Doesn't the low participation of women on online dating apps actually prove that women care about personality more than they care about looks?

DarthCach · 2020-11-30T12:24:26+00:00

It's an interesting take. I think generally women are more cautious when dating while men aren't, which could explain the ratio to some extent.

Imho, it seems this subreddit is overwhelmingly incels that don't actually want a debate or change their views so I wouldn't hold my breath finding users that want to discuss it from this viewpoint. Good luck though.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2020-11-30T13:56:32+00:00

Okc Qualitrics said women are more likely to message people that they aren't attracted to than men, so I agree with it.

TheJim66 · 2020-11-30T09:12:30+00:00

Women's participation in online dating in general is quite high. Meeting online has become the most popular way couples meet. They just don't use just OLD apps but also other social media (like Instagram) .

nomadunkown · 2020-11-30T10:48:04+00:00

No.

It proves they either don’t need it or that they don’t want casual sex only.

ex_red_black_piller · 2020-11-30T13:03:27+00:00

I have heard that that is because women find someone quickly and get off the apps.

On the other hand, a lot of men are looking to find side pieces etc.

wtknight · 2020-11-30T14:57:51+00:00

It shows that they think that many women don't like the artificiality of being "shopped for" by men on a dating app. It was a lot easier for me personally to meet women in online chatrooms years ago, because there was a higher percentage of women there due to it being a more organic environment and less of an artificial one compared to a dating website.

Nowadays, I'm guessing that it would be much easier to just meet women off of social media, since there are so many women using it, although men trying to meet the highest quality women with 10,000+ followers on Instagram who are attempting to use social media commercially will probably not be successful.

PMmeareasontolive · 2020-11-30T20:50:46+00:00

A lot of women don't use OLD because they don't like the high volume of negativity they get from miscellaneous weird dudes with high expectations.

Often women have no idea how to navigate it and end up spending all their time, attention and energy "feeding the trolls", which quickly leads to burn out.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-11-30T08:28:53+00:00

People seem to forget that many people on apps like Tinder are only there to find a quikfuck. I only have heard of a handful of couples that went on with the intent to find a LTR and found one. (At least with the younger crowd, I can’t speak for older people m)

A good amount of people on these apps I’d guess are younger (18-25ish) and are much more shallow and focused on looks because that’s all many of them have to bring to the table. It takes time to establish yourself with career, hobbies, passions etc, cause those take time and money to see through. That’s why the older crowd (30 and up) will be pickier with their partners personality and lifestyle.

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2020-11-30T08:06:53+00:00

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reluctantly_red · 2020-11-30T22:35:04+00:00

At any given time women are significantly underrepresented. This is because most women cycle through fast. They put up a profile -- get tons of responses -- start dating one -- take down their profile -- all within a week.

HumanNumber348 · 2020-11-30T08:45:23+00:00

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moneygang4life · 2020-11-30T11:42:25+00:00

I think it proves that they aren’t as interested in actually finding a mate as do men who have little to no options

Urbantexasguy · 2020-11-30T20:44:19+00:00

Besides any gender imbalances in overall numbers on OLD, young men screw themselves over, by swiping right on everything with a pulse and a vagina, thereby GREATLY increasing the competition, for every single woman.

Seriously, you guys are like crabs in a bucket. You complain about all the pinching, and your only solution.....is to pinch each other even more......and then complain even more, about the pinching! It's madness!

TheIntrepid1k · 2020-11-30T23:25:53+00:00

Majority of women are so inundated with attention from men from other sites, ie. facebook/instagram/twitter etc etc that tinder is not really required and has turned as a way to advertise their other social media.

Alot women also have a steady stream of orbiters that she can replace at a moments notice and will do so once in a while when one of them gets fed up and drops out.

Obviously, this is with mostly the new gen, millenials dont really fall into that category.

The reality is that 2.5 - 3 x's more men ages 18-34 are and have been sexless/flat out virgins in the from 2 years from when the data was collected in 2016 i believe. over Almost 1/3 men, as opposed to 1/10 women. This contradicts the idea that personality is more important to women because women are literally sharing a smaller and smaller % of men. IF women were more interested in personality in general, rates of virginity/sexlessness would be higher for women but its the opposite. So a lot of incels ask themselves why are they being told women go mostly for personality, when they are having more sex than their male counterparts?

cromulent_weasel · 2020-11-30T23:42:51+00:00

It seems that at the end of the day, most women prefer to pick their mate from their actual social circle and people they already met in the real world

Not a woman. That's how I would do it too.

implying that women have enormous access to chads these days and can have their pick only from the best of the bests?

That's just whining about the imbalance in OLD.

