Long-term married men of MRP (10+ years), what qualities would you argue are most important in choosing a potential wife

fannyfire · 2020-02-07T12:46:51+00:00

Don’t get married.

You’ve been with her for 8 years but lack judgement in your own selection and history that you’re willing to have your view changed by strangers you don’t even know who aren’t invested in the longevity of your relationship.

Cam_Winston21 · 2020-02-07T14:18:28+00:00

Or in other words, if you were suddenly single again, knowing what you know now, what would be your most important qualities to screen or look for?

That's different than the thread title. The woman I chose to marry was my first date (hers too), my high school sweetheart, someone whose n-count is Me, someone who was walking down the same spiritual path I was & was more than willing to follow me as I continued to walk. Someone who I vetted for almost a decade before she "locked me down". Someone with perky tits and the best ass I'd ever seen to go along with the ethical constitution of a model wife & morals that my own mother would wish for in a daughter in law.

During that vetting, we most certainly had conversations about "what would we do if we were married and ______ happened?". About guns in the home (she said no, I said yes and she said "okay", which is the way 90% of the conversations went) about corporal punishment for kids who wouldn't be conceived for many years, about locations for raising a family, etc. On top of the mutual physical attraction, we had/have the same outlook on life, save for a few differences (she can watch the chick flicks, I'll watch John Wick).

If I could hop into a DeLorean and go back in time, I'd make the same decision and marry her. She's been a loyal, faithful, submissive and positive help-meet, which was exactly what I was looking for, to go along with being a perfect example of a woman for my daughter to emulate.

But, if she were to suddenly disappear and I were single, there is a zero in one trillion chance that I would ever get into a LTR with any woman, much less marry one. I'm in my 50s, marriage to a new woman would be a losing hand to be dealt, so I wouldn't even ante up. I'd continue to do what I'm doing right now, which is to work on myself to make my life as awesome as I can and if my wife weren't here I'd have contests to see which 35+ year old single moms out there could suck my dick the best as they'd mistakenly think they'd be putting themselves at the top of some non-existent list of candidates to lock me down. Which would never happen. A single woman over 35 who is like my wife doesn't exist as she'd either be divorced for some reason or a literal alpha widow.

Not interested in either other than for sex. Even thinking about "getting to know" another woman & her family makes me cringe as much as setting up an appointment for a root canal. I actually like hanging out with my wife. And daughter. That ends the list of females on planet Earth that I like being with for extended periods of time. No way I'd enter into a contract so that I couldn't exit without financial consequences. {shudder}

I am in an 8 year relationship on the cusp of engagement and recently been having doubts.

It's been 8 years, you know if she has any red flags vs you being nervous about getting locked down. If she has any red flags - any - run.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2020-02-07T14:47:31+00:00

Risk management. You're trying to manage your risk. But you need to accept, deep down, that no matter how things are right now, there is the possibility that you will end up divorced and lose half your stuff. So unless you're the pool boy for a multimillionaire heiress without a prenup, you need to understand deep down that things could go bad.

And there is no "full on MRP". There is just you and what you do, and your boundaries.

You never said why you wanted to get married. You want kids? That's a valid reason. You want sex? Not a valid reason.

Avoid the complete red flags, like she's got kids, lack of sex, not a good relationship with her family, different religion, terrible with money, etc. Worry more about yourself. If you are awesome, in shape, and crushing life, then you'll be in a better position whether you are married or not.

You reap what you sow, after all.

ellifino · 2020-02-07T12:13:52+00:00

Worry more about your own qualities. If you just found this place, you’re too much of a bitch to even focus on what you want in a woman.

If you’re questioning things with her now, you’re on the right track, but headed the wrong direction. You’ve got the microscope pointed at her when you should be examining your own flaws that are leading to her shitty behavior.

You’ve got a lot of post history about gaming. Maybe start there.

RStonePT · 2020-02-07T13:54:34+00:00

Stop vetting, trust your boundaries.

