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Long-term married men of MRP (10+ years), what qualities would you argue are most important in choosing a potential wife

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February 7, 2020
32 upvotes

Or in other words, if you were suddenly single again, knowing what you know now, what would be your most important qualities to screen or look for?

I am in an 8 year relationship on the cusp of engagement and recently been having doubts.

It’s shit-or-walk time. And since I’m at the start of my journey here I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP.

I was hoping some of you who have experienced success could comment on what you think are the best attributes or qualities to screen for.

I am hoping to use that info to help gauge if my woman is worth the commitment.

Thank you


Post Information
Title Long-term married men of MRP (10+ years), what qualities would you argue are most important in choosing a potential wife
Author lefty929
Upvotes 32
Comments 85
Date 07 February 2020 11:37 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/330970
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/f09ant/longterm_married_men_of_mrp_10_years_what/
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[–]fannyfire70 points71 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t get married.

You’ve been with her for 8 years but lack judgement in your own selection and history that you’re willing to have your view changed by strangers you don’t even know who aren’t invested in the longevity of your relationship.

[–]lefty929[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair point. Thank you.

[–]Cam_Winston2129 points30 points  (8 children) | Copy

Or in other words, if you were suddenly single again, knowing what you know now, what would be your most important qualities to screen or look for?

That's different than the thread title. The woman I chose to marry was my first date (hers too), my high school sweetheart, someone whose n-count is Me, someone who was walking down the same spiritual path I was & was more than willing to follow me as I continued to walk. Someone who I vetted for almost a decade before she "locked me down". Someone with perky tits and the best ass I'd ever seen to go along with the ethical constitution of a model wife & morals that my own mother would wish for in a daughter in law.

During that vetting, we most certainly had conversations about "what would we do if we were married and ______ happened?". About guns in the home (she said no, I said yes and she said "okay", which is the way 90% of the conversations went) about corporal punishment for kids who wouldn't be conceived for many years, about locations for raising a family, etc. On top of the mutual physical attraction, we had/have the same outlook on life, save for a few differences (she can watch the chick flicks, I'll watch John Wick).

If I could hop into a DeLorean and go back in time, I'd make the same decision and marry her. She's been a loyal, faithful, submissive and positive help-meet, which was exactly what I was looking for, to go along with being a perfect example of a woman for my daughter to emulate.

But, if she were to suddenly disappear and I were single, there is a zero in one trillion chance that I would ever get into a LTR with any woman, much less marry one. I'm in my 50s, marriage to a new woman would be a losing hand to be dealt, so I wouldn't even ante up. I'd continue to do what I'm doing right now, which is to work on myself to make my life as awesome as I can and if my wife weren't here I'd have contests to see which 35+ year old single moms out there could suck my dick the best as they'd mistakenly think they'd be putting themselves at the top of some non-existent list of candidates to lock me down. Which would never happen. A single woman over 35 who is like my wife doesn't exist as she'd either be divorced for some reason or a literal alpha widow.

Not interested in either other than for sex. Even thinking about "getting to know" another woman & her family makes me cringe as much as setting up an appointment for a root canal. I actually like hanging out with my wife. And daughter. That ends the list of females on planet Earth that I like being with for extended periods of time. No way I'd enter into a contract so that I couldn't exit without financial consequences. {shudder}

I am in an 8 year relationship on the cusp of engagement and recently been having doubts.

It's been 8 years, you know if she has any red flags vs you being nervous about getting locked down. If she has any red flags - any - run.

[–]lefty929[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, this was a great read, A lot of what you wrote is relateable. We are similar in that we genuinely enjoy spending time together for extended periods and I actually like hanging out with my girl as well.

It's been 8 years, you know if she has any red flags vs you being nervous about getting locked down. If she has any red flags - any - run.

The problem is I'm in this really shitty state of confusion right now where I don't know if I trust my own judgement.

She has given me very few red flags during the relationship and the ones she did give me were because I did some stupid shit to warrant her acting the way she did. Overall she's been a class act, loyal and trustworthy, but we have certainly experienced our share of drama and stresses which led me here.

Did you ever experience the "grass is always greener" thing with your wife? Ever consider there may be someone better out there for you, for example? My hope is that MRP gets me the exact type of relationship I want with her but I don't want to look back after 5 years and think ah, I should've just split.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

My hope is that MRP gets me the exact type of relationship I want with her but I don't want to look back after 5 years and think ah, I should've just split.

