Are there really men who don’t cheat or who strive not to?

2020-01-14T05:36:56+00:00

They're out there, it might just be a matter of re-calibrating your picker.

Men are not checkboxes, there's no magical list unfortunately.

PM_ME_YOUR_DREAMSS · 2020-01-14T07:47:21+00:00

I've been lurking on here for a bit just to get some different perspective. There are a lot of men who don't cheat. I've been cheated on before when in a committed relationship and it fucked with me on multiple levels. I don't want to make someone feel something that I myself wouldn't want to feel.

People cheat because they want to and/or think they can get away with it. Some just flat out don't care.

smellingdeadroses · 2020-01-14T08:46:32+00:00

Loyal guys exists but sadly there's no way we can know who's going to cheat or not. My only advice would be: Don't be naive (if you sense that something is weird it's because most probably something is going on) also don't trust people right away, they have to earn your trust and of course pay attention to the red flags.

Pola_Lita · 2020-01-14T10:10:39+00:00

Cheating is a moral issue and nothing you can do or not do is going to cause a change in another's moral values over such a relatively short period of time. Stop blaming yourself. The only thing I can recommend is to be extra aware of any denial you may have over the next man's honesty and integrity. Pay attention to how he judges or responds to strangers, his way of talking about others when they're not around. Listen to what he has to say about women in general.

Morphon · 2020-01-14T16:41:40+00:00

Male opinion - Some of us are out there. I have never cheated and never would. I actually find commitment to be invigorating - much more so than sneaking around like an idiot.

Don't give up on the search.

failingtheturingtest · 2020-01-14T11:24:41+00:00

Remember, cheating is often a form of validation seeking. People who feel "less than" can find the allure of someone new desiring them to be quite the drug.

Dating below you in presumed SMV is going to exacerbate that if they aren't very confident in themselves or aren't used to attention from women. They get a new found confidence from having someone they see as better than them, and they aren't desperate to find a lay. This becomes an attractive quality to other women, so his perceived SMV actually raises just from dating you.

Perhaps find men who are confident in themselves, that CAN ALREADY get other women, but CHOOSE to give that up for you.

Also, since you make it clear in your post that you think they are a few points below you in looks, you might actually not make them feel as desired as you think. Think about how often you tell them how attracted you are, or how much you initiate romantic things, how much you just touch their body in desire. Men also want to feel wanted. And when they aren't getting it at home, but a new girl is showing very keen interest, it is once again a strong aphrodisiac.

Andrusz · 2020-01-14T13:10:37+00:00

Hi, Male Lurker here. Normally I avoid commenting in this community for the sanctity of the female space but I felt a slight compulsion to provide some male insights for you.

My first question is about your attractiveness ratings. You labeled yourself a 7/8 and him a 6; I am curious how you are grading yourself? Did you decide you were a 7 or 8 or have you been told this on multiple occasions by both men and women? I trust your evaluation of your exes as I typically find women to be very careful when judging the attractiveness metrics of men.

But also this brings me to what I wanted to actually touch on, because if indeed you are an 8 who is dating down then that can potentially create a scenario where you have "buffed" your Exes attributes and made them FEEL more attractive and desirable than they really are because they have managed to attract you.

I am not sure if you are familiar with the term "buffing", it's a term from RPG Video Games where certain support characters can caste spells or have perks to make other characters stronger and more battle effective. I used this term because that is basically what you may have done with your relationships lol. Being an attractive, successful, stable female who dates down, you have inadvertently improved your SO status and "buffed" his ego and confidence. Him - being unfamiliar with this new found boost - parlayed his artificial self-worth into getting sex or something more elsewhere.

My advice for you is maybe actually don't date down and try to attract someone who you think is more comparable for you in "attractiveness", by whatever metrics you use. Someone closer in league with you who shows genuine interest will be far more honest and comfortable with the relationship and probably won't feel drunk on his own ego when involved with you.

Someone else gave the suggestion to not overthink it and not have as many checkmarks to tick off before you get with someone. I think that's good advice in general, but maybe just try to aim higher for attractiveness and remain guarded against any of their bs.

Be wary of any Man who constantly tells you that YOU are out of his League. These men with low self-esteem struggle with respecting themselves; what makes you think they will respect you? Also saying all of that is good strategy for developing internal reasons to justify cheating on you if the opportunity arises.

