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The red pill on insane difficulty : a marriage story with a progressively debilitating illness – taking suggestions

by Luftbrucke | January 24, 2020 | askMRP

16 upvotes

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Hi guys, Basic Question

Now: 36yo 190cm 75 kg ~ skinny fat AF

3 years ago : 185kglbs ~15%BF (bulking), Lifting (all x5 | Kg): BP: 50, SQ: 77.5 OHP : 50, ROW: 45

Wife: 30 (SAHM) | Together: 8 | Married: 5 | Kids: 2 (2,5m and 0,1f), for context, she was a 9/10 a couple years before we met (she was then 22 and me 27), a 8 when we met (precocious wall I guess) and good looking for her age now.

Read: NMMNG WISNIFG TRM MMSLP Pook Poon (neither MAP or WOTSM yet), long long term lurker of trp / heartiste / dalrock.

I had decent game prior to the relationship and kept it at a fair level (regular quantifiable successes with HB8+) which made me oblivious to the fact that my fucking mission was blindsiding my appreciation of my relationship which deteriorated while I merrily became Mr. Betamax to prove myself a point (and because I was a faggot) more on that later.

Until 4 years ago , while I didn’t fully grasp the reasons of the evolution in the relationship, I realized the effects it had on our non-existent sex life, and I decided to go to the gym (duh), and build up a start of a decent shape. The project was to improve my SMV, and update my mission (which includes a part of Christian dogma and was preventing me from correcting my relationship) and also stop being a faggot.

And then it happened : an auto immune disease, without any known cure. My only hope was to tone down the symptoms. It was debilitating at first (high fevers, cramps, etc) and then attacking the nervous system (brain fog, forgetfulness, numbness, migraines, and more), ligaments and muscles (heart palp, eye twitching, extreme fatigue, and more).

The fatigue was so intense I couldn’t climb stairs without pause, couldn’t be functional past 17pm, and couldn’t hold a long conversation. The headaches were so bad I couldn’t read more than two sentences at a time, had trouble finding an answer to the most basic of shit tests. The pain was so constant, I couldn’t think straight during the episodes.

Had to go survival mode in order to keep my job, and my family. It has been 3 years of sleeping – working – trying to find a cure.

Literary no time to work on my mission, or to game anyone, not the slightest possibility of working out, nor improve myself in any way. Just not die.

I was incredibly lucky enough to keep my job thanks to a good man that protected me / hid me from scrutiny. But when I tried to switch job after a while, I got sacked in a record time. Still we have no financial troubles. Now for the fun, guess how much support I received from the wife? Yeah, Precisely. Even if I went in fully expecting the behaviour, it still hurt. Come on she was living on my fucking dime the whole time, with only one kid to take care of ! Could she at least ASK how I was doing ? Like one time in three years ? People are kinder to pets, fuck !

For the record, I was lucid enough to never ask her directly for help or cry, or show weakness of will, but ofc in my state I had a literal negative frame.

Well it is useless to get angry at it, it is what it is. Anyway, eventually, through efforts and research, I found a semi reliable experimental cure 4 months ago, and I am slowly getting out of this hell.

I have been functional for only one month during which we had our second baby (while it was unwise to grow the family, I conceded her the pregnancy to keep her happy, and because I want a big family).

Unfortunately, a lot of the symptoms are still lingering (slight vertigo, moderate fatigue, trouble with words), and even if I am getting a gym membership as soon as my work schedule allows it, I need some help cause the relationship is beyond fucked up:

Nuclear shit tests, indicators of disinterest (you disgust me), suspicions of cheating (fifty fifty on this one as the medication gives paranoiac psychosis, although no proof after bugging the computer and her phone for a bit but I will l give the kids a pat test), total lack of respect, no sex now (was starfish for a long time before), no obedience, sapping my authority in front of the kids, and ofc second guessing everything and looking at me as Mr Betasucks (the beta that can’t provide).

As for me, I am in the process of losing a second job (I am doing what I can to keep it, but it is unlikely as I underperformed severely while sick), even though I should be able to find another one relatively easily, and should be able to keep it then, have a strong support network, but a recovering frame weak as fuck.

So I am open to any suggestion, to improve the situation. As I am still struggling intellectually and physically I can’t seem to find the way out here. Thanks guys.


Post Information
Title The red pill on insane difficulty : a marriage story with a progressively debilitating illness – taking suggestions
Author Luftbrucke
Upvotes 16
Comments 48
Date 24 January 2020 05:04 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/314280
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/etd64j/the_red_pill_on_insane_difficulty_a_marriage/
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Comments

[–]Twiteena5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

What Christian dogma was preventing you from correcting your relationship?