This is where your mental model is fucked.

MRP won't get you anything.

Only you can create the things you want. Women are generally maleable and fill the container provided.

[–]Cam_Winston2111 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you ever experience the "grass is always greener" thing with your wife? Ever consider there may be someone better out there for you, for example?

No.

Update: I had a long post typed out going into detail but I deleted it because other than to answer your question: "No, but that's just me", because you have to answer that for you.

Being nervous about getting hooked up to the old marriage ball & chain is natural. But, if you have actual hesitancy about if she's truly "the one", then don't get married. Yet. If you're engaged, there's nothing other than her protests that make you agree to an actual wedding date, yet. If she gives an ultimatum, well, that tells you something about her. If she's willing to be vetted longer until you're ready, that also tells you something about her.

As I said, I vetted my wife for almost a decade and after about 5 years she put on the virtual full-court press for me to make a commitment (Mona Lisa Vito doing the foot stomp is a good representation) but I told her then that marriage to me was like a Do Not Resuscitate order in case of an accident: you better be damn sure.

I'm a dude, I'd bang anything over a 5 & sometimes even lower. I'm still attracted to sexy women just as if I would be if I'd never met my wife. That's biology. Never gonna change. Heck, I have to peel my wife off the television screen whenever Chris Hemsworth flexes his Thor muscles. But, I can honestly say that there hasn't been one second where I've encountered another woman, and I've met a lot of hot women, where I thought "I wish I could've dated her". Not one second.

Edit: Word/Typo

[–]mrpmonk3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not sure what's the difference between oneitis and what I just read. Congrats man, I admire your stand, but confused to see this in a red pill form

[–]Cam_Winston212 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm married, so far successfully to with a wife who is happily submissive to my lead, not some TRP faggot (3 months away from mgtow) exaggerating dates with "plates". At this point, I made a good decision. It could change at any time, but I'm making sure my proverbial rows are hoed. Not sure what is confusing.

Am I supposed to be miserable?

Edit: Typos

[–]RoccoPinkman0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why are you here? It seems like you don’t need to improve yourself or your relationship and you have found a unicorn.

[–]Cam_Winston211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Generally, I'm passing along lifting advice since I've been weight training for decades. On this thread, I was answering OP's question. I went long-form because I thought if I simply said "be sure to vet", it might be met with a "well, of course" and then become an afterthought.

But, I'm 'here' because I know I can be the biggest butthurt bitch anyone would encounter. It may not play out by way of a failed marriage or strained relationships with family, or by even coming across as a faggot, but it takes place in my butthurt bitch brain & I too often get my feelz upset and I react by going autist, Rambo style. This place serves as a constant reminder to do little things like daily resets, taking the long view, and, oh yeah, to stop being a little bitch. I can't incline press my way out of acknowledging that I'm the problem. I'm usually the problem.

[–]dellboy18-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

👏

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret15 points16 points  (19 children) | Copy

Risk management. You're trying to manage your risk. But you need to accept, deep down, that no matter how things are right now, there is the possibility that you will end up divorced and lose half your stuff. So unless you're the pool boy for a multimillionaire heiress without a prenup, you need to understand deep down that things could go bad.

And there is no "full on MRP". There is just you and what you do, and your boundaries.

You never said why you wanted to get married. You want kids? That's a valid reason. You want sex? Not a valid reason.

Avoid the complete red flags, like she's got kids, lack of sex, not a good relationship with her family, different religion, terrible with money, etc. Worry more about yourself. If you are awesome, in shape, and crushing life, then you'll be in a better position whether you are married or not.

You reap what you sow, after all.

[–]hack3geRed Beret7 points8 points  (17 children) | Copy

This should be the top comment - there is no mitigating risk - a woman can go feral at any time for any reason.

One thing that /u/RStonePT said to me a long time ago was that it could be as simple as a woman going to the refrigerator for a snack - she doesn’t even have to be hungry.

This changed my entire perspective on everything - you have to literally not give any fucks and not need her for anything - be able to walk at any moment as it’s the only way to level the playing field.

[–]threekindsoflucky2 points3 points  (16 children) | Copy

This changed my entire perspective on everything - you have to literally not give any fucks and not need her for anything - be able to walk at any moment as it’s the only way to level the playing field.

