We've heard the same story repeatedly: the woman who was sexually ferocious in her youth but is extremely conservative in her marriage. The woman who was into gangbangs and orgies in her "experimental" days but now refuses to give her husband a blow job.
/u/Rollo-Tomassi's original post on the subject is the gold standard in terms of analysis:
http://therationalmale.com/2013/12/03/saving-the-best/
...and yet, however many times you've heard the story, it still bears repeating, because of the millions of husbands who suffer through this situation for their entire married lives.
The latest episode is from the /r/deadbedrooms subreddit titled "Thinking we are done, four weeks to our wedding".
It starts out with a man in a once-every-two-months dead bedroom. One day he goes to an alcohol-fueled industry trade show related to his fiancée's work. He wanders off on his own and strikes up a conversation with a random guy:
Anyway, we got onto exes. I admit, I don't have many. Well I have one, but that was a long time ago. So he was doing most of the talking. Alcohol, loose lips, etc. Anyway, my fiance is off in the distance and I was about to mention her. But just then he mentioned her instead even pointing her out sort of slyly.
He said she was one of his exes, but more like a friends with very good benefits. I don't know why, I just decided to let him talk. He referred to her as "the dirtiest woman ever" and how when she first met him, within ten minutes she was leading him around the club they were in trying to find a second guy to have a threesome with. Then another time she had him round for a booty call and she was apparently very into toys. Apparently she had done most of his friends too and they would often talk about her. But he was laughing all the way through this, just sort of guy talk. Not in a mocking way, he was just letting the alcohol run his mouth.
This didn't click with me at all. My fiance? Threesome? Toys? No way. She barely moves during sex and most certainly does not give me blow jobs or even hand jobs nowadays. She told me she finds blow jobs degrading and one time I suggested buying her a sex toy she told me only sad women use those. Who is this guy talking about that can "suck dick like a champ" and all this sort of thing. Yes, I remember the words he used.
How did he know that this guy was telling the truth?
But he said something that made some uncomfortable listening. I just plain didn't believe him. But what he said was that he knew of a specific tattoo that really unless you had seen her naked, you wouldn't know about. I've had a scaffolding pole fall and break my rib once... this conversation hurt more.
Eventually, the trickle-truth comes out, and her response is so typical that it could be computer-generated.
It took a couple of very tense days for her to finally tell me everything and I doubt I heard everything. But she was "wild" in her college days, she was "trying things out, getting to know herself" and that it's past her and she isn't some sort of slut and it was bad of me to ask about this. My fiance admitted to sleeping with around 20 guys during her "wild" years and let slip one or two things I didn't know about. I never really asked her for her "number" but given what I know, I think 20 may be an under estimate. I think when she admitted to an entirely different foursome with this guy I realized that the threesome I'd heard about wasn't an isolated incident.
The poor guy stays with her to see if things will eventually get kinkier, but they don't:
I even brought up the subject of sexy fantasies once. I tried being low key, saying that I found stockings hot, that I liked her in red lingerie. In truth I have never seen her in stockings or lingerie of any kind. Anything I said just seemed to be met with "I'm not a whore, stop treating me like one."
If this is a fake story, it is a good fake because it fits the AFBB reality so well:
- Couple has a dead bedroom and yet the man stays out of obligation/commitment.
- Man finds out about her secret wild past.
- Woman denies it, then the truth eventually trickles out.
- Says she was experimenting when she was young but that is in her past and she's not a slut now.
- Shames the man for shaming her about her past.
- Woman still isn't motivated to have sex because you can't negotiate desire.
Rollo says it best:
One of the reasons I, and most of the manosphere, receive so much scorn from plugged-in, feminine primary society is that we risk to expose this process. This author’s story is the inconvenient truth of a pluralistic feminine sexual strategy.
And:
Her genuine desire, her sexual best was never intended for him in the first place.
Edit: a helpful Redditor said that OP posted the following update:
Thank you for all the comments. Just to say, sorry this ended up on the red pill. I never really looked at it until a whole bunch of you messaged me with it but I really do not identify with what is written there. So thank you for pointing me there but I don't need it.
I told her last night about 20 minutes after writing all this that I don't think I can go through with the wedding. We had a big talk and although initially she just resorted to her making me feel guilty for needing to be sexual with her, she told me a lot of things that really made no difference.
I suggested again that maybe she was guilty about her sexual past and if she wanted to reign in the kink then that isn't a problem. But eliminating sex entirely is just a complete deal break and not one I am willing to put up with any longer. She denied this vehemently. Though she got insulting I think it was just her defense mechanism.
We slept on it, I went to my parents. She sent me a mail saying that I can either call off the wedding or come back and we would fuck. I came back after a lot of hesitation. I think I was psyching myself up.
In the end, we ended up just talking again and mutually agreed that we are just not right for each other. She pretty much said that she never wanted me to think of her as a slag which I never have done. She also regretted being so experimental but ultimately she also wants to do more experimenting. Because she got into her head that I am a stable nice guy, she doesn't want to do anything kinky with me because it would make me think less of her. I don't know how she rationalised it, she basically said that because I am keeping the household together and paying the bills, she didn't feel like she was able to get kinky with me. This pretty much made me angry but I didn't let on.
I guess all that's left now is separating. Thank you all for your comments, even the ones who tried to say I was being false. I can assure you I am not being false and this is pretty much uncharted territory for me.
[–]ErnaForPresident170 points171 points172 points (21 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jack_Wellington43 points44 points45 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]sigmayogi 3 points3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]1beerthroway24 points25 points26 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Willyam201013 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SplashArtist9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Iramohs-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sigmayogi 0 points0 points0 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]1beerthroway-1 points0 points1 point [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]xdrunkagainx-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JetteAuLoinTRP0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2johnnight0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dragontitz6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]blandboringusername 29 points29 points29 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]riverraider695 points6 points7 points [recovered] (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Blood_Red_Phoenix1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Relentlessmind73 points74 points75 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 19 points19 points19 points | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana[S] 9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cariboo_j7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FattestRabbit36 points37 points38 points (22 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RP1533 points34 points35 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]George_l_rockwell13 points14 points15 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang17 points18 points19 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Contributorexit_sandman7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kyuzo_3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cmon_Just_The_Tip1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WallyHotvedt0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Olipyr-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zxsteven-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheReasoner940 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Olipyr1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]FattestRabbit3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Olipyr0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FattestRabbit-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheReasoner940 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheReasoner94-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheReasoner940 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_the_shape_23 points24 points25 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kill_Your_Ego16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPillScare-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1independentmale11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]notmyusualreddit6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheReasoner94-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]illisit13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SoldierGenerale21 points22 points23 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lIlIIIlll-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana[S] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]god1011 points12 points13 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]phrase_bot-4 points-3 points-2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]occupythekitchen-3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]occupythekitchen-8 points-7 points-6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FullRegalia4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]A_ORiON_Man12 points13 points14 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]A_ORiON_Man2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1independentmale0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thedude1224876 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana[S] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheFriendWithin7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]psycho-logical-3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheReasoner94-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Trixxle-f1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RosewoodPill2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Hell_Brake3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the99percent12 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrRexels2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PlanB_pedofile1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GainzdalfTheWhey1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]DrunkGordonBombay 7 points7 points7 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]ZackCross0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]aktpq0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]redsfan277-1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]1KyfhoMyoba1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cavsarge-1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]redsfan277-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Purecorrupt-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]batfish55-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link