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Well it is a bit complicated, see I fully understand the red pill (not that I am any Chad, not my point), but I needed to evaluate the validity of the catholic teachings on marriage, ie : how to reconcile the red pill reality with the canonical and evangelical precepts. It was infuriating at times, and I several crisis of faith as the two approaches don't seem to work well with one another, especially in my case where my wife's vows were trashed as soon as I got sick.

I have a better idea now how to propose a solution about it, but still working on it... I don t know if I made sense ?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

Catholic dogma has a fundamental basis in sexual repression. Sex before marriage is bad, sex for non procreation is bad, masturbation is bad, condoms are bad.

Then they became the biggest organised paedophile ring in the history of mankind.

That shit worked well for the Church for centuries but in today's day and age, anyone who prescribes to that nonsense is a fucking idiot.

Live life by your own code, not by the code of some religious institution.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] -3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Well, I get your legitimate points.

On them, I don't wanna be pedantic and all, but I am trying to separate the weat from the chaff and building an informed critic of the rules. And am very much following an updated personnal catechism :D

I mean some of the teaching is still valid, beyond the objective failures.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you don't believe in God, when you die, you'll go to hell.

If you don't repent your sins, you'll go to hell.

If you don't follow our rules, you will burn in hell for eternity.

This is what your Church preaches.

This is how they gained so much power for so long. Fear. Fear and repression.

It doesn't matter if some of the stuff they teach has good moral grounds. The Church is a corrupt, fear mongering institution that houses and hides paedophiles all over the world, believes that their laws supercede all others and does so on the very tentative basis that if you don't play by the rules, you'll burn in hell.

Whatever way you look at it, that is some crazy fucking shit.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, I don't have it in me to challenge that point now ... but I (and the cathoclic dogma) respectfully disagrea with your first points.

True on the pedo part thought, that's messed up.

I would gladly discuss it further down the line, but for now just wanna state the following: "the law is made for man not man for the law" which means there is no set law, only objectives, of which love your neighbor AS (AND) LOVE YOURSELF is the first. so quite a bit of a redpill here. to dumb / tired to keep going :D

[–]RStonePT4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's obvious you want to try swimming with a weight on your ankle

Go getum tiger

[–]hopeunseen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try checking out https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/

Might reconcile some things for you. I know it was helpful for me.

[–]ObjectionTrue2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As an Evangelical Christian, Seminary trained, it is my opinion that the Red Pill description of human nature and especially female nature and inter sexual dynamics is very much what the Bible teaches. The problem today is that the glaring scriptural passages that are RP are glossed over as inconvenient and all other passages are taught through the lenses of the prevailing feminist hierarchy and by Blue-pilled Pastors who do not know any better. If we believe that scripture is a true depiction of reality and that the RP is also a true depiction of reality, then logically the two have to be congruent.

[–]Brickles095 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Brutal... They kick us when we are down, it's their way of making us 'fight': their 'tough love'. And would we really be here if it weren't for that?

Dr. Rhonda Patrick has some interesting new treatments on autoimmune disease discussed on her youtube channel. It might help you.

My advice on your relationship would be to stay away from your wife whenever you can, even sleeping in other bedroom if she gets too disrespectful. Basically make her understand that you've already checked out, and really start working on that direction.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

good advice thanks, STFU saved my ass , I didn't think I needed it since I thought I wasn't really a faggot, just lost my frame but oh boy was I wrong.

[–]0io-Tsundere5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I guess right now your first duty is to take care of yourself. If you succumb to some mystery disease you won't be doing your wife or your kids any good. Once you're stabilized or have gotten better you can try to play 52 pick up and figure out what to do next.

Get your health back first, and then when you figure out where you are and what you have to work with, figure out what to do next.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, I didn't want to specify the disease (bad case of chronic lyme) as it is somewhat controversial, but my history shows it so ...

I made my health the priority, thank god, I have a friend with the same condition who became a vegetable unable to speak coherently. My health is semi good now, enough to start again, but what do ?

[–]AdorableHyena1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get your thyroid and vitamin B12 levels checked. I have seen cases where Lyme can cause Hashimoto's disease which is easily managed but debilitating when unmanaged.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you looked at any natural remedies?

[–]Purity-Of-Essence2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

[–]WeightsNCheatDates1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Came in to post this.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

thanks. As I said elsewhere, she is not that important to me, but I made it part of my mission to keep her (as a wife entity/mirror of my "sacred" vows) around. That was the start of my loss of frame, and I needed to update the mission accordingly, which is done now.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Don't hide stuff, get your health in order this is a RED map item. mission priority!! Fuck eveything else, own the fuck out of it. Don't be a pussy about it just matter of fact "I'm sorting it, no dramas"

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

YEah thanks that s what I did for 3 years, but now I am getting my head out of my ass, but am quite at a loss where to start, it is not your typical situation, even though I guess most of the material is still functionnal lift/ stfu ... but dread ? congruence ? how to game her in my state ? how to diferenciate confort tests and shit test now that I can t pretend to be a rock at all ? I just need to keep thinking about it I guess.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Stop worrying about her, focus on your health. What's the current situation with your health? Diagnosis? Treatment?