While I think that you have some serious outcome independence, there's something about this that just seems off to me. It almost seems like a defensive mechanism. Can't be hurt if you don't care in the slightest. Is there no value in exploring the depths of connection and the risk associated with that? Is there not a middle ground that is both acutely aware of the risk, but willing to take that on anyway?

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve considered whether or not it’s a defense mechanism and I can’t rule it out entirely.

That being said I think the part you don’t understand is that it doesn’t come from a place of anger or resentment. I have a very deep connection with my wife but that in no way requires me to need anything from her or in any way ties me to her. Do I enjoy her in my life, sure she wouldn’t be my wife still if I didn’t - but do I need her in my life, nope not for a single thing. Do I care if she walks away - not really that’s her choice and I have no need to have someone who doesn’t want to be with me in my life.

Many of you guys don’t get the freedom that comes with this change.

[–]RStonePT2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy

You talk about defense as if it's a bad thing. Is keeping your hand off a lit stove a defense mechanism?

The world is how it is, get what you want and shed what you don't. This fanatical middle-groundism shit is bothersome.

Is there not a middle ground that is both acutely aware of the risk, but willing to take that on anyway?

Look at how this is framed... You talk about risk as if THAT is the goal. Risk is the shit in the way of what you want. What exactly does this hypothetical guy want that risk becomes a factor?

If you want it worse than you don't want the consequences of the risk, then do you the thing, what you call defence mechanism I call risk acceptance

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

I have a hard time articulating this in a way that makes sense to the guys that say it’s a defense mechanism. I have a tendency to just fog because I don’t have a good way of explaining it.

It’s not like I think and act this way intentionally to mitigate some risk I honestly don’t even think about it - it’s just who I am. I just don’t see a reason to even care - if she chooses to not want to be with me or do something that makes me not want to be with her so be it why would I want to be with someone that made that choice.

They also make it seem like that means I don’t care about my wife which I do - I just don’t need her in my life is she chooses not to be or if I choose for her not to be.

[–]arm_candy1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

If it’s not a defense mechanism then it’s a poor choice of words. To not care about something is to be truly disinterested in it, apathetic about it. It doesn’t simply mean that you’ll survive or even thrive without it. That’s outcome independence.

Someone who says they don’t care if they get fired from their job is either bitter or defensive or both. Someone completely divested from their job would simply stop working the job, because not caring about keeping the job means it brings no value. If you didn’t care about your job because you had 3 better jobs lined up, you’d take one of the better ones. If you didn’t care about your job because you were already rolling in money and you legitimately did not care about the work you were doing, then you’d just walk away. But if you stay employed in a job you “don’t care” about, they you do care about that job for some reason. You might not need it, but that’s not the same as not caring.

The same with your wife. If you truly didn’t care about being with your wife, you wouldn’t be with her. You state that you are deeply connected with her and that she brings value to your life. And of course because you stay with her. It’s not believable that you are actually apathetic about whether she stays with you. Obviously you want to be with her or you wouldn’t be. So while you may not need to be with her, you do care to be with her.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I’m inclined to believe based on who asks this typically that it’s something you can’t understand until you get there. It’s sort of like frame - until you have it you may think you understand but you really don’t.

I don’t care if my wife stays or goes, I don’t care if I keep my job or lose it, I don’t care if guys want to be friends with me, I don’t care if my gym chick decides to get a bf and stop fucking me - why should I? Life goes on and things change.

Also why can’t I have a deep connection with my wife but still not need her in my life? If she chooses to not want to be with me what say do I have in that? Why should it bother me? I have time in my life for the people that want to be part of it and add value.

So many guys here are terrified of change and things being different - it’s okay to be uncomfortable and not know what happens tomorrow. Maybe once you come to terms with it and live each day like it was your last then you won’t have to worry so fucking much about everything.

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Maybe we just mean something different when we say “don’t care”. “Don’t care” to me is a statement of apathy. You seem to mean extreme outcome independence.

Or maybe as you are saying, I just won’t understand until/if I get there.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

No we don’t mean anything different - not caring is the same as apathy and indifference to me.

I think the issue you are having is not understanding how I could be indifferent to her being a part of my life but at the same time enjoying the fact that she is.

I think you hit the nail on the head - there are levels to outcome independence and most men don’t realize deep down they are merely larping the mindset and still give too many fucks.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think "not caring" or apathy are both wrong ways to frame it. For me at least, it is about regret and the lack thereof. If I am content with the decisions I made at the time I made them, and recognize that I can only control the things within my ability to control, then the rest of what happens in life is incidental.

