What is you guys thoughts on prenup marriages? As a way for a man to make sure your their for him and not his resources, and that if you do get a divorce protecting his interest.

BeveledCarpetPadding · 2020-10-27T04:10:37+00:00

It's no problem if a woman is able to be financially independent even within the marriage.

But pragmatically speaking, it's a nightmare for stay-at-home wives and mothers who really live up to the traditional role of full-time homemaking and family-rearing. They will have to heavily vet hard for and bank on the integrity of their man and the permanence of their marriage. Even then, when the husband passes away unexpectedly, it affects their right to inherit what they have supported him in building.

rosesonthefloor · 2020-10-27T12:26:19+00:00

I think it would have to depend on context for me. Is he worried about protecting a sizable inheritance he stands to gain while married, or wants to protect something he’s built before me? Does he have a reason for wanting one other than being afraid of divorce? In that case, sure. If the underlying thought process shows more negative than positive thinking (i.e. worried about loss vs. wanting to protect) then it would warrant a conversation and a deeper dive into the subject.

I feel very strongly that once I get married, I will fight tooth and nail to keep it together. I vet to find someone who feels the same way. I’m not opposed to a prenup on principle however - but prenups can be fair, and can protect both parties. I would not sign a prenup without my own legal representation.

If you run into a man that doesn’t want you to have legal representation and just wants you to sign his prenup that only protects him..... run the other way lol.

Mewster1818 · 2020-10-27T13:22:41+00:00

I offered my husband a prenup(not because I care one way or another but in case he did) and he turned it down.

He saw it as a document second guessing our choice to get married and didn't want that to be a shadow on our partnership. That said we're religious and while divorce is allowed, it's not something that our faith views too kindly unless the situation is really bad(abuse, cheating, addiction, etc). You're expected to work through everything else, and so we knew that and had that perspective going in, marriage was not just a pretty dress and sparkles.

-Raksu- · 2020-10-27T14:07:35+00:00

[deleted]

razmelon · 2020-10-27T13:33:39+00:00

All prenups are different, but most prenups (that i know of) protect each partners savings, properties, etc that they had prior to marriage. Anything they earn after marriage will be divided in a divorce.

UnDefinedLegacy · 2020-10-27T06:05:57+00:00

Really depends on the income level imo and lifestyle. I personally for myself wouldn't subject myself to one. Legal contract would have to be something redone over and over again. The first draft would be old due to situations changing like children etc. I can see the use for one but it should definitely be discussed and redone over the years imo. Kind of like renewing contracts.

nocreativity729 · 2020-10-27T14:36:22+00:00

It’s not just for men, and it’s a really smart financial decision to make if you have a lot of assets. Period. It’s not about you, or him. It’s about numbers. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and you and your marriage are not above statistics. I’m sorry. This is just the truth. Soooo if you or your partner have a lot of assets, please see it for what it is. If youuuu have a lot of assets, do not be stupid. Create a document that expresses where and how your assets will be distributed. Protect yourself. Make that divorce a hell of a lot easier. Otherwise, enjoy a happy marriage. Nobody loses.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-10-27T17:46:48+00:00

Depends on a few things. If he had something built up prior vs if he wants me to help him build something up instead of my own career then give up rights to it. If fault matters vs if he can just walk away or provoke a divorce. Most divorces now are no fault. That doesn’t mean no one was at fault. It means it’s a quick and dirty way to get divorced. And though most women initiate divorce, that doesn’t mean all of them are doing it because they aren’t “fulfilled” or some other such bs.

lemon_lips · 2020-10-27T16:59:49+00:00

“Prenup” is practically a sext. It’s hot. It means he’s ready to get MARRIED.

Secondly, it protects you! This is your chance to fight for yourself and what you deserve. Have fun. And definitely have champagne. Any time you negotiate and define boundaries, that’s a celebration.

Buckley92 · 2020-10-27T12:52:51+00:00

As someone who wishes to be a SAHM in the event we have kids, I could not in good conscience get one. As someone who wholeheartedly believes a strong Christian marriage should be a race to the back of the line, as the wonderful Andy Stanley said, ala Ephesians 5, I don't think I'd survive the lawyer meetings.

Similarly, I read a story on another subreddit where a man was engaged, and his fiancee's rich parents bought them a house as a wedding gift. The catch: it was located three and a half hours drive away from his high paying job and successful career very close to her family and not near his in an area where SHE could get similar well paid work, but HE couldn't, certainly not at the same level, and paying about half his salary. While his fiancee was ok with this and wanted to move, her parents insisted the man sign a pre nup stating she would keep the house, her car and all of her savings and any inheritance from them if they divorced. The problem? He was taking a possibly permanent hit to his high paying career, and after a divorce, he would be older, have a five year minimum resume gap, possible child support, or possible custody of kids depending on his fiancee's career, and no resources to help him except his car and a low salary. He refused to make the move. His fiancee got angry after her parents accused him of wanting to separate her from her family. So he offered a choice: Make the move with no prenup, make the move with a different fair two sided prenup, or sign the current prenup and stay right where they were so at least he could build his career. His fiancee screamed at him. At that point, he came to Reddit and pretty sure he ended up breaking up with her.

However... I did find this cool article about prenups through mediation which seems much fairer and gentle and less traumatic. I might give that a try, who knows.

https://ivkdlaw.com/the-firm/our-articles/prenuptial-agreements-and-lawyering/why-prenups-are-bad-for-your-marital-health/

LocalReligionMajor · 2020-10-27T05:12:33+00:00

I'm going down the SAHM wife route, so I would need to be protected in the case of divorce. I wouldn't sign spousal support away. There are certain factors which might make a prenup seem reasonable to me (protecting a hefty inheritance or ownership of a family business) but neither my fiance nor I am rich enough to worry about that XD

It also ties a judge's hands in terms of getting a fair outcome. Unexpected things might happen, and then the prenup which sounded like a good idea 10 years ago stops seeming fair. For example, I know women who intended to come back to work after maternity leave but then changed their minds.

