So I did not hit my stride at all until I was 25 in life. Virgin in high school and college. Had no fun in those years at all, like none. No high school, college, spring break, or none of that experience.

Got lucky at around 24 finding a nice gig and got myself financially independent from an overbearing single mom with mental health issues that tried to control me.

Looking back at it though, the past 4 or so years, all I have done is worked to get out of a shitty situation. I have made decent enough money to where I am no longer in debt but I feel a crisis.

A part of me wants to live out the party years in a very extreme way. I really want to work at a nightclub or bartend at a party place for a year or so to experience that life. Now I do see the clock ticking on that since it seems like most guy bartenders are fresh out of college at 22 or something.

Another part of me realizes that if I did that, I would throw off my career trajectory and rob myself of more money in the future.

Then I realize that I cannot really do what I want in terms of fun in life in my 30s since a 30 something working at a nightclub or party destination is just odd.

It's been driving me crazy.