I’ve been seeing this statement bandied around a lot recently, and it’s complete horseshit. Baked into this statement is the implicit assumption that a man would treat a woman well if he sees a future with her, which we all know is not true. It’s not only nice, kind-hearted people who get married/have long-term relationships. Being in a relationship says absolutely nothing about the character of the people in it. The worst men in society have managed to find partners and sustain long relationships, usually because these men hop from woman to woman until they find one who accepts their BS.

What irks me the most about the statement, though, is that it places the blame on being treated poorly on the woman. It fails to mention that the ability to treat someone badly is a testament to the man’s character and not his situation. A man not seeing a future with a woman is not an excuse to treat her badly, string her along or just be low value towards her in general.

It’s also dangerous to peddle the myth that the “right woman” can change a man, because it can encourage women to overlook a man’s history of poor behaviour because he’s treating her well for now. Old habits die hard. If a man can be low value to anyone, he can also be low value to you. A man will only change when he wants to change. Unfortunately, because society is such that low value men are rewarded in multiple ways, the number of men who truly seek out change and commit to it are small.

This narrative only serves men, because it allows women to believe that they can change a man’s character through their actions. It allows women to believe that if they act like a man’s “dream woman” and treat him like a king, even if he doesn’t deserve it, then that will increase their chance of being picked. Meanwhile, low value men get to feast off these women’s efforts as they constantly look to replace her with someone they actually want to be with. Sounds like a monumental scam to me.

Women are not responsible for the poor behaviour of men. If a man doesn’t treat a woman well, it’s because he didn’t want to treat her well. And that is squarely on him.