I've come to understanding that I'm happy alone. I'm 22, pretty good looking and I know it, I'm 5"10 so taller than most, I dress alright and the whole shabang. But man, chicks get me so down.
I have a girl I was seeing at the beginning of the year but she was a lot of work and I had to do like 100 percent of the work while she just sat there. Her conversation wasn't exactly stimulating, nothing about her is tbh. But I liked her regardless. Covid hit and put a damper on the whole thing, didn't see her for 7 months. I meet up with her again last month and she's all dolled up and she's cool. I still wanna see her and all that but I'm not prepared to do all the heavg lifting again, I'll wait for her to text me first, just reach out first to signal her intentions to gsuge her true interest in me. All she does is view my stories and say nothing. It's been like this since the last time I saw her.
Another one woukd keep asking to meet up and talk all romantic but would never put out. I just chalked it up to me not getting her wet after a while. That and her just getting high off the attention.
Most of them just do nothing but view my stories. Nowadays I just jerk my dick off to porn because while I don't want to, it's like, I don't know what else to do if I'm being honest.
Today I'm coming from the liquor store and I come across these two girls, one of them is too fine for me to normally go after and I notice that she's searching for my gaze the whole time and I lock eyes with her. I pass by. She's just like all the others. They think they want me until I start to talk. So why bother at all?
Idk. Girls just make me sad. I sound like a pussy, I know. But I'd much rather get used to the lonely lifestyle without no stress but they always want me first.
Sometimes I just think being a good looking guy is crap. My friends always tell me that chicks like me but it's like, no, they like what they think I could be, not me. They get way more hoes than I do and I'm not envious at all. I had a FaceTime with my boy today and I flipped the camera and showed him my date for the afternoon, a video with a chick getting pounded to oblivion while he was waiting on a chick to arrive. That's the life Im living. I feel like I've completely given up on chicks. When I dress up, when I workout when I do my daily diet and all that, none of it is with chicks in mind.
In fact, I'm reluctant to even get with a girl because there's literally fuck all a girl can do for me that I cannot do for myself. I know for a fact I cook better than 99 percent of chicks out there, I can clean up for myself, and I'm not someone who feels alone easily - all of which are things that women are supposed to do in a man's life. I saw that Tesla post and it resonated because today both sexes are completely useless to each bar the need for procreation. I feel like I'm just a casualty of a generational black hole that swallows up all of the non-exceptional. I don't even believe that all men can be alphas anymore. It's a mindset, sure. But you've got so much to constantly battle with that you'll eventually revert back to your ways lest you're naturally meant to be an alpha anyway.
Part of it is rooted in fear. Fear of actually getting the girls I want. Because I have a commitment problem. I also have a trust issue. I just don't see the value in dating girl, man. There's just nothing in store for me but a nut that comes with a price tag and headache.
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