If that is the case, then why not more women join online dating apps to pick the rich, handsome, high-status guy with 100s of suitors instead of choosing from the handful of Daves they know from their friend circle.

I think the people bemoaning the miserable experience that men have with OLD are ignorant or completely lacking in empathy as to how the experience also sucks for women too.

2020-11-30T12:39:19+00:00

Women use dating apps for different reasons than men. Women use them for validation. Instagram proves that. There are more women on Instagram than men and most are trying to get some sort of validation for their appearance/lifestyle. Instagram has become a dating site as well. Men can cold approach (slide into DMs) and hope for the best. Hopefully, the girl likes his pictures and finds him attractive. Sounds like a dating site to me, just even less effort on the woman's part than tinder or bumble. Girls' fingers won't get tired swiping left all the time.

Some girls do use online dating to find a partner or just hook up but these are more often than not low quality i.e. fat, single mother, downright ugly, or at best average girls trying to advertise their only fans. Every once in a while, there is a diamond in the rough of a girl who is just passing through the sausage fest of online dating and then a guy scoops her up. They hook up and the destructive cycle that is modern dating begins.

GunnzzNRoses · 2020-11-30T14:26:57+00:00

Somewhat. I think it's more that women despise desperation and online dating screams desperation, it seems to say that you're too lame to meet women IRL.

Most women only want to encounter guys in real life. Tinder is the select horny few.

bowserfire73 · 2020-11-30T14:27:14+00:00

Women are only getting to know the personality of guys they are attracted to. If they cared more about personality than looks they would get to know guys regardless of how they look.

Eastuss · 2020-11-30T08:19:01+00:00

No.

First of all it doesn't prove anything that's just the conclusion you want to make.

Then we already know IRL women are less frequently searching for relationships and sex. So it's likely the same reason why they're not on dating Apps primarily, and then you can guess other obvious reasons that worsens the ratio even more.

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TheBookOfSeil · 2020-11-30T09:34:19+00:00

It could mean a lot of things. I don’t think your conclusion is near the top of the list either.

Bandit174 · 2020-11-30T13:51:51+00:00

It could just be they can get sex easily enough in real life that they don't feel as much of a need to use an app. Looks are the highest predictor of one's sex/dating success for both genders. I have also heard that it's more common for women to go on the app find a fuckbuddy within a week or two and then delete the account and keep that fuckbuddy for a couple months. Anecdotally it seems like most women have used Tinder at one point or another so even though the active ratio of women at any given time might be 10 or 20% I still think most women have hooked up with someone on Tinder before. Like in your friend group do you honestly know any women who have never used Tinder?

GiveSouce · 2020-11-30T15:59:45+00:00

What do you mean by more? We all agree that both things matter. We all know that the first thing we can judge about someone is only the appearance. After that we can start to judge someone‘s personality. This shows that appearance matters more than personality, because of natural reasons. We are not that different from animals as people always like to portray us. The science is rather clear on this subject.

alialahmad1997 · 2020-11-30T17:52:12+00:00

It could be or it could be easier as women don't need an app to get laid and the ones who do won't benefit that much from it But on average its a bit known that men care about looks more than women

NotTheBestMoment · 2020-11-30T18:49:52+00:00

Online dating is a strategy. If you don’t need the strategy, it lowers your chances of using it. Many don’t need online dating to get people. This would explain the disparity in women on the dating sites/apps

Brainless-Wonder · 2020-11-30T19:00:38+00:00

Too little information to draw that particular conclusion from there. It only proves what’s in front of you, which is that women overall participate in dating apps with lower frequency than men.

To extrapolate why would require a ton more data and speculation. As many in this sub are happy to point out, there are quite a few women who are more than happy to only pursue a man for looks and/or money vs. personality.

Social psych data, cultural tropes over time, and years of human history can tell us though that generally speaking, what women do tend to desire in a partner is a feeling of security, and that women are overall more anxious about self-image. Though this next point is speculation on my part, I wouldn’t doubt if their overall lower participation in online dating is due to the fact that 1. Dating apps have a reputation for being littered with creeps and are seen by many as not a safe place to find a decent partner, and 2. Dating apps force you to put your appearance out there in a way that traditional means of meeting do not (series of photos where people are judging and scrutinizing your looks and trying to make extrapolations as to who you are from there). I think this is a more reasonable conclusion than “women care more about personality.”

Edit: That and, men are generally more active in pursuing a partner than women. How could I forget that point!

thedeadpill · 2020-11-30T19:29:05+00:00

It seems that at the end of the day, most women prefer to pick their mate from their actual social circle and people they already met in the real world, similar to how it was done since the dawn of time.

I agree with this part. In 2019, something like 40% of couples met online.