I'm sincerely hoping my wife and I continue to have a wonderful relationship, and I would be disappointed if we didn't, but as long as I'm content with the things I did to support the relationship and gave her the tools to be happy and to make me happy, then the rest is out of my control and nothing to lose sleep over. This is similar to my Needs and Wants discussions I had on here over the years. Once you have identified a Need, it is up to your wife/boss/roommate, etc to either accept and support that need, or take their business elsewhere. It is not a negotiation, and either outcome should be acceptable, else you have incorrectly identified a want as a need.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Someone who says they don’t care if they get fired from their job is either bitter or defensive or both

I disagree. This ties back to both risk and abundance, and my current situation is a good example of what I think u/hack3ge is trying to say.

I'm currently working for a startup that spent part of this year more or less on the ropes. Continuing to work for this company is a risk in that I know one bad set of clinical data or failed proof of concept is probably the end of it.

The counterpoint to the risk is the benefit. The harder times get for this company, the more responsibility I am allowed to take on. I'm currently working on projects that would require 10+ years of experience at the biggest companies. My resume is pretty fucking sweet because of it. Also, I'm working on something I believe in, as opposed to just making antibiotics.

I'm able to accept this risk because in my career I have substantial abundance. If I were laid off or the company went tits up I have a half dozen numbers to call, and I'm pretty sure I could find a comparable job in a week or two.

That's what I mean when I say "I don't care if this job doesn't last." I've weighed the risk and the benefits, and it is worth staying. When something happens to extend the life span of my company, I'm happy for the company and our continued relationship, but it doesn't really affect me.

Of course I care about my work. But at the same time I really do have a measure of outcome independence.

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's what I mean when I say "I don't care if this job doesn't last."

I am again left feeling like this is not what “don’t care” means. You clearly do care to stay in your job. You say so explicitly in your last paragraph (and implicitly everywhere else).

Being outcome independent is not the same as being apathetic. If I want a good sandwich for lunch, but the logistics don’t make sense (no time to drive to the sandwich shop I like), I have a pretty high level of outcome independence here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I couldn’t simultaneously want the thing and also not care. Abundance doesn’t change that.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think we are mostly caught in a semantic issue.

Imagine a guy tossing a football with his buddies. Everyone is having a good time, but then the ball goes into the street and gets run over and pops. So they all go play basketball instead.

In this situation, everyone wanted to play football, but there wasn't any emotional investment; the instant football wasn't an option, the guy was just on to the next thing.

You would say "obviously they cared, because football is their first choice." I would say "since there wasn't any emotional investment, even though football was their first choice, they didn't really care about it."

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think we are mostly caught in a semantic issue.

I literally gave my definition in the first comment you replied to and stated that outcome independence is (by my definition) not the same as simply not caring.

[–]threekindsoflucky0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's been interesting reading the replies from /u/RStonePT and yourself. There seems to be a nuance to this that I'm not catching.

They also make it seem like that means I don’t care about my wife which I do

I can't reconcile this part. Not because I don't think it's true for you, but rather I can't put the two things together. For me, it's a square peg round hole scenario. For you, the shoe fits. And that's why I find it so interesting.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s what I’ve settled on - you aren’t there yet but once you get there you will understand.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And there is no "full on MRP". There is just you and what you do, and your boundaries.

All of the above, but this^ in particular. Note that "you, what you do, and your boundaries" Has little (nothing?) to do with MRP praxeology for a man who has a strongly internalized Frame.

But for a man who has lost the Frame has was born with? The MRP toolbox is essential.

[–]ellifino28 points29 points  (10 children) | Copy

Worry more about your own qualities. If you just found this place, you’re too much of a bitch to even focus on what you want in a woman.

If you’re questioning things with her now, you’re on the right track, but headed the wrong direction. You’ve got the microscope pointed at her when you should be examining your own flaws that are leading to her shitty behavior.

You’ve got a lot of post history about gaming. Maybe start there.

[–]lefty929[S] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Thanks, those are fair points. Have cut gaming almost completely and hitting the gym religiously for a while now. Knew about game and TRP for years but MRP I am new to, its definitely hard mode.

One problem for me is I have a timeline on the engagement i.e. families know about the ring and there are expectations. I certainly agree working on my own shit and flaws is priority but there's not enough time to get my shit together before the 'do or die' point.

