What I Tell My Kids About My Past Sins

With my 4 children starting to ask questions about my past, I've recently given thought to speaking to my children about my previous sins. Should I tell them about sleeping with their mother way before we were married? Should I be honest with them about never missing a party and being drunk for almost 5 years straight in college? What about my extensive drug use? And that decade of sleeping with so many women that I can't remember their names. Or even worse than all of that was my lack of guilt for sinning and actively encouraging others to sin. Relevant or no?

That's all in the past, right? No reason to be an archeologist and dig it up you might say.

How about the 2 emotional affairs with my clients that took place in the last few years, the daily temptation to lust after other women or the fight to give God a tithe when money gets tight. Even more difficult is the struggle to love my wife when she acts like a total jerk. Or any of the other ways Satan comes at me knowing my weaknesses and often wins.

I know this: I don't want my kids to be like me. I don't want them to make my mistakes. I was told not to sin, that sin is bad and that sin causes pain and suffering. But the attractiveness of sin was stronger than my desire for obedience. I thought a little sin wouldn't ruin my life. Only because of God's favor it hasn't.

I never got an STD, I never had an unplanned pregnancy, I didn't become an alcoholic, I didn't become a drug addict and I have a wonderful blessed life despite all of my mistakes. This will appear to my children as if I "got away with my sin". But that's not entirely true. Even after repentance, I carry around the guilt and shame of those acts as if they are another person in another life. Every one of those sins of the past and also my current ones, are due to my selfishness and the whisper in my mind that I deserve pleasure and fun.

The gifts God has given us can be used for His Kingdom or for Team Satan. Of many talents, my greatest gift is the ability to emotionally connect with people. They feel dangerously comfortable and open up, often telling me things they've never told other people. This gift aids me in business relationships and with making friends, but I have often abused this gift applying it to selfishly conquer women. Now I use it to evangelize our community. I want to use it for God's glory not my own.

Paul David Tripp wrote something today that hits this home:

Are you able to persuade yourself of sins pleasure with mentioning its pain? Sin sometimes doesn't appear sinful to me. I am skilled at seeing beauty in what God says is ugly. A brief moment of lust can look more attractive than the wholesale beauty of a pure heart. Being the center of attention can feel better than pointing to God's glory in everything I do.

Since one of the devils principle tricks is to present sin as significantly more harmless than it is, the commitment to name sin as nothing less than evil must stay with us as long as sin remains inside us and outside temptations continue to entice.

This is my decision: I will be telling my children about my sins and warning them that rebellion against God will not give them peace, hope or joy like it appears. That when the quick fun of sin wears off, they are left with steady feelings of guilt, shame and regret. I cannot live their lives for them. I won't make choices that save them from regret. Instead they will have to face temptation like I did and I pray they will do better than me.

Here's some practical advice for guys from my personal struggles and mistakes:

Don't date a woman who is not wholly devoted to Christ even if they are a good, moral person. Don't sleep with your girlfriend or fall into sexual sins. Don't do drugs or get drunk. Be honest with yourself if you are selfish and full of pride. Use your gifts to make disciples. Love your wife even when she's wrong and sinning. Pray for conviction from the Holy Spirit and to hate sin. And if you do sin, use it as a tool, as part of your testimony about how God has changed your life so that even your mistakes bring glory to God.