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Boxing teacher gets overly aggressive. What would you do?

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February 13, 2020
9 upvotes

After some traveling and staying in Thailand, I moved to a new city and started going to a Muay Tahi gym. This was the most serious place I found that has daily classes, I was hoping for something close to the Thai level of intensity. I have about 6 months of total experience, never competed.

There are many people in the class and the teacher seems to be mostly focused on the pro fighters, giving little personal attention. One of the fighters was working with me a little one-on-one.

I didn't like him from the first moment, he was very cocky and sarcastic (25yo). Instead of plainly explaining things he demonstrated with excessive force and generally talks down. For example: I caught his leg wrong, he said "don't do it" when I asked why he said "I'll show you" and a few minutes later in a similar situation kicked me hard in the head.

Usually, we do push-ups between training rounds. When I trained in Thailand they always did it, but here they sometimes do and sometimes don't. As I want to get in better shape, I kept doing the push-ups even if others didn't, while just standing around waiting for the teacher or the bell, or water breaks.

Last class I did again one-on-one with that guy and he went strong at me, in a way I could not respond well, or learn. When he was holding me and I tried to tap out, he ignored me at first, and only after some time stopped and said: "this is not judo, you don't tap out." At first, I ignored it and I just told him to I don't know how to respond to what he is doing.

In a very sarcastic manner (which at first I didn't even understand) he told me that I should not be doing push-ups when nobody else does, and listen to the teacher instead (I never done it while the teacher was talking), hinting that going strong on me was a "disciplinary punishment". He said that in his usual talking-down way, that training in Thailand doesn't make me a pro like him. At first, I tried to respond but quickly realized that there is no talking with that guy.

I finished the class and left with no intention of coming back.

What would you do in that situation?


Post Information
Title Boxing teacher gets overly aggressive. What would you do?
Author wild_deer_man
Upvotes 9
Comments 55
Date 13 February 2020 01:57 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/333637
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/f3ac49/boxing_teacher_gets_overly_aggressive_what_would/
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[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill38 points39 points  (11 children) | Copy

You're paying the dude? Your his boss. Act like it.

[–]hack3geRed Beret21 points22 points  (10 children) | Copy

I don’t get this either - if he’s not the owner but he represents the school as an instructor I would just go to the owner. If he doesn’t address it then clearly he doesn’t value your business or he is okay with that culture.

I train all over the country so I get to see a wide range of gyms and they all have different vibes - OP doesn’t like this one then find another.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 16 points17 points  (5 children) | Copy

The owner is a woman (she seems to know her shit). I told her I'm leaving because I don't like this guy's teaching methods. She nodded, said OK and went on by her business.

[–]takeiteasy91637 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then there is your answer. You find a new place.

[–]hack3geRed Beret13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

That’s all you needed to know - find somewhere else to train.

You can’t change a gyms culture that starts at the top and this is obviously how she wants to run her gym.

[–]khalabrakis5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Gyms like that are toxic as fuck. Anytime I train with a guy that tries to punish me for trying to improve or goes too hard in practice, I never work with them again unless I'm given a decent believable apology. Don't be a bitch about it, just realize that you have more martial arts honor than some do.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If it’s a single person that is different - there was a guy at my gym when I started that came from a rugby background and he was a spazz and kept hurting me - slightly different issue but he didn’t really mesh with the rest of us. I told our professor and he had a chat with him - the guy actually came and apologized and surprisingly changed his entire perception of everything and how he trains.

He’s now one of my closest friends and we train together probably close to 15 hours a week.

[–]Tambamwham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Should have been more specific. I personally would have exploded and yelled my issues at him for the whole gym to see.

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Come on, you’d seriously go to the manager? I go away for a month and come back and people are suggesting he goes and cries to Mummy because someone got a bit rough?

Respect is earned, not paid for.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s hard to assess the situation because OP could just be a faggot or there could be an actual issue. I assumed there was an actual issue but you are likely right he’s probably just being a little bitch.

But if I was a gym owner and there was an issue I’d personally like to know - though it’s likely that the owner wouldn’t have had the person teaching if they didn’t have faith in their approach and attitude. There are plenty of highly skilled guys at my gym that will never teach despite wanting to because of this. I am far less skilled and I have taught classes but my professor respects me, my attitude and how I operate.

The respect thing especially in Muay Thai, BJJ and MMA is most definitely a thing - it took over a year of me paying my dues to really be accepted into the gyms core “family”.