Given that time crunch I am trying to decide if its worth it to engage and hope for the best or step back and focus on me but risk losing the relationship.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

One problem for me is I have a timeline on the engagement i.e. families know about the ring and there are expectations

Who created that problem?

[–]lefty929[S] 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

I did. I was initially gung-ho on engagement and marriage, so I set that timeline and made it public among my and her family which in hindsight was a bad move. As the engagement date got nearer the concept of marriage started to scare the shit out of me more and more though and its rattling me more than I anticipated.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Who's preventing you from making a different decision based on what you want?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

You and your cryptic questions.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Something about a horse and water.

[–]arm_candy9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait, you made the engagement public before you were actually engaged? What the fuck is this?

[–]redirectedfs7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Instant gratification.

[–]arm_candy6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s just so bizarre. He’s engaged to be engaged to be married.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You could stay engaged, no marriage

[–]RStonePT8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop vetting, trust your boundaries.

So to answer your question: The quality where she 'acts right'

[–]EasyDaysHardNights8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Boundaries > Vetting.

Simple logic.

Boundaries can be applied before and after the wedding.

Vetting only applies before.

[–]QSDT21 points22 points  (4 children) | Copy

Parents are still married and good relationship with them, low body count, no debt, has good job, low to no social media, no male friends, doesn't need girls nights out, Can say sorry, someone you can trust.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Social media is the big one. Girls posting every 8 minutes, what a disaster. Run.

[–]lefty929[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks, that’s a good list.

Can you expand on low social media and girls nights out?

[–]QSDT12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Both mean they have low attention seeking behavior, which is good.

[–]BROOP791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This right here, this is all you need....

[–]coinbaserep2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

18 years together , I’m 38 she’s 39

As someone pointed out

No girls night out Low to no social media No guy friends that she suddenly is going for coffee with Family first Honest Trustworthy Married parents in a long lasting relationship

Dispite what everyone says here my wife’s a unicorn she has all the above qualities

You need to get yourself a unicorn too they are mystical creatures

Also if I was to divorce because you know awalt and it’s just my turn

I wouldn’t remarry.

I have buddies that are post divorce nestling 40 years old and are smashing young pussy all day. one had a few Threesomes. His current girl and her best friend had showed him a good time But she’s has 2000 followers and follows 1000 on Instagram

most of the girls 1000+ followers on Instagram and seek validation and are so into themselves that most 20-30 year olds today are validation whores having grown up with social media and instant gratification and can get dicked at the push of a button.

I think it would be hard to find a quality women today most of them are post wall now

This is just observation

[–]kuramakira0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Serious question, what does a womens' parents' shitty marriage have to do with her?

[–]coinbaserep0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s been stated here before that a women that grew up in a broken home where perhaps the mother had many boyfriends after the father was out of the picture can have an affect in a women’s own relationships

It’s not a rule but If you can look into a women’s parents relationship and see how the mother treats the father and vise verse can be an indication of how she may treat you

For example my wife’s parents are going to celebrate there 50th soon we are celebrating our 20th in 2 years.

What does that mean for the future ? Probably fuck all but she comes from a stable family and a stable upbringing and so far it’s working for us

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you heard the concept of “FUCK YES!!!” or “no”?

If you aren’t totally motivated to marry that girl because you’ve done your work and the relationship is an efficient machine, then do not marry her. Be up front “I’ve got concerns” or “I’m not there yet”. If anything it will force you to punt or grunt the relationship.

Qualities:- this assumes you are a man of value and not a weak dough boy with no frame.

She should be slightly subservient at all times, she should be respectful. You shouldn’t be getting hard No’s from her. You should be relatively at ease with her family. There shouldn’t be a major mismatch in social strata with your family upbringing and hers (trailer park to gated country club community), her parents shouldn’t be having major problems (bankruptcy, criminal trials, everyone sick all the time). She should be career driven (as opposed to “I just want to be a stay at home Mommy”), she should have a healthy circle of female friends that you don’t perceive as being sleazy whores, look at her relationship w/ her Mom and Dad individually. The relationship w/ her Dad will give you an idea of what she wants or will be used to in life. The relationship w/ her Mom will tell your how she’ll change in her 40’s. Hey, and for what it’s worth, I know most of the hot girls have had some type of rape or sexual abuse in their past, but I highly recommend avoiding women with that if they haven’t worked that shit out. It WILL come back to haunt both of you.

[–]Yurcak2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP.

