No desire to meet girls after breakup a year ago. Need help.

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February 5, 2020
72 upvotes

Went through a breakup exactly a year ago after being cheated on. I was extremely distraught and went through severe depression for a few months and was borderline suicidal.

I decided to take care of myself for a while by sleeping and eating well, exercising, medtiating, and staying away alcohol drugs.

A year ago has gone by and I feel great again. Only problem is that I have an extreme lack of motivation to date. Everytime I talk to a girl I know I am sexually attracted to, I talk to them like a friend and I take zero initiative to make a move. It's not that I lack the knowledge or the experience to escalate and flirt, it's just not in me.

I want to be able to pursue potential partners again, but it's just in me.

Any advice?


Post Information
Title No desire to meet girls after breakup a year ago. Need help.
Author Western-Molasses
Upvotes 72
Comments 57
Date 05 February 2020 08:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/330319
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ezfmzn/no_desire_to_meet_girls_after_breakup_a_year_ago/
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Comments

[–]Chad-MacHonkler134 points135 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well if you went from “borderline suicidal” to “feeling great” after one year, I’d say... see where you’re at after two years.

[–]abomba2430 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

True that. Be easy on yourself

[–]BarcaLiverpool17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Self care self love

[–]2319Skew45 points46 points  (4 children) | Copy

You are afraid.

You had your heart broken and have developed a coping mechanism to avoid having it happen again. I'm willing to bet that you feel that you cannot have sex without a romantic connection.

If that's the case then internalize that your ex has moved the fuck on and you are stuck in the past. It's not fair to you. Life goes on and while you don't NEED to have women in your life, it's a fun prospect in life that you are cutting out.

But what do I know, maybe I'm wrong.

[–]illusiveab6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

I've been in OP's shoes but I honestly just don't think I'm getting the quality I'm looking for

[–]GonadGravy1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Here’s a serious question you should ask yourself, do I actually deserve better quality than I’m getting right now? I’ve had to ask myself that several times, with the answer being yes, no and both. Maybe it’s time to check yourself if you’re not getting the quality you want.

[–]illusiveab0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No doubt, but I think the problem is assigning objective metrics to that pursuit. If you have advisement, please feel free to share.

[–]antariusz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There are only subjective measurements. It is all only in comparison to others that we can rank our social achievement. Without any other men on the planet you could be lazy and still be the best.

The advice is stop trying to assess everything in life in terms of an objective metric. If your life is better than it was before, things are improving. If your life is getting worse, work harder until things improve. Despite that, don't try to dwell too much on the past or future, but only live in the present day, do what you can, today, to make your life a little more awesome.

[–]cat_magnet24 points25 points  (18 children) | Copy

Avoiding porn?

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]cat_magnet24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

Checked T levels?

[–]Greaterbird18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP still has AIDS but undetectable

[–]Rage81509 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn dude props for this. I honestly don't even know how that's possible.

[–]alxjones13 points14 points  (10 children) | Copy

yup that is a big one.

“if you’ve jerked off / watched porn in over a month you can’t talk”

i heard this once and liked it. almost a year, absolutely zero urges. nothing. it’s a weapon against you. also extreme cuck behavior

[–]BarcaLiverpool10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

It saddens me when people on this thread say porn use promotes health. Like what? It deteriorates your mental health, squirting your seed on the floor makes you physically weak, and it’s cuck behavior.

Record yourself or watch yourself on the mirror while you jack off to someone fucking a girl’s brains out on a pixel screen. PATHETIC

[–]Youngyoda89-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmfao! So true. Never looked at it this way. I watch porn occasionally and I use it to fantasize when fucking the gf. I pretend that we’re the people in the morn flix.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]alxjones0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

isn’t that why you should be spinning plates?

[–]BlackMonkey14-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Watching just a chick alone isn’t cuck but it’s still lame, unless you earned it.

[–]alxjones4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

still a dude jerking off a dude. no two ways about it.

[–]rockyp322 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

absolutely should only release with woman even tho i fucked up recently ill get back on the train as usual.

[–]BlackMonkey140 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you’re in some sort of situation which makes it not possible it’s better to get it out every few weeks so you dont end up with ED

[–]rockyp320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve always experienced some drop offs after a month and a half or so. But when I think about it our body should be used to that too. I think my streaks could be longer again I just always reset after a month or so.

[–]sir_shitfuck0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why give the kike degenerate media / pornography establishment your valuable headspace, where it can then fester?

[–]alxjones0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

this! it’s all a weapon used against you

[–]kylerosa2121 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

This seems similar to working out on days where you don’t want to.

You don’t want to do it, but you know you must, so you get up and do it anyway.

Start small and build your way back up. Start with flirty comments or gestures, nothing outlandish, and work your way up to your normal Game. Ease yourself back into the Game, don’t go all out approaching left and right yet until you’ve got the motivation back to do it. You’ll burn yourself out early.

[–]AncientDragons15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve been single for a year after a bad breakup, and you’re in shape and feeling great.

So what’s the problem? If you don’t feel like pursuing partners, then don’t. I don’t see what a partner is going to give you right now that you need. You sound like you’re happy and working on yourself. Maybe in the future you’ll feel inclined to go after girls again.

Don’t do it just because you feel like you should. You’re in a fantastic place right now where you don’t need that kind of validation. Build on that and make your life interesting.

[–]THE_SQUEEZER36 points37 points  (4 children) | Copy

i have two pieces of advice. 1. stop feeling sorry for yourself..all you have is right now.

  1. you need to expose yourself to more women.

