Struggling with a pornography addiction. Any tips on overcoming it?

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January 13, 2020
78 upvotes

Porn was introduced to me at a very young age and that lead to a spiral into this addiction. I'd watch porn at the very least three times a day and haven't gone longer than seven days without it in the past year. It's definitely impacted my mental state and how I view women; I can't even have a conversation with a girl without thinking if and how I want to fuck her. I feel empty everyday because of it, it's like the only joy I have in my life. It's caused me to isolate myself from others, I have no desire to get a girl because porn is just one click away

It's honestly consuming me and I really want to get out of this hole. I'm asking here because I tried asking on NoFap in the past but that community is another issue on its own.


Post Information
Title Struggling with a pornography addiction. Any tips on overcoming it?
Author Wickins
Upvotes 78
Comments 68
Date 13 January 2020 04:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/310962
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eo5zwx/struggling_with_a_pornography_addiction_any_tips/
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Comments

[–]redcat123456789093 points94 points  (2 children) | Copy

get yourself busy. don't ask me how you know the answer.

[–]jonsmif979731 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

busy with things that are exciting for you and get you out of your thinking mode.

E.g. traveling, going to meet-ups to meet new people, etc.

In short, get busy with things that venture into your discomfort zone or zone of unknowns.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

everybody stops at some point. nobody is constantly going. even if it's driving alone in your car or sitting down for a moment to rest.

your suggestion will somewhat curb the addiction.

[–]LopsidedLemon33 points34 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’d start by downloading porn blockers on your computer and phone

[–]RedKepler2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And any "security" codes you have to put in to unlock, shut your eyes and mash that keyboard like a monkey typing shakespeare

[–]LeBroney0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can block adult content on iPhones using the Screen Time app. Have someone you trust enter a pin for you if you need.

[–]Monty70012 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m going through the same thing. What worked for me for my longest streaks was stopping cold turkey. No edging and no looking at something I know is gonna turn me on. Unfollow all insta hoes and get rid of em on all social media. And keep yourself busy and productive. Make a schedule of your day and stick to it and plan the day before. What also helps is drinking a lot of water. You’ll have to pee often which kind of helps me because when I would start to edge I would have to get up and pee. Also u should drink a ton of water anyway weather or not you’re doing nofap.

[–]spicy_fries34 points35 points  (5 children) | Copy

Join r / coomer

It helps laughing at porn addicts. Makes you not wanna be one.

[–]zHelios5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is so true

[–]bruiser188 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

True they got some fag shit on there too tho

[–]TehJimmyy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I saw people there supporting not fucking a girl to not coom . like wtf

[–]bruiser180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea they promote some bitch ass shit sometimes

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (16 children) | Copy

Give these a watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbYWKVAeu6Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1pQfGD_MQI&t=5801s

To be clear, you have a sex addiction, as you get more confident it will spread to other areas of your life.

You HAVE to quit porn and get yourself out the dopamine cycle, no one can tell you to do it, you can educate and get advice (which is what I've done above) and you can look up a local 12 Step Sexual Addiction group, but you have to position yourself where you WANT it enough

[–]NickDeez7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Figure out what your triggers are.

When I say that I mean, figure out what makes you jerk off. Is it boredom? Depression? Anxiety?

Figure that out.

Next, figure out when you usually fap. For me, sounds weird, but it was right after taking a shit I'd start watching porn. To fix that, I stopped bringing my phone into the bathroom.

Do those two things and you should be golden.

[–]NickDeez8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, prepare yourself for depression.

Your brain is used to getting pounded with dopamine. When it stops getting it, your brain thinks something wrong.

You've gotta fight through this depression and develop tools and habits to help fend it off.

[–]2030isCloserThan200313 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start by minimizing porn to absolutely once a week (no hardcore bullshit, just vanilla fetishes).

After a while, increase how often you masturbate without porn while decreasing your porn watch time to 0. This can be to pictures of non-nude women or using your imagination.

At the same time, masturbate less frequently (without porn) to 2-3 times a week while talking to other REAL women. Honestly, if your pickup game is shit then at least try online apps.