[–]Luftbrucke[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks I am doing progressively better, thanks to an experimental treatment : http://disulfiram.net/?fbclid=IwAR3V356m2zzUp6Phdtcckv6Ib-JA3ZYZkKN9NjR7Q35tCsfayvQqwciTNus

the thing is I can't really plan ahead as noone knows the length of the treatment (4 months for me so far and not fully cured) nor the exact side effects (slight psychosis for me that I try to hide as much as I can).

Now, I have the impression that she is checking out, and since I don't wanna loose the familly unit, I need to get something done. Just trying to figure how.

If comes down to it, I am ready to let her go but I don't want it, I want a family.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok good, my wife thought she had Lyme disease but its fibromyalgia and arthritis. What helped her was acupuncture. Your focus must be treating this. If she won't support you with this then she isn't worth your time. You can still have a family with you and the kids if she decides to bail. Her loss because you will get over this. You will show strength you will beat this thing. Grab your balls and show strength. Keep us posted in own your shit weekly. Chin up!

[–]H_Barca61 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This resonated somewhat, as I also have an autoimmune condition – ulcerative colitis. A flare-up years ago nearly killed me.

For what it’s worth, I have found a ketogenic diet keeps me in full remission, inflammation minimized, no need for meds, pretty much completely normal now after many years of definitely not normal and just living with it. There’s a school of thought that autoimmune diseases are primarily dietary in origin. Keto is working for me, so might help you too.

During past flare-ups, I always had the uneasy inkling that my wife’s expressions of concern for my health were not concern for me per se but somehow concern for my ability to provide. She never said it outright, but I could sense it between the lines. Years later when I found RP readings, it all started to make sense, bleak but clear.

I agree with other commenters here, just focus on yourself, your health and your kids. Don’t expect anything from your wife. When she comes at you, I would STFU, fog, broken record. Good luck.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thanks, will do !

[–]ju3h1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So many excuses.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's true I tend to apologize a lot and to be too conciliant with others and with myself, working on it. So fuck you, I guess ? /s

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don’t help others until you have helped yourself. You are providing a shitty container for your wife to fit in. She senses your abilities to lead are lacking, and can’t trust the fate of her and her children’s survival on your leadership abilities. Thank your lucky stars that she is only giving you nuclear shit tests and not flat-out cheating. If she is/has, you’re switched on, you’ll find out. It’s then up to you what you do with that knowledge.

On a side note, most autoimmune diseases are centred around inflammation. I have Chron’s and although not nearly as bad as UC, is something I have to work to maintain remission. It’s just extra work. Find out what causes inflammation, and find ways to mitigate it/decrease it (keto diet will help with this as carbs/sugars raise inflammation). Also, Dr.Rhonda Patrick’sYouTube channel, and website/blog has EXCELLENT research and info about how to decrease inflammation and keto, autoimmune diseases, etc. She was also on Joe Rogan Podcast multiple times. Check that out. Diet is everything. Sleep and stress management will be a close second. Training is a distant third but you still need to do it. Get in a routine and find what works for you and stick to it. Your health is the most important thing, and you are becoming aware of this as it is being taken away. Get control/state of remission, build the foundation and build up from there.

Also with your job, you’re going to need to find a way to work full time hours and be productive so you can make steady income FOR YOU, NOT to save your marriage. You need to do that to get confidence, momentum, steady cash flow, security, and to move forward. Your wife will do as she wants. The shit tests are only the beginning because she doesn’t trust your leadership. Can’t blame her. But it doesn’t matter. It’s on you, and you need to do it only for you. You’ve got a long way to go but it starts with making yourself your own mental point of origin, prioritizing your health, and building from 0 with your MAP and frame. That takes precedence. Then move on to the others issues at hand.

[–]Luftbrucke[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks, I wish I knew how to check for past infidelity 100 %, if she cheats or has cheated, I ll next asap, I already started to prepare for that eventuality in order to get custody.

Thanks for the tips on diet, the remaining inflamation is in my brain and is mostly sensitive to sugar, so I take care of it.

The job is tough since it is a highly competitive one currently, if it goes south, i'll take a less tressing one for a bit.

I don't blame her on the shit tests, or disrespect, but can't stomach the lack of empathy on the illness itself.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Follow your instincts. If your instincts are telling you something is up, look into it. Right now, your instincts in regards to her aren’t at the top of their game. They can’t be trusted. wait until you’re stable and are in a better spot and then gauge whether your instincts are telling you whether this is something to look into further or to drop it. Also, your health comes first so use this as a mental note (that she may have/currently be cheating) and put this on the back burner for now. Prioritize.