No stats, no sidebar readings... your post and comments make it clear that you have no idea what you are talking about.

Get to work

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

>Or in other words, if you were suddenly single again, knowing what you know now, what would be your most important qualities to screen or look for?

I'm suddenly single again. The most important qualities? Would you marry her mother if she was her daughter's age. My ex-wife was nothing like her mother. My ex-wife even complained about her mother. My ex-wife, after 5 years of marriage, turned into the hypergamous, lying, cheating whore that her mother is. I'll never get married again, and I won't recommend it to anyone, either. Bitter? No, but losing 22 years of my life and $1,600,000 to marriage has kinda given me an attitude about it.

So, are her parents still married to each other? Does the wife still love the husband? Does she speak highly of him? Is she affectionate towards him? Does she treat him well? Your future (ex)mother-in-law IS the example that your future (ex)wife has had to model her behavior in a marriage, for as long as your future (ex)wife has been alive.

>I am in an 8 year relationship on the cusp of engagement and recently been having doubts.

In another comment here you said there was a timeline and expectations. So what? How many do you plan to celebrate your special day with you, eat your cake and drink your champagne? !00? 200?

Great. And to put that in perspective, how many of those motherfucking 'friends and family' will be standing next to you in your preliminary divorce hearing, pledging their financial support with your attorney's fees? 1? 2?

You fucking coward, beta, simp. You know deep down in your gut what the right answer is, but you are so weak and pathetic you had to come here for validation. Do the right thing, right now. If you don't, you will deserve every fucked up thing that happens to you in your relationship because you had a chance to fix it and walk away, but you didn't. I digress...

>It’s shit-or-walk time. And since I’m at the start of my journey here I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP.

The first AND second rule of Fight Club(MRP) is; YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. So, in theory, she won't HAVE a reaction to you becoming "full on MRP."

She may have a reaction to you becoming a MAN, whatever that ends up looking like for you. More specifically, and more importantly, YOU will change your vetting process, and may or may not decide if she does now, and has the potential to add value to your life in the years to come.

>I was hoping some of you who have experienced success could comment on what you think are the best attributes or qualities to screen for.

You're in a sub for losers. We all came here as a loser. Some of us fixed our shit, some more actually became successful, and too many are still, well, losers. My marriage failed, because of me. But I fixed my shit.

You didn't post any stats, so you may be jacked and tan and juicy as fuck, but you are obviously still a loser, as seen in your OP.

You have 3 things to do.

1) Do NOT go through with the engagement.

2) Read the sidebar 5x completely and THEN decide what you want.

3) Go to the top os this sub and follow the 'cut the shit' post with directions. You'll get better, more actionable advice after you do.

Now, it's time to STFU and..

GET TO FUCKING WORK.

[–]RisingUpAgain4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Carry your own water, bitch

[–]Rogue684861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage #1

Waited 5 yrs. Two masters degrees. Wealthy family. Good earner. Great with money. Organized. Had doubts about it deep down.

Lame marriage

Marriage 2

Waited 10 months. No degree. Poor family. Weak earner. Terrible with money. Disorganized. Had no doubt deep down

Exciting rollercoaster of a relationship.

What kind of doubts are you having?

I'd contend if you're not scared and excited about her given your other options, then keep looking.

[–]arm_candy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I suddenly found myself divorced, I wouldn’t remarry at all. I can’t imagine why I’d do that at this point.

But if for some reason I was looking for that, I’d find someone who was always DTF, hot, smart, fun, self-sufficient in terms of earning, responsible with money but not cheap, not clingy or dependent, not constantly flirting with other guys, emotionally stable, and polite. Oh, and no power/control games. Did I mention always DTF?

[–]creating_my_life1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ask how many happily married men in their 40s or 50s would get married again.

"This stove is hot when I keep touching it. What do I look for in stoves to make sure I get burned less when I lick it?"

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Someone who is in good health, good mood, cooperative, good moral values. No addictions, not drowning in debt, accomplished. Character: Doesn't lie, doesn't steal, doesn't cheat. Can you trust her completely? With your life, and your children's life?

[–]RedishPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

'Practical Female Psychology' by Joseph W. South has some useful 'things to watch for' that specifically relate to women with low self esteem.

[–]TitsWobbleAwayTwice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have married.

No way I’d marry today.

[–]markreadsred1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Their relationship with their parents. If you've seen any read flags they will only get worse. Distance is the only fix for this and sometimes that doesn't even work.

