Which red flags are you willing to let slide and why?

debate-a-pill · 2020-10-12T23:07:21+00:00

If you look past a "red flag", it was not red. Those are things that will clearly force a nope out of you.

janearcade · 2020-10-12T21:10:38+00:00

[deleted]

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-10-12T22:48:17+00:00

I’m off the market now but things I was willing to overlook in the past in guys I dated. None of what’s listed below are reasons why it didn’t work out.

Balding

Being a bit overweight

Making less than me

Being shorter than me

Being messy (I didn’t live with him so that may have been an issue if I did).

Vegan

Drank a bit too much on the weekends

Not too bright

A really small dick

goneaway2thewind · 2020-10-12T21:40:53+00:00

To me red flags aren't mistakes, everyone can make a mistake. Red flags are rooted personality traits that makes me instantly understand that this person isn't my twin flame.

reluctantly_red · 2020-10-12T23:01:12+00:00

Red Flags:

Smoking -- can't stand smokers

Doesn't have an education -- dumb women suck

Doesn't have a career -- why would a guy want a boat anchor dependent

2020-10-12T22:09:55+00:00

This isn't a dealbreaker for me to begin with, however: money/secure job/non-breadwinner. As long as they're ambitious, cooperative and want better for themselves.

Context: I have pretty good future prospects, Sweden has nice family leave anyway and I prefer prestige over affluence

TheLotusLover · 2020-10-12T22:40:55+00:00

[deleted]

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-10-12T22:21:08+00:00

-Don’t care about N-count

-Don’t care if she’s broke

_mwk · 2020-10-12T21:31:14+00:00

im willing to overlook

financial potential/status, i don't need to be wealthy in life and im okay with a simple middle class family life
lack of common interests if he's ok with trying new stuff together,
lack of drive and ambition in life, i don't really want an overachieving workaholic
im okay with over emotional men, it didnt really bother me in previous experiences
im also ok with needy behaviour and insecurity IF im already emotionally invested in him, huge turn off in the beginning tho

idk tbh, this is hard to think of. like I can list the two things ill never compromise on in any case for a LTR, and that's being a funny dude who wants a huge family

7-11-21-Luck · 2020-10-13T02:17:34+00:00

If she doesn't have many female friends. Not saying I would give a pass to a woman who is hostile and downright nasty to other women. I wouldn't think twice if she had more close male friends than female friends. Really depends on the situation.

There was a family my family was really close with who stayed in the same neighborhood as us. One of the girls was basically my older sister, she used to get picked on and bullied a lot in high school. Not because she was shy and quiet or unattractive. She was light-skinned, attractive with blue eyes and have really really beautiful hair.

A lot of the girls in their school used to gang up on her to try to jump and beat her up and one day took it way too far by holding her down and cutting her hair with some scissors. Transferred to a different school and just about had the same issues. Ended up dropping out entirely. That experience really messed her up so nowadays she don't care too much about hanging out with a group of women but still have one or two female friends she get along with but have three close platonic male friends she's known for years.

spacechicken1990 · 2020-10-13T04:29:14+00:00

I let some slide & ended with an asexual at 21 so yeah anything indicating a lack of libido is a massive dealbreaker.

Suck-Less · 2020-10-12T21:05:53+00:00

-occasional psychedelic drug use

-being bad with money if they make a decent wage and are willing to give me control

-not knowing how to cook for themselves if they are again willing to give me control and give proper appreciation/use their skills to take over other areas of our shared life

-having kids as long as they aren't bitter at their baby mom/aren't weird about it

-dad bods >> hot bods >> ugly bods IMO

_pineapplylemon · 2020-10-12T21:33:20+00:00

Possessiveness is often considered a red flag but I personally like it from my partner. I also don't mind a little immaturity and silliness especially if it makes me laugh

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-10-12T23:01:44+00:00

Well there’s a difference between long term dating and short term dating/flings. For example I wouldn’t have a LTR with a single mom, but I dated one casually over the course of a month. We went out once, and it was mostly just hooking up

SteveSan82 · 2020-10-13T10:38:08+00:00

None. If you let 1 slide then more follow. Speaking from experience

majani · 2020-10-12T23:55:25+00:00

Slut in the past- I'm willing to let that slide depending on the situation, like if she's down for threesomes in the relationship or other fun shit. You won't get that with a low n woman most likely

Wants Marriage- I don't want marriage but for the right woman I'll be ok with it

Good Looks- Looks fade anyways, I just want to date someone with good bone structure who practices a healthy lifestyle and will age well

Older age- I would actually prefer dating women my own age rather than 10 years younger, cuz she likely has her shit together and I don't have to be her dad

AutoModerator · 2020-10-12T20:59:57+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

wtknight · 2020-10-12T23:10:16+00:00

Red Flags that I can let slide:

Unemployed

No friends

Bad at sex

DangZagnut · 2020-10-12T23:17:46+00:00

Red flags prevent any dating, not a woman being able to weepingly accept a date with a 5'11" guy.

That's just an unmet preference.

thetruthishere_ · 2020-10-12T23:18:01+00:00

Red flags are deal breakers for me. Its looking past some yellow flags I may not be fond of but can live with/compromise on.