Then, after a couple of days, drop your total masturbation down to once every 2 weeks. Try out a nofap streak. At this rate, your brain should be more rewired towards wanting sex with real women as the testosterone increases.

At this point either drop masturbation completely & only focus on having sex with women or do it once a month or something, so that your real sex drive stays high.

Make it a gradual shift with small goals here or there & before u know it, you won’t be even thinking porn. You’ll be turned on more by wanting to meet with actual women

[–]think_90909098 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do nofap for 30 days and then, and only then, you can start masturbating again but this time using your imagination only. Being busy also helps.

[–]UrShadowsReflection6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hit the NoFap sub

[–]slamdunktiger862 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Philosopher Stefan Molyneux and Gary Wilson, author of the seminal book, Your Brain on Porn. — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhqx7yctQVk&feature=emb_title

Dr. JBP's take — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaL6MXxoEyc

~ ~ ~ ~

When I began the nofap journey, it wasn't just about stopping a bad habit. It was really about giving my brain alternative pathways and better coping strategies.

Things that helped me:

  • Track your progress. MO, PMO, Sex.
  • Make a checklist, run through it
  • Change your environmental cues/triggers — for me, I change my phone to a grayscale color palette in the evening, it makes everything so boring and dull, I don't even want to look at the phone at all. Perfect. Also, no electronics in bed.
  • Keep a journal — you'll see patterns and be able to think about the overall trends and core issues, somethings you don't, and it's okay
  • Lifting/jiu jitsu — especially sparring... it just wipes you out. You're too tired. Steam + sauna rooms really help too (and even reduce all-cause mortality rates around 20-30%), something about fighting to not die triggers such a dump of adrenaline, growth hormone, testosterone and serotonin
  • Have a go to list of alternative activities — cold/contrast showers, etc. For me, I sorta change it up. It ranges from playing Zelda BoTW on Master Mode (god damn that stuff is grindy) to a quickie of Starcraft 2 or Counterstrike. Whatever random 10-15 minutes to get your mind off stuff. I started browsing the precious metals subreddit. I guess you could call it positive retail therapy for men. Wallet and penis approved.
  • Be patient with yourself — there's a thousand reasons why this is difficult. As you cultivate self-knowledge, many things will get better. But prepare for things to get worse before it gets better. It's okay.

[–]Jugurthajones875 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking masturbation is the problem, but it isn’t. Porn is.

Get into the swing of masturbating without porn. Don’t masturbate to porn memories either. No vanilla porn. No masturbating to girls on dating apps, girls in bikinis that you see in online ads, or girls you see on tv or in magazines. The digital delivery system is the problem. Pictures in magazines or tv aren’t nearly as bad for you as online stuff but you’re still better off without them.

You only want to jerk to girls you know irl. You gradually want to taper off how much you masturbate in general, but the main enemy is porn, not masturbation.

This will gradually wean your mind off of virtual girls and onto real ones. It will also get you used to having orgasms without your brain being hyper-stimulated, like it is with porn. So you don’t have an over stimulated brain to deal with afterwards, the chaser isn’t as intense, etc. like you get with edging and porn. It also saves you a ton of time, because you’re not surfing for an hour or two before you finally get off.

The mental difference is like night and day.

[–]jonsmif97973 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

No, the mistake is escapism to get the instant gratification for quick serotonin boost.

People who have problem with PMO have problems in other aspects in their life, noticeably video gaming addiction, alcoholic, drug abuse, depression, debt, etc.

[–]kingofclubsmorde0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on!

[–]BlackMonkey141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start fapping to less and less, start doing soft core, over time do it less and less and eventually just use your imagination to fap once a week or something.

[–]catchmesomefeels1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro get on a deficit. You'll not feel it anymore . Cultivate a mindset from there and try to meet real women that way you'll just get into it without even realising

[–]VigilantSmartbomb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, just take it a step at a time- start jacking off to mental stimulation like imagine a girl you know and what you'd do with her. Then eventually try to make it more vanilla and over time stop- youll eventually get turned on and go after a titty flash to the same extent you would your deepest porn binge.