[–]tspitsatgp0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah it is hard to assess. I am not familiar with gym fighting culture so there’s nuisance’s there that I don’t understand.

I pictured this guy rocking up to a new place and not reviewing the lay of the land before he went running to Mommy because someone was targeting him. The culture down under is more along the lines of ingraining yourself with the new group before you go swinging your dick around and making noise. People will push your buttons intentionally to see how you react, to see if you are soft, and you win by not reacting. Once they’ve seen that it doesn’t bother you then it stops.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What bothered me the most is not the aggressiveness, obviously, this is a fighting class. What bothered me us that he got so triggered by seeing me doing pushups when no one else did.

To be honest, I saw a big disparity in the way the pros are training and the rest of the class. The class always started late and didn't feel like people were putting a lot of effort into it (except for the pros that were training on the other side of the room).

No attention from the teacher or technique work (I was there for 2 weeks, it's not long, but I think that any good gym would have had some technique work withing that timespan). Many of the students are more advanced than me, so I can't say I didn't learn anything, but nothing about the class felt like anyone other than me cares about my training.

To top all that, as I did some extra pushups, the teacher's assistant made it clear that it is more important to them that I fall in line and stop trying to push it. And he has no other communication skills other than his ability to force people.

We had a chat after one of the classes before the incident and I briefly told him that I just got back from Thailand and trained there. Seems like this got to him, and maybe not without reason. The training in Thailand was three times more intense and the teachers were pushing everyone (I didn't say that).

It seems like he read my attempt to get better as a personal message to him, that I somehow think I am better. I think every good gym or teacher would see a student who tried to do more as an opportunity, not as a challenge to his ego.

[–]AltrusiticPound24 points25 points  (4 children) | Copy

when I asked why he said "I'll show you" and a few minutes later in a similar situation kicked me hard in the head.

Leave this fucking gym immediately!! I'm all for martial arts, especially striking, but if you're not a pro or trying to go pro, then you have no business letting some cunt fucking head kick you!! Are you a punching bag? No. Are you this POS's wet stone? No.

"this is not judo, you don't tap out."

This POS does not respect you. The Kru (instructor) does not care about you or respect you. He's using your money to fund training for the students he cares about. He has no concern for your well being so he'll feed you to lions.

Fuck these guys and fuck this school. You can train with pros, like I did, and still learn, have fun, and not have to take a sick day for the concussion you got at sparring last night.

It's your brain and money, my dude. All I'm saying is these people are dangerously stupid and don't care about you.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanx, I did leave and already started in another place.

However, I was feeling a doubt that maybe there was something I missed in handling this whole situation,

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

There was - validation of your decision.

[–]psychoduckly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There was "focused on the pro fighters, giving little personal attention..." You should have walked immediately, as soon as you caught this.

[–]floatingsidewalk18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same thing you do for any other dilemma in life. Decide if that is where you will spend your time and resources.

If he's truly a bad instructor, take your business and effort elsewhere and let Mr. Cobra Kai do his own thing, but without your money.

[–]RoccoPinkman13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you know ‘The crane kick’? I heard of a guy was having trouble with some bullies and used it to great effect.

[–]WesternhagenWinner8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

You don't even need any redpill attitude to understand that if your martial arts teacher is an asshole and a bad teacher, you should leave and never return. BTDT.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I already left.

However, as this was the first time I was in a situation like that I wanted to make sure there was no better way to handle it.

[–]WesternhagenWinner3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Alpha move: get a pistol, shoot him in both kneecaps, and tell him "this is your disciplinary punishment".

[–]RStonePT[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nope.

[–]HeckleandChide4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you there?

You are there to get better, develop skills, and get in better shape, right?

Given that, I’d find somewhere else to train because dudes like this get other guys hurt.

[–]amalgamator3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now pretend that he is your wife and this is your marriage. How would you handle the situation? Would you be brave enough to switch to dojos?

[–]threekindsoflucky2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read it as old mate didn't like the fact you did push-ups when you weren't specifically told to, which made him feel like you were trying to show how strong/fit/good etc. you are and it upset his fragile ego.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Off topic OP, but what your stats?

[–]BostonBrakeJob2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

At least you learned why you don't catch a leg wrong

[–]flameohotmein2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're not in a legit place. The way you tell if a Muay Thai place is good is if the sparring is light, controlled and feels like flow sparring or playing. In legit places if you throw a kick to hard people will not spar with you again.

