Types of shitty sex that need to die with the patriarchy

The quickie

Generally what this means to men is no foreplay for the woman and no orgasm for the woman. Just stuffing in his dick and doing what he wants until he orgasms in 2 to 5 minutes. It is abusive and degrading. This never used to be a thing. Nobody gets to hurt you sexually and that includes hurting your sexuality by using you like a masturbation sock.

The birthday present

I remember this one showing up on the TV show Friends when I was a kid. Thanks for all the sexually abusive indoctrination, Friends! Your body isn't a "gift" or present for any man because you aren't a thing. What bothers me particularly about this archetype of patriarchally invented sex is that it positions sex on the man's birthday as almost a right that he has. No one has an unquestioning right to your body no matter what day it is. The other unacceptable factor is the idea that he should get whatever he wants for his birthday. And that means using your body whatever way he pleases. Whether it's anal rape, violent oral deep throating rape, or some other nasty degrading shit he'd like to do to you. You never hear women talking about how they are going to finally get to rape their husband anally on their birthday. This should not be sexually exciting for men. And it certainly isn't for women.

Make-up sex

No I don't want to fuck you after just having a fight! And I'm not going to have sex with you after you have insulted me or shirked your duties like I'm your servant. There is actually a whole section in Lundy Bancroft's book on abusive men, Why Does He Do That?, where he discusses the abuser pushing for make-up sex. They do it either to reassert control over the woman, to harm and degrade her sexually, or to make themselves feel better about the abuse they just perpetrated against her. It also smacks of the cycle of abuse where he first blows up and then you both make up again and again.

The hate fuck

This one is just disgusting and unforgivable. It is also pretty new having showed up in the last 10 years or so. It is absolutely 100% influenced by sexually violent internet porn. It is a twisting of sex to be the opposite of what it should be, which is about love and care and mutuality.

Fight fuck

This is basically every sex scene in every show and movie for the last decade plus. No sweetness, no tenderness, no soft kissing, no foreplay. It's the scene where the man attacks the woman and slams her against the wall and then shoves his mouth at her, rips her clothes, then he throws her on the bed and immediately sticks his dick in and fucks her. We are supposed to believe this is enjoyable for the woman. (We already know it is for the man) Happens to look exactly like rape as well and yet we are being told it's consensual. This is meant to fuck with women's minds, make no mistake. Think of the number of young women being raped just like this their first time or by their first boyfriend and thinking it's okay and normal because it's all they ever see.

The on your period blowjob

WHY??? Will he die if you don't service him sexually for a few days every month? Fuck off while I menstruate! The entitlement! This one should be an immediate dump, no more chances. He's telling you that he thinks your job is to sexually service him no matter what you feel like. He is showing you that he thinks one-sided sex is perfectly acceptable as long as it is for him. He is also telling you he thinks your body is too disgusting to go near it while you are menstruating.

The strip tease surprise

Ugh! Do I even have to? I'm not a performing sex monkey. When are you doing a sexy dance in a banana hammock for me, dude? Probably never. of all the things we have to be in relationships with men now we have to be sexual performers as well? Just no. You get enough already sexually.

Car sex

Whoever thought this was a good idea? Probably only teenagers because it's fucking uncomfortable and creepy. There's no need to be 30 having sex in a car like you see on TV. Go to your home that you pay for to have sex like adults.

Maintenance sex

This might as well just be called maintenance rape. Let's face it. Anytime you're forcing yourself to have sex that you don't want and you don't like you are damaging your sexuality and thus damaging your relationship with that person. Eventually it will have a cumulative effect on your mental and sexual health and cause things like vaginismus or sex repulsion and your relationship will die. Women are not sex vending machines. If you don't want to have sex with your partner that is a message from your body that you should be listening to. It's either a problem in the relationship or possibly a physical problem, and both require attention.

Post natal blow jobs

Apparently this is all the rage among the porn addict abusers. Demanding daily blowjobs until the woman's vagina is back in service. This fits with the one third of millennial women that are now being raped by their male partner in the six weeks following giving birth when they are supposed to be healing. (Don't worry the study I quoted that from doesn't call it rape! Can't have that now can we? s/)

Sex for him doing chores

*See "birthday sex" above.

This is some weird Mommy perverted sex shit. Little baby boy gets sex from Mommy for behaving like an adult for 10 minutes? Nasty! We are not rewards for men. Our bodies are not rewards for men. We are not adult men's mommies. Don't make yourself his mommy if you ever want respect from him or you have any sexual attraction to him.

Sex coupon (rape pass)

*See "birthday sex" and "sex for chores" above.

Men don't get access to you body through promises of future sex on your part. Future sex can not be promised or contracted. We always have the right to say no. I'm not going to put myself in a position where I have a fight with my man and he comes out with a sex coupon for anal. Nope! Hell to the nah! Also my rape/sexual consent/sexual degradation isn't an item a man can pick up off a shelf at the grocery store.

None of these degrading types of "sex" were a thing 20 years ago. Don't let the patriarchy coerce you into being sexually degraded or raped.

Final note: Every one of these is a red flag in a future partner. It tells you how he sees you, your body, and your sexuality. As a thing that exists to serve him regardless of how it negatively affects you.