I think you are doing yourself a disservice by dating down. You are thinking it's easier because you are two levels higher than them and it means they will worship you. This is erroneous reasoning and inaccurate: maybe 5 level of attractiveness then sure; but if it's only 1-2, you are only artificially raising his stock and buffing him; making him think that he's an 8 too.

terrapinninja · 2020-01-14T21:00:53+00:00

Absolutely. I would say that you have to consider that there are a lot of people who are fundamentally honest. There are men who don't go through life trying to see what they can get away with. There are men who care about the well-being of others. There are men who postpone gratification and who communicate honestly about their needs with their partners.

You got unlucky. That's all

izzylabor2019 · 2020-01-14T20:37:40+00:00

Wow. I’m really impressed by this post and all the men anonymously admitting to not cheating. It gives me hope. OP, you’ll just need to fine tune your vetting process. From my experience, it doesn’t matter if you are a RPW or otherwise, a man cheating on you depends on his moral compass. Be hopeful.

2020-01-15T06:33:43+00:00

When you meet the right guy he won't ever consider cheating on you, because you will be the only girl in the world.

darezzi · 2020-01-14T12:29:46+00:00

I'm a guy, and personal morals and upholding principles are probably the most important thing in my life. And betraying my partner's trust by cheating is definitely something I would never even entertain doing. There have been relationships I've been unhappy with, in which case we sort out issues or break up.

Chad-MacHonkler · 2020-01-14T11:41:21+00:00

Been with my wife 11 years. Never cheated or wanted to. She's smart, kind, a great mother and laughs at my same dumb jokes every week. Why on earth would I look elsewhere?

HildaEast · 2020-01-21T19:24:24+00:00

In my experience and observations, there are 3 types of men that cheat, and maybe most men fall into these categories but fat from all:

The flat out narcissist who does whatever he wants. Lives by "what they don't know won't hurt them". This guy is pretty easy to avoid because they will show their questionable morals in other situations and personal relationships.
The mentally unstable guy. This guy has some deep seated insecurities. He will destructively do things to ruin stuff he doesn't feel like he deserves, or to in some way even a score he for some reason feels is out of balance. Warning signs are strong jealousy, possessiveness.
The happy go lucky guy who doesn't have the toolset or discipline to stop himself. The same way it's hard to not eat cake when it's in front of you while dieting, this guy has a problem with not going down a slippery slope while excusing himself until he suddenly got a drunk boner and cheated. A lot of guys who are not used to attention from females will fall into this category. They aren't prepared to go against their instinct and act in their own best interest and say no.

The solution is to have integrity as a non negotiable trait on your list. Guys with integrity won't cheat.

2020-01-14T13:58:41+00:00

It sounds like you want a man who is very successful career wise, and that tends to attract women. If you want him, just remember someone else would for the same reasons.

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2020-01-14T05:45:54+00:00

Yes. But they’re people of moral character, often molded by strong religious beliefs. I was a virgin by choice at marriage (wife was also) and have been faithful since. 13 years so far.

ragnarockette · 2020-01-14T13:52:28+00:00

I think there are men who are predispositions not to cheat. I actually think there are a good amount of them, as I have many girlfriends in great marriages with really high quality men.

However, starve him of intimacy, affection, and respect long enough and I think even the strongest most morally stoic men will have a hard time resisting if something comes their way.

I think only the richest, douchiest men will seek out cheating when they have a sexy, kind, respectful wife at home. And there are bound to be plenty of red flags for this type of guy before you commit.

freeprince1982 · 2020-01-14T17:22:11+00:00

Due to Spez attempting to censor the internet I am leaving this site.

TranslatedSky · 2020-01-14T10:49:04+00:00

I never cheated in my life, nor will I. It's just a childish thing to do, if you're in an actual relationship, not a fuck-buddy arrangement. Then again, a lot of men are childish, but I've also had to back away from married women seeking me. My response is always the same: "I don't do drama".

nevomintoarce · 2020-01-14T12:25:31+00:00

You're a 7/8 who dates 5s and 6s for what reason exactly?

mucahitkayadan · 2020-01-14T12:22:56+00:00

There is no way to understand who loyal is or who not. But we know that very well, alpha males have more tendency to cheating. But also we know that, females select alpha male. Thus probability of meet with cheater male is mathematically high. Therefore you see all cheater boys due to basic statistics.