[–]captainbourbon502 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Income/earning potential or actual income. This is all that matters in your eventual divorce. Source: Man in 50s on second marriage.

[–]tightsleeves1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A women that licks her fingers and your stomach clean.

You can find a perfect girl who has a great family, low sex count, and dedicates herself to you.. but if you fall off the wagon and become a beta she might have an awakening moment where she realized she wasted so much time with you and suddenly wants to explore her naughty side that you repressed...

Become a proper man and have boundaries, then ask this question

[–]maljo240 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Emotional stability
  2. Similar interests and ideas

[–]Bucko3570 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would place loyalty and trust at the top of any list. Then emotional well being, compassion, good communicator and the ability to take care of business when needed.

[–]anferkneez0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How much value does she add to your life now? If you sign half of your life away by getting married and she all of a sudden slacks off and removes that value is it worth that risk? Meanwhile your married now and have removed a strong leveraging tool. Once kids pop out she goes mombie mode.

I do not plan to remarry. Milk the engagement as long as you can

[–]RicoDunne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"It’s shit-or-walk time. And since I’m at the start of my journey here I’m unsure how my woman will react to me becoming full on MRP." This tells me that you are too weak to get married. If you are worried about her feeling when you decide to become a better man, then you shouldn't go through this with her, as you are in her frame like a tick on an ass. Establish your frame and your mission first before inviting any woman to go along with you. Any decent woman to marry would hardly react unfavorably to a positive masculinity, and if she did/does find another woman. Having 8 years invested in a woman is no reason to marry her at all (ie. sunk cost fallacy). If I had to remarry, I would look for deferential woman (i.e transformed wife), domestic skills, making $$, and fun in bed, no tats, and N-count appropriate for her age. We also would have to have compatible personality types.

[–]buckeyeboy19770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She must have confidence in herself. You don’t want an unconfident head case. Also look at the mom if she’s fat yours will be too someday. Add submissive in the bedroom as well. If she can submit in the bedroom she will follow your lead outside of it too. Also, if given the opportunity I would not have got married at all. Don’t get married.

[–]geznez0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Question for all: Is it a to totally bad idea to show her RPW and see what her reaction is? That way if OP becomes truly MRP it won’t be a shock.

[–]RicoDunne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should post this as a separate question.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Desire.

Everything else can be managed in some way.

If desire is absent, there is no need to go any further.

After 8 years, you have a lot of doubts about yourself, and about her.

Looking back, I would not commit if I had any doubts.

On the other hand, are you so unattractive that you need to hang on to her?

[–]MrTrizzles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Okay. I don’t know whether she would fuck up your marriage. But you certainly will. EIGHT fucking years and your shit isn’t even close to being on point.

To your question... all else being equal, one essential virtue is productivity. Put another way; she tends towards action, not inaction. She should naturally keep busy with things. Women who do not start failing out their pores. Idle hands and minds and all that.

Good luck chief.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Vetting is at most "necessary but not sufficient".

Yes, it is necessary to avoid marrying an obviously defective woman. But vetting carefully guarantees you nothing. In particular, if you become fat, lazy, and boring after some years of marriage, your carefully vetted unicorn will stop fucking you, cheat, or dump your ass. It might take longer than if you didn't vet, but it's only a matter of time.

Before I got married, the wife and I went through the Catholic marriage counseling process. We filled out a questionnaire about our attitudes to determine our supposed compatibility. We were, as I recall, over 90% compatible. It's like the Church double-checked my own vetting. Yay! What I didn't know then was, every answer she gave was preceded by the unstated proviso, "the way I feel right now is..." And guess what, in due course, those answers changed, because the way she felt right now changed. Even better than that, her new answers had always been true (in her mind) even when they were in direct contradiction to her previous answers.

Vet all you want, it won't mean shit when her feelings change.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Every answer is in the sidebar...

[–]Morpheus_TNTB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Married 34 years...the best advise is DON'T get married...EVER! Western culture is being engineered by global elitists for destroying strong families, creating victims from every demographic to fight each other, and they snuff out any group or individual fighting against them. If you still wish to procreate, at least do so discerning the pain and/or hardships you WILL face.

[–]Vegasman200020 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would 100% go MGTOW if I had to do it again

[–]JasonStar79-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wet and willing vagina? What else do you need?

[–]slyProf-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolute luck. Really, it’s irrational to marry. It is the most risky, unpredictable thing you can do.



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