That means 60% didn't. That said, this number is trending upwards; more people are dating online now than ever before.

Isn't it contradictory to the common narrative we see in this subreddit, implying that women have enormous access to chads these days and can have their pick only from the best of the bests?

I think there is an additional part to this. For a lot of men, it's unclear how to approach women or how to approach people IRL. Dating apps circumvent that whole thing; if a woman swiped right on you, she's presumably interested.

Second, I think some men exhaust their social circle of potential mates, either due to them being taken or disinterest (in either direction), and after that... they still want to date. So they go online.

So, I think a lot of men only date online, or eventually retreat to online dates when meat space options exhaust themselves.

If that is the case, then why not more women join online dating apps to pick the rich, handsome, high-status guy with 100s of suitors instead of choosing from the handful of Daves they know from their friend circle.

I think a big thing is familiarity. Most women I know would rather date a familiar nobody than an online big shot. This flies in the face of red pill though: if women crave familiarity over status/wealth/looks, then monkey branching shouldn't really happen that much (and it doesn't, but, for some the risk of its current incidence is too high for the penalties involved).

I think it's also worth noting that you can get a lot of dates online just by looking half-decent and not being too picky. I've been on dates and slept with a sum of women almost more than my entire friends circles. I think men gravitate to online dating because they have like 5-6 potential mates in their close friends groups, find out that three aren't interested, one is gay, and one is taken (aww shucks!) and go online where you could have lots and lots of dates with people who are automatically considered interested.

learn2earn89 · 2020-11-30T20:35:28+00:00

I’ve never online dated.

Edavis050694 · 2020-11-30T21:33:03+00:00

Ding Ding Ding. But to guys only interested in hookups, the easy accessible ones are all that matter.

spletharg · 2020-12-01T03:45:23+00:00

Hmm. Good point. I actually hadn't considered that.

akihonj · 2020-11-30T17:00:31+00:00

Doesn't the number of web graduating yearly in the west but still complaining about the wage gap show that most women have little idea what they are talking about, that most women are very easily led to believe that a graduate education in lesbian dance theory will garner six figures three years after leaving education.

Doesn't the member of women whining about being equals but still expecting men to chase, pay for dates and stick rigidly to tired old gender stereotypes that they themselves reject and argue that by doing so makes them empowered show most women lack the ability of introspection and self awareness.

Online dating is Amazon for a fuck at best and eBay for a marriage at worst. No personality has now become the bottom end of a requirement for a relationship, a fuck in and of itself is a relationship, and one that has been led by and controlled by women. If they are then whining about it, it's down to them.

Now of course I'm going to get shit for saying that because people here are programmed to reject any idea they may be wrong and need to look at their own behaviour. Let's just face facts here, old is now the number one way of meeting people, initially it was women using the apps more than men, and there are plenty of stories of men having their pick of women, hence the explosion of men using them and the skewed ratio we now have.

However early on it was seen as empowering women even advertised as such and eventually along came bumble with its very own style of bs.

Here's the thing though. You say why the lack of rich handsome guys etc..

Well what people fail to get, I've said it before so clearly will have to again, most rich handsome guys are over 35, they are established and settled into their lives and careers, they usually like most men are attracted to women around 25, they often go to places where women of this age group also go. Of course older women go there to but very often find they are being ignored by us older more established men for the younger more attractive less hassle women.

It's why we constantly get articles about women whining where have the good men gone, what everyone ignores but knows and doesn't want to admit, is very often these women are for want of a better word used. They have been on the carousel and around it more times than one of horses and still expect to nail down a man who is coming into his own, in terms of looks, money, mental stability, patience and a host of other things that make a man attractive. Now at around 35-45 that man has everything to offer and doesn't need to put up with anything he doesn't want to.

Yet we, myself included, have to put up with women who have been damaged by failed relationships after failed relationships, often have at least one divorce and at least one child. A host of mental health issues and a list of demands longer than my arm. Added to that they claim to know how to make a relationship work.

Oh yeah, really with a divorce under you belt you actually have less idea about how to make a relationship work than I do.

On top of that men like myself are getting not just attention from younger women but actually getting approached by these younger women, of course they want something and so do I, so it's a transaction but one which were both happy with.

Now let's add in the feminists, they've told women for generations that a strong independent woman who knows what she wants and won't settle for less than perfect is ideal and what every man action wants. Have to call bullshit on that because most men and certainly those in my position actually will tell you these women are at best arrogant and at worst totally insufferable and generally unpleasant to be around.

Many of those women think that what they look for in a man is what makes them attractive to a man, well that's simply not true, being able to earn more than others just doesn't make you attractive to men. Now many of those women are finding that what they have been lead to believe and their reality is very different.