So to answer your question: The quality where she 'acts right'

QSDT · 2020-02-07T12:17:37+00:00

Parents are still married and good relationship with them, low body count, no debt, has good job, low to no social media, no male friends, doesn't need girls nights out, Can say sorry, someone you can trust.

coinbaserep · 2020-02-07T13:38:17+00:00

18 years together , I’m 38 she’s 39

As someone pointed out

No girls night out Low to no social media No guy friends that she suddenly is going for coffee with Family first Honest Trustworthy Married parents in a long lasting relationship

Dispite what everyone says here my wife’s a unicorn she has all the above qualities

You need to get yourself a unicorn too they are mystical creatures

Also if I was to divorce because you know awalt and it’s just my turn

I wouldn’t remarry.

I have buddies that are post divorce nestling 40 years old and are smashing young pussy all day. one had a few Threesomes. His current girl and her best friend had showed him a good time But she’s has 2000 followers and follows 1000 on Instagram

most of the girls 1000+ followers on Instagram and seek validation and are so into themselves that most 20-30 year olds today are validation whores having grown up with social media and instant gratification and can get dicked at the push of a button.

I think it would be hard to find a quality women today most of them are post wall now

This is just observation

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2020-02-08T03:24:54+00:00

Have you heard the concept of “FUCK YES!!!” or “no”?

If you aren’t totally motivated to marry that girl because you’ve done your work and the relationship is an efficient machine, then do not marry her. Be up front “I’ve got concerns” or “I’m not there yet”. If anything it will force you to punt or grunt the relationship.

Qualities:- this assumes you are a man of value and not a weak dough boy with no frame.

She should be slightly subservient at all times, she should be respectful. You shouldn’t be getting hard No’s from her. You should be relatively at ease with her family. There shouldn’t be a major mismatch in social strata with your family upbringing and hers (trailer park to gated country club community), her parents shouldn’t be having major problems (bankruptcy, criminal trials, everyone sick all the time). She should be career driven (as opposed to “I just want to be a stay at home Mommy”), she should have a healthy circle of female friends that you don’t perceive as being sleazy whores, look at her relationship w/ her Mom and Dad individually. The relationship w/ her Dad will give you an idea of what she wants or will be used to in life. The relationship w/ her Mom will tell your how she’ll change in her 40’s. Hey, and for what it’s worth, I know most of the hot girls have had some type of rape or sexual abuse in their past, but I highly recommend avoiding women with that if they haven’t worked that shit out. It WILL come back to haunt both of you.

wheremyballsgo · 2020-02-07T12:01:06+00:00

[deleted]

Yurcak · 2020-02-07T15:03:48+00:00

I'm a faggot for posting this but I found it interesting.

http://www.drpsychmom.com/2017/09/09/how-to-tell-if-your-partner-will-stop-enjoy-sex-after-marriage-and-

BobbyPeru · 2020-02-07T17:57:36+00:00

I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP.

No stats, no sidebar readings... your post and comments make it clear that you have no idea what you are talking about.

Get to work

matrixtospartanatLV · 2020-02-07T20:32:01+00:00

>Or in other words, if you were suddenly single again, knowing what you know now, what would be your most important qualities to screen or look for?

I'm suddenly single again. The most important qualities? Would you marry her mother if she was her daughter's age. My ex-wife was nothing like her mother. My ex-wife even complained about her mother. My ex-wife, after 5 years of marriage, turned into the hypergamous, lying, cheating whore that her mother is. I'll never get married again, and I won't recommend it to anyone, either. Bitter? No, but losing 22 years of my life and $1,600,000 to marriage has kinda given me an attitude about it.

So, are her parents still married to each other? Does the wife still love the husband? Does she speak highly of him? Is she affectionate towards him? Does she treat him well? Your future (ex)mother-in-law IS the example that your future (ex)wife has had to model her behavior in a marriage, for as long as your future (ex)wife has been alive.

>I am in an 8 year relationship on the cusp of engagement and recently been having doubts.

In another comment here you said there was a timeline and expectations. So what? How many do you plan to celebrate your special day with you, eat your cake and drink your champagne? !00? 200?

Great. And to put that in perspective, how many of those motherfucking 'friends and family' will be standing next to you in your preliminary divorce hearing, pledging their financial support with your attorney's fees? 1? 2?

You fucking coward, beta, simp. You know deep down in your gut what the right answer is, but you are so weak and pathetic you had to come here for validation. Do the right thing, right now. If you don't, you will deserve every fucked up thing that happens to you in your relationship because you had a chance to fix it and walk away, but you didn't. I digress...