I'd also use this time to get in tune with your kegel muscles. RN you could probably get hard and cum with no problem watching porn- but theres muscles work otherwise and it's good to know how to use it. Especially because someone else will be doing the work and your mental might be somewhere else in the deed so it's good to know your body too

but stop the porn and mostly the pics you get from chicks you know don't jack off to virtual visual stimulation like that. After a while stop pushing yourself over the edge only let them if they can that's their reward- and then after a while no fapping at all- it's all them. lol

[–]EdvardMunch1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldnt try and resist it. The truth is you can have it anytime man! As much as you want. You should kick back for a week and do nothing but blow your load to porn. Order delivery, dont do any dishes, dont clean anything up just sit and wank all the time and look at as much as humanely possible. Wear that pisser out.

After about a week or two of that I think youll start finding yourself sick of it. When you know you can have it as much as you want itll have far less attraction to you like with anything in life. Try and resist it, keep busy, add porn blockers, youre just gonna carry that temptation around and you will fail. People are pretty dumb, they think nudity is sexy, whats sexy is whats around the corner. You keep your porn around the corner youre gonna keep coming back like a crack addict.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most people who self-diagnose with this don't have any such condition.

They're just looking for ways to shame and stigmatize themselves so they can feel like helpless victims. This is an excuse to avoid taking productive actions to get their needs met that they're actually afraid of. This is Learned Helplessness.

The issue is you're not approaching women and not escalating. The issue is you're afraid of being sexually agressive and you're afraid of intimacy.

In this regard you're not a victim, you're not helpless, and you don't have a mental health problem that you can't control.

You're choosing to not do what it takes to get your need for sex and intimacy met in normal, healthy ways.

You're choosing to be an antisocial fucker. Most of all you're vainly trying to avoid what you see a social vulnerability even though this avoidance of vulnerability is making you miserable.

You're choosing to just watch porn and choke the chicken instead of approaching, escalating, and closing the deal.

[–]Jugurthajones870 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Also, what’s the issue with the nofap community?

[–]sbkbrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They have some cult-like mentality along with spouting bs of “super powers” for not nutting for a couple weeks. It’s weird.

[–]sarmstro19680 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What helped me was finally understanding how it was weakening me & how much better life is when you get a sense of your masculinity. I was challenged to go 90 days w/out it & went cold turkey. I do have some triggers on the web but close my browser & walk away when I get tempted.

[–]Juan_20011410 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Work out

[–]neo_star0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I myself quit it when I hit the rock bottom. I quit it cold turkey - No ifs' and buts' - Otherwise its not possible to quit pornography because your mind has been habituated to the easy access to dopamine. This is the exact reason why you don't feel the desire to approach and game.

I also suggest you check out yourbrainonporn website.

[–]fannyfire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to read NMMNG and focus on the section about pornography.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you actually rationalize to yourself that you want to stop, you will

[–]masterduelistky0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have the same exact issue man, I've been trying to ween myself off it but it's so difficult when it's so easy. I just came off a streak of 3 weeks because I ended up looking at porn that I've saved on a backup drive for years, followed by old nudes of my ex and I felt like absolute dogshit after. I know that she doesn't give a shit about me and yet still I am, fantasizing her, it's fucking pathetic I know, but when you don't have anything else, it hits like a fucking drug.

But I almost think I'm to the point where I don't try with women at all, cause I just see them as a wet hole mostly. It really fucks you up. I really want to come out on top of this, but I know that the easy access to porn and living in the past is my problem.

[–]red_philosopher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Quit. That's how you do it. One day at a time. You make the choice every single day to not do something. And you choose to feel empowered by making that choice every time you make it.

Throw away all of your porn. Delete all of your videos, images, links, everything.

Then you lift like a madman, read better things, and fuck women on the routine. Look forward to blowing a thick load in her mouth, or in her snatch, or in her ass. Think about how much easier it'll be to enjoy sex instead of struggling with imagining the women on a screen. You have to go out and conquer, even if they are ugly fat bitches you'll never want to actually fuck. Because even that is better than your hand and staring your life away into a monitor.

Commit to it. And never look back.