I also don't think a man should need a prenup to know his fiance is marrying him for love. Personally, I would consider a red flag if my partner requested a prenup because I would suspect he wasn't fully committed to the marriage.

wannaberunner131 · 2020-10-27T12:59:42+00:00

I wouldn't have had an issue signing a prenup tbh. I've always been self sufficient, until recently, but plan to be again, and I never would have entered a marriage solely for his money.

I think a prenup could be beneficial to both parties, as long as both take it seriously and get attorneys to help them through the process to make sure no one gets monumentally screwed. If you're marrying someone who has been through a rotten divorce I could see it being just an added comfort.

There's a lot of men who get screwed during divorces but I personally know a lot of women who've gotten screwed too, which is why I mentioned it could be good for both parties.

2020-10-28T01:55:42+00:00

I don't think I could love a man who asked me for a pre-nup. I'd rather be alone than go into a marriage with a fall-out plan. I had much, much more to lose when my husband and I married, and I wouldn't dream of asking for one. He'd have walked out and rightfully so.

ruspow · 2020-10-27T06:48:28+00:00

None of what you’ve said makes sense.

With or without a prenup, if your husband has no money, he has nothing you can take from him.

That’s nothing to do with prenups.

MrsChiliad · 2020-10-27T11:49:30+00:00

Being a practicing Catholic, I wouldn’t have gotten one. The divorce rates for Catholics who practice NFP is 5% btw, and both me and my husband come from generations of intact marriages. So I think understanding your demographic specific risks is important.

dzedunicorn · 2020-10-27T14:45:53+00:00

I don't mind so much, my boyfriend wants one too once we marry, but that's something that also scares me too 😅 I just have higher goals for myself just because of that too though. He wants to buy land and make a house, so, honestly, I'm thinking about doing that too. Maybe just renting out my future house for a while and if we split then I'll just go back to my house.. it's frustrating but, I'd just recommend having a back up plan, especially since he has a prenup in mind. I don't blame him for it since women always get the most out of a divorce.

Brandonxxxi · 2020-10-27T17:01:12+00:00

Because of divorce rates and that about 70% majority of women initiate the divorce, prenups are necessary for the man. Ideally, if the woman refuse, then the man should not proceed with marriage.

bananab33 · 2020-10-27T06:11:34+00:00

I'd be against it, overall. Marriage should be entered with a forever mindset, there shouldn't be an out plan from the beginning. The woman is already pathetically vulnerable in marriage, a prenup seems to make her moreso.

pearlsandstilettos · 2020-10-27T14:05:20+00:00

[removed]

charella8 · 2020-10-27T23:01:36+00:00

I asked my husband if we should have gotten one, his response was, "we are going to stay together forever, right?" He did give an example of his colleague and his wife signing a prenup (she keeps the down payment on their house she made, he keeps his expensive guitar collection.) Prenups seem a little strange to me as they seem rooted in a place of distrust. I wouldn't have been really happy if my husband had insisted. Although he came to the marriage with a couple properties we have since maintained them together and all of what we do is built together. Maybe it would make sense if it's something of both monetary and emotional significance (like a classic car, family property, etc).

VGIrises · 2020-10-28T19:13:06+00:00

I do not have a problem with a prenup as long as it’s fair to me, whatever that means to me in the moment I sign it. And I probably won’t sign the first draft he sends me or the second. Our different lawyers would finalize a draft together that makes us both feel secure. In fact, having a prenup before marriage seems better than trying to hash it out during an emotional divorce. It should make divorce easier.

Leooeeoeoeo · 2020-10-31T16:11:02+00:00

You can have a prenup that says the woman gets some of the resources, but not 50/50. it's not an all-or-nothing agreement, there are nuances. There are some that say the prenup disappears after 10 or 20 years. There are stipulations for children too.

people are acting like "oh if you have a prenup, you get nothing when you divorce" which couldn't be further from the truth. They can say things like "She gets $100k, plus $1k per month for 3 years, plus X amount per child until they are 18." Or you can have them say custody is 50/50. There's so many types of agreements people are very ignorant.

cornycatlady · 2020-10-27T15:17:08+00:00

I will never EVER sign a pre nup. The more money a man makes, the more opportunity he will have to cheat. Not signing a pre nup is an incentive for him to not cheat

mikelieman · 2020-10-27T05:07:59+00:00

There's an obvious downside to prenups, we are all familiar with: When your husband is in debt, there's no money to pay off your damages when he gets publicly caught cheating on you.

isidorakimou · 2020-10-27T10:34:19+00:00

It would make sense if he's got a lot, like a lot lot and I wouldn't personally mind that much because I wouldn't be after his resources. However, it could feel a bit weird like he doesn't trust you enough, like he is afraid you're going to want out or something, and that's a bit insecure, but I get it that you gotta watch your back at all times nowadays, there are really vicious people out there I suppose. But man, I ain't going through all of this vetting and marrying you to divorce you, ffs we're gonna be together until death do us apart.

Also, let's not kid ourselves, I have multiple real life examples where the woman wanted a divorce and the man did everything, even really freaky and sinister stuff to not let it happen, which is not that hard if he's got a few good connections trust me, like even paying her attorney and getting him on his side and not even letting her have one. If a man doesn't want the divorce too, it ain't happening, forget it. So they shouldn't be that much scared.