TheBunk_TB · 2020-01-14T13:20:15+00:00

Variety is nice but it is a matter of mindset. Not every guy has the wide vision to be able to handle more than one woman. Loyalty is a thing. Plenty of guys will hang it up instead of wandering. It really depends if a guy has that kind of "ability". (Please note the quotes)

jayval90 · 2020-01-14T18:36:27+00:00

The types of guys who don't cheat are similar to the types of guys who are willing to wait till marriage. You're already picking from a pool of guys who are quite loose about sex by having sex with them early in the relationship.

Also you are a highly-achieved career woman. Your LTR pool is tiny.

2020-01-15T01:45:21+00:00

Me! Never cheated. Never will. I know that pain too much.

dingusfunk · 2020-01-15T19:53:23+00:00

I a guy, I haven't cheated and the very thought of it disgusts me. Nearly all of my male friends and family members haven't cheated and they trust me enough that they'd tell me if they did.

The few men I know who have cheated only did so because they were already planning on breaking up with their current GF and they were in downright abusive relationships. One of my best friends gets hit by his GF and she even does it in public and nobody cares. He says he wants to break up with her but he isn't sure how to do it without making things worse and getting himself put in jail for some false accusation. He has cheated on her after she started getting abusive.

In my experience, men NEVER cheat if they're in a healthy relationship.

I cant claim to know you or your friends relationships but I think it was likely that the men cheated because they planned on breaking up or straight up used cheating as a way of breaking up. It's still completely shitty to not make the break up official before hand, but I just wanted to let you know that's how some men think.

SIMCARUS · 2020-01-14T19:13:16+00:00

There is no magic formula to find someone who won't cheat. Just remember that cheating is a choice of the cheaters to make. Never blame yourself.

TranslatedSky · 2020-01-14T06:41:56+00:00

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occupythekitchen · 2020-01-14T13:05:50+00:00

I'm very loyal make me happy and I have no reason to cheat. If the opportunity to cheat presents itself but I know when I get home it'll be the same id much rather be with that someone. But you'll find that mentality on older men 20 something aren't as loyal

ironsoul99 · 2020-01-14T13:38:20+00:00

yes girl... don't be so hopeless

raymondreamer · 2020-01-14T16:51:24+00:00

Seek a spiritual man

hisdhakini · 2020-01-15T06:14:57+00:00

I choose to be in a semi-open relationship. Basically, girls are on the table for both of us.I know this is not a popular decision in this group. He made it clear from day one that he wasn’t going to be “faithful”, but that he’d keep safety agreements.

It took me two years to figure it out; I’d have panic attacks that ruined my days every time I knew he’d have another date. He’d hold me as much as he could that day, wrapping me up as I was a hysterical mess. Then he’d slip into my bed after his date, and spend 3-6 nights a week with me, just us. Not player activity, and he showed me I was his priority.... every day. The amount my Captain invested in me, time and energy wise, that first year, really drive it home that he was keeping me. And he has been that rock-solid, consistently sense. So... who cares that he has some fun in the side? He takes great care of me and we have a great life together.

So.... I know exactly what’s going on. I even want him to go play, because it makes him so happy and he is more vibrant after (also makes it clear he values me later!). That’s not cheating, but I know it’s not what you meant, either.

stRf1sh · 2020-01-24T16:08:49+00:00

I’ve never been cheated on and I have quite a few relationships under my belt

WiterS2 · 2020-01-27T09:52:42+00:00

he was likely a narc

If he's really a narcissist, then he can't love you, and does not hurts you by accident. Narcissists hurt for the sadistic pleasure of it, and that's the only thing they want. Narcissists aim to emotionally destroy you, on purpose, to enjoy your misery.

Get professional advice.

LateralThinker13 · 2020-01-14T14:53:50+00:00

how he was likely a narc.

I have concern that this phrase is even in your lexicon. A narc? Someone who reports to the police about crimes? How is this relevant?

I’ve been cheated on twice now

Statistically, this is n=2. Not a large sample size to project a behavior onto 150 million American men (assuming you're in the US).

But on to your concerns.

I’m a 7-8, usually date guys 5-6 but who are ambitious self-starters and highly educated so I don’t think I’m dating higher than I can.

You say that you're high-SMV but don't quantify it... so I assume you're talking looks? What skills/personality do you bring that is RP?

Sex life was also good for the first.