>It’s shit-or-walk time. And since I’m at the start of my journey here I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP.

The first AND second rule of Fight Club(MRP) is; YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. So, in theory, she won't HAVE a reaction to you becoming "full on MRP."

She may have a reaction to you becoming a MAN, whatever that ends up looking like for you. More specifically, and more importantly, YOU will change your vetting process, and may or may not decide if she does now, and has the potential to add value to your life in the years to come.

>I was hoping some of you who have experienced success could comment on what you think are the best attributes or qualities to screen for.

You're in a sub for losers. We all came here as a loser. Some of us fixed our shit, some more actually became successful, and too many are still, well, losers. My marriage failed, because of me. But I fixed my shit.

You didn't post any stats, so you may be jacked and tan and juicy as fuck, but you are obviously still a loser, as seen in your OP.

You have 3 things to do.

1) Do NOT go through with the engagement.

2) Read the sidebar 5x completely and THEN decide what you want.

3) Go to the top os this sub and follow the 'cut the shit' post with directions. You'll get better, more actionable advice after you do.

Now, it's time to STFU and..

GET TO FUCKING WORK.

RisingUpAgain · 2020-02-07T11:53:58+00:00

Carry your own water, bitch

Rogue68486 · 2020-02-07T15:57:01+00:00

Marriage #1

Waited 5 yrs. Two masters degrees. Wealthy family. Good earner. Great with money. Organized. Had doubts about it deep down.

Lame marriage

Marriage 2

Waited 10 months. No degree. Poor family. Weak earner. Terrible with money. Disorganized. Had no doubt deep down

Exciting rollercoaster of a relationship.

What kind of doubts are you having?

I'd contend if you're not scared and excited about her given your other options, then keep looking.

arm_candy · 2020-02-07T15:57:49+00:00

If I suddenly found myself divorced, I wouldn’t remarry at all. I can’t imagine why I’d do that at this point.

But if for some reason I was looking for that, I’d find someone who was always DTF, hot, smart, fun, self-sufficient in terms of earning, responsible with money but not cheap, not clingy or dependent, not constantly flirting with other guys, emotionally stable, and polite. Oh, and no power/control games. Did I mention always DTF?

creating_my_life · 2020-02-07T16:13:15+00:00

Ask how many happily married men in their 40s or 50s would get married again.

"This stove is hot when I keep touching it. What do I look for in stoves to make sure I get burned less when I lick it?"

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2020-02-07T17:04:35+00:00

Someone who is in good health, good mood, cooperative, good moral values. No addictions, not drowning in debt, accomplished. Character: Doesn't lie, doesn't steal, doesn't cheat. Can you trust her completely? With your life, and your children's life?

RedishPill · 2020-02-07T20:18:47+00:00

'Practical Female Psychology' by Joseph W. South has some useful 'things to watch for' that specifically relate to women with low self esteem.

TitsWobbleAwayTwice · 2020-02-08T05:20:44+00:00

If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have married.

No way I’d marry today.

markreadsred · 2020-02-07T12:58:20+00:00

Their relationship with their parents. If you've seen any read flags they will only get worse. Distance is the only fix for this and sometimes that doesn't even work.

captainbourbon50 · 2020-02-07T16:37:01+00:00

Income/earning potential or actual income. This is all that matters in your eventual divorce. Source: Man in 50s on second marriage.

tightsleeves · 2020-02-07T16:31:48+00:00

A women that licks her fingers and your stomach clean.

You can find a perfect girl who has a great family, low sex count, and dedicates herself to you.. but if you fall off the wagon and become a beta she might have an awakening moment where she realized she wasted so much time with you and suddenly wants to explore her naughty side that you repressed...

Become a proper man and have boundaries, then ask this question

maljo24 · 2020-02-07T12:57:47+00:00

Emotional stability
Similar interests and ideas

Bucko357 · 2020-02-07T13:41:15+00:00

I would place loyalty and trust at the top of any list. Then emotional well being, compassion, good communicator and the ability to take care of business when needed.

anferkneez · 2020-02-07T14:59:27+00:00

How much value does she add to your life now? If you sign half of your life away by getting married and she all of a sudden slacks off and removes that value is it worth that risk? Meanwhile your married now and have removed a strong leveraging tool. Once kids pop out she goes mombie mode.