On the flip side many women who grew up hating their mothers for being that strong independent type who was always working and never around, now want to do the very opposite and be a stay at home mother who are in turn meeting men who expect them to be the strong independent type who goes out to work alongside him.

All in the it's a shit show of epic proportions and I'm really enjoying the cluster fuck that dating had become.

withersgsreddit · 2020-11-30T18:03:59+00:00

" implying that women have enormous access to chads these days and can have their pick only from the best of the bests? "

That's who they have sex with not who they "datelol" or "haveaReLaTiOnShIp" with.
" then why not more women join online dating apps to pick the rich, handsome, high-status guy with 100s of suitors instead of choosing from the handful of Daves they know from their friend circle. "

They join one or a few, fail at what you stated, then leave most platforms after "trying" them derp.

RRBeachFG2 · 2020-11-30T15:55:10+00:00

Because they all want to bang the same dudes. They can't see who their friends are banging in OLD until they bring them around.

Copperstoner · 2020-11-30T16:21:15+00:00

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Scared-Psychology · 2020-11-30T17:17:46+00:00

Because they get enough attention from chads irl

Imperial_Marcher · 2020-11-30T17:29:52+00:00

Why would they need OLD when enough guys are chasing her in real life? All with different intents of relationships with her. Some just want quickbone, some want FWBs, some want a romantic relationship.

She probably already has enough options in every category to pick from, even if she's average looking.

Christian_Kong · 2020-11-30T17:43:27+00:00

Those 4:1-10:1 numbers are just proof that more women are already hooking up with some guy. It is more proof that women are dating/STR/FWB a very small percentage of guys as well. The numbers don't exactly mean that for every 10 single guys there is 1 single girl but things are still pretty bad.

WestAd3827 · 2020-11-30T18:20:39+00:00

Women have both enormous access to chads (by going to clubs or registering on Tinder) and also to guys in their social circles (work, university, etc.).

However, the older they get, the less guys in their social circles are available (because they pair up). The most of women join the apps because they either don't have those social circles anymore or the available guys are taken already. However, they are still selecting those men on online apps just like they were selecting chads, i.e. based on looks. That usually ends with heartbreak after heartbreak.

In my life I done lots of cold approaching and I saw many guys doing the same with success. There is nothing more powerful than a confident and well-dressed man coming to you in the middle of busy road and asking for your number. I had girls remembering me after five years of approach.

However, I have not seen any women cold approaching. Imho, Tinder and alike are only one huge PR stunt.

Satanks · 2020-11-30T18:41:23+00:00

This is absolutely the case IMO. The majority of relationships I know of amongst peers, and even my own engagement, started out as friendships or they were acquaintances prior to dating. Of course I am not saying long term relationships never start from apps like tindr or snapchat, it's just that the majority I have seen formed IRL.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2020-12-01T14:04:19+00:00

Most people did use to meet by all sorts of social gatherings and by chance encounters, it depends on your historical reference point, men and women used to have clearly defined roles and industries that they would mostly only work in. Within social circles works so well only because it gives you 'social proof', which cuts out upfront shit tests and the like, which most men fall flat on their face at.

trve_21e · 2020-12-01T22:05:53+00:00

Males are obsessed with the physical appearance of women. It’s scary even...

801735 · 2020-11-30T12:03:43+00:00

Generally, with outliers on both sides, on the dating market women care about and seek security and commitment while men care about and seek opportunity.

"WoMen just wanna have fun"

Murdochsk · 2020-12-01T00:06:25+00:00

I think women have more options in real life so don’t need online dating as much as men to try and meet people. As a broad generalisation

jdobrila · 2020-11-30T14:21:59+00:00

No, it proves they have no problems getting into relationships without online dating apps.

Grave_Heresy · 2020-12-01T00:10:06+00:00

Women don't use dating apps as much as men because women don't have to do a thing to get a partner.

Most women can get laid by just asking any random man on the street. Most women can get men to give them free goods and services just for existing.

They don't even have to approach men to get dates, validation, flirtation etc. Guys are doing the bulk of this stuff so she literally just has to stand around in the street and some beta simpanzee will try to make moves.

By contrast, 80% are physically and financially unacceptable to 95% of women.

So men have to use dating apps in order to cast a wider net in order to find people.

Most women are single because they want to be. Most men are single because they aren't in the top 20% of men who are over 6 feet, shredded handsome and wealthy.

Why would a woman use dating apps except under extraordinary circumstances such as there being no available Chads in the neighborhood for her to submit to?

The women on dating apps are those few who have decided that the dozens of men in their towns who approach her daily aren't good enough.

This is legitimately the silliest post I've read in a while tbh.