[–]PhaedrusHunt30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy

expose yourself

Hilarious word choice bro

[–]lpfield9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just hang a little brain and they’ll be all over you

[–]muricanwerewolf14 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Uhh, phrasing?

[–]Kabuki4315 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Soooo like whip it out and helicopter??

[–]drakehfh12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you miss hobbies. Go do something you will like. I think the problem is not with women but with yourself. You feel empty.

[–]ZenOfFool5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like a love sick puppy. You're either young, need more life experiences or both. Go find some hobbies for yourself or things you want to do. Continue to make yourself a better person. Give your life more meaning than your previous relationship.

[–]Delirious_Solipsista4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was in your exact same situation. Just give it time, focus on yourself and your social circle in the meanwhile. Try to push yourself every once in a while, but I believe it is mostly a matter of time.

[–]schlager123 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m in your same boat, except I was not cheated on but accused of abuse that never happened. I’m 22, my life was almost ruined thanks to a selfish bitch.

Work on yourself, get a hobby, go to concerts, clubs or whatever you like to do. Girls will come and go, don’t force it. Have fun.

[–]ApdoSenpai7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only way to get over oneitis to fuck more women. So go do that

[–]rockyp321 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No fap helps but ultimately taking action you gotta force yourself to make the move awkward or smoothly whatever it just matters that you decide to trust yourself and take a shot for what you want even if you might get rejected. do it once and itll way easier the next time and so on.

[–]PayneGreyWolf1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No disrespect but I'm saying this to motivate you. Your ex has been on the cock carousel for the past year, as long as you know, most likely longer. No shame or guilt about what she did to you or the aftermath. Even if she apologized she only did it because she was sorry she got caught. It's a year later and you're the only one that can pick yourself up. If the problem is you talk to them like friends, slow down your tone, lead the conversation, keep a neutral face. Don't let the bitch know you're sexually attracted. That is how you get her wet: UNCERTAINTY.

Also don't fall into the trap of "dating for a relationship". Date to fuck these hos until you're in the right mind. Right now you're not, you're still in a beta state. You will get jerked around and manipulated. Good job for rebuilding certain aspects of your life since being borderline suicidal though.

[–]DrMaryStone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“Cock carousel” OP he just means your girlfriend has most likely moved on. You need to get on that “Pussy carousel”

[–]Wrath_of_Trump1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you gotta want it bad.

- you arent watching porn which is good, maybe you need to socially isolate yourself for a bit. if you're hanging around people all the time, and women in particular, you take their presence for granted. you might also use other people as a crutch to talk to people and be social, that has to stop. figure out how you are when nobody you know is around

- sleeping and eating well only go so far. do you actually like who you see in the mirror or do you constantly find yourself in "not good enough" thoughts

[–]robbiedigital0011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're scared of getting hurt again so your instincts are subconsciously protecting you. How long were you with this girl for

[–]red_matrix0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m kind of in same boat as OP. I really don’t know what to do. But my motivation levels for dating/women are near zero. I still exercise plenty and play sports. Maybe I’ve gone too far in the zero fucks direction.

[–]Luis_McLovin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Build it and they will come.

[–]guccilaflare880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like u need closure of some sort to really heal . Buddy

[–]youngdaggrrdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You may be a homophobic

[–]Nergaal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Small steps. You will fail. Embrace the possibility of failure. You've met 10 girls you were sexually attracted with in the past month. Imagine if you would have hit on say half of them. Maybe 3 would have been an utter failure, and maybe 2 would have been meh. But likely you didn't meet any of these 5 since you could have hit on them. So it's not like you would have lost anything by trying.

[–]deville050 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are stuck on your ex and even though you going on with your days, you aren't moving on to other people. You are stuck and your ex occupies your mind that you don't have room for new people.

[–]masterduelistky0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Same exact thing here man. Been three years for me, and it feels hopeless. Completely decimated my confidence and I can't be vulnerable to people scared of being traumatized again.

[–]vondoom9000 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Anger. Embrace it. Use it to your advantage.

[–]red_matrix1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s not anger - it’s the absence of feeling or motivation that’s the problem.

[–]vondoom9000 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Then get angry about your situation. How you got there. Why you're there. Who fucked you over. Use it for energy to get you out of this hole.

[–]red_matrix0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m waaay over the anger phase. I’m a more Dude-like Zen state like The Big Lebowski.

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You think you've got a problem?

I am 33, didn't really spend time "socializing" with friends, didn't date since I was 18.

I suffered an accident, spend 8 years trying to rebuild myself. Graduated uni with zero friends that stuck around. I haven't dated, had sex, I don't even know how to initiate sex, or getting a girlfriend.

It's hard, but I try to be social. My parents don't want me dating, or having sex. I live with them, mother is a god believer and my father is a manipulative narcissist. I don't have any girls numbers, no contacts nothing. All these bitches to is use me to make the current guy they're with better, so they can lock him down and marry him.

All the girls think that I am their boyfriend, yet they never want to sleep with me, they just want you to think that so you'll work on bettering yourself. Then after you "better yourself", you make up, and I am left in the dust.

Girls also say they are dating me, yet they'll sleep with other guys or blow them or whatever. It's fucked.

That's the pickle I'm in, these women act like queens because they tell everyone that I love them to death, and I would do anything forr them. Everyone believes them. and not me because I don't know what I want.

I'm basically a walking host to surreal emotion. I've been like this for 6 years, my brother's fiancé also thinks I want to fuck her, my mother thinks I am attracted to her and my father thinks I am my mother. It's so fucked up.

Tell me again how bad you have it?

[–]haxewep241 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thats actually though. GL man



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