I do not plan to remarry. Milk the engagement as long as you can

RicoDunne · 2020-02-07T17:03:52+00:00

"It’s shit-or-walk time. And since I’m at the start of my journey here I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP." This tells me that you are too weak to get married. If you are worried about her feeling when you decide to become a better man, then you shouldn't go through this with her, as you are in her frame like a tick on an ass. Establish your frame and your mission first before inviting any woman to go along with you. Any decent woman to marry would hardly react unfavorably to a positive masculinity, and if she did/does find another woman. Having 8 years invested in a woman is no reason to marry her at all (ie. sunk cost fallacy). If I had to remarry, I would look for deferential woman (i.e transformed wife), domestic skills, making $$, and fun in bed, no tats, and N-count appropriate for her age. We also would have to have compatible personality types.

buckeyeboy1977 · 2020-02-07T19:13:29+00:00

She must have confidence in herself. You don’t want an unconfident head case. Also look at the mom if she’s fat yours will be too someday. Add submissive in the bedroom as well. If she can submit in the bedroom she will follow your lead outside of it too. Also, if given the opportunity I would not have got married at all. Don’t get married.

geznez · 2020-02-07T20:44:02+00:00

Question for all: Is it a to totally bad idea to show her RPW and see what her reaction is? That way if OP becomes truly MRP it won’t be a shock.

Over60_FireTempered3 · 2020-02-08T00:52:07+00:00

Desire.

Everything else can be managed in some way.

If desire is absent, there is no need to go any further.

After 8 years, you have a lot of doubts about yourself, and about her.

Looking back, I would not commit if I had any doubts.

On the other hand, are you so unattractive that you need to hang on to her?

MrTrizzles · 2020-02-08T08:35:11+00:00

Okay. I don’t know whether she would fuck up your marriage. But you certainly will. EIGHT fucking years and your shit isn’t even close to being on point.

To your question... all else being equal, one essential virtue is productivity. Put another way; she tends towards action, not inaction. She should naturally keep busy with things. Women who do not start failing out their pores. Idle hands and minds and all that.

Good luck chief.

Westernhagen · 2020-02-08T17:18:35+00:00

Vetting is at most "necessary but not sufficient".

Yes, it is necessary to avoid marrying an obviously defective woman. But vetting carefully guarantees you nothing. In particular, if you become fat, lazy, and boring after some years of marriage, your carefully vetted unicorn will stop fucking you, cheat, or dump your ass. It might take longer than if you didn't vet, but it's only a matter of time.

Before I got married, the wife and I went through the Catholic marriage counseling process. We filled out a questionnaire about our attitudes to determine our supposed compatibility. We were, as I recall, over 90% compatible. It's like the Church double-checked my own vetting. Yay! What I didn't know then was, every answer she gave was preceded by the unstated proviso, "the way I feel right now is..." And guess what, in due course, those answers changed, because the way she felt right now changed. Even better than that, her new answers had always been true (in her mind) even when they were in direct contradiction to her previous answers.

Vet all you want, it won't mean shit when her feelings change.

screechhater · 2020-02-09T18:43:42+00:00

Every answer is in the sidebar...

Morpheus_TNTB · 2020-02-10T07:01:40+00:00

Married 34 years...the best advise is DON'T get married...EVER! Western culture is being engineered by global elitists for destroying strong families, creating victims from every demographic to fight each other, and they snuff out any group or individual fighting against them. If you still wish to procreate, at least do so discerning the pain and/or hardships you WILL face.

Vegasman20002 · 2020-02-14T00:52:37+00:00

I would 100% go MGTOW if I had to do it again

EasyDaysHardNights · 2020-02-07T13:51:19+00:00

[deleted]

JasonStar79 · 2020-02-09T23:17:12+00:00

Wet and willing vagina? What else do you need?

slyProf · 2020-02-10T04:59:03+00:00

Absolute luck. Really, it’s irrational to marry. It is the most risky, unpredictable thing you can do.