[–]Casanova-Quinn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't go cold turkey, it's tough and you'll probably relapse. You should gradually taper off instead so your mind and body can adapt. So if you're watching porn three times a day, cut back to two times a day. After a week cut back to once a day. The next week cut back to once every other day. The next week cut back to once every 3rd day. Continue this process until you reach your goal.

[–]strainer1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to stop watching every kind of porn, even girls on bikinis, Instagram models showing their asses, its all a trigger to get into that spiral that ends with you jerking your meat, cumming and feeling guilty. I found that another trigger that I have is Tinder and apps such as these, Bumble and whatever, you start looking at those women and start fantasizing with them.

[–]Thefreeman9110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For about three years I was heavily addicted to pornography. I would masturbate around twice a day to porn it was a nightmare. I knew it was serious when at the age of around 17 I had trouble getting erections. You read that right, ED at the age of 17 told me everything.

I started to wean off of it which is can be quite dangerous for an addict but I went two days than four than a week, eventually I had gone a month and knew that I needed to go 90 days. I would fail over and over and instead of holding my head in shame I would slap myself in the face and reset my timer. This took about two years to defeat fully.

During this time period I also started taking medication for depression I had been suffering with since I was about 12. I started to set priorities straight and keep myself busy. I stopped playing Video Games 24/7 I started lifting and eating correctly. I would meditate if the urge crept up on me and most of all I tried to defeat boredom. Anything sounds fun when your bored especially nutting to a fat ass.

Eventually I met my current girlfriend and we have been together for almost six years now. Consider me lucky because she supported me through it all. Now porn is an option in my life. I typically watch it every 90 days as a reward for my efforts. I'm currently on day 68 and have no desire to scroll for hours like I used too.

Please man, please stop while you can. I do not want you to suffer like so many of us have. Erectile dysfunction will creep on you and if you have poor masturbation habits like rushing to finish than you will acquire some form of premature ejaculation. And this will make life difficult even without the porn.

[–]xEngage0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start identifying your triggers.

What makes you go to porn?

Is it a picture on instagram, snapchat?

Is it loneliness, boredom?

If you become aware of your trigggers, you can learn to handle them. Control your environment (aka phone, apps, things that you're going to see) and replace your triggers with other things. Like others here have said, get yourself busy.

Also if you can't make it on your own because of the severity of your situation, don't be afraid to go to a therapist or a coach to help you deal with this. Addiction is a serious issue.

Good luck brother.

[–]y0ussefhesham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you haven’t already, check out r / NoFap . Some dudes are crazy over “superpowers” there and they may sound insane, but there’s some truth to it. It’s a life changer. Girl attraction is one of the craziest and most unexplainable benefit I got from it. It’s so weird.

[–]flatox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just stop. As with any addiction, it will be really hard at first, but after two weeks you'll have a much easier time and couple of weeks after that not much of a problem.

Only you can do this, nobody can help you, but yourself.

[–]bumbuff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop using your phone in bed. This will also give you a better sleep.

[–]DoctorObby0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Quit porn first don’t do nofap at the same time it’s too difficult and you’ll be more likely to scroll through porn. Also buy a Fleshlight and masturbate with that only, this has helped me quite well. It’s taken me 2 years off porn to get to a somewhat “normal” place and the urges are still strong. Be prepared to feel like shit randomly even if you go through long periods of no porn, the feelings will pass.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your life sucks - Make your life good - You know what to do

When life is good you will fap less

Lift, keep going - There is love for you out there in many areas

Watch this and start a hobby and make friends:

https://youtu.be/PY9DcIMGxMs

[–]Tiberiuss70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Identify your triggers then make effort to avoid them.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Masturbation is a chemical addiction. Only a lock-in program or a very hot wife will help with this. And even a "very hot wife" won't usually be enough.

[–]jrterry1969-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get professional help. See a therapist.

[–]burn-all-bridges-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Can someone explain to me why this is a problem?

[–]slamdunktiger861 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It re-wires your brain with an impossible artificial stimulus that real life cannot keep up with.

[–]burn-all-bridges0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a good answer :)

To those downvoting me, you continue your lives not questioning anything ;)



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