which, in her eyes, hurt her trust and confidence in me. She gave me extensive grief, which I had to put up a boundary, but my actions (at least the way I handled them) caused some damage to my relationship.

i'm seeing a lot of horseshit in this thread about how the captain is required to communicate and explain his actions to the first officer. NO HE IS NOT.

my wife is similar in terms of her financial/risk outlook. she's more than welcome to handle decisions she makes in that frame. i'm in no way obliged to adopt this frame. my wife reacts much the same way to similar decisions. my boundary is i don't consult her anymore about financial decisions or purchases, zero. i don't hide it either. picking up new Can Am X3xds next week. she'll figure it out when i unload it.

she doesn't add anything to the decision making process other than her feelz, and stating the obvious - that my money is most valuable in her purse.

if it's a problem for her, she knows where the door is located

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the answer. And personally I think the cheating accusation is a ploy to get him to run his financial decisions by her first. She doesn't like that he takes out equity for his business without consulting her first. She knows he doesn't want to be accused of cheating so the "solution" is for him to make sure she knows what he's spending money on.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why does she care that you might be cheating?

The answer is your strength here.

[–]PaPaKAPture0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She has been cheated on before. Her gut threw up a red flag over the home equity situation, not because of the money, but the principle of it. You two are married, both are financially interconnected, like it or not. You both are a team, where big decisions should be discussed. Then she she sees a local budget motel, I can totally see where that would set her off. I always say trust your gut, it is rarely ever wrong. In this case, her gut feeling IS wrong, so you might just wanna show the proof and move the fuck on. Don't die on this hill. Unless you want massive distrust and suspicion going forward for the forseeable future.

Think for a second about this from her POV. What would you think if you saw your wife, who has kept big decisions (or purchases) from you in the past, had rented out one night at a in town budget motel? I know damn well what my gut would be screaming.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Forget the context, what is she doing?

All attempts of manipulation by consistently moving the goals posts, with a liberal dose of strong emotion.

Her arguments make no logical sense... it's your house, fully in your name before the marriage. The business, using funds before the marriage belongs to you. All none of her damn business. Your first fault was accepting "lie of omission" framing, but what's done is done.

Of course they make no logical sense, because she's swimming in her ocean of feelz. The dread she feels, feeds her hypergamic doubt, which compels her to test your frame.

If any of this is a comfort test, it's a very shitty one.

My advise is to stay the course on your present strategy.

Whatever she feels on equity/debt that doesn't belong to her is her problem, not yours.

EDIT: Some additional context on how living expenses are split and finances are shared would be helpful for advise on a long-term course of action.

For example, does she work? Does she maintain her own bank account? How are living expenses divided? Does she fund her own retirement account?

If she's emotionally abusing you over finances, while there's some element of needing to understand her insecurities, at the end of the day you must protect your best interests and re-evaluate how you handle shared finances.

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Whenever my wife drops these on me.. i always repeat the same thing.. "Yes, her name is Stephanie, she's super hot but can get annoying" i wink at her and walk away.

It's now become a joke/thing.. she asks about Stephanie and what shes up to with that sarcastic annoyed voice... if she asks about a rando number calling my phone I immediately answer its Stephanie Ill talk to her later.

you get the picture.

[–]dll142[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is awesome. I frequently use AA (a lot) and get called an jerk/asshole/selfish/yadda yadda (you get the picture). But in the end, she usually comes around when I hold frame and we fall into a fun dynamic where we rib and bust each other's chops. My problem is that I have a good record when it comes to passing shit tests, but stumble on comfort tests.

[–]SteveSan82-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why did you even get married? Pointless



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