Anyone have a link to that post about a guy having a great wife but still saying not to get married?

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January 28, 2020

There was a post on the main sub written by a guy that claimed to have the perfect wife and life and yet explaining how marriage this is not worth it.

I searched in the main sub but I can’t seem to find it. If anyone has it saved or has a link please help me out.


Post Information
Title Anyone have a link to that post about a guy having a great wife but still saying not to get married?
Author StephenHawkingsEars
Upvotes 60
Comments 29
Date 28 January 2020 08:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–]thrwy75479206 points207 points  (13 children) | Copy

The grass is always greener on the other side. Fact is, it doesn't matter what you do in life, there is always a cost associated with it.

You don't want any close relationships? Great. You can't have kids without a partner to raise them up well. There goes your legacy, and you've failed to fulfill your biological imperative. You got married, and have kids? Good. Now she has all the leverage, you've got dependents, and you've lost freedom.

You want to become a billionaire? Cool. You'll have to work your ass off, and, even if you have an escape plan, you've spent a lot of your life not having fun, and banging girls because you didn't have the time.

You were born rich? Awesome. No one respects you because you didn't earn it, and even if you did, people claim it was easier to take risks because you always had a safety net. You don't care? Excellent. You don't feel accepted by any group of people, and it kills you inside because we're social creatures.

You want a decent lifestyle with a balance of career, social life, girls, family? Nice. You didn't work hard at anything in particular, and didn't maximize your potential.

You don't want to make any decisions, and let life happen? This is the worst thing you can do because you will end up with all the things you never wanted. Have fun with that.

"There are costs and risks to a program of action, but they are far less than the long range risks and costs of comfortable inaction." - John F. Kennedy

[–]infiniteprogress22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

Either/Or by Kierkgaard is also another great read along these lines

[–]Qba199413 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

saving this! brilliant <3

[–]confusedbonobo0073 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This made me think of the song opportunity cost by G-Eazy. Great song that makes you think about the cost of everything.

[–]huey764-5 points-4 points  (9 children) | Copy

Why do you say you need a partner to raise your kids? I ask because I plan to get a surrogate when I have mine

[–]i-am-the-prize10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why do you say you need a partner to raise your kids?

he actually said:

" You can't have kids without a partner to raise them up well"


  • plenty of studies showing a nuclear (2 parent) household as being strongly correlated with positive child outcome
  • if your LTR is a net positive person (ie: handles her shit and adds value to your life) she will possibly also add value to theirs, and like certain group projects, different people bring different strengths to bear
  • kids are expensive, and 2 incomes are greater than one (or one works and one is the stay-at-home-caregiver, so no nanny to hire or daycare to pay for).
  • logistics: dude... dude... have you every had to deal with: orthodontist appointments, dentist appointments, wellness visits, shots, field trips, house sports, travel sports, sick kid days .... I cannot imagine doing that shit alone. You will go batshit crazy unless you outsouce to an Au Pair/ full time nanny.

[–]huey7642 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Damn. Hadn't thought that far ahead. I guess there's always grandma and grandpa tho amirite?

[–]skippwiggins1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Grandma and grandpa are very important and most people fail to realize this. They can have a huge impact on a child’s life.

[–]i-am-the-prize0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hopefully they live close enough to make it a regular thing. Helps date night with the LTR when you don’t have to plan ahead and book and pay for a sitter and you can frankly just drop them off at your mothers or mothers in law‘s house and go out for a drink and an evening - or even to a hotel for a night and let your in-laws be at your own home and your kids are in their own crib(s). Not a hypothetical.

[–]i-am-the-prize1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Grandparents should be a part of your child’s lives and often times in bad situations will end up being the primary caregivers

For most it’s a Plan B especially if they’re 30 or more years older than you are and it might actually work better if they had you at a young age and are spry

One of my buddies who will stay nameless- his wife convinced him to move her mother in with them so that she could help take care of the kids and they can both continue to work.

Surprise surprise his mother-in-law ended up needing hip surgery within six months of moving in years ago - and to this day has not picked up either of his daughters physically or from school since she’s too weak before and since the surgery- Oh and the bitch doesn’t even cook very well. Don’t be like him.

[–]ddd13372 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just curious, will you be able to raise the girl alone?

[–]huey7640 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Bruh no one said anything about a girl. Not that I would reject a daughter but I want a son

[–]ddd13371 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't get my question. I think you could raise a boy, since you are a man. But could you give valuable upbringing to a girl? I think a girl needs a woman in her childhood.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good one!

[–]Emerald__Faith14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Women want to get married

  • But they dont want to Be married

[–]Foolishoe19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't get married. I have a great wife.

Why do I tell you not to?

Tell me why you want to get married

Tell me how old you are

Tell me how much you have saved

Tell me where you've been in the world

Tell me about her father, her mother, her friends, her goals, where she's traveled, how much she has saved. Does she have any red flags, how long have you been with her, how does she help you, how do you know she loves you, how do you know 5 years from now she will still love you?

Do you want children, can you afford children, what kind of experience do you have raising children, how much free time do you have while still earning a ton of money, or do you expect your great new wife to stay home and do it?

What kind of experience does she have raising children? Where do you live, what's the rating of the schools in your area and a million other ongoing questions as you go onward.

Always be ready to divorce. Always get a prenuptial agreement.

Anything else?

[–]apoc20505 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you can't answer these questions, don't get married.

If you can answer these questions and it doesn't paint her in a good light, don't get married.

If you can answer these questions and either one of you don't measure up, don't get married.

If you can answer these questions, and you both are good, then maybe get married.

[–]ChadTheWaiter1000 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What does “where she’s traveled” have to do with anything? Legitimate question not being smart ass.

[–]Foolishoe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Say shes never left town. Shes great in a ton of ways and you two get a house together.

A home, much like a child is a crippling debt that goes on much of your life.

A few years pass and shes restless. Sees all the memes out there bragging about the life on the road, all over the world. Just a girl and her dog memes.

She leaves because shes missing out on her 20s or 30s being with you. Shes not ready to settle, she only believed she was.

If you can financially take her places regularly this isnt a big issue.

Places like Thailand and Australia, not the bowling alley.

[–]redarkane8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

you can't get divorced if you don't get married

I don't think it's worth it anymore.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy


[–]fucktard_engineer6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Haaa I said something like this to my GF the other day.

"Yeah you must be busy going on another date" to which I say "Yeah I'll try and fit you in sometime next week"

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


love the response and username

[–]nigborg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]SteveSan821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t need to be married to have kids.

[–]Casanova-Quinn2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The thing is, you can live exactly like you're married without actually being married (in areas without common-law marriage). You can have a home and children with a woman without a legalized marriage. The only hurdle is getting a woman to agree to that arrangement. I assume that's OP's reasoning in the post you're looking for.

[–]fipar205 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

In Australia, its called a de-facto relationship. Depending on how long you've been together, there are still tax and financial consequences as if you were actually married.

Marriage basically just becomes a piece of paper in this regard, so there's not much difference.

[–]BritishHumourOnly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Married Red Pill guys have a good life, I want to be one one day

[–]WiterS20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Because you can have all the benefits of being married, without marrying, and at the same time get rid of many of the costs and risks.

You can live with a woman, have child, and live the family life. There is no need to marry for that.

Marriage is all loss for a man. The wife stops feeling attraction just because she has you guaranteed, and now you are on the hook for divorce.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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