The diet will help everything. Everything will build from there. When you are in a state of inflammation everything stops. Get that sorted, hold, and don’t fucking let it slip. Build from there. Education and learning constantly (podcasts/books/etc) will help you figure it out with time.

The tough pill to swallow is that people (not just women) in general don’t give AF about your problems. Even your wife. This is why it crushes you when you find she branch swings and can switch “on a dime” or “out of nowhere”. The truth is she doesn’t and will never truly care. Not on the way you want her to. The longer it takes you to let go of this (lingering BP ideal), the easier it will be. It’s also not fair TO YOU to feel that anger. She is reacting, and the funny thing is.. (not that you should care) but say you got into a state of remission, built your health back up, got jacked, looked good, pursued your career, practiced game and got more options on the side, got some wins under your belt and the confidence that comes from that, watch how fast that Harpy begins to crave your cock and think of you as a god. It’s crazy. It’s AWALT. You’re a faggot right now and she is only reacting. Let that go. Let that ideal go, do it for you and you’ll find it’s so much easier.

Again, health is all that matters and build from there.

[–]hopeunseen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Having dealt with undiagnosed digestion issues for years, I understand a little bit of what a chronic illness can do - Literally sapping your energy, time, money and willpower because EVERYTHING is consumed by it.

You've no doubt done a ton of tests, tried different diets and treatments etc. So I know many of these suggestions may be moot, but here they are anyways:

1) Focus on identifying the root cause of your disease if you haven't already. The issue with modern medicine is doctors tend to treat symptoms and not causes. So you might find a treatment that masks the symptoms for a while, but since it doesn't actually address the root cause, will either stop working or intensify your issues (or even create brand new ones of their own... Such as my experience on PPIs)

2) Don't screw around with this - I personally have spent YEARS randomly trying different crap based on my idiot google research. Trying to fix a broken down car starts with finding where the issue is in the first place, THEN by addressing it. You don't just randomly start changing parts and adjusting things - That would be absurd.

Your primary goal above all else right now should be to FIND THE SOURCE. That means testing.

I don't have much experience with auto-immune, but SOMETIMES it's related to diet. If standard medical testing hasn't revealed anything, look into a comprehensive stool test, organic acids test, heavy metals test etc... (Depending on what your actual issues are)

Lastly, as Socrates said "Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food"

- In all of my research trying to find my own answers, I've been AMAZED at how almost every issue in the human body is in some way related to diet, exercise and stress. If you haven't tried changing these things yet, I'd say it's worth a shot. Literally worst case scenario you wind up a healthier person no matter what.

What this looks like? Whole foods plant based is the only diet proven to significantly reduce inflammation, autoimmune response etc etc. That means vegan - No processed foods, no sugar, no dairy, no meat, no processed oils. Literally whole plant based foods.

Try it for 30 days - Track your calories & nutrients in cronometer to make sure you're getting everything you need during that time, and see how it goes.

As I said, it may be a miracle cure, or it may not really do much - But you have nothing to lose by trying it.

Explanation of autoimmune vegan diet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59m74cIUmMI

Whole foods plant based bodybuilder with great meal instructions: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpyhJZhJQWKDdJCR07jPY-Q

Another whole foods plant based youtuber:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHmZjV16rxExTImGh6I_buA

Hope this helps in some way!

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her instincts are to have provision for her and her children, it’s not about you. Unfortunately she’s a SAHM so she doesn’t have much for options in front of her other than to have a man to live off of. Great when your at you’re best, providing and leading. Probably terrifying with you falling down.

You can’t worry about her tho. You marriage can’t ever be a part of your mission. Relationships work best when your going somewhere and allowing her to come along for the adventure, so it’s always secondary.

Your health is on you. You need to be your own best advocate, not doctors, you. Try everything, different diets, monitor your levels, hormone, etc. Almost all doctors practice in their own closed environment, unaware of what to look for and I’ve never met one with a wholistic approach, VMMV. Don’t expect a doctor to give you a complete picture. Some people report great success with carnivore diet. Speaking only for myself carbs taste great but they run havoc on my body if I eat too much.

[–]Toowhammy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can’t imagine being told “you disgust me” by my wife and spending another day married to her.

[–]42gauge0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm curious, which treatment did you use?

[–]Luftbrucke[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have tried a lot of diferetn antibiotics (doxycycline, azithromycin,flagyl, etc.) both IV and oral, as well as different herbal protocols and regimen changes. I am on disulfiram now, and even though it is an experimental treatment for Lyme, it had the best effects by far. I should be able to live a normal life now...



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