Disclaimer : I know that my post is not specifically about a red-pill situation but this sub is also about self improvement, talks about the importance of maintaining feminine friendships and of course my lack of social circle prevents me from meeting men. And I know that here, at least, I won't get advice such as "Just post pictures of your butt". But if you know another sub that is likely to help me I'll post somewhere else.

I'm a 19 yo woman, soon 20. When I was 15, at the beginning of a school year, I stopped using social media : I deleted my Facebook and snapchat, I stopped being active on twitter and instagram and deleted all my pictures. I have absolutely no idea on why I did that in the moment : all I know is that I went through a very dark period in high school, which was probably the beginning of my depression. The school year before I thought that I finally made a solid group of friends which wasn't the case at all, so I was like : "what's the point of continuing those fake relationships through social media ? I will leave it because I'm tired of seing everybody being so happy on it, and then we'll see who cares about me and contacts me outside of it". Very little people.

It has been 5 years now since I've left it, which is extremely weird for someone my age. I have only 2 friends (from middle school) that I rarely see, I feel absolutely unable to connect to the new people I meet in my studies and I think that my decision to quit social media this young has ruined my ability to keep a a social circle : not necessarily friends but just people that I happen to have contact with from time to time, even superficially. I regret leaving and I feel doomed to isolation now because so many things hold me back from getting on it again :

-afraid that people will judge me for leaving and then all of a sudden reappearing, espacially as during this dark period I was very disagreeable or maybe even mean, so I might have left a bad memory to people I went to high school with.

-The main reason : I'm very insecure about my looks and never take pictures of myself, so posting photos on social media really frightens me

-I'm afraid that I won't get likes (people that still follow me on instagram have probably forgotten about me or don't like me) and worse : that people will unsub when they will see that they still follow me whereas they are not interested in me. I'm afraid that if I give my accounts to people I meet in the future they will judge me for having so little subscribers or likes.

I know that those are 1st world problems but those are mine, and as my depression is very much linked to my feeling of loneliness and of social and romantic undesirability, so they matter to me. Do you have any advice for my situation ? I've learned that every problem should be fixed step by step but here I just feel overwhelmed and I don't know what to do and how to start