You don't specify, but I get the feeling you had sex early, before fully vetting. That's ill-advised.

Both men tended to put me on a pedestal at first due to my career achievements then slowly changed their attitude towards me

This is the money quote for so many reasons. Firstly, high SMV men don't care about your career achievements - and certainly won't put you on a pedestal for them. Men, in general, don't care. RPW understands that your career has ZERO positive impact on the viability of a relationship - and can be a hinderance.

Second, when men initially pedestalize you (which you don't want) and then you fall off, there's usually a reason why. And it's usually that your enduring qualities - your wife skills and attitude, as it were - are lacking. Honestly, you still sound rather blue pill. Thirdly, submissiveness isn't the be-all end-all of RPW attitude. Don't confuse submissive with submitting. Bending the knee to his leadership doesn't mean you should be a doormat, which is a common misapprehension.

Honestly, we need to know more about what you bring to the table.

Finally, men in committed relationships (which you haven't confirmed that you had) tend not to stray unless their needs go unfulfilled. I can't tell if this is the case here or not. So I'll reiterate my question - what do YOU bring to the table that makes you a solid LTR prospect?

EDIT for your responses:

I evaluate myself as 7 or 8 because i get hit on near daily in terms of looks by guys much better looking than me, and also 5’s and 6’s.

(Edited for clarity) Just means you're pretty. Doesn't have a thing to do with SMV. And a guy's looks have almost nothing to do with his RMV either. So you're comparing your looks to men's looks - and looks have nearly ZERO to do with LTR compatibility.

I can’t evaluate my own personality but have a number of friends from both sexes who confide in me and find me interesting. I dress feminine, am sweet, do sports and adventure stuff, am into tech, educated. I don’t act stuck up, I stfu, am playful, initiate sex, do kegel exercises and am very enthusiastic - am pretty much textbook RP although i admit I’m still learning and have much to improve.

The bold part is great for a committed LTR. But I suspect that you go sexual earlier than perhaps you should.

Also, relationships where the woman dates down tend to fail, for a multitude of reasons. Why aren't you dating higher value men? Are you insecure?

crazymonkey8 · 2020-01-14T08:40:30+00:00

I don't know if I have the right to post on here but I'm a guy and I've cheated plenty in my younger years and now I've stopped. I also know plenty of guy friends who've never cheated on their girlfriends -but to be fair I also know plenty of guy friends who do cheat on their girlfriends.

I think it just depends on the guy, the timing, how committed, etc.

saltlamp67 · 2020-01-14T12:56:14+00:00

Yes! They are out there. My current boyfriend is very conservative and would never cheat on me. He is so loyal that I wouldn’t mind if he tried to make me jealous sometimes haha.

Physically, we are both very attractive people. He could easily cheat on me with any of the girls who throw themselves at him. But he simply won’t give them the time of day. I can’t picture this man cheating in a million years.

2020-01-14T17:40:48+00:00

Read the book ‘why men love bitches’. Men liked you when you were independent. They love submissive women because they know they can get away with cheating and doing whatever they want and they’ll always have their main woman at hand staying loyal to him because she’s deluded herself that he’s her Captain. A man is so much less likely to cheat when he knows you have your own life, and so many options that if he were to do something wrong you’d not only be completely fine but men of a higher value would be lined up at your door to have a chance with you.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-01-16T10:22:19+00:00

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Chad-MacHonkler · 2020-01-14T14:15:27+00:00

“I just want a principled captain I can support and whom I’m their one and only.”

That’s not a small thing you’re asking for, there.

party_dragon · 2020-01-14T09:25:51+00:00

yeah, me

Whisper · 2020-01-14T17:17:46+00:00

Stop looking for ways to blame men. Whatever is men's fault must be irrelevant to you, because you can't change it. Look instead for the bits that are your fault, because you can change those.

Both men tended to put me on a pedestal at first due to my career achievements then slowly changed their attitude towards me when they found out in a relationship I’m more submissive and less independent

There's the part that's your fault. You are a submissive woman. Stop dating submissive men.

Title	Are there really men who don’t cheat or who strive not to?
Author	TranslatedSky
Upvotes	78
Comments	88
Date	January 14, 2020 5:20 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/eogtzq/are_there_really_men_who_dont_cheat_or_who_strive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/are-there-really-men-who-dont-cheat-or-who-strive.310858 https://theredarchive.com/post/310858