Red flags for me.

A pill popping coke head/drunk. Hard nope.

Bad hygiene/slob. Hard nope.

Avoidant attached that hasn't worked on it/self aware. Hard nope.

Treats waitstaff/blue collar/service industry people like crap. Hard nope.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-10-13T01:42:55+00:00

Being molested as a child. I really really shouldn't but I always feel bad for them.

LooseIndication · 2020-10-13T01:50:24+00:00

None at all.

If it is to be passed, is not a red flag.

All red flags are non starters for LTR, and some are even red flags for sex. So, a red flag may be overlooked for sex, but not for a relationship.

2020-10-13T02:43:45+00:00

The 3 A’s: addiction, abuse, and adultery are the major dealbreakers for me... anything else can be worked through if both sides are willing.

NarniaFox · 2020-10-13T02:50:29+00:00

Red flags are literally the things you should avoid. Like alcoholism, history of cheating, being abusive etc. Not just "not ideal characteristics that you possibly can deal with", they are quite subjective, so whatever is a red flag for one might not be for the other.

Personally I have a long list of hard no-s and I'm not okay with compromising on any point. They are red flags for a reason.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-10-13T07:11:46+00:00

I don't care if they're a virgin or submissive or whatever. I would not be able to tolerate someone who was fixated on these things however.

So... I guess I can tolerate the "red flag" of a person not being a virgin (which is just about everyone by the time you're in your 30's like I am), but I can't tolerate the red flag of a person obsessed with virginity.

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-13T09:50:04+00:00

I'm not willing to let any red flags slide. That seems like an incredibly foolish course of action and a great way to end up dead or in an abusive situation.

Now, normal flaws are something that can be overlooked, like being mildly forgetful, having difficulty keeping to a budget, being overly sarcastic or dramatic at times, not knowing how to cook, etc. Things like that aren't a big deal.

NeutrinoParticle · 2020-10-13T10:34:09+00:00

When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

(Bojack qote)

2020-10-13T16:57:03+00:00

I think Marriages and LTRs are a trap that I don't benefit from at all, so I guess that means I don't let any red flags slide because there's not even white flags getting through

dogfartswamp · 2020-10-13T20:40:40+00:00

I’m ok with some high emotionality and neediness, because I understand those. I much prefer someone who occasionally hurls verbal abuses at me to someone who lies. In my book, you’re a better person if you let others know exactly where you stand in an abusive way than if you’re just never quite honest with people.

Peacheslikeyou · 2020-10-15T01:28:38+00:00

No red flags, ever.

Roachcluster · 2020-10-15T01:52:54+00:00

If it floats, flies or fucks rent it - that has never been more true

pandora_box- · 2020-10-15T19:58:29+00:00

What I considered red flags were automatic deal breakers. I had a lot of deal breakers and was extremely picky. As soon as a red flag appeared, I would end it. I had a lot of expectations that the men on this sub would hate— man paying for dates, man being able to earn a decent living, a man being respectful (not cursing or saying rude things) in my presence, a man not having had sex outside of a committed relationship, a man being physically attractive, a man being smart, a man having confidence/ leadership qualities etc. I wasn’t looking for a free meal so I always tried to pay for dates when I had no intention of ever seeing that man again. 99.9% of men couldn’t live up to my standards. I’m now happily married.

However, I waited until marriage and lean tradcon in terms of relationship dynamics and am considered rather conventionally attractive so I guess I could afford to be super picky.

ItsTheHardCockLife · 2020-10-16T04:21:02+00:00

I do not care about "red flags" whatsoever and any of the things commonly listed as "red flags".

"red flags" are a crutch for "going on dates" with individuals one doesn't know with the purpose of trying to rush into "a committed relationship" before it's too late: I don't go on dates and I don't go into "committed relationships" where I'm stuck and there's no way out.

2020-10-12T21:12:11+00:00

My own blood if I ever decide to kill myself.

stats135 · 2020-10-12T22:32:51+00:00

A relationship is a give and take.

In terms of giving the only thing I really care about a women give to me is sex. I don't mind a woman not giving me much, but only if its the most she's ever given. We only have sex once or twice a week? If she's a virgin before me, I wouldn't thing twice about letting that side. I would not let it slide if she's been fucking Chad's every other day before me. I'll have her either fuck me, or fuck off.

I also don't mind a woman taking a lot, so long as its because she wants me for herself. She want me to spend time with her and indulge her with monetary gifts? Fine, I don't mind giving to the women I'm having sex with. I'm not fine if what she takes from me does not stay in the relationship. Prime examples are single mothers and people with imaginary friends in the sky. It is not okay to have money going to raise Chad's bastard kids or sponsor some Catholic pedophile.

Title	Which red flags are you willing to let slide and why?
Author	majani
Upvotes	11
Comments	132
Date	October 12, 2020 8:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/j9zgg5/which_red_flags_are_you_willing_to_let_slide_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/which-red-flags-are-you-willing-to-let-slide-and.317401 https://theredarchive.com/post/317401