[–]odysseysred4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Win through your actions. You have options. Refuse to square off with the guy and meet with the head instructor separately. Train hard until you can school the guy on every level and stay in your frame while you are trading blows. This would be nothing but motivation for me to stfu, train hard, and let my fists do the talking. Upset the pecking order. If you can't face off with some twat at the kickboxing gym without getting butthurt good luck keeping your frame in the real world.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It will take me years to get to his level, and since he was the only one there who would also teach me anything, I don't believe I would enjoy any of the time there. Not to mention years if it.

Staying there just to confront him, instead of having an actual good teacher who knows when to be supportive and not ego-driven, is not a motivation for me.

[–]psychoduckly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hmmm...teacher abusing student...what to do...what to do...

[–]FFDGTDS0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Speak to the owner, talk with your wallet.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What's the problem.

Is it that your guts telling you "no one gets to talk to me like this!" Or is it "this isn't helping me get better."

Because there used to he two kinds of guys at the MMA gym I used to go to. Guys who liked being part of a masculine clubhouse, and those who wanted to get to he better fighters.

So the question is, and no judgement from me:

Which one are you after here? Because I've been on both sides of these situations, and some instructors are just there to flex on students and work with guys making money going pro for the gym reputation while some students are so thick and no it all that you have to treat them like children and establish they are there to learn, not fuck around.

Again, no judgement from me, which is it?

[–]Errant_Gunner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go back to the class. Just don't spar with him.

[–]lefty929-8 points-7 points  (14 children) | Copy

Why the fuck is this in ask MRP?

[–]part_wolf4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Rule Zero: TRP's mission is to discuss men's identity, sexual strategy, and options in the context of our current global culture for the benefit of men.

OP is asking what his options are when a guy is literally choking him out and being a condescending asshole. Many guys haven't learned to handle confrontation properly and assert themselves without being ego driven, which seems like a fundamental part of MRP.

[–]RStonePT[M] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Either report it or engage with it, because this whining about it belonging here with 0 heads up to moderators is fucking retarded

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You’re mistaken. I was making the point that OP’s comment does in fact belong here.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, I know... I'm backing that call

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, fuck me. I’m the one who was mistaken.

[–]Shyrk8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP is looking for advice about responding to being AMOGed in a real-life situation. It’s a valid question and absolutely belongs here.

[–]RicoDunne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude... most people here lift and do martial arts.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I thought RP is about improving as men in general, but if you are here just for pussy, this probably has no value to you.

[–]0io-Tsundere4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I also don't understand the MRP angle but if you've got a shitty coach or teacher that you hate, leave and find someone else. Sometimes it's hard to tell "tough love" coaching from abuse, but if you're getting no value from this guy then you need to find a different gym. Maybe if everyone swears that the guy is excellent and it takes a while to get used to his style you could decide to stick it out for a while. But if he's an idiot who doesn't like you and you can't learn from him, you need to go elsewhere. I don't think you should try to sue him or call the police or anything (if that's what you're asking.)

[–]fannyfire3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

If he goes over to askTRP he’s going to get answers from teenagers. Makes more sense for him to post here if he’s married.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly

[–]marv86kw1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're his beta bux bitch. (que internal dialog: leme go slap and kick this bitch around, he likes to pay me for it.)

He keeps roughing you up as if its advanced teaching methods with thr guise that its training.

You are being sabotaged, and it will be you fault if you keep letting him abuse you.

Maybe try another sport or reevaluate your goals and how you're going about achieving them.

[–]wild_deer_man[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He is an assistant (not even sure how official it is) so I don't think this is about money.

I do think that he feels like he owns the group, and since he is far better at fighting his ego thinks I should submit to him in some way.

[–]psychoduckly0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You were wrong. RP is about male sexual strategy.

[–]RicoDunne-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well you wanted a serious place and now they are holding you to their standards. Either conform or leave like you did.

It's not unusual for the coach to focus on their pro's as they are a greater ego investment for them to see their guys fight rather than a Muay Thai tourist getting training.

[–]psychoduckly0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If a "coach" focuses on their pros, they should not force the lesser talented members to pay for substandard training.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's usually assistant teachers training the white belts if the school is large enough

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Mommy, my teacher made me very sad today.

Grow the fuck up.

[–]psychoduckly-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mommy, my teacher, who is years ahead of me in skill and training, and a professional martial artist, kicked me in the head very hard today. Will you give me some more money so I can give it to him? It will be a good reward for him, also it will support him while he spends quality time training other people.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Move on before something drastic happens.

Anytime you have an interaction as that, the owner is an idiot, and the instructor has something to prove, at your expense



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